Getting my wife there
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fire_breeze
Softly Seductive
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You asked for comments, so here it is: If your wife is happy to have sex with you and does not see her not orgasming as a problem nor thinks that she is missing out, then it's not a problem and it’s most certainly not your problem. Therefore, forget about it and you should just continue enjoy having sex with her without making her not-orgasming an issue.
If you make it about you--and you indicate that it's something that you want, not her, so it is about you and not her--then that's a sure-fire way for her never to reach an orgasm, if she so chooses to explore that route. Instead of asking for techniques or suggestions or trying to ‘get her there’, how about enjoying the experience and moments and what works for the both of you, and if it comes, it comes (pun sort of intended).
By the way, you telling her (or us) that she 'just needs to have her first one' is a bit condescending, a touch mansplaining, and a tad rude. She knows what works for her, not you. She certainly does not need a man, regardless if said man is her husband, tell her what she needs or is missing out. She knows what she needs or wants, and it sounds like she has no problem communicating it with you and trust that she will keep on communicating. Just sayin'.
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jckontharocks
Really Experienced
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Have you tried normal foreplay, Hitachi magic wand, while you finger her G-spot (with lube). She also has to relax not think about it.
Also, dirty talk goes a long way. You feel so good and romantic type, not raunchy shit.
Lady2020
Sleeping Poet
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I can't imagine sex being thought of as great if I couldn't orgasm. I've only known one women who talked abt not being able to orgasm. At the time I thought it was kind of weird that she thought that I would know more about orgasms than she did. (I also couldn't imagine anyone not being able to orgasm). I was around 26 and she was around 50. (She was dating my bf's father). She was distraught. I sensed the issue had more to do with something beyond sharing advice because it sounded like she had tried everything she could think of.
I've experienced one period of time when I couldn't orgasm. I had started taking an anti-depressant. I thought of stopping the AD, which a lot of people do. I faced a choice, stop the AD or continue. I chose to continue and fought like hell for abt a month to orgasm until I finally achieved breakthrough.
I've experienced one period of time when I couldn't orgasm. I had started taking an anti-depressant. I thought of stopping the AD, which a lot of people do. I faced a choice, stop the AD or continue. I chose to continue and fought like hell for abt a month to orgasm until I finally achieved breakthrough.
HumpDayHoratio
Slightly Aged
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Let’s start with the basics. The majority of women (unlike the majority on this forum) don’t or can’t have orgasms from penetrative sex. That will come as a shock to most of Literacracy!
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A quick perusal of the interwebs will set your mind at ease. This was a study from Psychology Today and it’s one of many that address the issue.
My anecdotal observation with my spouse was almost the same. She can’t have orgasms from penetrative sex alone. She didn’t even have an orgasm until after we were married and she had many partners prior to us getting married, so she had a good cross section of experiences. She even told me the other day she didn’t have her first true orgasm until after our first child. So there seems to be many factors that play into this.
As an above poster commented, if you both are having a satisfying sex life without the ”O” then don’t worry too much. She doesn’t seem to care, she doesn’t know what she’s missing (i hope that doesn’t seem too crude), so don’t worry. Just keep doing what you’re doing and maybe throw a curve or two in your routine and maybe you’ll crack the code!
Just be happy that you’re having sex and you both enjoy each other!
.A quick perusal of the interwebs will set your mind at ease. This was a study from Psychology Today and it’s one of many that address the issue.
My anecdotal observation with my spouse was almost the same. She can’t have orgasms from penetrative sex alone. She didn’t even have an orgasm until after we were married and she had many partners prior to us getting married, so she had a good cross section of experiences. She even told me the other day she didn’t have her first true orgasm until after our first child. So there seems to be many factors that play into this.
As an above poster commented, if you both are having a satisfying sex life without the ”O” then don’t worry too much. She doesn’t seem to care, she doesn’t know what she’s missing (i hope that doesn’t seem too crude), so don’t worry. Just keep doing what you’re doing and maybe throw a curve or two in your routine and maybe you’ll crack the code!
Just be happy that you’re having sex and you both enjoy each other!
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HumpDayHoratio
Slightly Aged
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Anti depressants play into this in a huge way. My wife’s experience with not being to cross the line when we were dating and early in our marriage was, she was on an AD’s. They switch off certain neuro-receptors and I’m sure sexual ones get jumbled.
When she switched to natural therapy and stopped taking AD’s is when she was able to orgasm for the first time.
Caseygrl24
Forever Horny
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Finally this tells it like it really is. Why do some men assume they know everything.
Hipshot1554
Literotica Guru
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Sometimes we have to unlearn some of what society has taught us...
I'm actually not assuming I know everything, hence my question. I'm thinking that that first orgasm would be like a breakthrough moment, nothing more. And "mansplaining"? Please. Talk about "assuming"; I'm not telling my wife how to have an orgasm, or that I think that she should, I'd just really like for it to happen - nothing more, and for the most part, I've actually kept that desire to myself. I appreciate the responses from those who took my question in the spirit in which it was presented.
