New cross species perspective advice column!

[pointless]

lesbians love cowboy boots. swear.

 

[Moo_the_Sapient]

Dear whateveryouguysare,

I want to be taller. I also want to have sex again at some point in my lifetime.

Help?

On wanting to be taller:
Ride on a taller being's shoulders.
Use a step stool.
Hang out with shorter beings.
Use stilts.
Get over it.
Choose your ancestors better next time.

We have been around taller people all our lives and have discovered that taller is not always a good thing.
Many have to stoop for doorways, they die younger, their feet hurt, they can't find decent fitting clothes, beds are too short and they have to bend down to talk to kiss people.

Sex again should be much easier to obtain.
First, you need a partner.
Being a human girl who likes girls, we suppose toasters and other appliances are out?
Appliances can be very reliable, you know and easily replaceable!

To find other human girls who like girls, you need to go where they hang out. Being very clean and cute helps.
Have a good sound or look inscrutable. Moo recommends: http://vocaroo.com/i/s1yQFPuOIToK
Make eye contact and try winking. We can't wink, but we have seen humans do it very effectively.
Be friendly and approachable, try not to drop anything on anyone.
Smile.

The last time I wore heels, I tumbled down a flight of stairs.

No heels, helpless only works with tall ones.

This is like my bf's friend that has a facebook account for her dog. And posts as the dog. And now I hate you, too.

We are not dogs! We are quiet, good natured and self contained.

Seriously, this is the worse attempt at trying to overthrow the GB moderator I've ever seen. Didn't think I saw it coming, did ya?

We know you did not see it coming, don't pretend.

Help us! Help us! Thank God you are here! This is white bear in Louisiana. She left her laptop on and I'm calling on you to help me. I am injured. There is a gaping hole in the middle of my back from when she gave me to her dog. I'm asking you to send help. She has The Cheat in her shed locked up. Dear God help us!!!!

We are sorry you are dead. Dogs can be vicious, better luck next life.

Lesbians are pickier than THAT? Gawd. WHY? Thems some lofty ideas for a woman already; not sure how most women are supposed to live up to that. Let me see if I've got this right: not only am I supposed to have a pulse but I have to shower, too? Pass. That's too much and I'm tired just thinking about it.

The problem with girl humans who like girls is that they are smart and stuff. You can't pull much over on them.

We don't shower, but we do get brushed. Moo once had a vodka bath, he didn't like it, he barked.

 

[Moo_the_Sapient]

^ Yeah, that whole "having standards" thing annoys the hell out of me.



That's the boxing episode where we get flashbacks to New Caprica. I liked the Roslin/Adama scene where they smoke pot, but was never that into Starbuck/Apollo.

Still, it was one of the best episodes in season three.

We agree!