Marriage and Relationships

[TheOlderGuy]

When you stay in a marriage for the sake of your kids, and and the kids get grown, off to college or out on their own, when does your obligation to stay end?
I'm sure most on here know what I went thru yesterday in my marriage and that I need to leave for my own safety. My oldest(she's 23) says what he did was wrong but I should try therapy and us learn how to communicate. That what he did was wrong, but we need to try to fix it.
My youngest doesn't know exactly what he did...she couldn't handle it. I told her he had crossed a line there was no uncrossing and that leaving him may be own option. She cried. Said she understood, but she didn't want it to come to that cause she didn't think she could handle it.
When exactly does my obligation end?

For your safety, and for theirs, you know the answer to that

 

[smallgirl]

For your safety, and for theirs, you know the answer to that

I know. I guess I'm just shocked they feel this way? That they wouldn't be like....he put his hands on you. Left marks. Threatened to kill you. Leave his ass.
I know if my shitty dad had done that to my mother? That would have been my response.
I'm just hurt they don't support me.

 

[TheOlderGuy]

I know. I guess I'm just shocked they feel this way? That they wouldn't be like....he put his hands on you. Left marks. Threatened to kill you. Leave his ass.
I know if my shitty dad had done that to my mother? That would have been my response.
I'm just hurt they don't support me.

Give it time, love. Kids have their own agenda they're trying to protect, and you need to stay mindful of those needs. When they're older, they'll be better able to relate to what you're going through. It's going to be hard for everybody, even him. But I'm pretty sure you have NO doubts about the correct path.

 

[AbsintheFather]

I only have time for one quick comment - Think about the example you are setting for them. If you find this behavior forgivable, will they also do the same if they are put into this position one day?

 

[smallgirl]

I only have time for one quick comment - Think about the example you are setting for them. If you find this behavior forgivable, will they also do the same if they are put into this position one day?

That's what I don't understand. I've heard both my girls say the first time a guy lays a hand on them they are kicking them to the curb. So why do they expect me to forgive him and stay with him after he did it to me?

 

[smallgirl]

Give it time, love. Kids have their own agenda they're trying to protect, and you need to stay mindful of those needs. When they're older, they'll be better able to relate to what you're going through. It's going to be hard for everybody, even him. But I'm pretty sure you have NO doubts about the correct path.

I know. Apparently the lawyer I have the appt with has the reputation of being the lawyer in town no one wants to go up against. Maybe that's a positive sign for me.

 

[NightOfPassion2]

*sigh* A rant. I don't think I'm dumb, or inept. I travel...have for 8 years. Since they are long trips I dont do enough in 1 year to gather miles for free tickets. Long argument last night...."You call the airlines...give em some #" my DW says. Repeatedly. Nope my corporate travel agent does...gives em my #...I get the credit... I just dont travel enough to get a free ticket. But..."Did you call the airlines". No, I dont have to...."Did you call the airlines? .

*rant off".

Gave up and just went to bed.....after helping daughter with college loan apps..

 

[Titts4Tatts]

I know. Apparently the lawyer I have the appt with has the reputation of being the lawyer in town no one wants to go up against. Maybe that's a positive sign for me.

Once that line is crossed its easier to cross again. And sadly statistics show that domestic violence only escalated. First its a slap. Then a closed fist....your children are too connected emotionally to make rational decisions. I'm sure they love you both. Not an easy situation. But first and foremost you must consider your safety. I wish you the best.

Hugs

 

[BigGuy1212]

Good to know I'm not alone. I've been trying to make sense of non-sense in my marriage for a very long time.

 

[Titts4Tatts]

Good to know I'm not alone. I've been trying to make sense of non-sense in my marriage for a very long time.

You are not alone. Many of us just hang in there as best we can.

Hugs

 

[NightOfPassion2]

On saturday I went on a mountain tour and hike 3 people from Taiwan and 2 from the states, me and a married woman from Arizona. We talked all day long - she was bout 2 years young and pretty. When she mentioned that when her and her husband facetime when they travel alone for business and he wants to see their dog...she mentioned "I want him to miss me". I though what a fool he is.

Then I thought about myself....what keeps me from saying the same. But then I think. Here I spend a whole day talking to a lady and it aint just about kids, mortgage, job....and the laughter - if ever theres an aphrodisiac. We spent quite a bit laughing... *sigh*