how would a polite Midwestern woman handle this situation?

[joy_of_cooking]

Suppose you're a nice, polite girl from a small town in the upper Midwest. Think, 3k within city limits, most of the business comes from people driving in from the rest of the county, and half of them are named Svensson. How would you handle the following situation?

You and your date go to the nice restaurant in town (there's kind of only one). You're white and conventionally attractive; he's neither. Also his English is not great. So it's you who asks the maitre d'hotel for a table for two. He says sure, and asks if you'd like to have a drink at the bar while you wait for the other person. It hasn't occurred to him that the man you're with could be your date.

I'm looking for the polite, nonconfrontational Midwestern equivalent of a sharp rebuke. Does this work?

I was confused. She was not. By the time I figured out what was going on, she had slipped her hand into mine.

"No," she said, her voice carefully level. "Thank you."

The maitre d'hotel blanched. Silently, he grabbed two menus and headed into the restaurant. I glanced up at her as we followed. She wore a small, pleasant smile that did not reach her eyes.

Only after we were seated and the maitre d' gone did she let that smile fade. She squeezed my hand. "Sorry, I know you would have let it go, but I couldn't. Sometimes a girl has to mark her territory."

 

[ElectricBlue]

Suppose you're a nice, polite girl from a small town in the upper Midwest. Think, 3k within city limits, most of the business comes from people driving in from the rest of the county, and half of them are named Svensson. How would you handle the following situation?

You and your date go to the nice restaurant in town (there's kind of only one). You're white and conventionally attractive; he's neither. Also his English is not great. So it's you who asks the maitre d'hotel for a table for two. He says sure, and asks if you'd like to have a drink at the bar while you wait for the other person. It hasn't occurred to him that the man you're with could be your date.

I'm looking for the polite, nonconfrontational Midwestern equivalent of a sharp rebuke. Does this work?

I'm confused. Why would a maitre d' not think two people standing in front of him weren't together? Who would the other person be? Surely a maitre d' is going to be discreet, whoever fronts up? The scene doesn't make sense to me. Granted, I don't live in the Mid-West.

 

[ShelbyDawn57]

Suppose you're a nice, polite girl from a small town in the upper Midwest. Think, 3k within city limits, most of the business comes from people driving in from the rest of the county, and half of them are named Svensson. How would you handle the following situation?

You and your date go to the nice restaurant in town (there's kind of only one). You're white and conventionally attractive; he's neither. Also his English is not great. So it's you who asks the maitre d'hotel for a table for two. He says sure, and asks if you'd like to have a drink at the bar while you wait for the other person. It hasn't occurred to him that the man you're with could be your date.

I'm looking for the polite, nonconfrontational Midwestern equivalent of a sharp rebuke. Does this work?

Having grown up in a larger version of 'that town' in west Texas, I think she handled it perfectly.

 

[Victoria14xs]

I would exaggeratedly take my date’s arm like a southern belle poised to make her entrance at the cotillion and say, “Oh look! Wait’s over!”

 

[John_Vandermeer]

Suppose you're a nice, polite girl from a small town in the upper Midwest. Think, 3k within city limits, most of the business comes from people driving in from the rest of the county, and half of them are named Svensson. How would you handle the following situation?

You and your date go to the nice restaurant in town (there's kind of only one). You're white and conventionally attractive; he's neither. Also his English is not great. So it's you who asks the maitre d'hotel for a table for two. He says sure, and asks if you'd like to have a drink at the bar while you wait for the other person. It hasn't occurred to him that the man you're with could be your date.

I'm looking for the polite, nonconfrontational Midwestern equivalent of a sharp rebuke. Does this work?

That works in my mind. As you aluded a polite upper midwestern girl would be understated. Heaven forbid she raises a ruckus. And always “nice” even when issuing a rebuke.

 

[Voboy]

This is Lit.

She should whirl, sink to the floor, and immediately suck her date's turgid, quivering member. Then do the same to the maitre'd.





No?

 

[intim8]

Suppose you're a nice, polite girl from a small town in the upper Midwest. Think, 3k within city limits, most of the business comes from people driving in from the rest of the county, and half of them are named Svensson. How would you handle the following situation?

You and your date go to the nice restaurant in town (there's kind of only one). You're white and conventionally attractive; he's neither. Also his English is not great. So it's you who asks the maitre d'hotel for a table for two. He says sure, and asks if you'd like to have a drink at the bar while you wait for the other person. It hasn't occurred to him that the man you're with could be your date.

I'm looking for the polite, nonconfrontational Midwestern equivalent of a sharp rebuke. Does this work?

Is this present day, or some time in the past? Can't say for sure in the Svennson-ish areas, but I'm pretty sure that kind of polite is different than it used to be.

And while you're implying that race was the issue, having the woman deal with the matre d' is just as likely to be the source of the misunderstanding. Again, depending on the temporal setting. Did she say "I'd like a table for two"? Or "we'd like a table for two"?

