How Do You Manage Unsolicited PMs?

[SandraJones]

I would like anyone's input on how you manage the PMs that you get. I'm at a loss as to how to control them. I've been a member for a week as of today with three posts (this will be my fourth) and my PM count has just topped 80.

I apparently broke a cardinal rule and made my first posting in the personals. It wasn't even my thread; it belonged to another newbie like myself, and I saw no harm in welcoming him. That started the flood that has not abated.

I made two other posts relating to it in the Playground, and from the responses I received, this appears to be normal behaviour for a number of men on Lit. That led me to realize that I broke another rule here, that I'm easily identifiable as female. And though no one came out and said it, the impression I received was that this is the way it is, and you just have to deal with it.

So I made the decision to shut off my messages, so that will stop the flow. But even though that stops the incoming unsolicited messages, it seems a radical thing to do. I mean, I'm certain there are many more nice and decent guys on here than not. But shutting my messages off also shuts off maybe a nice conversation with a guy I might like.

So how do people balance it? Do you just delete and move on? Do you respond and say not to bother me? I'm really at a loss as to how to deal with it. I belong to a number of other forums online, and I don't hide my gender on any of them, yet the level of harassment from the multiple PM I've received here doesn't exist on the other sites that I frequent.

Any input and opinions would be greatly appreciated, as I honestly don't know how to handle it.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

When I first started posting stories, I got bombarded with PMs looking for some form of sexual interaction. The ones who seemed pleasant I replied politely to, saying in effect you seem nice, but I’m in a committed relationship and have a policy of not engaging in PMs. Those who seemed creepy I just blocked. It stopped in fairly short order.

I’ve seen people say in their signature blocks that they aren’t interested in unsolicited PMs.

In any case, remember that they don’t know who you really are, where you live or what you look like. It’s an annoyance, but there’s no reason to be alarmed or fearful.

Hope it works out for you.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Users with female sounding names who appear “online now” are typically bombarded with these PMs. I would highly suggest going into User CP options and setting your account to use “invisible mode.” It will not eliminate them but it will greatly reduce the frequency.

 

[SandraJones]

When I first started posting stories, I got bombarded with PMs looking for some form of sexual interaction. The ones who seemed pleasant I replied politely to, saying in effect you seem nice, but I’m in a committed relationship and have a policy of not engaging in PMs. Those who seemed creepy I just blocked. It stopped in fairly short order.

I’ve seen people say in their signature blocks that they aren’t interested in unsolicited PMs.

In any case, remember that they don’t know who you really are, where you live or what you look like. It’s an annoyance, but there’s no reason to be alarmed or fearful.

Hope it works out for you.

You are exactly right. Yes, it is an annoyance, but as you said, they don't know who I really am or where I live, and I'm not about to volunteer that information blindly to someone on the other side of my screen. Thank you for that.

 

[SandraJones]

Users with female sounding names who appear “online now” are typically bombarded with these PMs. I would highly suggest going into User CP options and setting your account to use “invisible mode.” It will not eliminate them but it will greatly reduce the frequency.

I did go in and find and turn on the invisible mode. I appreciate you telling me about that. If this helps as you describe it, that will be much better. I can handle a few messages here and there just fine much better than the flood I've been receiving. Thank you for this.

 

[KristaK]

I was going to suggest the ‘invisible’ option as well. That orange ‘online now’ next to a potentially female name is like throwing chum into pervshark infested waters.

Responses are not required. Sometimes we women are conditioned to be ‘nice’ and to not want to hurt anyone’s feelings, ever. To our own detriment occasionally. You’ll find over the next few months that many of the same men will send you the same exact intro message again and again. You’ll also get incredibly vulgar messages. There are some good guys here, but there are also a LOT of jerks. Don’t ever feel bad about not spending your day responding to a passel of perverts that don’t care anything about you other than that you potentially have the magical combination of a vagina and a pulse.

I typically only respond if there’s a valid reason to. If someone takes the time to create a coherent paragraph regarding something specific about me, I try to be at least polite. Sometimes that turns into an extended conversation, sometimes it doesn’t. But we are under zero obligation to spend our days nurturing the egos of random men on a porn site. Feel free to delete away.

 

[safensane]

Sorry to hear

I would like anyone's input on how you manage the PMs that you get. I'm at a loss as to how to control them. I've been a member for a week as of today with three posts (this will be my fourth) and my PM count has just topped 80.

I apparently broke a cardinal rule and made my first posting in the personals. It wasn't even my thread; it belonged to another newbie like myself, and I saw no harm in welcoming him. That started the flood that has not abated.

