Just published my first story Would love any feedback

[QuinEdwards]

My first story A Hostel in Copenhagen was just published and I had a lot of fun writing it. It falls into the group sex, exhibitionism, and includes both f/f and m/m action. If anybody is interested in reading it, Id love any feedback.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Hi hun,

There is a story feedback forum…

https://forum.literotica.com/forums/story-feedback.1/

Us authors here are so narcissistic that we only ever want reviews for our own stories not the much less talented other authors .

Em

 

[Devinter]

Some simple tips that I wish I knew when I uploaded my first story a few months ago, as well as a few observations:

1. Your title and story description hit the mark. The description especially. The reader knows what to expect, and that's often the main goal to draw people in.

2. You included a warning right at the start of your story about something people might be sensitive about. I think this is extremely important, personally - so keep doing that if you think any of the contents within the story might be an issue for some readers!

3. Always use all 10 tags. The ones you chose are good, but you left 4 tag slots open meaning that once the story falls off of the "new stories" page, it'll be harder for people to find with the search option. A tag I really felt was missing was the "this is the first time Quinn is doing something like this" descriptor. As in "Gay first time" for instance.

4. The category you chose is Group Sex. Some would probably argue that anything that includes male-on-male as a significant plot point should go into that category, and for this one, I'd agree - the main reason for this being is that I feel like Quinn's and Stefan's connection is sort of the centrepiece of the story, and Quinn figuring out his bisexual emotions is the most significant plot point.

5. As for the story itself, I think you list too many character descriptions in a row, far too early. This usually works quite decently when there's only two characters involved, but you basically go "This is what Jess looks like, this is what Stefan looks like, this is what Anna looks like.." - I make this mistake sometimes too and it's definitely better to spread it out a little bit.

6. There's a few minor mistakes here and there. My advice is that you don't stress out over them. They're not ruining the story, and if you get too caught up in ironing out every little mistake, you'll take time away from writing additional stories, which is a lot more fun! Of course it's important to proof-read but a few spelling errors and whatnot is fine, in my opinion. (There are some people who hate that sort of thing, though.)

7. I didn't think the ending really landed. Almost felt like you stopped the story before it was finished. You could definitely end it there, at that point, but I would have opted to go for some sort of final line that stuck with the reader. Some sort of impact. Maybe a reflection by Quinn - something that points to character growth?

8. Overall, I think the story is well-written and I think that the balance of plot-to-sex is good for a story around 5k words, but everyone has different opinions on this.

Keep at it! And welcome to the world of writing Erotica.

 

[MrPixel]

Fun read. Good job with the setting; I could definitely see such a scene going down with young people in a hostel, especially in Copenhagen, known for their liberal sexual mores.

I was momentarily derailed by punctuation and capitalization errors, but once I started to expect a few glitches they didn't bug me too much. You might want to enlist the assistance of an editor (...good luck finding one here!...) for guidance on the next one or two.

Watch the tropes. "Tall and very hung" is one, though admittedly it was a good setup for a straight male to be fascinated by it being flaunted. A conflict with Anna - "petite" and "voluptuous" don't work in my mind. But that must be me.

One thing I do question is the MMC (Quinn) trying to deep-throat on his first experience. Too much too soon. I recently wrote a scene with a FC deep-throating the MMC, but she had practiced (with hot dogs!), anticipating she might want to do that on the first encounter with her lover.

Keep going. You've got a good grasp on conversational style. I've put you on my "followed" list and am looking forward to your next one!