How to tell my partner I am writing erotica?

[DigitalScarecrow]

My wife and I have been together for about 6 years now, and in that time I have opened up a lot about things I enjoy that I have never told anyone before, specifically role playing scenarios and fetishes. A few years ago I found this site, and have become a reoccurring reader, and passive writer.

In the last couple weeks I have been taking the writing a bit more seriously and hope to eventual post something. The issue is however, that I work from home full time and my wife does not work. My desire to let her know does not come from a desire to replicate the scenarios specifically, but so that I do not have to jump for the minimize button everytime the office door opens, or lie and tell her I have to finish up work after dinner, when I am really coming down to write erotic stories.

The kicker is that I am an animator by trait and she is aware that I attempted to produce “3D animate porn” just last year. So you would think it would be easy to tell her about this. But my progression of letting her know of certain fetishes I am interested in that I feel are more extreme took a couple of years to work up to, gradually testing the waters and asking for a little more at a time.

As always, I know the answer is to communicate, but I wonder if any of you have anything interesting to share about why or how you told your partners, or why you DIDN'T or DON’T tell them.

 

[joefelton]

Hi,

I started writing erotic stories a few years ago, just for the fun of it, and to see if I could write something well. My first few attempts were pretty lame, especially the dialog. I kept plugging away at it, and I got better with practice.When I finished my first story that I was happy with, I read it to my wife, after we'd just had sex but weren't tired enough to go to sleep. I asked her first if she wanted me to read it to her. I was little nervous about bringing the subject up, but she was interested. We've been married over 35 years. Since then I've read all of my Literotica stories to her. I also started wearing panties every day for about six years. I told her about this at the beginning and she said she thought I was brave, and proud of me! She even to took me panty shopping with her the next weekend! If you have a good marriage you should be able to tell her just about anything. If she was the one writing erotic stories would it bother you?

 

[DigitalScarecrow]

Hi,

I started writing erotic stories a few years ago, just for the fun of it, and to see if I could write something well. My first few attempts were pretty lame, especially the dialog. I kept plugging away at it, and I got better with practice.When I finished my first story that I was happy with, I read it to my wife, after we'd just had sex but weren't tired enough to go to sleep. I asked her first if she wanted me to read it to her. I was little nervous about bringing the subject up, but she was interested. We've been married over 35 years. Since then I've read all of my Literotica stories to her. I also started wearing panties every day for about six years. I told her about this at the beginning and she said she thought I was brave, and proud of me! She even to took me panty shopping with her the next weekend! If you have a good marriage you should be able to tell her just about anything. If she was the one writing erotic stories would it bother you?

I must admit I do find it easier to reveal aspects of what I am interested in during sex myself. Maybe it is selfish to think she may be more inclined to go along with it in the heat of the moment.

Personally I don’t think it would bother me if she wrote her own stories, I feel like it would be an interesting insight into what she potentially fantasizes about.

 

[LongDraw]

My wife and I have been together for about 6 years now, and in that time I have opened up a lot about things I enjoy that I have never told anyone before, specifically role playing scenarios and fetishes. A few years ago I found this site, and have become a reoccurring reader, and passive writer.

In the last couple weeks I have been taking the writing a bit more seriously and hope to eventual post something. The issue is however, that I work from home full time and my wife does not work. My desire to let her know does not come from a desire to replicate the scenarios specifically, but so that I do not have to jump for the minimize button everytime the office door opens, or lie and tell her I have to finish up work after dinner, when I am really coming down to write erotic stories.

The kicker is that I am an animator by trait and she is aware that I attempted to produce “3D animate porn” just last year. So you would think it would be easy to tell her about this. But my progression of letting her know of certain fetishes I am interested in that I feel are more extreme took a couple of years to work up to, gradually testing the waters and asking for a little more at a time.

As always, I know the answer is to communicate, but I wonder if any of you have anything interesting to share about why or how you told your partners, or why you DIDN'T or DON’T tell them.

