Lil_Jenni's Adventures, Past and Present...

[13Fantasies]

I am starting to hate this guy.

 

[lil_jenni]

I hope you had fun sucking his dick.

I did, I did!

We actually ended up in a spontaneous 69 (I couldn't wait to have him in my mouth ), which normally neither of us care for. It's too much distraction for two people who like focusing on the other when we're going down. Plus, I've never really seen the appeal of 69 with a guy -- I am certainly not performing my best when someone's tongue is all over my nethers. At least Hubby is good at licking pussy... bad cunnilingus while I'm trying to suck a guy off is fucking worthless.

Now, 69ing with another woman is a different story... I've had some great experiences...

 

[JerseyJade]

I did, I did!

We actually ended up in a spontaneous 69 (I couldn't wait to have him in my mouth ), which normally neither of us care for. It's too much distraction for two people who like focusing on the other when we're going down. Plus, I've never really seen the appeal of 69 with a guy -- I am certainly not performing my best when someone's tongue is all over my nethers. At least Hubby is good at licking pussy... bad cunnilingus while I'm trying to suck a guy off is fucking worthless.

Now, 69ing with another woman is a different story... I've had some great experiences...

If I'm going to get licked, I just want to close my eyes and enjoy it. No distractions.

 

[dkak001]

If you are both pleasers that makes 69 stressful! We suffer from that problem, and well, and she's not really into getting eaten (WHY?!?).

 

[13Fantasies]

If I'm going to get licked, I just want to close my eyes and enjoy it. No distractions.

Okay. Good.

Lay back and relax. I'm going to be a while.

 

[lil_jenni]

Hubby and I went to dinner last night. I wore a baby doll top with a low neckline, under which was a brand new bra that maximizes the cleavage of my pregnancy boobs. I like to think the looseness of the baby doll top somewhat masked that I'm pregnant. I certainly got more attention to my boobs than usual, at least more than usual if I'm not wearing a skintight top and no bra...

Anyway, the last time this happened was when I had not lost all the weight from my first pregnancy and still had enough for a cleavage bra to do it's magic. But I'm a little bigger now than even then, so I think I looked better last night.

So, you all are probably expecting tales of later last night at home after dinner... Well, something I ate set off my pregnancy tummy, and there was no carnal fun to be had.

We tried this morning, but I just couldn't get comfortable. Stupid pregnancy.

On the pregnancy front, I've kinda been keeping a secret about the apparent sex of the babies because one of them is being difficult, and is always behind the other or the view is otherwise blocked by its leg position. Baby 1 is a girl. We don't know with Baby 2. My OBGyn thinks they are fraternal (fraternal are more common at my age and there are two sacs, both of which are suggestive but not dispositive), so I'm kinda hoping for a boy. I'm a bit nervous about raising a girl, and the thought of raising two is scary, whether they are identical or fraternal. Hubby is excited, however.

 

[dkak001]

I remember the Dr asking my wife if she was getting sick. She said "YES!". He said "Good. Good hormones for the baby!". I don't think that's what she wanted to hear. lol. So, maybe it's a good thing, despite getting in the way of a good time.

 

[Purple_Fronds]

Hubby and I went to dinner last night. I wore a baby doll top with a low neckline, under which was a brand new bra that maximizes the cleavage of my pregnancy boobs. I like to think the looseness of the baby doll top somewhat masked that I'm pregnant. I certainly got more attention to my boobs than usual, at least more than usual if I'm not wearing a skintight top and no bra...

Anyway, the last time this happened was when I had not lost all the weight from my first pregnancy and still had enough for a cleavage bra to do it's magic. But I'm a little bigger now than even then, so I think I looked better last night.

So, you all are probably expecting tales of later last night at home after dinner... Well, something I ate set off my pregnancy tummy, and there was no carnal fun to be had.

We tried this morning, but I just couldn't get comfortable. Stupid pregnancy.

On the pregnancy front, I've kinda been keeping a secret about the apparent sex of the babies because one of them is being difficult, and is always behind the other or the view is otherwise blocked by its leg position. Baby 1 is a girl. We don't know with Baby 2. My OBGyn thinks they are fraternal (fraternal are more common at my age and there are two sacs, both of which are suggestive but not dispositive), so I'm kinda hoping for a boy. I'm a bit nervous about raising a girl, and the thought of raising two is scary, whether they are identical or fraternal. Hubby is excited, however.

Very exciting but yes you’re both going to have your hands full. Why worried about a girl, it sounds like you’ll give her lots of confidence which makes the world of difference to young girls.

 

[13Fantasies]

That is one area my wife agreed to my preference: We didn't find out the gender of any until they were born.

