Filthy answers to innocent questions.

[MargotPayge]

The exercise works like this:

You post a totally innocent question.

The next poster posts a filthy answer, then another innocent question, and so on.

For example:

“Does a duck’s quack echo?”

“The last time I fucked one it sure did!”

But you have to answer the question. No fair answering “I don’t know, but some random dirty thing.”
And make sure the new question is actually innocent.

And credit where credit is due. @BrightShinyGirl fixed this game for me. My original idea isn't working yet.

Here is the first innocent question:

How do you get to Carnegie Hall?

 

[BrightShinyGirl]

How do you get to Carnegie Hall?

Offer to blow the taxi driver if he finds a shortcut.

What’s the best way to learn a foreign language?

 

[MargotPayge]

What’s the best way to learn a foreign language?

Ask a Frenchman if you can borrow his tongue.

How do you pin a butterfly?

 

[Winter_Fare]

One finger each side of her clit.

Is it possible to eat out a lot and stay healthy?

 

[BrightShinyGirl]

One finger each side of her clit.

Is it possible to eat out a lot and stay healthy?

Yes, provided you always check for open sores.

Can you pick up a dozen eggs at the store?

 

[Winter_Fare]

Yes, provided you always check for open sores.

Can you pick up a dozen eggs at the store?

They're better value on Lovehoney and it's less embarrassing that way too.

Can you recommend a dentist?

 

[MargotPayge]

They're better value on Lovehoney and it's less embarrassing that way too.

Can you recommend a dentist?

My last dentist. He drilled me very well!

Where do batteries go when they die?

 

[Winter_Fare]

My last dentist. He drilled me very well!

Where do batteries go when they die?

To the big AA meeting in the sky. JK. Back the drawer of course so I have to go through fifty of the bastards trying to find three that work for my vibrator.

Is there life after death?

 

[BrightShinyGirl]

To the big AA meeting in the sky. JK. Back the drawer of course so I have to go through fifty of the bastards trying to find three that work for my vibrator.

Is there life after death?

According to Christianity, there’s no sex after death, so what’s the fucking point?

What’s the best way to remove a lipstick stain from a silk blouse?

 

[lanceGibs]

According to Christianity, there’s no sex after death, so what’s the fucking point?

What’s the best way to remove a lipstick stain from a silk blouse?

Put a cum stain over the lipstick and make her suck both clean .

What is the best way to eat icecream?

 

[axelwritesonline]

Lick up the cream then stick your tongue inside the cone.

What's the forecast for today?

 

[MargotPayge]

Wet. Very very wet. and warm. and tight.....

how do you play cricket?

 

[lanceGibs]

Wet. Very very wet. and warm. and tight.....

how do you play cricket?

I can play well after the slips are removed.

Are you enamored by cover drives?

 

[SissyBJBitch]

Wet. Very very wet. and warm. and tight.....

how do you play cricket?

You play with balls, right? *giggles*

 

[axelwritesonline]

I can play well after the slips are removed.

Are you enamored by cover drives?

It wpuld seem it involves "stroking the ball with precise wristwork" so yes.

Can a dish really be too spicy?

 

[MargotPayge]

It wpuld seem it involves "stroking the ball with precise wristwork" so yes.

Can a dish really be too spicy?

Not this dish... according to your mom.

How does Television work?

 

[InCNCestBangPie]

Not this dish... according to your mom.

How does Television work?

You just plug it in, turn it on, the screen gets hot, and you're doing it. If you last hours, you're doing it real good.

Are cats more intelligent than dogs?

 

[MargotPayge]

Yes, because while dogs chase pussy, cats can get it anytime.


What is the greatest work of American literature?

 

[BrightShinyGirl]

Yes, because while dogs chase pussy, cats can get it anytime.


What is the greatest work of American literature?

I’ve never read it, but Moby Dick sounds huge!

What should I wear to the beach?

 

[Rob_Royale]

I’ve never read it, but Moby Dick sounds huge!

What should I wear to the beach?

Not a damn thing.

Is it gonna rain near you today?

 

[ZfrkS62]

No, but I can think of a woman that'll be wet anyway.

How often am I supposed to mow the lawn in the summer?

 

[Bamagan]

How often am I supposed to mow the lawn in the summer?

If you're in a drought, no need to bother, but if you're watering it daily, just trim it enough to minimize grass stains.

What's the proper way to greet royalty?

 

[Rob_Royale]

If you're in a drought, no need to bother, but if you're watering it daily, just trim it enough to minimize grass stains.

What's the proper way to greet royalty?

On your knees.

Are you busy tomorrow?

 

[lanceGibs]

On your knees.

Are you busy tomorrow?

Extremely
Will you be on your knees?

 

[lovecraft68]

No, they're still sore from earlier.

Will you still love me tomorrow?

As an aside-
Al Jaffee, the man who created "Snappy Answers to stupid questions" for Mad Magazine is either rolling in his grave, or quite proud of this.