I made two other posts relating to it in the Playground, and from the responses I received, this appears to be normal behaviour for a number of men on Lit. That led me to realize that I broke another rule here, that I'm easily identifiable as female. And though no one came out and said it, the impression I received was that this is the way it is, and you just have to deal with it.

So I made the decision to shut off my messages, so that will stop the flow. But even though that stops the incoming unsolicited messages, it seems a radical thing to do. I mean, I'm certain there are many more nice and decent guys on here than not. But shutting my messages off also shuts off maybe a nice conversation with a guy I might like.

So how do people balance it? Do you just delete and move on? Do you respond and say not to bother me? I'm really at a loss as to how to deal with it. I belong to a number of other forums online, and I don't hide my gender on any of them, yet the level of harassment from the multiple PM I've received here doesn't exist on the other sites that I frequent.

Any input and opinions would be greatly appreciated, as I honestly don't know how to handle it.

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. As a male, father of two grown women, and grandfather of three young women, I truly resent obnoxious men that prey on females as though they (the men) believe they are God's sexual gift to all females! I'm also new to Lit, but haven't been besieged like you... probably because I'm male.

If this was a humorous situation, this would be a good place to insert that all horny women are welcome to PM me, but, I don't see humor in what you're having to endure.

In all seriousness, I enjoy reading all the stories, and am just getting 'my feet wet' in the forums. I know of no other venue where I can find female authors like here. I personally have a ton of respect for their writing skills, their perspective, and their willingness to share. I have sent unsolicited PM's to both males, and females, whose posts have interested me... but, strictly for intellectual reasons, NOT sexual. Please don't be discouraged.

 

[jaF0]

So I made the decision to shut off my messages, so that will stop the flow. But even though that stops the incoming unsolicited messages, it seems a radical thing to do. I mean, I'm certain there are many more nice and decent guys on here than not. But shutting my messages off also shuts off maybe a nice conversation with a guy I might like.

I did that years ago. Never looked back. You can selectively enable messaging from members on your Friends list:

You may limit the receipt of private messages to just moderators and those on your buddy list. Other members who attempt to send messages to you will be told that you have disabled private messaging.
Receive Private Messages only from Buddies and Moderators

 

[SandraJones]

I was going to suggest the ‘invisible’ option as well. That orange ‘online now’ next to a potentially female name is like throwing chum into pervshark infested waters.

Responses are not required. Sometimes we women are conditioned to be ‘nice’ and to not want to hurt anyone’s feelings, ever. To our own detriment occasionally. You’ll find over the next few months that many of the same men will send you the same exact intro message again and again. You’ll also get incredibly vulgar messages. There are some good guys here, but there are also a LOT of jerks. Don’t ever feel bad about not spending your day responding to a passel of perverts that don’t care anything about you other than that you potentially have the magical combination of a vagina and a pulse.

I typically only respond if there’s a valid reason to. If someone takes the time to create a coherent paragraph regarding something specific about me, I try to be at least polite. Sometimes that turns into an extended conversation, sometimes it doesn’t. But we are under zero obligation to spend our days nurturing the egos of random men on a porn site. Feel free to delete away.

I also like to be polite. I try not to indulge in name-calling or throwing insults. I can short with people, I do admit that, especially when my inbox exploded. And I have gotten vulgar messages, and some that are downright disturbing.

I do like your method of responding only if someone writes a specific message to me about me. I could easily respond to something like that. Thank you for that, I really appreciate it.

 

[SandraJones]

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. As a male, father of two grown women, and grandfather of three young women, I truly resent obnoxious men that prey on females as though they (the men) believe they are God's sexual gift to all females! I'm also new to Lit, but haven't been besieged like you... probably because I'm male.

If this was a humorous situation, this would be a good place to insert that all horny women are welcome to PM me, but, I don't see humor in what you're having to endure.

In all seriousness, I enjoy reading all the stories, and am just getting 'my feet wet' in the forums. I know of no other venue where I can find female authors like here. I personally have a ton of respect for their writing skills, their perspective, and their willingness to share. I have sent unsolicited PM's to both males, and females, whose posts have interested me... but, strictly for intellectual reasons, NOT sexual. Please don't be discouraged.

You have no need to apologize as you weren't among the many who PMd me.

I admit I did get discouraged, mainly because I was used to other forums I belong to, and had no idea whatsoever that the experience would be much different here. Perhaps I was a bit naive coming into a site that caters to sexuality, which can make some become more aggressive than others. I don't see humour in what I've experienced, but I do feel a bit better about it, and I think I can proceed and actually participate and enjoy the site.

