DG's Dubious Dicctionary

[MathGirl]

ACALOROPESIA: Excessive loss of body heat through the penis. May cause hypothermia in sub-zero temperatures. Battery heated penis sleeves have recently become avialable. From the Greek "Calor"-Heat and "Pesium"-Wiwi

ACOLOUTHIC: Pertaining to a retinal aberration in which the subject sees an animated scene of a naked 86 year old Za Za Gabor dancing the funky chicken. A life threatening condition in patients lacking a cast iron stomach.

ACOUASM: A ringing noise in the head. Common in members of high school bands whose place in formation is directly ahead of the cymbal player.

ADACTYLOUS: Lacking fingers. Persons not quaified for membership in the Sons of Onan.

ACROTELEUTISM: Disinterest in anything that cannot be eaten, fucked, or urinated on. A defining characteristic of male canines. A condition commonly seen among men in eastern Arkansas.

 

[shereads]

ACONSONAPPIA: Medical condition typified by the soiling of one's nappies in anticipation of reading definitions of words beginning with consonents.

 

[MathGirl]

ACRE-BREATH: A type of halitosis in which the breath smells like soil freshly treated with natural fertilizer. Common among pea farmers of eastern Arkansas.

ACLINOMETER: An instrument used for measurement of the angle of a penile erection. Readings on the aclinometer scale range from 1 to 10. One is referred to as a "wet noodle," five a "woody," and ten a "blue-veined diamond cutter."

ACULOFORM: Shaped like an anus. A common design used in elegant Mexican silver and turquoise jewelry. From the Spanish "Culo"-A chocolate starfish in the boxeadors.

ACRITOCROMANISM: The characteristic callous found on the thumb of chronic masturbators. "Onan's thumb (qv)." The callous is usually of a dark purple color and shaped like a profile of Liberace smoking a cigar.

 

[OldnotDead]

Re: Dubious dictionary

ABIOTRIPHINA: A Jewish woman's loss of sexual desire due to a grossly obese husband. Female equivalent of abiotrophy (qv)

In the rural south it is also known as DADICKEEDO disease. e.g. "His belly sticks out mored'n his dickie do."

 

[MathGirl]

Dear OnD,
Yes. Thank you for that. Tavern tumor, also known as Dunlaps disease is a widespread affliction.
MG

ACROTIMATION: The traditional Hawaiian cure for hemorrhoids. An unlubricated pineapple is slowly inserted into the rectum then briskly withdrawn. From the Polynesian "Acrohuahua"-Bunch of grapes in the ass, and "Timahuahua"-Bad owwie under the sarong.

ADAMATISM: Nudity for religious reasons *. Ritual practiced by a now extinct subculture of Eskimos.

ADDORSE: In heraldry, turned back to back*. E.g. "A flaming sword, scales of justice, lion rampant, and hippos addorse." Compare with "accorse" (qv)

ADELPHOGAMY: Sharing of a wife between two or more brothers*. Common practice in areas of Scotland where sheep are scarce.

ADENOTOMY: Removal or excision of a gland*. The definition has had unfortunate consequences when autistic surgeons thought the word was "glans."

Note: * = Really, actual word and definition, no shit. This note will not be repeated.

 

[MathGirl]

ADIPOSINATION: Method for removal of fatty tissue in the obese. A concentrated solution of potassium hydroxide (lye) is injected into the fat deposit, then the subject jumps up and down vigorously. Theoretically, saponification and mobilization of the lipoidal tissue occurs, and it goes away. Only extremely hardy and/or desperate subjects return for repeat procedures.

ADDAX: One who affectionately handles feces. A turd fondler.

ADOCRACY: An organization with little or no structure*. The Author's Hangout.

ADECIDUATE: To drink one's own urine. A tasty, refreshing, and cost effective alternative to sugar-laded carbonated beverages.

 

[MathGirl]

ADEEM: To cancel a bequest by destruction of the object*. E.g. "Gol dangit, Son, you're my only heir, but I jist cain't stand the thought of you fuckin' my favorite sheep. Goodbye, Ewegenia." Bang!

ADHARMA: The feeling that the world has just fallen out of one's bottom.

ADIAPNEUSTIA: defective perspiration*. How the hell did such a stupid word ever get into the language? Of what possible use is it? "No, we're not downwind from a hog farm, Leo. It's my adiapneustia. You see,I have defective sweat, and it just naturally smells like pig shit. Here's my phone number; I hope we can see each other again." (I think the word is useless and dumb, and I intend to boycott it permanently. I strongly suggest that readers do the same. MG, Editor).

Adiathermancy: The trimming of nose hairs by burning them with a lit match. Not generally considered a sign of superior intellect. Except in eastern Arkansas, of course.

