Girlfriend never orgasmed before

[suckonsimon]

This is kind of why I've never really worried about her interest before, she's always been pretty easy to get going and certainly melts with my hands on her skin just about anywhere.

Had a bit of a chat about it to her last night, though she was extremely tired after a long day so may of fallen asleep mid sentence, but she pretty firmly cemented that her desire is there and not only is it quite intense it's matched by her curiosity level about everything. That being said, she did mention it's evenly weighed out with her fears about it all. Not really something I didn't already know, it's why I'm very carefully and slowly making sure she's completely comfortable with me in every aspect, and she's certainly enjoyed it all

CA, you prompt me to make a simple comparison: my first abseil. I had to face the technical challenge of emerging from this tiny opening near the top of a church tower as well as the fact of being on a very long vertical face for the first time in my life. The desire, the curiosity, and the fear were all three vying with each other and that is exactly what made it a fabulous experience. Together with the fact that I totally trusted the guy who was guiding me!

Seems to me that your gal has all that going for her. In bucket loads. Utterly delicious times ahead of you my friend!

 

[shiny5437]

Sometimes there can be so much concentration on the physical aspects of sexual pleasure, that we forget that our minds are the biggest erogenous zones of all.

When I'm stressed, or when I've got a lot on my mind, it can be really tough for me to orgasm. In times like that, I certainly identify with your girlfriend's sentiment of finding the whole process to be too much work. By contrast, when I'm in the middle of a hot fantasy, I find it much easier to go with the feeling and just let it happen, rather than being so goal oriented. In an odd way, it helps to remove that self imposed pressure.

This reminded me of some research on female orgasm done in fMRI machines. Apparently the frontal lobes need to shut down or something before women can orgasm. Please correct me if I'm sketchy on the details. Just makes you wonder whether we should pay more attention to the neurobiology of it all rather than just the anatomy of all the gential bits and bobs.

 

[GrrlFriday]

I've seen a metaphor with a pair of scales - one side with all the reasons to have sex, and one with the reasons not to have sex. ( http://www.ohjoysextoy.com/scienceofdesire/ ) Apparently lightening the 'no' side is more important than adding more to the 'go' side. A lot of the work of lightening the 'no' side is stuff she's got to do for herself, but having your support could be really helpful in that.

 

[Cumference]

It is funny.

I do not know anyone who "saved themselves for the wedding".
Around here, only religious fanatics believe in that one.

My honest opinion: You have no way of knowing if you're sexually compatible.
Live together for a few years, then marry (because it makes the legal parts easier) before you start the breeding project.

You want to stay together until death do you part..... But you would not buy a car after having just admired the painting and fondling the steering wheel?


I'm an old cynic, sorry.

 

[suckonsimon]

How do you do, Cumference. I saved myself for my wedding. OK 38 years ago it was not so unusual.

But here's the thing: We've had 38 years of hugely satisfying sex life for the both of us and it continues. I really do believe a significant part of the reason for that is the intensity of our bodily enjoyment without penetrative sex for the 15 months of our going out and engagement. I'd go so far as to say that we 'knew' each other more intimately that many who get shagging really early on in a relationship. I'm not knocking that! Each to their own! But, please, I ask for an appreciation that sexually satisfying marriage can begin with a couple 'saving themselves' and thus having an extraordinarily delicious discovery of each others' arousal and pleasure and sexual sensitivities to a degree more profound than - I fear - some relationships which jumped straight in, ever achieve.

Just my take on the basis of my experience and talking with others over the years. On the basis of what CA our OP is saying on this thread, I have every confidence that they can make an excellent match with no end of pleasure together, without any need to test out the penetrative sex thing before they tie the knot.

 

[Cumference]

You were lucky, you succeded.

That is great!


I never said that it could not be done.
I'm also sure that there are lots of people who live happy lives in marriages that have been arranged for them by their family.


And if both are virgins when married, they will have the best sex imaginable.... No matter what it is. Simply because there is nothing to compare with.
That is smart!

 

[ChopadusAzarius]

It's funny, I never thought I'd actually be in the situation where I'd need to make the decision about waiting, I kind of never really cared about it as much as most people do, but I think that comes down to the girlfriends I've had over the years. Obviously there's been a pretty serious lack of interest in them.