I can understand where you're coming from I believe. My wife from that start has always said "I tell you everything and I want you to do the same".

It's great in theory, but I've learned over our 8 years of marriage there are things that she'll just get upset by, and I have no desire to have yet another argument in my life (not because of her). In the case of writing though, I think you're safer talking to her about writing "stories", to start the topic, then let her ask the questions important to her.

Either she'll accept it or be disgusted by it, but at the end of the day, her love for you should be strong enough to tolerate it after 6 years of marriage.

 

[yukonnights]

My spouse has known from the very first story that I write erotic stories for LitE. If you think your wife might be hesitant, write a an erotic story that you know will be in her lane. If she likes it, she'll probably not be too bothered about you sharing it. Once she gets used to it you can probably write more extreme stories w/o much concern. IMO, secrets like these are poison to a marriage. Best to build trust than deception.

 

[davion2308]

We don't know your relationship the way you know your relationship so I can't tell you how to tell them or how they'll react or if it'll be okay.

Generally, something like, "Hey, I tried writing porn. Read this and tell me what you think?"

That's what I did with my wife and she read a story of mine and 'skipped to the hot part' and came and found me to have some sex since she got turned on. She's not completely into the things I am but she sees writing as a healthy outlet for sexual urges where she otherwise may be uncomfortable participating with me in real-life activities.

It's a healthy dynamic in our relationship. But that's our relationship and it's unique to yours.

I think the most successful approach for most writers has been to clearly and articulately talk about what they're doing and offer to involve their s/o as a beta reader. That adds a tangible, real-life example of what you're doing so she can ask questions or help you explore writing if she wants to join. And if she doesn't participate, you at least offered. That's respectful.

 

[CiaoSteve]

I could never tell my wife, even after 30+ years together. Sex is a taboo subject, and the idea I was writing about it would probably be grounds for divorce. She once found an inadvertently bookmarked link to Lit in the browser history, and that led to an almighty inquiry. So, writing is a secret between me, and a handful of the most wonderful readers. It will always be that way. She had caught me writing a few times, and each time I made the excuse that I am keeping my stamp catalogue up to date (yes, I am a philatelist as well which is rather sad of me). There is the odd time where she catches me by surprise and I quickly have to switch from Word to Excel. The other thing I have learned is to keep the story titles nondescript until I'm ready to publish. I'd love to be able to have an honest conversation, but I know it would just disgust her, as most things to do with sex seem to. I guess it's just not for everybody.

 

[LongDraw]

We don't know your relationship the way you know your relationship so I can't tell you how to tell them or how they'll react or if it'll be okay.

Generally, something like, "Hey, I tried writing porn. Read this and tell me what you think?"

That's what I did with my wife and she read a story of mine and 'skipped to the hot part' and came and found me to have some sex since she got turned on. She's not completely into the things I am but she sees writing as a healthy outlet for sexual urges where she otherwise may be uncomfortable participating with me in real-life activities.

It's a healthy dynamic in our relationship. But that's our relationship and it's unique to yours.

I think the most successful approach for most writers has been to clearly and articulately talk about what they're doing and offer to involve their s/o as a beta reader. That adds a tangible, real-life example of what you're doing so she can ask questions or help you explore writing if she wants to join. And if she doesn't participate, you at least offered. That's respectful.

I really like your response there. I've actually tried that with my story, sending new scenes I've written for my VY novel, some are lesbian, some are husband-wife, some are MFF/MFFF. Usually it hasn't gotten her turned on, sometimes it's days before I get feedback on it. But I like your approach.

