How Do You Manage Unsolicited PMs?

[SandraJones]

You can also use the ignore function to block specific users. If they're just sending hot and horny wannafuck PMs that you haven't asked for, you should feel no compunction about ignoring them without a reply. Some dudes literally copy-and-paste the same message to anybody with a female-looking profile You owe them nothing.

That sounds like a very handy feature. Some were rather crude requests for sexual correspondence, so those would be ones I would want to block. Thank you for this, I can put it to good use.

 

[ElizaBennet33]

I had the exact same thing happen to me when I first joined and people knew I was online. I was getting so many PMs in a short space of time that it was quite overwhelming. I did turn on the invisible mode and the PMs dropped substantially.

Anyone who wrote something rude or offensive got blocked immediately and I deleted their PM.

For the ones who wrote something polite and friendly (non sexual), I always wrote back.

Something I found very interesting is if you tell a guy that you are not looking for any sex talk and want platonic friends, the majority disappear quite quickly. Then you're left with the ones who want genuine friendship and good conversations.

I met some lovely people through their personal ads so don't be afraid to PM someone if their ad strikes a chord with you.

 

[Magineer]

Those dreadful men, eh..?

I assume you're referring to the ones who give themselves female-sounding usernames and then wank to the thrill which their "unsolicited PMs" - sent to other MEN - have given them when the poor unsuspecting fools actually answer...

One assumes you're debarring yourself from actually PMing anybody..?

 

[jehoram]

Those dreadful men, eh..?

I assume you're referring to the ones who give themselves female-sounding usernames and then wank to the thrill which their "unsolicited PMs" - sent to other MEN - have given them when the poor unsuspecting fools actually answer...

Because everybody knows that visitors to Literotica are 100% men. Real women have no interest at all in sex. The only reason they fuck at all is to get a man into their clutches.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

 

[JonBHappy]

I suspect that it's women who get snowed under with unsolicited messages here, I've had only a few since arriving and they weren't nasty, if they were I think I'd probably just not reply.

 

[JulieAnn42]

I do not get snowed under with unsolicited PMs, but I do get them. I just ignore and delete the ones who do not sound interesting or are just plain obnoxious.

 

[LeinadVirgo]

I do not get snowed under with unsolicited PMs, but I do get them. I just ignore and delete the ones who do not sound interesting or are just plain obnoxious.

About the same for me. I occasionally message back that I won't chat with somebody that doesnt have a profile filled out.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Those dreadful men, eh..?

I assume you're referring to the ones who give themselves female-sounding usernames and then wank to the thrill which their "unsolicited PMs" - sent to other MEN - have given them when the poor unsuspecting fools actually answer...

One assumes you're debarring yourself from actually PMing anybody..?

It’s actually pretty rare that I see men on here complaining about receiving unsolicited PMs. I’m sure it happens, but the mass PMing seems clearly to be men messaging users with female sounding usernames.

 

[jaF0]

I won't chat with somebody that doesnt have a profile filled out.

You can't create a new profile or edit an old one. Profiles have been disabled here for at least two years, maybe three.

 

[Magineer]

It’s actually pretty rare that I see men on here complaining about receiving unsolicited PMs. I’m sure it happens, but the mass PMing seems clearly to be men messaging users with female sounding usernames.

Oh, it's not "unsolicited" in the general sense.

It's just that they - men, advertising as such and with the brazen nerve actually to ask for responses from females - get approached by these creatures dishonestly posing as females.

Get it now?

Literotica is positively crawling with them. Insecure masculinity at the very least, one has to posit, if not indeed outright gays.

And the reason you don't see the complaint too often is that it is such a widespread phenomenon, with the site doing fuck-all to verify and vet membership, that it's simply taken as part of the landscape.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Oh, it's not "unsolicited" in the general sense.

It's just that they - men, advertising as such and with the brazen nerve actually to ask for responses from females - get approached by these creatures dishonestly posing as females.

Get it now?

Literotica is positively crawling with them. Insecure masculinity at the very least, one has to posit, if not indeed outright gays.

And the reason you don't see the complaint too often is that it is such a widespread phenomenon, with the site doing fuck-all to verify and vet membership, that it's simply taken as part of the landscape.