But when the right girl has come into the mix, it hasn't even crossed my mind, as soon as she mentioned it I had decided that she was going to be the one who was worth the wait, and she is.

Lack of sexual experience isn't something that has worried me either, I know that she has the interest and desire to please me and in my explorations of her I've slowly discovered a lot about her and how she feels.

As Simon mentioned, trust is the big thing and it's something that I can personally say I've never had as much of on either side of the relationship, so when the time comes I know it will be something that I can help her discover to the full extent, having a lot of fun on the way.


After seeing everything that people have written, and doing plenty more research, I realise that my initial fears aren't really anything I need to worry about, there's nothing wrong with the fact that she hasn't explored that side of things, as long as I know that she definite does want to one day ~with me~, which she does. Certainly exciting times ahead

 

[subwannabe]

It is rare indeed in this day and age. I would argue that most (not 100%) who have saved it for marriage do not hold up the sexual aspect of a relationship as being a top priority. While this is perfectly fine for some (let me stereotype here) but, if the guy is interested in the sexual aspect of the relationship as being a top priority and the woman is not, then this might eventually lead to discord or buyer's remorse. I'm just talking in general now and not specifically about the OP.

I don't think my statement applies though to those who have engaged in all kinds of sexual activity before marriage but have saved the penetration aspect for post marriage. Obviously these people actually do have the sexual aspect of their relationship as a top priority. But, I personally think these kinds of people are fooling themselves and others if they think they have saved themselves for marriage. That's really playing loose with the facts. It seems to me that anyone who has engaged in BJ's, anal sex, and everything else under the sun hasn't really saved much of anything. It's like Bill Clinon saying, "I did not have sex with that woman". Well, yeah , you did.

 

[pinup79]

Waiting

I didn't wait for marriage, but I did have my first orgasm with my husband. (We met when we were young) It may not happen the first night, but who cares? You have your whole life to figure it out. Then, once she sees how good it feels, make you she knows that you are totally fine with her learning how to get herself off. In fact, tell her how much you love it and to tell you about it after she does it. My husband loves that. It's okay to take it slowly after marriage. Enjoy all the new!!

 

[Apple_of_Eden]

then

It was an excellent and most loving post suckonsimon. It was an intimate and honest sharing with a young man who is asking for some serious input and insight into his relationship and your post provided a first-hand account. Thank you for sharing.

Acceptance is the key whether it is a he, she, or we situation. You provided supportive qualitative data and added personal experience and knowledge, not everyone would be so willing to share.

so it is all about you?

NightL, most certainly not. Her delight is to be pleasured by her man, to have the pleasure of orgasm in the context of shared joy and relationship. So it's about her and about us, and, yes, about me in the sense that I value the pleasure of pleasuring her more than I can say. Is that fair answer?

Or have I missed what you are suggesting? I do believe you have missed where I am 'coming from' in the post you have quoted; My contribution is really all about Azarius and his question and his hopes for their future.[/QUOTE]

 

[Apple_of_Eden]

It's funny, I never thought I'd actually be in the situation where I'd need to make the decision about waiting, I kind of never really cared about it as much as most people do, but I think that comes down to the girlfriends I've had over the years. Obviously there's been a pretty serious lack of interest in them.

But when the right girl has come into the mix, it hasn't even crossed my mind, as soon as she mentioned it I had decided that she was going to be the one who was worth the wait, and she is.

Lack of sexual experience isn't something that has worried me either, I know that she has the interest and desire to please me and in my explorations of her I've slowly discovered a lot about her and how she feels.

As Simon mentioned, trust is the big thing and it's something that I can personally say I've never had as much of on either side of the relationship, so when the time comes I know it will be something that I can help her discover to the full extent, having a lot of fun on the way.


After seeing everything that people have written, and doing plenty more research, I realise that my initial fears aren't really anything I need to worry about, there's nothing wrong with the fact that she hasn't explored that side of things, as long as I know that she definite does want to one day ~with me~, which she does. Certainly exciting times ahead

Azarius, the fact that you asked such a personal question, in such a thoughtful manner, makes me think you will be fine. From everything you have said about your young woman, she sounds loving, caring, sharing, and yes, sexual. The fact she hasn't been sexually active or had an orgasm is not as rare as you might think. It is much more common than many people here may be willing to admit.