 

[SandraJones]

I did that years ago. Never looked back. You can selectively enable messaging from members on your Friends list:

I think I might set up a friend list and allow selective messaging, once I actually begin to interact with people here. Thank you for this.

 

[safensane]

Sorry to hear

I would like anyone's input on how you manage the PMs that you get. I'm at a loss as to how to control them. I've been a member for a week as of today with three posts (this will be my fourth) and my PM count has just topped 80.

I apparently broke a cardinal rule and made my first posting in the personals. It wasn't even my thread; it belonged to another newbie like myself, and I saw no harm in welcoming him. That started the flood that has not abated.

I made two other posts relating to it in the Playground, and from the responses I received, this appears to be normal behaviour for a number of men on Lit. That led me to realize that I broke another rule here, that I'm easily identifiable as female. And though no one came out and said it, the impression I received was that this is the way it is, and you just have to deal with it.

So I made the decision to shut off my messages, so that will stop the flow. But even though that stops the incoming unsolicited messages, it seems a radical thing to do. I mean, I'm certain there are many more nice and decent guys on here than not. But shutting my messages off also shuts off maybe a nice conversation with a guy I might like.

So how do people balance it? Do you just delete and move on? Do you respond and say not to bother me? I'm really at a loss as to how to deal with it. I belong to a number of other forums online, and I don't hide my gender on any of them, yet the level of harassment from the multiple PM I've received here doesn't exist on the other sites that I frequent.

Any input and opinions would be greatly appreciated, as I honestly don't know how to handle it.

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. As a male, father of two grown women, and grandfather of three young women, I truly resent obnoxious men that prey on females as though they (the men) believe they are God's sexual gift to all females! I'm also new to Lit, but haven't been besieged like you... probably because I'm male.

If this was a humorous situation, this would be a good place to insert that all horny women are welcome to PM me, but, I don't see humor in what you're having to endure.

In all seriousness, I enjoy reading all the stories, and am just getting 'my feet wet' in the forums. I know of no other venue where I can find female authors like here. I personally have a ton of respect for their writing skills, their perspective, and their willingness to share. I have sent unsolicited PM's to both males, and females, whose posts have interested me... but, strictly for intellectual reasons, NOT sexual. Please don't be discouraged.

 

[Jada59]

As you can see in my sig. line, I don't mind PMs. I don't get nearly as many as I used to. I do try to reply to everyone unless it's obvious spam type ad. The PM's I get are usually nice.

You can always turn off your PMs. Or you can put something in your sig. line spelling out what kind of PMs are okay to send to you, or what you are looking for or not looking for or...you get the picture.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Yeah, men are pigs. Especially, on a porn site. But, then again, some of us are really nice and would never send you an unsolicited PM. Yes, you won't be hearing from me via a PM.

And if I can't say what I want here, why would I put it in a PM?

It's is too bad there are so many pigs hanging around here. Good luck and welcome to the mad house.

 

[brightsmile]

I would like anyone's input on how you manage the PMs that you get. I'm at a loss as to how to control them. I've been a member for a week as of today with three posts (this will be my fourth) and my PM count has just topped 80.

I apparently broke a cardinal rule and made my first posting in the personals. It wasn't even my thread; it belonged to another newbie like myself, and I saw no harm in welcoming him. That started the flood that has not abated.

I made two other posts relating to it in the Playground, and from the responses I received, this appears to be normal behaviour for a number of men on Lit. That led me to realize that I broke another rule here, that I'm easily identifiable as female. And though no one came out and said it, the impression I received was that this is the way it is, and you just have to deal with it.

So I made the decision to shut off my messages, so that will stop the flow. But even though that stops the incoming unsolicited messages, it seems a radical thing to do. I mean, I'm certain there are many more nice and decent guys on here than not. But shutting my messages off also shuts off maybe a nice conversation with a guy I might like.

So how do people balance it? Do you just delete and move on? Do you respond and say not to bother me? I'm really at a loss as to how to deal with it. I belong to a number of other forums online, and I don't hide my gender on any of them, yet the level of harassment from the multiple PM I've received here doesn't exist on the other sites that I frequent.

Any input and opinions would be greatly appreciated, as I honestly don't know how to handle it.

Yes, the invisible mode does work. The PMs I get are very respectful. Although some men that write me don't want same things I am and try to change my mind...but once I tell them that some things are non-negotiable we part with a kind good luck in what you're looking for. So that is the hard part; finding someone compatible and making what you want from literotica clear in your signature so that most PMs are welcomed.

