Parody: "I won the wet T-shirt contest ..."

[HawkerPenn]

"I won the wet T-shirt contest, and I never even took off my tie! But they begged for an encore, so I stripped off my thong and threw it into the crowd. Then I realized there was no way to get it back! The natives are getting restless, and I'm having to pose for selfies! They're starting to talk about auctioning me off! I need you to pick me up ASAP! Oh, no, they've started bidding! WOW! Who knew it would go so high? It's still going up! Boy, do I feel the love! This is crazy! Listen, never mind about picking me up. I'll be home tomorrow. Or the day after. Gotta' go, now. Bye" (Oh, my goodness!)
link to pic: https://imgbox.com/s5YAmq9q#