How Do You Manage Unsolicited PMs?

[Zeb_Carter]

It's too bad you can redirect them to a universal spam folder on the site the gets cleared every day.

 

[htester]

Women new to the site typically receive the most unsolicited responses. The longer you're here, the less that will happen.

Some dudes are attracted to female newbies as they haven't had a chance to figure out lit, have possibly not figured out their likes/boundaries, messages to ignore and don't know 'who to avoid.' Also, female newbies are possibly slightly more open with their thoughts. When I first joined up, I was fairly explicit and chatted with more folk, and now I'm more careful.

A couple suggestions:

• Complete your profile/signature to indicate what you're open to. That typically causes some men to self-select out.
• If you are older or married (or both), provide that information (in a vague manner), sometimes that also decreases the pings.
• The more you post, the more people get a feel for you and what you are open to/not open to - which again leads to guys opting out.
• Consider creating a new login name to a less obviously female one (before you get too tied to this one).
• You can also just reach out to guys you notice on the boards who interest you.
• If someone sends a rude message, it's ok to not respond.
• Consider opening up to unsolicited emails in a couple weeks/months once things have calmed down.

Finally, the other suggestions provided in the board are spot on (you might need to go incognito or use a buddy list) until you've been on the site a while. Although it's stressfully overwhelming, being a newbie, feel free to enjoy that 'new girl at the ball' feeling.

So, take some time to go through the posts you received, you don't need to respond immediately or at all. It's OK. People understand. It's OK if you're safe/cautious. Don't let people bully you out of that. If you meet someone you connect with during these initial weeks who fits your parameters, good luck. If you ever need other help and the moderators can't assist, we're here.

I would like anyone's input on how you manage the PMs that you get. I'm at a loss as to how to control them. I've been a member for a week as of today with three posts (this will be my fourth) and my PM count has just topped 80.
...

So I made the decision to shut off my messages, so that will stop the flow. But even though that stops the incoming unsolicited messages, it seems a radical thing to do. I mean, I'm certain there are many more nice and decent guys on here than not. But shutting my messages off also shuts off maybe a nice conversation with a guy I might like.

So how do people balance it? Do you just delete and move on? Do you respond and say not to bother me? I'm really at a loss as to how to deal with it. I belong to a number of other forums online, and I don't hide my gender on any of them, yet the level of harassment from the multiple PM I've received here doesn't exist on the other sites that I frequent.

Any input and opinions would be greatly appreciated, as I honestly don't know how to handle it.

 

[50PlusCat]

I decided to turn my PMs off until I get braver and want to start dealing with them. I'm not worried about being visible at the moment. I'll make changes once I've spent more time here.

I turned my PMs on yesterday, as it was becoming a limitation to interacting between myself and certain other members. And I'll leave them on for the foreseeable future. I did also receive quite a few "unsolicited" PMs, and tI'll hat's find, as it is a good way to meet other people that I might not run into in various threads. What did annoy me were the number of PMs where the person only said "Hi" or "Let's chat" or variations on those. And I'm thinking to myself: where to I go from this? Yeah, I can say "hi" back, but I can do that to someone walking down the street. I updated my signature to kind of clarify so that perhaps the persons sending the PMs will think out what they're going to message to me (and others) a little bit more. I'll see who that goes and give a future update

 

[fma20fma]

hi

reply if you like to, or just ignore.

 

[50PlusCat]

reply if you like to, or just ignore.

And I'm taking your advice, which I really appreciate

 

[fma20fma]

hi

And I'm taking your advice, which I really appreciate

thanks for your post.

 

[50PlusCat]

thanks for your post.

You're welcome!

I also found that turning on invisible mode dropped the number of PMs I was getting. Now it's much more manageable

 

[kissedcherry]

Real life and Literotica

It really is no different than what happens in real life. Most men are not getting enough sex and go through life hunting and hoping to score. So here it is a little more focused because guys on Literotica are more likely to be very interested in sex and they know that girls on Literotica are not prudes.

So, it happens to me but I don't care. My inbox gets flooded and I read and delete any that I don't like. If they don't hear back they usually don't keep writing.

But I agree that shutting of your PM is extreme because that blocks meaningful comments from interesting people. There are both kinds here.

 

[Robinhood11]

As a male newcomer to lit this was an informative thread I saw pop up today. I found the site through the pandemic and the long hours working and being stuck at home. Naturally I hope to find some threads that tickle my fancy to participate in. However at the same time would ideally in time find some connections where would want to chat 1 on 1 beyond the threads.

With that I'm very aware of my reputation and not want to impact that through unwanted intrusions. Likewise I feel challenged by inability of the profile page to work to feel like my story is out there.

All in all I'm happy to receive PMs and yet will be cautious when sending. I can't promise I'll never send unsolicited but I won't be "that guy"!

 

[50PlusCat]

As a male newcomer to lit this was an informative thread I saw pop up today. I found the site through the pandemic and the long hours working and being stuck at home. Naturally I hope to find some threads that tickle my fancy to participate in. However at the same time would ideally in time find some connections where would want to chat 1 on 1 beyond the threads.

With that I'm very aware of my reputation and not want to impact that through unwanted intrusions. Likewise I feel challenged by inability of the profile page to work to feel like my story is out there.

All in all I'm happy to receive PMs and yet will be cautious when sending. I can't promise I'll never send unsolicited but I won't be "that guy"!

I wouldn't want to classify most of the PMs I get as "unwanted intrusions". Most I get are actually friendly and a pleasure to read. I do appreciate ones where the correspondent writes something more than a brief greeting. As my signature indicates, people can do that in a thread, so why not? Also I don't appreciate PMs that are just guys fishing for quick sexual gratification. Yes, it's a sex site, but some of the messages I've gotten are blatantly sexual. Those I don't respond to and delete. Even though I still consider myself a newbie, I'm a quick study and this thread has been extremely helpful in learning the ins and outs of PMs.

One suggestion to you Robinhood: yes, the profile doesn't work, but you can use your signature to put in what information you'd like other Lit members to see, like I and others have.

Oh, and you and I have already chatted, and I don't consider you as "that guy"

 

[HayleyLuvsSex]

I’m just quick with the block button. It’s really all you can do.

 

[Robinhood11]

I’m just quick with the block button. It’s really all you can do.

I'd say that's anything but a cock block!