 

[ToPleaseHim]

I think her response is appropriate for a midwestern lady. It would definitely be subtle, still polite-ish, with maybe a slight edge.

Also, speaking only for Ohio, I don’t know how upscale the restaurant would need to be for the person to be called matre d and not “host.”

 

[Victoria14xs]

This is Lit.

She should whirl, sink to the floor, and immediately suck her date's turgid, quivering member. Then do the same to the maitre'd.





No?

If only. It’d certainly make the job of each town’s local Tourism Board a lot easier.

 

[elizaloo]

Absolutely perfect - as I am a girl from a small upper Midwestern town...we did have one specific restaurant in town that could well be your setting.

I agree with @ToPleaseHim though..there was a hostess who would have seated you....maitre'd is a bit too 'big city' of a title. Also, with @intim8 that she would have asked, "Table for two?" Regardless of the appearance of your couple.

Small town people tend to be OVER polite...as I said in one other post of mine, EVERYONE is watching your behavior and eager to gossip about what you do or don't do..being impolite would be complete anathema. The host/hostess would be a hot topic at the church social after Mass the next week. They might also be gossiping about your couple...but the entire interaction would be covered. And a failure to be polite would be criticized...they might not 'like' your couple..but no one would say that aloud.

What's the time period? Present day? For sure, she'd ask about the number of diners. If there is a bar in the restaurant she'd ask if you'd like to be seated there, or in the dining room.

My mom hosted at this restaurant many years ago, so I speak from hearing her experiences.

 

[intim8]

I agree with @intim8 though..there was a hostess who would have seated you....maitre'd is a bit too 'big city' of a title.

It was @ToPleaseHim that made that point.

 

[elizaloo]

It was @ToPleaseHim that made that point.

Merci,

I corrected the first part (maitre'd) and added you for the second part (table for two)..

Reading too fast for my own good is often a colossal failure.

 

[RejectReality]

3k within the city limits? Ain't no maitre d' there. They can't afford to pay someone to stand behind a podium all bloody night unless it's the owner or their relatives. Whoever is seating people is probably also humping trays. 10x that population, maybe. Even then people are going to roll their eyes at that title. It's going to be a host. And a bar? If there's a bar in a place, it's the main business, and the food is an afterthought.

There aren't enough people with enough money to support something that snooty.

 

[intim8]

3k within the city limits? Ain't no maitre d' there.

I shoulda picked up on that when I first read it. Towns that small don't even have a NAPA, let alone a maitre d'. They may not even have a single stoplight.

 

[Britva415]

My take on the cachet of the restaurant is that obviously not every town is going to have one, like almost none of them. But there's at least one very small town somewhere that has a fine-dining gem of that caliber.

I don't know if it's that kind of story or not.

 

[intim8]

But there's at least one very small town somewhere that has a fine-dining gem of that caliber.

Only if its a suburb of a larger town or very close to a major resort or something, in which case it would not be culturally "small town".

 

[RejectReality]

I shoulda picked up on that when I first read it. Towns that small don't even have a NAPA, let alone a maitre d'. They may not even have a single stoplight.

My hometown when I lived there had 2 stoplights, but we had a NAPA. LOL By the time I moved out, we had 4 stoplights, I believe. People absolutely despised the two new ones for years and they caused more accidents than they prevented for the first 6 months because only about half of the population remembered they were there. We also had hitching posts behind the Moose Lodge because there were enough people with no licenses who rode their horses to the bar to warrant it.

Town down the road doesn't have any stoplights that I can think of. The Dollar General moved into a larger building, and a NAPA moved in.

People who live in a 3k town are used to driving 30 minutes to an hour to a bigger town to shop somewhere that isn't Wal-Mart. That's another reason something this snooty couldn't survive there. The moment small town people think about spending money on luxury, they automatically get in the car and go to a bigger town down the road.

For the OP, just forget the 3k. What you're thinking of as "small town" is 30-50k. The people there aren't going to have significantly different attitudes toward something like mixed-race couples than the people in the 3k town down the road. ( Outside of a few blocks surrounding the college campus and the strip of businesses that cater to them. ) Having a bar and a maitre d' is still too upscale and snooty. Host, and something to replace waiting at the bar. What that could be is beyond me.

 

[lustychimera]

Yours sounds perfectly plausible. Those small towns really have their ways.

It's a really great scene the way you have it written. Zero fat. I hope you just leave it at that and move on. I think it'd lose some of the impact if they discussed it further. Just a casual thing that happens, no big deal in a small town.

If it's a seasonal touristy area, I definitely think the maitre d' and fancy restaurant is plausible, like somewhere up in the Black Hills.

If it's just standard rural America, that's probably stretching it. Prime rib with an occasional seafood buffet is about the fanciest they're gonna get. But at the same time, stores and restaurants are generally quite a bit nicer in a small town than their big city counterparts. Like, Dollar General is a genuinely nice clean store, and the Pizza Huts are excellent. They don't have as much, so they tend to take more pride in what they do have, especially since reputation rules.