ADEVITIS: A rectal disease of goats, rendering them unsuitable for frottage (qv).

Special bonus section. Words to live by:

1. In logic, never put Descartes before the horse.
2. Spahn and Sain, then pray for rain.

 

[OldnotDead]

Nice homage to Spahn, Miss Editor

 

[MathGirl]

ADNOMINATION: Punning*. An abomination in all languages and cultures. A capital offense in more advanced society.

ADJUTAGEs: Nozzles*. E.g. "Hot damn, Elmer. Lookie at the adjutages on that gal! Shore like to put ma face atween them babies an' go 'bubabubabuba.'"

ADMINICLE: An athletic supporter designed for a person with three buttocks. See "Abomism."

ADONISE: To adorn oneself*. Refers especially to exaggeration of secondary sexual characteristics by use of codpieces, padded bras, kielbasa-stuffed speedos, etc.

ADOSCULATION: Impregnation by contact alone or by wind*. E.g. "Honest, Daddy. I musta got it offen some damn toilet seat."

 

[MathGirl]

ADJUTOR: One who condemns or criticises someone who thinks he/she is better than others. E.g. "Huh. That damn Margo. Jist 'cause she got hersef a opposable thumb, she thanks she's some kinda hot shit. Wal, I'll tellya, Lena, that ain't goin' nowheres, evolution-wise.

ADNASCENT: A navel commonly characterized as an "outie." From the Latin "Adna"-Belly button, and "Scentio"-Somthing you can hang your coat on.

ADOXOGRAPHY: 1. Good writing on a trivial subject*. Something occasionally encountered at Lit.com. 2. The graphing of an adox.

ADSCITITIOUS: Never mind the definition. The word is included here only because the editor likes the sound. Try saying it out loud. It sort of tickles the mouth.

 

[Guest]

ADSCITITIOUS: Never mind the definition. The word is included here only because the editor likes the sound. Try saying it out loud. It sort of tickles the mouth.

Maths, please send the definition via PM. My boyfriend's always asking me to say this, turns him on good and hard.

Thanks,

Perdita

 

[MathGirl]

Added; additional

ADROGATION: Legal adoption of an immature ewe as a daughter. Commonly done by single men in parts of Scotland. A tradition developed to avoid bloodshed over an exceptionally comely sheep when she reaches maturity.

ADUMBRATE: In Arkansas, a supportive device for the privy seat which prevents a skinny child from sliding through into the pit.

ADVOWSON: The right and practice of elderly men sleeping in back pews during church services. E.g. "Shit, Evelyn, it wouldn't seem like a complete church service without Uncle Pewsey asnorin' back there. Warn't thet a hoot when little Lester stole his dentures durin' the sermon?"

AEGROTAT: Medical certificate of illness excusing a student from class*. In Arkansas, a 23 year old seventh grader is often granted an aegrotat while recovering from a vasectomy.

 

[MathGirl]

AEOLIAN: The type of high-pitched musical passing of wind which is extremely annoying to cats.

ADVESPAERATE: To be noisily flatulent during an evening religious service.

ADVOCAAT: A liqueur containing rum and raw eggs*. In addition to being extremely unpalatable, Advocaat has a well-earned reputation for causing intense hangovers compounded by voluminous, foul smelling diarrhea. It is consumed in vast quantities by Norwegians.

ADACTYLIRECTIZATION: A request for the removal of a finger from the anus during intercourse. E.g:
"Roy, I'd shore 'preciate you takin' thet fanger a yourn outta there."
"Why fer, Phoebe? It's ma fanger ..................... ma asshole, too."

**A short but heartfelt verse:
Beagle shitting in MG's grass,
Alas

 

[MathGirl]

AEONIAN: Lasting for an immeasurably long period of time*. Often used to describe lectures in organic chemistry or discussions of the Hanseatic League.

ADYTUM: The chancel area of a church or temple*. The place where young boys are sometimes instructed in the art of sodomy.

AEGILOPS: The yearning glances cast by an ewe in estrus. Reputed to be irresistable to most New Zealanders.

AEROGENEOLOGY: The study of the origin of intestinal gasses. A productive area of research which has resulted in the discovery of such modern miracle drugs as Gas-X and Beano.

AEROLITHOLOGY: The study of the forcible propulsion of stones from the anus of livestock by the pressure of intestinal gasses. A medieval area of weapons research which was cut short by the invention of gunpowder.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

ACOCK = a) male organ, b1)askew, b2)non-straigt, gay.

AGGLUTINATE = to make breakfast.

ALPENSTOCK = Austrian word for "dick".