However, I don't think/feel that you need too much more information. (although knowledge is a wonderful thing) You seem to be a loving and caring young man. It appears, from what you've shared, that you care greatly and love this young woman, and she you. Be patient with each other, share your thoughts, desires, feelings, etc. When the two of you share intercourse, it will be 'special and loving' in it's own unique way. As you learn each other's bodies better, and share more intellectually, emotionally, psychologically, and physically, you will find how wonderful you can and will be as a couple.

Just remember, "the mind is aroused before the body is aware." Arouse her in every manner possible before you even think of the goal line.

Enjoy the journey~! Best wishes for a happy, healthy, and long lasting life together.

 

[ChopadusAzarius]

Thanks for your kind words AoE, certainly appreciated

 

[dondd]

I don't think my statement applies though to those who have engaged in all kinds of sexual activity before marriage but have saved the penetration aspect for post marriage. Obviously these people actually do have the sexual aspect of their relationship as a top priority. But, I personally think these kinds of people are fooling themselves and others if they think they have saved themselves for marriage.

Yeah, not much to "save" for the wedding night if the couple engaged in all sorts of sexual activities, "everything....but" penetration.

The "innocent" Christian "virgin" can't really pretend to be so "innocent" if she's let him eat her, if she's gone down on him & allowed him to rub it up against -- but not enter -- her "virginal" pussy.
The feeling of his cum spattering onto her body also removes a lot of her innocence.

Yet, many guys do that with the women they date who are "saving" themselves for marriage.

The trouble with engaging in a lot of "manual sex" (short of actual fucking) is that sometimes, the man doesn't necessarily honor his "promise" to not enter.
Have read many stories here on Lit where the innocent Christian woman lost her virginity in that way.

As she was caught-up with all the passionate feelings the two enjoyed, she doesn't really have any moral resolve to try to block him as he begins to slowly slide his hungry penis into her.
She may even move her hand down & help "guide" him in.

TBH, she doesn't really want to stop him. The time to have tried to stop him was a long time before he began to penetrate her.

It can be a bit painful that way... him entering her without preparing for it, but by that time, her pussy's so wet it just slides in.

Additionally, he's not wearing a condom, which may be a concern but as she's overtaken by all the new sensations his penis gives her, she doesn't worry about the risks of no protection as she "puts-aside" her morality & completely gives herself to him..

 

[dondd]

Hi all!

My girlfriend (soon to be fiance, hopefully) is a virgin and has expressed her desire to wait until marriage for sex, which I'm more than OK with, because frankly she's worth it. However I've just found out that she's never actually brought herself to orgasm, because she finds the process too overwhelming and she's a little shy about it.

I'd take it very slowly with her, the first time you enter her, once she agrees to give herself to you.

As she's an innocent Christian virgin, it's all new to her.
She hasn't given herself to guys, so she's careful, which is good.
More men should desire that in women.

I wouldn't push her into sex but instead, go with her flow.
Start slowly & try to engage in foreplay, easing her into it & trying to go a little farther with each date or encounter.

You may have been with other women & not held so closely to the no-sex-before-marriage rule, but if you're patient, she will see the respect you have for her & may fall in love with you even more.

We've talked about it a fair bit, and I've noted quite a few times that the experts on sex talk about women needing to learn how to get themselves off before they can really experience it properly with a partner, so they know what works for them and what doesn't.. So the fact that she has absolutely no idea has me concerned that.. it might become a stressful issue for her when we get to that night.

It shouldn't become an issue.
Sex takes all of 3-5 minutes, right?

It will be painful for her that first time you penetrate her innocent pussy, but it's painful for all women.
She should get over that & will soon want to engage in more sex.

 

[Conager]

I don't think the OP was looking for your creepy wank-fodder rendition of "advice."

 

[2domeright]

I have never had an orgasm from self love. I've tried but in my 40+ years it's never happened. That's not to say it didn't feel good. It does.
But I have had orgasms thanks to my lover.
So if she's comfortable in her skin and comfortable with you..
Don't worry - enjoy each other and your life together.