I’ve been here since 2001. I certainly don’t need your “get it now?” Yes, this happens. It’s happened since the site began. If you want think the forum is bad, steer clear from chat. Dishonesty and catfishing are problems on a lot of sites. This particular thread, however, is specifically about managing unsolicited PMs. Do you get that now?

Trying to give you some benefit of the doubt with that bolded statement, and that it’s not intended to be homophobic... I’m going to see if I can find some stats on this, but I would be floored if straight, white men aren’t the primary offenders of this nature - both in the mass PMing of unsolicited messages to anyone they think is a woman and for responding to men pretending to be women so they can have some kind of sexual talk.

 

[jaF0]

Appears the OP picked up her cookies and scooted.

 

[Fingerfuxs]

It's simple no answer is a answer.

Hash tag forgetaboutit

 

[Squeeze_Tight]

The urgency and optimism of the messagers amazes me.

I don’t even have a female name, but before I’d even posted a story or forum comment I was getting DM’s.

 

[Jasmine12345]

........ Real women have no interest at all in sex.../QUOTE]

Where did you get that idea?
It's all about how it's carried out.
Being on this site, I think the best way for both men and women to approach each other is responding to their posts. Have some interactions in public forums before using the inbox. The inbox is quite personal. It hardly feels right for me to receive PMs from total strangers.
Many women need more time to get warmed up, at least mentally, before physically aroused.

 

[jehoram]

........ Real women have no interest at all in sex.../QUOTE]

Where did you get that idea?

Sorry. I was being sarcastic. I was echoing an old trope often heard by guys who get turned down on their first date because she wasn't as eager for sex as he was.

I am fully aware that there are actual women who like sex ... I know a few of them myself ... and one of them is on this forum from time to time. I could almost hear her snort when she read that.

 

[MundaneOne]

I'm taking the advice of many here and turned on invisible mode and turned off my PMs. I'm just looking to chat within the threads and don't have much interest in initiating or participating in private conversations. That's how I'm managing unsolicited PMs in my little corner of Lit

 

[oneblueye]

hey ...

I would like anyone's input on how you manage the PMs that you get. I'm at a loss as to how to control them. I've been a member for a week as of today with three posts (this will be my fourth) and my PM count has just topped 80.

I apparently broke a cardinal rule and made my first posting in the personals. It wasn't even my thread; it belonged to another newbie like myself, and I saw no harm in welcoming him. That started the flood that has not abated.

I made two other posts relating to it in the Playground, and from the responses I received, this appears to be normal behaviour for a number of men on Lit. That led me to realize that I broke another rule here, that I'm easily identifiable as female. And though no one came out and said it, the impression I received was that this is the way it is, and you just have to deal with it.

So I made the decision to shut off my messages, so that will stop the flow. But even though that stops the incoming unsolicited messages, it seems a radical thing to do. I mean, I'm certain there are many more nice and decent guys on here than not. But shutting my messages off also shuts off maybe a nice conversation with a guy I might like.

So how do people balance it? Do you just delete and move on? Do you respond and say not to bother me? I'm really at a loss as to how to deal with it. I belong to a number of other forums online, and I don't hide my gender on any of them, yet the level of harassment from the multiple PM I've received here doesn't exist on the other sites that I frequent.

Any input and opinions would be greatly appreciated, as I honestly don't know how to handle it.

been here a couple years and I've got almost as many people on my ignore list as I have posts.

 

[SissySalina]

That is what the ignore list is for. You broke no cardinal rule, there are just a lot of idiots on lit.

 

[MundaneOne]

been here a couple years and I've got almost as many people on my ignore list as I have posts.

That is what the ignore list is for. You broke no cardinal rule, there are just a lot of idiots on lit.

These two comments speak volumes. Why would anyone want to open themselves up for this kind of abuse? No sugar coating, that's what it is, abuse! And it reinforces my decision to turn off my PMs totally and just not deal with private communications. I personally have no need or desire to do it, and limiting myself to talking with people within threads is fine by me. If someone doesn't feel comfortable talking to me that way, that's not a ME problem, that's a YOU problem! Grow up and deal with it!

 

[AnnieLit]

I would like anyone's input on how you manage the PMs that you get. I'm at a loss as to how to control them. I've been a member for a week as of today with three posts (this will be my fourth) and my PM count has just topped 80.