ANAESTHESIA = the incapability of cumming during anal sex.

ANALOGICAL = adj., meaning thinking with the ass, being really stupid.

ANGLEWORM = from angina, meaning throat; the name of the male organ during oral sex.

ANIMATE = when a gay guy is desperate to hook up with a guy for the night, no matter how ugly, before the bar closes.

ANISE = the female sibling of ANEPHEW.

ANALIST = a person who likes to have anal sex.

ANTEPENULTIMATE = Gay term of boasting about one's partner's ability to spray sperm over a great area when cumming during a swinging party; "Ain't 'e pe'in ull (over) te, mate?"

APPERCEPTION = the way you look at apes.

APPRAISAL SEX = to lick someone's ass, usually in order to get favours.

ARCHAEOLOGICAL SEX = really kinky form of necrophilia.

ASTERNAL SEX = fancy expression for anal sex.

AURAL SEX = to violate a fucker's personal space.

AURICULAR SEX = from auricular, meaning "to do with the ear", a) to have phone sex, b) to fuck someone's ear, as shown in the film Scary Movie.

ATHWART = a) a boil in the butt, b) type of endearment or name for younger brother; see asswart.

AUTO-EROTICA = when a man fucks his car's tailpipe.

AUTOMATICAL SEX = involves using a mechanical device for sex, for instance a dryer (fancy city-folks machine that dries your clothes for you) or an electric toothbrush (fancy city-folks product for making your teeth clean).

AZIMOUTH = from azimuth, meaning side angle; to have an oral fling on the side.

 

[MathGirl]

Gobble, globule

AESOPIAN: Conveying meaning only to those in a secret movement*. E.g. The furtive 'pumping fist' motion used by a member of the Sons of Onan to identify himself to others in the society.

AERUGO: A characteristic green staining of the trousers as an aftereffect of drinking Advocaat (qv).

AFFLATUS: Inspiration; divine impetus*. Sounds like something quite different, doesn't it?

AFFORCE: To strengthen a jury by adding skilled people*. A courtroom tactic used by Johnny Cochran in the defense of a client who is obviously guilty.

AFFIANCE: Scot. To make a promise of marriage to a young ewe.

 

[MathGirl]

AEROPHOBIA: Irrational fear of suffocation by inhalation of flatus. Fear of farts and/or farting. E.g. "Hay! Y'all go outside when ya rip one a them thangs, Joe Willie. Fartin' gives me the hebrew-jeebies. Ya knows damn well I gots bad aerophobia."

AFFREAUX: Hair style popular amongst African-Americans in the 1970s.

AFFRONTE: In heraldry, two animals facing one another*. E.g. "A flaming sword, the scales of justice, a lion rampant, and hippos affronte." See also: Accost, Addorse.

AESTHESIOGENIC: Producing or causing a sensation*. No, not the type of sensation caused by the newest JLo video.

AFFRICATE: consonant that begins as a plosive and ends as a fricative*. Now, what more can possibly be said on the subject? (Should anyone have any idea what this means, please keep it to yourself. Ed.)

 

[MathGirl]

AFFABULATION: To concoct a fable. From the Latin: "Affa"-To lie, and "Bulatum-"Through one's teeth." A courtroom tactic used by Johnny Cochran in defense of a client who is obviously guilty.

AESTHETICISM: Doctrine that beauty is central to other moral principles*. E.g. "Gorsh, Otis, I'll shore vote fer her. Looks like she could suck start a Harley. Haw haw."

AFTERINGS: Last milk drawn when milking a cow*. E.g. "Lem, ol' Bossie's aholdin' out on us again. Hadta beat the last coupla quarts outa her."

AGAMOGENESIS: Reproduction by non-sexual means*. E.g. "Gol darnit, Daddy. I tole ya before. I musta picked it up from some fuggin' toilet seat. Shit, mebbe a gusta wind done blowed it up ma dress. Naw, I ain't been playin' hide the salami with Leon."

 

[MathGirl]

AGAPE: Selfless, nonsexual love*. E.g. "Yeah, Mabel, I'm still kinda fonda the old fart. 'Course he ain't been interested in nuthin' but his damn sheep since the Carter administration."

AGAPEISTIC: Churchwomen who live platonically with celibate men*. Umm ... okay ... sure.

AGASTOPIA: Admiration of part of another's body*. E.g. "Damn, Mildred, thet carbuncle in the middle a Jasper's forehead is the biggest I ever seen. I done seen some damn bigguns, too, in my career as a boil squeezer. Whoooieee! I'd shore liketa git thet baby atween ma fangernails."

AGAMIST: One who opposes marriage*. E.g. "Aww, piss off, Mary Lou. Shit, I was jist the caboose in that there train ya pulled a coupla months ago."