 

[SandraJones]

As you can see in my sig. line, I don't mind PMs. I don't get nearly as many as I used to. I do try to reply to everyone unless it's obvious spam type ad. The PM's I get are usually nice.

You can always turn off your PMs. Or you can put something in your sig. line spelling out what kind of PMs are okay to send to you, or what you are looking for or not looking for or...you get the picture.

I tried at first to replying to everyone, but the number of messages I started getting became too many for me to handle. I still have my PMs off right now. I want to turn them back on as I don't want to cut myself off completely from everyone.

That is a good idea about putting the types of PMs I'm open to in my signature line. I think that would work out. Thank you for your advice.

 

[Plane_Guy]

I delete the ones that don't look interesting.

 

[SandraJones]

Yeah, men are pigs. Especially, on a porn site. But, then again, some of us are really nice and would never send you an unsolicited PM. Yes, you won't be hearing from me via a PM.

And if I can't say what I want here, why would I put it in a PM?

It's is too bad there are so many pigs hanging around here. Good luck and welcome to the mad house.

I'm sure that there are many more nice guys like yourself as opposed to the "pigs" on here. I look forward to meeting more of them (the nice guys).

 

[SandraJones]

Yes, the invisible mode does work. The PMs I get are very respectful. Although some men that write me don't want same things I am and try to change my mind...but once I tell them that some things are non-negotiable we part with a kind good luck in what you're looking for. So that is the hard part; finding someone compatible and making what you want from literotica clear in your signature so that most PMs are welcomed.

That's good advice. I'll definitely spell out what I want in my signature. Thank you.

 

[TheShez]

I thoroughly apologise for my half of the species. I am by no means perfect and obviously never will be. I do pursue it daily. I always try to get what I want to say across in a considered fashion and always think before I post.
I once posted my opinion on here about my love of women who embrace their natural hair and quickly got hammered. I was called a racist on the thread and some very creative things via PM. By what I believe were all men, it can be hard to tell.
I love the personal contact the forum allows and I love a considered conversation.
I also love to give compliments. I will always speak the way I see it. If anyone has ever been offended by myself I am truly sorry.

 

[Loveitdady]

I did go in and find and turn on the invisible mode. I appreciate you telling me about that. If this helps as you describe it, that will be much better. I can handle a few messages here and there just fine much better than the flood I've been receiving. Thank you for this.

Hope you read this and add me..

Jim

 

[SandraJones]

I thoroughly apologise for my half of the species. I am by no means perfect and obviously never will be. I do pursue it daily. I always try to get what I want to say across in a considered fashion and always think before I post.
I once posted my opinion on here about my love of women who embrace their natural hair and quickly got hammered. I was called a racist on the thread and some very creative things via PM. By what I believe were all men, it can be hard to tell.
I love the personal contact the forum allows and I love a considered conversation.
I also love to give compliments. I will always speak the way I see it. If anyone has ever been offended by myself I am truly sorry.

You don't have to apologize. I don't blame all men as that wouldn't be fair. The more that I've thought about and the more I've read, I'm sure it's a minority of the men here that are very rambunctious and more forward than I would prefer. But they are a very vocal and active minority.

I agree with you on the personal contact of a forum. I participate in other forums online, and I enjoy having one-on-one conversations with users in those places and they've been pleasurable and beneficial for all. Once I'm confident of my path forward here, I'm sure that will be repeated here as well.

 

[Lily Peg]

You're fortunate or not!

You don't have to apologize. I don't blame all men as that wouldn't be fair. The more that I've thought about and the more I've read, I'm sure it's a minority of the men here that are very rambunctious and more forward than I would prefer. But they are a very vocal and active minority.

I agree with you on the personal contact of a forum. I participate in other forums online, and I enjoy having one-on-one conversations with users in those places and they've been pleasurable and beneficial for all. Once I'm confident of my path forward here, I'm sure that will be repeated here as well.

Well I receive few PMs and when I do they're not always so great either. Some folk on here seem to think that they can say what they like and expect a free show. Need to learn respect I think is in order!
Cheers

 

[SandraJones]

Well I receive few PMs and when I do they're not always so great either. Some folk on here seem to think that they can say what they like and expect a free show. Need to learn respect I think is in order!
Cheers

That's true. People do need to respect others, and there is a segment on here that either hasn't learned respect, or doesn't appear to care, sad to say.

 

[Bramblethorn]

You can also use the ignore function to block specific users. If they're just sending hot and horny wannafuck PMs that you haven't asked for, you should feel no compunction about ignoring them without a reply. Some dudes literally copy-and-paste the same message to anybody with a female-looking profile You owe them nothing.