I apparently broke a cardinal rule and made my first posting in the personals. It wasn't even my thread; it belonged to another newbie like myself, and I saw no harm in welcoming him. That started the flood that has not abated.

I made two other posts relating to it in the Playground, and from the responses I received, this appears to be normal behaviour for a number of men on Lit. That led me to realize that I broke another rule here, that I'm easily identifiable as female. And though no one came out and said it, the impression I received was that this is the way it is, and you just have to deal with it.

So I made the decision to shut off my messages, so that will stop the flow. But even though that stops the incoming unsolicited messages, it seems a radical thing to do. I mean, I'm certain there are many more nice and decent guys on here than not. But shutting my messages off also shuts off maybe a nice conversation with a guy I might like.

So how do people balance it? Do you just delete and move on? Do you respond and say not to bother me? I'm really at a loss as to how to deal with it. I belong to a number of other forums online, and I don't hide my gender on any of them, yet the level of harassment from the multiple PM I've received here doesn't exist on the other sites that I frequent.

Any input and opinions would be greatly appreciated, as I honestly don't know how to handle it.

Welcome to Lit!

It's ok, you did not break any rules, this is how it goes here. We all been through this, the good news is -- the volume WILL go down, a lot. At the moment I get one, maybe two, random messages a week, so it is not a problem anymore.

Things you can do to make your life easier:
- As others said: invisible mode.
- When you go through messages, delete everybody with zero posts to their name. If they don't want to talk in public, they are hiding too much for my taste.
- Any dickpicks -- automatic trash can for me.
- Anybody with a dickpick in the profile -- the same.

Then look through the threads the person started. If you see there anything that you are absolutely not interested in (for me that would be any politics), delete and move on.

Next -- threads that they are most active in. Do you like what you see there? If so -- great, if not -- goodbye.

The rest... A polite "Hello, thank you for the welcome." and see what happens.

Good luck! This.place can be a lot of fun, but it takes time to find your crowd.

 

[brightsmile]

Welcome to Lit!

It's ok, you did not break any rules, this is how it goes here. We all been through this, the good news is -- the volume WILL go down, a lot. At the moment I get one, maybe two, random messages a week, so it is not a problem anymore.

Things you can do to make your life easier:
- As others said: invisible mode.
- When you go through messages, delete everybody with zero posts to their name. If they don't want to talk in public, they are hiding too much for my taste.
- Any dickpicks -- automatic trash can for me.
- Anybody with a dickpick in the profile -- the same.

Then look through the threads the person started. If you see there anything that you are absolutely not interested in (for me that would be any politics), delete and move on.

Next -- threads that they are most active in. Do you like what you see there? If so -- great, if not -- goodbye.

The rest... A polite "Hello, thank you for the welcome." and see what happens.

Good luck! This.place can be a lot of fun, but it takes time to find your crowd.

Thanks Annie! Deleting people with zero posts to their name is a great idea. I found from experience that the ones who post those messages don't pan out.

 

[Conager]

I was going to suggest the ‘invisible’ option as well. That orange ‘online now’ next to a potentially female name is like throwing chum into pervshark infested waters.

Responses are not required. Sometimes we women are conditioned to be ‘nice’ and to not want to hurt anyone’s feelings, ever. To our own detriment occasionally. You’ll find over the next few months that many of the same men will send you the same exact intro message again and again. You’ll also get incredibly vulgar messages. There are some good guys here, but there are also a LOT of jerks. Don’t ever feel bad about not spending your day responding to a passel of perverts that don’t care anything about you other than that you potentially have the magical combination of a vagina and a pulse.

I typically only respond if there’s a valid reason to. If someone takes the time to create a coherent paragraph regarding something specific about me, I try to be at least polite. Sometimes that turns into an extended conversation, sometimes it doesn’t. But we are under zero obligation to spend our days nurturing the egos of random men on a porn site. Feel free to delete away.

Laughs at "pervshatk infested waters"

 

[Funnyloveluv]

If they are polite, I'm polite back. If they are clearly seeking sex, I ignore. I have only blocked one guy who appears now and then under a few different names. You're a woman, you will always get unsolicited emails. I read a lot but I don't always respond to a lot of posts for that very reason.

 

[50PlusCat]

I decided to turn my PMs off until I get braver and want to start dealing with them. I'm not worried about being visible at the moment. I'll make changes once I've spent more time here.