I could never tell my wife, even after 30+ years together. Sex is a taboo subject, and the idea I was writing about it would probably be grounds for divorce. She once found an inadvertently bookmarked link to Lit in the browser history, and that led to an almighty inquiry. So, writing is a secret between me, and a handful of the most wonderful readers. It will always be that way. She had caught me writing a few times, and each time I made the excuse that I am keeping my stamp catalogue up to date (yes, I am a philatelist as well which is rather sad of me). There is the odd time where she catches me by surprise and I quickly have to switch from Word to Excel. The other thing I have learned is to keep the story titles nondescript until I'm ready to publish. I'd love to be able to have an honest conversation, but I know it would just disgust her, as most things to do with sex seem to. I guess it's just not for everybody.

CiaoSteve, I feel for you as your situation appears to mirror the fear I had when I initially introduced my wife to two short erotic stories I wrote, as well as my embarrassment after a co-worker discovered the startings of my VY novel they found when rifling through my belongings and used to get me fired. Out of curiosity CiaoSteve, have you tried writing a strictly romance story that doesn't include any sexual content to show her? Or maybe something completely non-relationship related, like maybe a fantasy novel like the DragonLance series?

 

[CiaoSteve]

I really like your response there. I've actually tried that with my story, sending new scenes I've written for my VY novel, some are lesbian, some are husband-wife, some are MFF/MFFF. Usually it hasn't gotten her turned on, sometimes it's days before I get feedback on it. But I like your approach.


CiaoSteve, I feel for you as your situation appears to mirror the fear I had when I initially introduced my wife to two short erotic stories I wrote, as well as my embarrassment after a co-worker discovered the startings of my VY novel they found when rifling through my belongings and used to get me fired. Out of curiosity CiaoSteve, have you tried writing a strictly romance story that doesn't include any sexual content to show her? Or maybe something completely non-relationship related, like maybe a fantasy novel like the DragonLance series?

LongDraw, that's an interesting idea. Maybe one day.

 

[fire_breeze]

My wife and I have been together for about 6 years now, and in that time I have opened up a lot about things I enjoy that I have never told anyone before, specifically role playing scenarios and fetishes. A few years ago I found this site, and have become a reoccurring reader, and passive writer.

In the last couple weeks I have been taking the writing a bit more seriously and hope to eventual post something. The issue is however, that I work from home full time and my wife does not work. My desire to let her know does not come from a desire to replicate the scenarios specifically, but so that I do not have to jump for the minimize button everytime the office door opens, or lie and tell her I have to finish up work after dinner, when I am really coming down to write erotic stories.

The kicker is that I am an animator by trait and she is aware that I attempted to produce “3D animate porn” just last year. So you would think it would be easy to tell her about this. But my progression of letting her know of certain fetishes I am interested in that I feel are more extreme took a couple of years to work up to, gradually testing the waters and asking for a little more at a time.

As always, I know the answer is to communicate, but I wonder if any of you have anything interesting to share about why or how you told your partners, or why you DIDN'T or DON’T tell them.

As Davion2308 said, we don't know your relationship with your wife. In my mind, writing erotica is a such a low bar in the risqué factor that I honestly don't get why there's such a discomfort around it (I will caveat this by saying I get it if the fetish/kink is a bit on the unconventional side or really taboo). Since I started writing erotica, every person I have dated/been involved with knows that I write, and many of my friends knows that I write erotica. Some I actually send the link to every a story is published because I'm genuinely interested in their feedback. I just tell them that I write as a hobby and when asked--because it's inevitably asked--I tell them that one of the genre I write is erotica. No biggie.

If she knows that you attempted to create 3D animated porn and--based on the fact that you didn't say that she kicked up a fuss--then I'd like to suggest that she probably doesn't care. Why not just say that as you were creating 3D animated porn, you brainstormed some ideas and started to write? You know, just tell her?

Maybe I'm reading this wrong, but unless your lady wife disapproves of pornography or erotica--which, I will add, would have come up when you dabbled in 3D animated porn--then why would she disapprove of writing? It's a healthy medium to explore ideas and entertain fantasies.

Just my overtly inflated 0.02$.

 

[Lady2020]

Tell her.

