~ Honey's Blanket Fort Of Bliss 2 ~

[barefootgirl69]

I love you too. I'm sorry I'm turtling.

Don't be. Do whatever you need to do to get through this. I'll be here always.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Let me know if I can rub your back or bring you a heating pad or anything.

Honestly, that would be fantastic. Sore in body and soul right now; can't do much for the soul but I ought to look after the body at least.

(Probably gonna book myself in for a professional massage later today, though I may have to tell them to be gentle.)

 

[cookiecat]

 

[cookiecat]

going through cookiecat archives, trying to find a comfy comforting blissful fort type thing --

 

[cookiecat]

and i found these gems - seemed like a good time and place to leave them

 

[cookiecat]

sometimes this feels like it fits

ahahaha! my new guy asked what I'm doing. ummm - ok. I have 10,000 pictures saved because I LOVE them and have this thread that makes me insanely happy called glitter - it's on a porn board - and, oh yeah, the banana one, too. So anywyas, I've just spent an hour looking through all these pics because they make me super happy and I'm trying to find Honey the perfect hug picture.....

Nope. No. I just told him I'm looking at porn.

I'll just leave this - it's the last thing I looked at

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Thank you for being here, everyone.

Overall, I'm much better than I was a couple of years ago. Lots of growth, lots of progress. Just going through a dip right now. Growing pains.

This week has been full. Challenges that make me question my ability and my worth. As a mother, as a leader at work, as a woman. I know in my head that this will pass, I just feel messy right now. Ragged, raw, and weary.

When my kids are having a hard time with life, they come into my room and lie down on my bed and cry or talk or just sleep. I like to think that they find some comfort here, next to me. I sometimes wish there was someone whose bed I could go lie down on, someone to stroke my hair and rub my back and kiss my face and tell me that I'm doing a good job and that everything will be okay. But there isn't. Most of the time, I'm fine without it. But sometimes it's hard.

I'm listening to Peter Gabriel's later version of In Your Eyes, recorded live. It's like eleven minutes long, and he is older and stocky and balding, with a gray goatee. Super sexy. But it's his voice that I love, soft and thick and fuzzy. Comforting.

cookie, your pics are always the best.

 

[Bramblethorn]

I'm listening to Peter Gabriel's later version of In Your Eyes, recorded live. It's like eleven minutes long, and he is older and stocky and balding, with a gray goatee. Super sexy. But it's his voice that I love, soft and thick and fuzzy. Comforting.

cookie, your pics are always the best.

PG is comfort music for me. Washing Of The Water, I Grieve, Signal To Noise, Blood Of Eden, Mercy Street, Secret World, the Last Temptation of Christ soundtrack - I pretty much only listen to these when I'm hurting badly, and they help me settle a little.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

PG is comfort music for me. Washing Of The Water, I Grieve, Signal To Noise, Blood Of Eden, Mercy Street, Secret World, the Last Temptation of Christ soundtrack - I pretty much only listen to these when I'm hurting badly, and they help me settle a little.

I'm going to listen to those right now. . Thank you.

 

[cookiecat]

I've been feeling messy this week. My heart is restless and unsettled. It's been running from the truth.

Today i figured out that I had been trying to leapfrog over the healing process without allowing myself to feel the pain and do the grieving. You can imagine how well that's been going.

I've gotten good at holding my stuff in. I need a bossy top who can trigger me into letting it out lol.

Thank you for being here, everyone.

Overall, I'm much better than I was a couple of years ago. Lots of growth, lots of progress. Just going through a dip right now. Growing pains.

This week has been full. Challenges that make me question my ability and my worth. As a mother, as a leader at work, as a woman. I know in my head that this will pass, I just feel messy right now. Ragged, raw, and weary.

When my kids are having a hard time with life, they come into my room and lie down on my bed and cry or talk or just sleep. I like to think that they find some comfort here, next to me. I sometimes wish there was someone whose bed I could go lie down on, someone to stroke my hair and rub my back and kiss my face and tell me that I'm doing a good job and that everything will be okay. But there isn't. Most of the time, I'm fine without it. But sometimes it's hard.

I'm listening to Peter Gabriel's later version of In Your Eyes, recorded live. It's like eleven minutes long, and he is older and stocky and balding, with a gray goatee. Super sexy. But it's his voice that I love, soft and thick and fuzzy. Comforting.

cookie, your pics are always the best.

This thread, bananas, glitter, and Shank’s are where I feel the most me.
*holds Hiney’s hand*

I have this new guy, this new relationship - which is great. The discovery part. Taking all the lessons learned from time with Mr. cookie and actually doing the work this time. It's pretty good.

This thread and these last few posts especially reminded me how much I'm missing something. I haven't been sure what. I've been really melancholy as of late. Not depressed, although it's felt heavy like that. I think it's missing friendship. My girls. My squad at home. Here. Fara. Checking in here. Glitter.

I've been so busy with what's in front of me I haven't made time for things far away that make me happy, the things and people that bring me peace.

 

[gracie920101]

Uh...I have no blanket fort offerings, just a straightforward all encompassing hug for you.

 

[barefootgirl69]

Bringing my book and hiding away in the corner.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Rough weekend, emotionally. My own doing. But good opportunity to do some soul-searching and reevaluate how I'm spending my time, my energy, and where I have some cleaning up to do.

Discipline isn't my strong suit. I can see that I've gotten into a habit of doing the easy thing and then making up for it by being extra hard on myself when I have to pay the piper later on. What a waste of energy! And not great for my soul. Time to fix that.

The other thing I noticed is that, while I'm aware that I'm 'highly sensitive' (I wish that didn't sound so condescending), I haven't done a great job of developing tools to help me manage it as well as I could. I don't always see a potential issue before it whacks me upside the head, and by then it's almost invariably too late for me to deal with it internally without it spilling over and affecting the people around me.

I've experienced a lot of shame over my sensitivity. I blush easily, I struggle with anxiety, I'm verbally clumsy when I'm feeling self-conscious, I get overwhelmed, I cry easily, I sometimes overreact, I withdraw when I'm overstimulated. It's exhausting and can be embarrassing and sometimes it's hard to see any upside. I've worked at developing a thicker skin and learning to take a breath and reset before reacting and I've seen some improvement, but there is room for more.

Why didn't I learn these things as a child? I guess my parents didn't know them, or didn't know how to teach them. Am I doing any better with my kids? I don't know.

I'm tired. Going through lots of transition. Experiencing some loss in a couple of big areas. But I am getting up every day and making myself Do Hard Things, and so I have hope.

I think this is going to be the year of the big life makeover.

 

[gracie920101]

Honey, I'm sorry you're having such a rough time. I could mouth platitudes all day long but I know that provides little comfort to you. However, it sounds like you're doing the right things. You identified the issues and now you get to do the hard part, making those changes so Life won't catch you unaware and slap you around. I'll sit on the sideline and be your cheering section but it's all on you. You can do this.

PS Your kids will always know mom loves them even if you don't feel that you are raising them the way the experts say you should. Fuck the experts!