Caseygrl24
Forever Horny
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Right so why is it a problem.
Caseygrl24
Forever Horny
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Understandable. A climax is the ultimate to men and is a problem if not achieved. However for a woman an orgasm is a much more complex accomplishment. Some women can orgasm easily, others not so much but either way it is possible she seems to be satisfied with your sex life. Why ruin a good thing by pressuring her to try to do something that may not come natural to her?
Caseygrl24
Forever Horny
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You asked for suggestions…. If you just want to hear suggestions you agree with then I give up. Good luck.
She may need some specific exercise like Kegel's to first know what to expect. Isolating the internal muscles that contract when she experiences orgasm may help her share with you what she needs to get there. Research Kegel exercise. That being said, if she doesn't see it as a problem, she may view the research as pressure.
Thanks Casey! I appreciated your "suggestions"!
I never pressured her.
Dapperguy
The Egoist
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What? She's never had a fucking orgasm? Fuck me with a Cadbury Flake! What the fuck are you doing wrong? It's always HER fault, isn't it? Fuck off! If a woman cannot orgasm its our fault, always. The macho deniers on this fucking thread can say all they like. It's us, our fault. How the fuck are you fucking her? Have you a pencil cock? If not, what the fuck are you doing. Are you giving her the right vibes? Do you show your overwhelming domination of her? Do you crush her self-fulfilling prophecy of ‘i won't cum, I can't cum?’ Do you tell her that she going to cum like a horny great ape? If not, why not? Fucks sake. Are you one of these puny guys that fuck their women like she was made of ash? Fuck off! Shag the fucking arse off her like she was brothel whore. Don't be fucking gentle with her. Imagine your Atilla the fucking Hun and treat her like she fucking deserves and really wants. Are you soft shit? She’ll love it, she needs it. She’ll orgasm like a fucking tsunami. You'll need a new mattress, if not a new carpet. Believe me, if you fuck like a butterfly, you'll be a butterfly. Get right in there and give her one for me...
LadyElsbeth
Literotica Guru
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As some of the my fellow Litsters stated above, there could many factors that are the cause of your wife not having an orgasm.
1) First and foremost, check in with her to make sure this is even something she is worried about. It sounds like she is very happy with your sex life. Is it possible you are just wanting her to achieve orgasm for your own confidence? I do not mean that in a disrespectful or accusing manner, but it is an honestly asked question. Having a lover put pressure on you to orgasm makes any mental anxiety she may have about it an even bigger issue. Just food for thought....."I won't cum until you do" can be a mood killer for a lot of women.
2) Medication is a huge issue for both male and female sexual satisfaction and ability to perform. Take that into consideration if she is on any pharmaceuticals that have side effects that may hinder her sexual libido and talk to her doctor (with her) about possible alternatives once you have discussed if this is something she even wishes to do.
3) Make sure there is not a physiological issue that is the cause. Believe it or not, had a friend once who had a tilted uterus that caused issues in this department so it is a real possibility. OB/GYN is the best doctor to consult about this issue. Also, endometriosis can cause women to have either painful orgasms or not be able to orgasm at all.
4) If all of the above is covered, then just experiment. Orgasms for women can be dependent on mental vs physical arousal. Share fantasies, find out if dirty talk is her thing, etc. Maybe she really needs to give herself permission to feel as sexy as you obviously see her. Just have patience that as she gains more confidence or learns more of what she desires, it will happen. And if it doesn't, you have a wife who is happy with you and your sex lives now, so definitely count your blessings.
Wishing you and her all the best!!
1) First and foremost, check in with her to make sure this is even something she is worried about. It sounds like she is very happy with your sex life. Is it possible you are just wanting her to achieve orgasm for your own confidence? I do not mean that in a disrespectful or accusing manner, but it is an honestly asked question. Having a lover put pressure on you to orgasm makes any mental anxiety she may have about it an even bigger issue. Just food for thought....."I won't cum until you do" can be a mood killer for a lot of women.
2) Medication is a huge issue for both male and female sexual satisfaction and ability to perform. Take that into consideration if she is on any pharmaceuticals that have side effects that may hinder her sexual libido and talk to her doctor (with her) about possible alternatives once you have discussed if this is something she even wishes to do.
3) Make sure there is not a physiological issue that is the cause. Believe it or not, had a friend once who had a tilted uterus that caused issues in this department so it is a real possibility. OB/GYN is the best doctor to consult about this issue. Also, endometriosis can cause women to have either painful orgasms or not be able to orgasm at all.
4) If all of the above is covered, then just experiment. Orgasms for women can be dependent on mental vs physical arousal. Share fantasies, find out if dirty talk is her thing, etc. Maybe she really needs to give herself permission to feel as sexy as you obviously see her. Just have patience that as she gains more confidence or learns more of what she desires, it will happen. And if it doesn't, you have a wife who is happy with you and your sex lives now, so definitely count your blessings.
Wishing you and her all the best!!