 

[lil_jenni]

Two updates... First, the mainly positive of the two updates. We found out Baby 2 is a girl as well. Two girls... I don't know what to do with that... It'll be a seismic shift in our household gender dynamics. And I'm already afraid of what the world will hold for them... and how will I protect them from things I went through? But they'll have each other, so that's something. Ugh... boys would have been easier, and I'm scared, but... happy... yes, happy...

Or, as happy as can be because (second update) I'm going to admit something I was in denial about until this week. I am hypersexual, and it is not under my control. I know, not too long ago I posted I had grown not to like being called a 'nympho' because it implied I was not in control of my sexuality, and then proclaimed I was in control.

Here's the truth.... I am sooooo not in control. Because of some dark intrusive thoughts (not about hurting myself, but wanting to be hurt, really hurt, during sex), I've been abstaining since Sunday night, and I mean even from self pleasure. And I am barely holding it together. I would have done anything last night if Hubby would have just fucked me. Anything. I begged. Fucking begged. He held firm, and we both cried a bit... and he comforted me... but no sex of any kind.

I mean, I've gone without before. When we started dating the second time (about a year and a half after our first engagement ended after I cheated), it was weeks before we had sex l. And a few months before that I had abstained for almost nine months (but I did have self pleasure then). But it's like I'm going to vibrate out of my own body, like someone poured a mixture of caffeine and cocaine directly into my blood and then set it on fire. And the thoughts. I almost always have some degree of intrusive thoughts about sex (not the dark ones I've been having during sex, but about sexual things), but it has been constant the last few days, even at work. And we started our Spring Break today, so I am going to have almost no distractions at all next week.

My therapist suggested two weeks abstinence and then see if the dark thoughts come back during sex. It's been not quite five days, and I would have broken last night if Hubby wasn't strong for me.

It's like when I finally admitted I'm an alcoholic. I'd known on some level I was one for a long time, but the admission was necessary. And the same is true of this. I can't hide behind it's just a strong sex drive anymore. I am hypersexual not just as an adjective, but as a problem.

After last night's breakdown, my first thought was to stay away from Lit as well as abstaining. But I need to be able to put all this out to the universe, and this is a place to do that, maybe my last refuge for the next nine fucking days.

 

[Purple_Fronds]

Although it might not seem so, I think these are both very positive. Firstly I think the girls and you as a mum of girls will be amazing. You’re past and life isn’t their life and future. The fact that your husband seems to be a really good person and just as importantly a good source of balance to you. I think you sell both of you short if you’re not positive about how awesome it’s going to be to raise, two strong, confident females.

As an aside, my first was a girl, which was my preference and she is awesome, smart, strong, caring and routinely scares the crap out of guys that they think they know better because they have a Y chromosome, oh and I made sure she good drive stick. Her life and upbringing didn’t reflect much of my own at all, and to be clear this was/is of course as much to do with her mum my wife as it does me.

As far as being hypersexual it seems that from reading your posts for awhile that it scans, but there is also a ton of positives, you have a diagnosis, you’re no longer in denial, you have an amazingly supportive husband, you have some control and you are seeing a professional. And to be clear you did all that, so be kind to yourself. I don’t pretend to understand any of it clinically or mentally, but as somebody who has a very high sex drive and little outlet, I can attest to the way your mind can drive things. I’m also male and chose to stay (mostly) with in my bounds because like you I have a lot to lose. I don’t know or need to know your past trauma or history, but applaud you for having the courage and inclination to get the support you need to resist the self destructive tendencies a lot of us are afflicted with.

 

[lil_jenni]

Although it might not seem so, I think these are both very positive. Firstly I think the girls and you as a mum of girls will be amazing. You’re past and life isn’t their life and future. The fact that your husband seems to be a really good person and just as importantly a good source of balance to you. I think you sell both of you short if you’re not positive about how awesome it’s going to be to raise, two strong, confident females.

As an aside, my first was a girl, which was my preference and she is awesome, smart, strong, caring and routinely scares the crap out of guys that they think they know better because they have a Y chromosome, oh and I made sure she good drive stick. Her life and upbringing didn’t reflect much of my own at all, and to be clear this was/is of course as much to do with her mum my wife as it does me.

As far as being hypersexual it seems that from reading your posts for awhile that it scans, but there is also a ton of positives, you have a diagnosis, you’re no longer in denial, you have an amazingly supportive husband, you have some control and you are seeing a professional. And to be clear you did all that, so be kind to yourself. I don’t pretend to understand any of it clinically or mentally, but as somebody who has a very high sex drive and little outlet, I can attest to the way your mind can drive things. I’m also male and chose to stay (mostly) with in my bounds because like you I have a lot to lose. I don’t know or need to know your past trauma or history, but applaud you for having the courage and inclination to get the support you need to resist the self destructive tendencies a lot of us are afflicted with.

Thank you!

 

[lil_jenni]

I have six days (counting today) to go on my two weeks of abstinence. Although, I'm tempted to fudge a little and say it's only five more nights since we stopped mid sex the night of Sunday before last. That should count as the start, right?

