How would you handle a guy from your past friending you on social media after you are married 39 years!

[dodgeboy2]

So here is the situation, I have been happily married for almost 39 years now and have always been happy with everything about her including sex. In my past life I had thought I may have been gay as I was only with guys until I was almost 22 when I started dating girls finding I was in fact bi, then I met my wife 2 years later and we married a little over a year later. I never did tell my wife about my past trysts and didn't want to know anything about hers, I have always been true to her and she to me.

Fast forward to few months ago and guy I was with for about a year when I like 19 sends me a friend request on social media after I passed on condolences on his parent's passing to his family on the funeral home website, his family was friends of my family and I found out about the passing about a year after it happened but passed my condolences online when I found out. The friend request came about a week after I posted the note.

I accepted his request after thinking about it for a few days and he sent me a message thanking me for the posting. We messaged a few times about him asking about my life and told me about his. In those 1st few messages he did talk about remembering some things, times we were together and without saying what those things were. To be honest if anyone else read those messages I doubt they could think anything about what I think he meant but I know he was revisiting those hookups. Now the question I don't think I would ever act on anything, although to be totally transparent I did find myself revisiting those memories as I read them, should I continue messaging with him?

 

[Escierto]

Does messaging him make you feel uncomfortable and unhappy or does it make you feel happy thinking about the past?

 

[dodgeboy2]

I would honestly have to say a bit of both, can't explain I honestly think nothing will happen from it but in the back of my mind I wonder what it would be like to see him again, it's a bit confusing for me right now.

 

[Escierto]

I would honestly have to say a bit of both, can't explain I honestly think nothing will happen from it but in the back of my mind I wonder what it would be like to see him again, it's a bit confusing for me right now.

I think that confusion is understandable in the circumstances. It may take a while before you can sort everything out.

 

[mtsnowrider]

You are both adults. You can renew the friendship on whatever level you both want

 

[Cuckwannabe111]

I think if you are afraid to tell your wife about him messaging you, you have your answer

 

[dodgeboy2]

No I don't. He's just lost a close family member and his emotions may be all over the place. You need to keep him at arms-length, be polite but distant while he sorts out his head. You owe him that.

While I'm still not sure what I should do his parent passed about 3 years ago, I had just found out and passed my condolences on, so I'm not sure that this is an issue at this point or not. I do agree if it was something that just happened that would have been my immediate thought to do.

 

[ChrissyCD64]

Tell your wife about it. Maybe the two of you can share him, or he and she can share you.

 

[muycurioso]

So here is the situation, I have been happily married for almost 39 years now and have always been happy with everything about her including sex. In my past life I had thought I may have been gay as I was only with guys until I was almost 22 when I started dating girls finding I was in fact bi, then I met my wife 2 years later and we married a little over a year later. I never did tell my wife about my past trysts and didn't want to know anything about hers, I have always been true to her and she to me.

Fast forward to few months ago and guy I was with for about a year when I like 19 sends me a friend request on social media after I passed on condolences on his parent's passing to his family on the funeral home website, his family was friends of my family and I found out about the passing about a year after it happened but passed my condolences online when I found out. The friend request came about a week after I posted the note.

I accepted his request after thinking about it for a few days and he sent me a message thanking me for the posting. We messaged a few times about him asking about my life and told me about his. In those 1st few messages he did talk about remembering some things, times we were together and without saying what those things were. To be honest if anyone else read those messages I doubt they could think anything about what I think he meant but I know he was revisiting those hookups. Now the question I don't think I would ever act on anything, although to be totally transparent I did find myself revisiting those memories as I read them, should I continue messaging with him?

You have to respect your vows. Maybe ask for a hall pass. Bring it up gently. Tell her you know a guy that told his wife he is bi. See how she reacts

 

[Tayloroc]

Wow! What an exciting situation. It will be very difficult to resist, I suspect!

 

[tristantrotsky]

Wow! What an exciting situation. It will be very difficult to resist, I suspect!

I would definitely handle him, probably in a very erotic and intimate fashion...

 

[Tayloroc]

I would definitely handle him, probably in a very erotic and intimate fashion...

I think you would , and he’d be lucky!

 

[PastMaster]

So here is the situation, I have been happily married for almost 39 years now and have always been happy with everything about her including sex. In my past life I had thought I may have been gay as I was only with guys until I was almost 22 when I started dating girls finding I was in fact bi, then I met my wife 2 years later and we married a little over a year later. I never did tell my wife about my past trysts and didn't want to know anything about hers, I have always been true to her and she to me.

Fast forward to few months ago and guy I was with for about a year when I like 19 sends me a friend request on social media after I passed on condolences on his parent's passing to his family on the funeral home website, his family was friends of my family and I found out about the passing about a year after it happened but passed my condolences online when I found out. The friend request came about a week after I posted the note.

I accepted his request after thinking about it for a few days and he sent me a message thanking me for the posting. We messaged a few times about him asking about my life and told me about his. In those 1st few messages he did talk about remembering some things, times we were together and without saying what those things were. To be honest if anyone else read those messages I doubt they could think anything about what I think he meant but I know he was revisiting those hookups. Now the question I don't think I would ever act on anything, although to be totally transparent I did find myself revisiting those memories as I read them, should I continue messaging with him?