AGENOCRATIA: Opposition to birth control*. E.g. "Dang it, Floydette, I don't wanna git ya pregnant, either. But me beatin' off inta a sock while you use a baseball bat jist ain't ma idear of marital relations."

 

[MathGirl]

AFTERPIECE: The portion of the bowel movement which occurs after one thinks it is finished. Usually after one has left the privy.

AGIST: To take in to graze for payment*. E.g. "Okay, Jim Bob, I'll let yer sheep graze ma back forty fer free. Me and the boys git ewe priviliges."

AGATHODAIMON: A boy who is a "special friend" to a vicar, priest, or Michael Jackson. Traditional "sleepover" uniform is drop-seat long underwear.

AGENNESIC: Sterile; impotent*. E.g. "Hay, Doris, ya wanna go bowlin' tonight? Thet damn Louie done gone all agennisic on me again. Ole basser couldn't git it up with a winch."

AGGIORNAMENTO: The Italian military decoration for valorous conduct while both hands are held high in the air.

 

[MathGirl]

AGERSIA: Quality of not growing old*. E.g. "I dunno how ya do it, Harriet. Ma face's got more wrinkles than a Laplander's scrotum, but I reckon yer blessed with agersia."

AGGEROSE: In heaps; piled up*. E.g. MG's lawn after a visit by Walter Beagle.

AGISTMENT: The use of a small stream as a toilet. Considered unneighborly by those living downstream who use it as a source of drinking water and recreation.

AGISTMENT: Land tax assessed for pasturing*. This may be waived if the assessor is granted ewe priviliges.

NOTE: For those not paying attention: "*" means that the word and definition are true and correct. There may be an unnanounced examination at any time. Ed.

 

[MathGirl]

AGMA: Symbol or sound for a velar nasal consonant*. Another of those words that will become a major player in everyone's vocabulary.

AGNOSY: Ignorance*. A part of the core curriculum in the Arkansas public school system.

AGOMPHOSIS: Looseness of the teeth*. E.g. "Sheeit, Lem, I been sufferin' from agomphosis ever since ah tried to play stank fanger with Betty Jo. Whooieee! Thet gal's shore got a mean left hook."

AGONISTES: Someone in the grip of inner conflict*. E.g. When one's pancreas declares war on one's gall bladder.

AGRAFFE: Hooked clasp used by masons*. Apparently, a secret handshake or embrace used by members of a masonic lodge. Similar to the 'pumping fist' signal used by the Sons of Onan.

 

[MathGirl]

AGRAPHIA: Inability to write*. A characteristic of some contributors to Literotica.com. Present company excepted, of course.

AGUARDIENTE: Spanish or Portugese brandy*. Commonly used to unclog drains, remove rust stains from toilets, and flush sewers in more upscale areas.

AGOWILT: Sudden sickening and unnecessary fear*. From the Aramaic: "Ago"-Stage fright, and "Wilto"-Penile flaccidity. E.g. "Ah'm sorry, Hootie May. Yer little brother watchin' has done give me a case of agowilt."

AGRIOLOGY: Study of primitive peoples*. E.g. "Coming of Age in Little Rock." The definitive study of adolescense and sexual mores in one of the world's most backward cultures.

AGRIZOIATRY: Veterinary medicine specializing in wild animals*. E.g. "Ummm ... Dr. Cosgrove, it's time for you to give Sombo the tiger his annual rectal examination."

 

[MathGirl]

AGYNARY: Lacking female genitals*. A common condition among men, although some wish and act otherwise.

AIGRETTE: A cheerleader for the Detroit Aigers.

AIGURILLE: The small, globular deposit left on the porcelain after performance of a thunderspray (qv).

ALABAMINE: Alternate name for the chemical element astatine*. Alabama is the only state which is so insecure as to need its own official element. A rather disgusting halogen, at that.

AISCHROLATRY: Worship of filth, dirt*. The official state religion of Albania, the flag of which is brown.

Sheepishly,
MG

 

[MathGirl]

AKINESIA: Loss of the ability to move*. E.g. "Mildred, I cain't seemta git up. Wouldya hep me to the privy? .... Damn! On second thought, jist tote me out back and hose me off?"

ALBEDO: Whiteness*. As of a celestial object, well-aged dog shit, or Michael Jackson.

ALBESCENT: Becoming white; whiteness*. Occurs with ageing. One of several characteristics shared by dog feces and Michael Jackson.

ALBUGENIOUS: White colored*. Having a likeness to Michael Jackson. Hopefully, that should be the last reference to "The Que... King of the Sleep Over."

Ps. Does anyone ever read these things?