 

[Athalia]

Interesting subject. I suppose it depends on the trust you have with your partner. I haven't been in a "steady"relationship for a while, but my last one knew I wrote erotica and approved of it. But I was in an earlier relationship with a man who was quite unsettled at the prospect. He feared that I would be writing about our sex life, and that I would be comparing his performance to the standards of smut in general and he would be found wanting. My reassurances didn't seem to help, and we eventually drifted apart.

 

[jehoram]

He feared that I would be writing about our sex life, and that I would be comparing his performance to the standards of smut in general and he would be found wanting. My reassurances didn't seem to help, and we eventually drifted apart.

What, a male person insecure about his sexual identity? Never heard of that before.

 

[DigitalScarecrow]

Thank you all for the responses. First off I will say that I took the leap on a car ride this weekend and simply told her. As expected her responses was that she was ok with it, that I should do it, and that she had an interest in reading it when I was finished. With only a slight comment regarding the genre/theme in a "you seem to really be into that huh?" kind of comment as it was a relatively new kink I brought up, but not in a upset or disgusted way.

I get that the general vibe is likely that I should not have worried, especially with how easy and positive it went in hindsight. But a lot of your stories and insight helped me work up the confidence to even go for it instead of continuing to work in the shadows. Hopefully if anyone else is having the same issue and stumbles upon this, it will help them as well.

 

[LongDraw]

Thank you all for the responses. First off I will say that I took the leap on a car ride this weekend and simply told her. As expected her responses was that she was ok with it, that I should do it, and that she had an interest in reading it when I was finished. With only a slight comment regarding the genre/theme in a "you seem to really be into that huh?" kind of comment as it was a relatively new kink I brought up, but not in a upset or disgusted way.

I get that the general vibe is likely that I should not have worried, especially with how easy and positive it went in hindsight. But a lot of your stories and insight helped me work up the confidence to even go for it instead of continuing to work in the shadows. Hopefully if anyone else is having the same issue and stumbles upon this, it will help them as well.

I'm sure I share a similar sentiment as the others here when I say that I am really happy to hear that it went well talking to your wife about your interest in writing erotic stories.

On a similar note, I shared with my wife the most recent scene in my novel VY which has mommy son role play sex. Her response several times today has not been positive with her being concerned that I was into incest, but that is because of some disturbing incidents of that with family members on both our sides. I reassured her by reminding her how I refused to ever allow my grandfather who raped my mom and her sisters to ever see our daughters, I don't even care if he's on his death bed. Hopefully her fears are put to rest as the scene was only meant to brush along the Incest/Taboo fetish category, not dive into the deep end.

 

[DigitalScarecrow]

Yeah, I could see that as being a tricky subject to handle, especially given the history. I read on another forum that one of the issues regarding incest as a fetish is that it is frequently linked by those who don't have an interest in it, to real-life abuse. This may be fair in a way, as I would imagine most real-life occurrences are likely an occurrence of abuse. But I am sure most people on this site would back up the idea that it is not meant to happen in real life, and creating consensual scenarios as a role-play or fetish is no different than the growing popularity of rape role-play. Which, not attempting to kink shame, some may argue is more taboo, but seems to receive more acceptance in the casual crowds.

 

[bone251]

As a joke I said at a party that I wrote several erotic stories.

Nobody believed me. That worked to cover my back.

 

[Thepenismightier0813]

This is a fascinating subject in and of itself. I don't really have anything more to add but I thought it'd be fun to throw in my own two cents just for the ongoing conversation.

Everyone's partner is different! I've been with all sorts myself and have ran the gambit from "I'm okay with your kinkyness." To "Everything you write MUST be what you also want and so let me pick apart the writing and use it against you."

Honestly so long as you've got a wife who falls somewhere in between those two lines then you should be fine! Everyone's relationship is different though and you probably know best how to ease her in. You'll feel a lot better about it to because hiding and living a double life is no fun for anyone! I used to have to do that and it was a source of great stress for me personally.

Best of luck on easing her into it!