 

[Whanmore]

I've lived in a few small towns in Indiana. being with a white girl in public (we were a younger couple) I've seen and heard everything from side glances at the store to a "Your mother loved you once!" getting shouted at us. Usually (not always) she'd always approach it with a bit of humor an arrogance.

People did generally assume we were together if we were standing next to each other though. In your proposed scene... We'd probably both be confused. She'd probably go "Who the hell do ya think this is?" That's the thing about that nonchalant racism. Al t of times you don't even realize til like minutes or even days later. Like "Were they being weird? or was it me?"

So it's you who asks the maitre d'hotel for a table for two. He says sure, and asks if you'd like to have a drink at the bar while you wait for the other person. It hasn't occurred to him that the man you're with could be your date.

I'm looking for the polite, nonconfrontational Midwestern equivalent of a sharp rebuke. Does this work?

If she did immediately recognize this specific situation as racism I imagine she'd be a little more... overt "Why, is the colored section full?"

Restaurants specifically are a sensitive area given the history in America that and the back of the bus lol

 

[joy_of_cooking]

Also, speaking only for Ohio, I don’t know how upscale the restaurant would need to be for the person to be called matre d and not “host.”

This is a great point. The original wording was a genuine mistake on my part, but now I'm going to do it on purpose. It fits with his characterization as an ESL speaker who sometimes (outside his professional jargon) uses words that are denotationally correct but have the wrong connotation or register. I'll just have to have her correct him so that readers know I know better

I'm confused. Why would a maitre d' not think two people standing in front of him weren't together? Who would the other person be? Surely a maitre d' is going to be discreet, whoever fronts up? The scene doesn't make sense to me. Granted, I don't live in the Mid-West.

To be honest, it didn't make sense to me either, but that didn't stop it from happening!

Maybe I'll have her take a step forward to speak to the guy, so that there's a foot or two of separation to help nudge him from "with her" to "next in line"?

And while you're implying that race was the issue, having the woman deal with the matre d' is just as likely to be the source of the misunderstanding. Again, depending on the temporal setting. Did she say "I'd like a table for two"? Or "we'd like a table for two"?

Yeah, I was trying to make it ambiguous whether the problem was

1. they're not used to mixed-race couples
2. she's way out of his league, looks-wise
3. she spoke to the guy, where local norms would have the man doing the talking if they were together

Restaurants specifically are a sensitive area given the history in America that and the back of the bus lol

I should have specified the man's Chinese, not black. My mistake. So for him there'd be no history with separate seating and the stereotype would be "sexless egghead, no way he'd be with a girl like that" (and it'd hardly be recognized as racism to think so).

 

[SimonDoom]

I think you handled it well. The key is that in the MidWest-- especially Minnesota-ish Midwest, everything would be handled in an understated way. The less said, the better. I might drop the "Mark the territory" sentence, which sounds a little more bicoastal to me, and replace it with something like "I hear the Beef Stroganoff is good here."

 

[John_Vandermeer]

This is a great point. The original wording was a genuine mistake on my part, but now I'm going to do it on purpose. It fits with his characterization as an ESL speaker who sometimes (outside his professional jargon) uses words that are denotationally correct but have the wrong connotation or register. I'll just have to have her correct him so that readers know I know better

To be honest, it didn't make sense to me either, but that didn't stop it from happening!

Maybe I'll have her take a step forward to speak to the guy, so that there's a foot or two of separation to help nudge him from "with her" to "next in line"?


Yeah, I was trying to make it ambiguous whether the problem was

1. they're not used to mixed-race couples
2. she's way out of his league, looks-wise
3. she spoke to the guy, where local norms would have the man doing the talking if they were together


I should have specified the man's Chinese, not black. My mistake. So for him there'd be no history with separate seating and the stereotype would be "sexless egghead, no way he'd be with a girl like that" (and it'd hardly be recognized as racism to think so).

If she is in her home town/state, and her date is from out of state/country it is not inconceivable she take the lead in situations like this: in a sense she is the host and he is her guest. Particularly if his English/cultural knowledge is not that great, as you have already implied. So point 3 is not very strong in my mind. Both 1 and 2 are more so. But this day and age people are careful about seeming un-PC in either either a racism or lookism direction. The restaurants host reaction would be less surprising if he/she is older. No offence to older AHers here, but in general it is harder to be more sensitive for those that have grown up not having to be careful about being sensitive.

I do want to point out that the stereotype "Asian man is unmanly/unsexy" IS racist. Though as somebody who dabbles on racial scenarios like this on occasion I am not afraid to exploit it, while trying to remain sensitive to it. In fact I wrote almost this exact pairing--a Thai boy and a Minnesota girl-- in my femdom romance A Semester in the USA. Based on feedback I've received the foreign/men-of-color that read those stories appreciate it.