It amazes me that people seem to differentiate cheating according to the gender of the person that you cheat with.

If you have any kind of sexual contact with this guy - you will be cheating on your wife of 39 years. Is that what you want?

If you have been married for 39 years - I very much doubt you dont know how your wife will react to you suddenly coming out as Bi - you hid it from her for 39 years for a reason.

Messaging him is fine. Remaniscing is fine - anything physical happening between you is cheating.Don't throw away 39 years of marriage because someone on here is fapping to forum posts and thinking with their dick rather than their head.

 

[luvslingerie200]

It amazes me that people seem to differentiate cheating according to the gender of the person that you cheat with.

If you have any kind of sexual contact with this guy - you will be cheating on your wife of 39 years. Is that what you want?

If you have been married for 39 years - I very much doubt you dont know how your wife will react to you suddenly coming out as Bi - you hid it from her for 39 years for a reason.

Messaging him is fine. Remaniscing is fine - anything physical happening between you is cheating.Don't throw away 39 years of marriage because someone on here is fapping to forum posts and thinking with their dick rather than their head.

Cheating is often a matter of one's perspective. to some simply exploring one's fantasies on this website would be considered cheating.

 

[PastMaster]

Cheating is often a matter of one's perspective. to some simply exploring one's fantasies on this website would be considered cheating.

You have a valid point - but, that is potentially arguable -having sex with someone - who is not your partner, without your partners knowledge or consent. - is definately cheating - there can be no argument about it - no matter the gender of the person you are having sex with.

 

[klippert]

First question; he knows you’re married to a woman?
Second; are the two of you messaging regularly or daily. Since you said you would “most likely” (open ended, not a definitive “no I would not”) he may be reading you as interested!!!
Third; if you don’t communicate regularly, is he still pestering you.
Fourth; is he single, married or gay?
You see, if you’re not going to keep up communication, and he’s still pestering you. That is a flag, he’s dreaming of the past and hoping to rekindle the relationship. Especially since he’s brought up “being together”.
You have two choices. Set him straight; there’s no chance of stoking the flames. Or take charge and have a use for him.
Im leaning he’s got something running in his head. He wants to have more than being friends or a pole stop for you.
Tread lightly….tossing 39 yrs for a someone who’s a lost puppy ain’t worth it

 

[kccasey]

I have been married for 32 years and sex is almost non existant anymore. She is not interested and I am still a horn dog.
If I had an old friend who wanted to get together for sex I would be very interested in meeting.
However, I did not have male lovers at anytime in my life. Just recently have been considering going that direction. I have indulged with TS and CD's, yes it is cheating, but I have asked for and been granted a hall pass. I don't care how carefull you are, the partnerr will always find out if you are haveing an affair. My daliences have been with prostitutes, which I believe to be a little safer.
So to sum up, wish I had your problem, I would encourage my old friend, are you still wanting sex with men now?

 

[Abrahamlickin]

Sometimes its better to leave the past alone! If you feel strongly enough to revisit your previous relationship with him, its obvious you aren't over it.

 

[Just4you2use44]

seems like you need to go see him and get on your knees for him...at least thats what I would do... ;-)

 

[niniku18]

This is making me want to reach out to all my married friends again.

 

[dodgeboy2]

Just curious, were you the top or bottom? And was it hot sex? Did you cum inside him or he you? Talk it out here and stay true to your wife.

I both topped and bottomed for him as we both wanted each to have the ultimate pleasure, I consider myself a top guy but he deserved whatever he wanted and he wanted to experience both sides as it was a 1st for us both.

I would say it was very hot sex as hot as 2 older teens could be.

We both did cum inside each other although I in him more than he in me>

I don't and won't stray, but the urge of at least remembering him is so great as I have had many passionate dreams about him but again straying is not a thought.

 

[dodgeboy2]

That’s so hot, and I totally understand what you are going through. I also have ongoing memories of my first 2 tops. It was back when I was 18 and they were both my neighbors. I sometimes imagine what would happen if I ran into them again or in your case on social media. It would be hard not to bring it up. Especially on those days where the feeling is just more intense than other days. That’s hot that you’re a top. Did you ever top anybody else?

I wouldn't say a lot but besides him I was top for 4 but they were all short term things all less than a few months, whereas my 1st I spoke about here was around a year and I think may have been longer if not for me.

 

[Spongo]

I friended a gf from 35 years ago, we had a very active sex life. Anytime, any place, any where in those day. We chatted on messenger and very quickly got naughty. We ended up masturbating on cam watching each other. Fantasised about meeting in a hotel for sex but never did. Was fun

 

[Sigmund7]

I was inspired by this thread to look on FB for an old college fuck buddy. I found her quite easily but she has not posted since 2018 and the only more recent response states "I sure do miss that smile". I fear she is to be added to the list of deceased friends.

 

[dodgeboy2]

I was inspired by this thread to look on FB for an old college fuck buddy. I found her quite easily but she has not posted since 2018 and the only more recent response states "I sure do miss that smile". I fear she is to be added to the list of deceased friends.

So sorry to hear that, yes I would assume that also.