 

[IsItBad]

My wife and I have been together for about 6 years now, and in that time I have opened up a lot about things I enjoy that I have never told anyone before, specifically role playing scenarios and fetishes. A few years ago I found this site, and have become a reoccurring reader, and passive writer.

In the last couple weeks I have been taking the writing a bit more seriously and hope to eventual post something. The issue is however, that I work from home full time and my wife does not work. My desire to let her know does not come from a desire to replicate the scenarios specifically, but so that I do not have to jump for the minimize button everytime the office door opens, or lie and tell her I have to finish up work after dinner, when I am really coming down to write erotic stories.

The kicker is that I am an animator by trait and she is aware that I attempted to produce “3D animate porn” just last year. So you would think it would be easy to tell her about this. But my progression of letting her know of certain fetishes I am interested in that I feel are more extreme took a couple of years to work up to, gradually testing the waters and asking for a little more at a time.

As always, I know the answer is to communicate, but I wonder if any of you have anything interesting to share about why or how you told your partners, or why you DIDN'T or DON’T tell them.

just write her a story. with us it all started on a plane ride back from the beach. we started writing each other questions and then writing the answers. the questions became increasingly sexual. we had alot of fun with that on that flight. it just naturally progressed from there to writing each other full blown sex stories. sometimes they were completely fantasy, other times with elements of actual experiences, sometimes just recounting actual experiences. i think we both found it super interesting when we would recount actual sexcapades that we had ourselves.....hearing each others points of view......how certain things were to us. anyway.....you know her.....at least to an extent.....just write her a story and give it to her - maybe try to stay in the middle of the road on the first few though

 

[DHerbert]

My OH knows that I write erotica, but doesn't like that at all, although I do get complements on the style etc. when they take a short peek. Mostly I write non-con, blackmailed into sex, sort of stuff and the women don't come out of it to well. We've discussed this and if I could write something else (especially something they could show to parents and family) they would be massively proud, but unpleasant sex stories? Nope. They just do not understand how this can come out of my head.

We rarely talk about it now!

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

I agree, write her a story that involves her as the main subject, the center of attention.
I have been dabbling in writing again recently, and nothing turns me on more than getting a story written for and about me.
Especially the first story she reads. Maybe turn one of her fantasies into a story?
Just an idea

 

[Wark2002]

My wife knows; I told her when I sent my first story here. She was fine with it as long as I used an alias and didn't tell anyone else. Now, however, I am seeing that my stories are fairly well rated (there are not a lot) and I'm regretting agreeing with her. I'm 64 and retired - am I going to lose a job because of these (and half are NE anyway)? I would kind of like having my name attached to these.

https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=5430653&page=submissions

 

[NightL]

She was fine with it as long as I used an alias and didn't tell anyone else...

I would kind of like having my name attached to these.

https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=5430653&page=submissions

maybe it is not you she is worried about - ask her

 

[gregscott]

I have a Christian wife and she would not like it if she found out I write erotica, I have written intense Incest stories a few transgender stories that would get me divorced in a heart beat.
So I have a secret life that only my secretary knows about and she thinks I'm the greatest story teller Boss ever. Its a good thing I can write at work. I love to read well written stories that move me and make me feel a wide range of emotions. I try to give that to my readers even If I am only a beginner with a few red H's. Maybe a mid 50s father of 4 can find some friends on lit that won't out me or judge me.
thanks for reading my Blurb.
GregScott

 

[SamScribble]

I've written a couple of stories on here and my partner absolutely doesn't know and doesn't even know this site exists and that I read stories (admittedly I log on here years apart as well, you know, life gets in the way!) I think he may like the 2nd one but not sure about the Bar one.
I guess I would like him to read them but am a bit afraid of his reaction.....

Tell your partner about the one that you think he might like - and if you get a positive reaction, send him his own personal copy. You might be pleasantly surprised. You don't have to tell him about Literotica right off. You can work up to that.

Good luck.