I am not so anxious/manic about it all now, so maybe this is working. Plus, I'm distracting myself pretty well. Since it's my spring break, I was afraid I was going to be going nuts with not much to do. But the Kiddo and I went to some local museums yesterday, and today we are going to a train museum about an hour away from us and then maybe take a drive in the mountains.

 

[Azuldrgon]

I have six days (counting today) to go on my two weeks of abstinence. Although, I'm tempted to fudge a little and say it's only five more nights since we stopped mid sex the night of Sunday before last. That should count as the start, right?

I am not so anxious/manic about it all now, so maybe this is working. Plus, I'm distracting myself pretty well. Since it's my spring break, I was afraid I was going to be going nuts with not much to do. But the Kiddo and I went to some local museums yesterday, and today we are going to a train museum about an hour away from us and then maybe take a drive in the mountains.

Something I tell some good friends about when they go through stuff is to remind them Baby steps.
It's all about taking it a bit at a time.
Just moving forward is a key.
I am happy you are making progress and sending more positive vibes that you continue to do so.
*hugs if okay to do so*

 

[13Fantasies]

Enjoy spring break! Sometimes you just need a vacation in some form to completely recharge.

 

[dkak001]

Something I tell some good friends about when they go through stuff is to remind them Baby steps.
It's all about taking it a bit at a time.
Just moving forward is a key.

^This is good advice. A buddy gave me similar. One day at a time, or even one minute at a time. Even just one second at a time.

And, yeah, take those trips. Get some french fries along the way, too.

 

[lil_jenni]

I'm having a lazy day around the house today, taking it easy while the Kiddo is at a friend's house. Normally this would be a bit of fantasy/self-pleasure time for me, but I'm being good. I'm just not sure all of me got the message.

I took a nap after lunch. I had a weird dream. I was with a guy, who kinda looked like my husband but wasn't. Then in the middle of stuff, I realized it was my husband but he was acting weird. But then, he changes again, and I woke up with the thought that it was a shape changer on my mind. I also was a little sweaty, my heart was racing, and my girl stuff all had that nice slow fade tingle that comes after certain kinds of orgasms (the slow build, slow release ones). Anyway, I don't remember coming in my dream, and I didn't feel an orgasm when I woke. But what I did feel was definitely aftergasm feelings.

To my knowledge, I've never come while asleep. I've wakened very aroused before, of course, but never where I thought I had actually climaxed. Or I e felt pregasm but not made it all the way in my sleep, in other words. But this time...

 

[13Fantasies]

I'm having a lazy day around the house today, taking it easy while the Kiddo is at a friend's house. Normally this would be a bit of fantasy/self-pleasure time for me, but I'm being good. I'm just not sure all of me got the message.

I took a nap after lunch. I had a weird dream. I was with a guy, who kinda looked like my husband but wasn't. Then in the middle of stuff, I realized it was my husband but he was acting weird. But then, he changes again, and I woke up with the thought that it was a shape changer on my mind. I also was a little sweaty, my heart was racing, and my girl stuff all had that nice slow fade tingle that comes after certain kinds of orgasms (the slow build, slow release ones). Anyway, I don't remember coming in my dream, and I didn't feel an orgasm when I woke. But what I did feel was definitely aftergasm feelings.

To my knowledge, I've never come while asleep. I've wakened very aroused before, of course, but never where I thought I had actually climaxed. Or I e felt pregasm but not made it all the way in my sleep, in other words. But this time...

Impressive dream. Especially if it made you orgasm

 

[lil_jenni]

Impressive dream. Especially if it made you orgasm

Yeah, I guess... but I'm not sure if I really did. I mean, it was a sex dream, but... I don't know... Not that kind of sex dream?

Anyway, I would have liked to have felt it if it was a big O.

 

[13Fantasies]

Yeah, I guess... but I'm not sure if I really did. I mean, it was a sex dream, but... I don't know... Not that kind of sex dream?

Anyway, I would have liked to have felt it if it was a big O.

Me too. But overall, I don't get any in my dreams either.

Maybe you should visit my dreams. Apparently orgasms follow you everywhere!

 

[lil_jenni]

Me too. But overall, I don't get any in my dreams either.

Maybe you should visit my dreams. Apparently orgasms follow you everywhere!

Not lately...

 

[13Fantasies]

Not lately...

That'll be ending soon, right?

 

[lil_jenni]

That'll be ending soon, right?

It should... so long as my brain goes along with the plan. We shall see.

 

[Purple_Fronds]

Regardless it sounds like a nice way to wake up.

 

[HumpDayHoratio]

Jeez…haven’t had a wet dream since like an age that mustn’t be mentioned…like Voldemort…

I do remember they were intense! Usually with a girl I went to church with. She was the object of my very first attempt at cunnilingus!