ASSHAT AWARDS: Best of the Worst PMs and Emails Received

[astralkiss]

I'mm baccckk...

LOL. Well I just got pmed a few days ago from this wonderful d00d and I was wondering where I could share it, et voila, here is the perfect place.

PM Of Doom

Asshat McGee: hey there
ditzebabe17: hi
Asshat McGee: saw ur name on lit....
ditzebabe17: mmhmm'
Asshat McGee: a/s/l given (protected for personal reasons)
ditzebabe17: 22 f rennes
Asshat McGee: where is that?
Asshat McGee: ru horny?
ditzebabe17: it's in France
Asshat McGee: cool
Asshat McGee: so what's up?
ditzebabe17: just working on a dissertaiton
ditzebabe17: the next chapter
Asshat McGee: damn
Asshat McGee: whats the topic?
ditzebabe17: it's late and hard to explain lol
Asshat McGee: ha ok
Asshat McGee: u horny?
Asshat McGee: looking to get off??
ditzebabe17: but it has to do with the biogenetics of a larygenal disorder that causes complications in the linguistic development of vowels in children
Asshat McGee: whoa!
ditzebabe17: it's rather simple if you understand basics of anatomy of the vocal tract and whatnot
Asshat McGee: i see...
Asshat McGee signed off at 2:42:13 AM.


What, doesn't everyone find the human vocal tract sexy?

My dissertation really won't be on that, and I don't live in France anymore, but I found his lack of interest hilarious. God I love being a smartass

 

[fieryjen]

Hello everyone,

this thread has been a favorite of mine to follow along and get a good laugh. I finally took the plunge and created my own collarme profile - I actually have found a few very lovely people to talk to. However, there have been even more annoying messages so far, and I'll be sure to share when I get a really good one.

 

[FurryFury]

LOL. Well I just got pmed a few days ago from this wonderful d00d and I was wondering where I could share it, et voila, here is the perfect place.

PM Of Doom

Asshat McGee: hey there
ditzebabe17: hi
Asshat McGee: saw ur name on lit....
ditzebabe17: mmhmm'
Asshat McGee: a/s/l given (protected for personal reasons)
ditzebabe17: 22 f rennes
Asshat McGee: where is that?
Asshat McGee: ru horny?
ditzebabe17: it's in France
Asshat McGee: cool
Asshat McGee: so what's up?
ditzebabe17: just working on a dissertaiton
ditzebabe17: the next chapter
Asshat McGee: damn
Asshat McGee: whats the topic?
ditzebabe17: it's late and hard to explain lol
Asshat McGee: ha ok
Asshat McGee: u horny?
Asshat McGee: looking to get off??
ditzebabe17: but it has to do with the biogenetics of a larygenal disorder that causes complications in the linguistic development of vowels in children
Asshat McGee: whoa!
ditzebabe17: it's rather simple if you understand basics of anatomy of the vocal tract and whatnot
Asshat McGee: i see...
Asshat McGee signed off at 2:42:13 AM.


What, doesn't everyone find the human vocal tract sexy?

My dissertation really won't be on that, and I don't live in France anymore, but I found his lack of interest hilarious. God I love being a smartass

Funny stuff!

Men! What can ya do with them?

*L*

Fury

Hello everyone,

this thread has been a favorite of mine to follow along and get a good laugh. I finally took the plunge and created my own collarme profile - I actually have found a few very lovely people to talk to. However, there have been even more annoying messages so far, and I'll be sure to share when I get a really good one.

Love to hear them!

Fury

 

[graceanne]

My dissertation really won't be on that, and I don't live in France anymore, but I found his lack of interest hilarious. God I love being a smartass

hehe I think next time an asshat PM's me I'm gonna start talking about my sons poopy diapers and stuff.

 

[jadefirefly]

*ROFL*

I LOVE that dissertation approach! That's a new one!!

Now I just need to get an asshat to PM me... I seem to be lucky on that count.

 

[graceanne]

*ROFL*

I LOVE that dissertation approach! That's a new one!!

Now I just need to get an asshat to PM me... I seem to be lucky on that count.

Come to think of it that's how my sister scares off guys who're bugging her. She starts chattering about her kids, and how cute they are . . . and if that doesn't work, she tells them she wants to have at least four more. She says they run for the hills.

 

[jadefirefly]

Come to think of it that's how my sister scares off guys who're bugging her. She starts chattering about her kids, and how cute they are . . . and if that doesn't work, she tells them she wants to have at least four more. She says they run for the hills.

*laugh* Nice!!

That's similar to how I used to scare off guys in AIM... I think I mentioned this a page or two ago, actually... they used to ask what I looked like.

I'd tell 'em. Honestly.

Admittedly, this was several years ago and about 60 pounds heavier... but it was always great how the conversation died soon after...

 

[fieryjen]

I need to start talking exclusively in mathematical terms when that happens, I think. Thanks for the idea.

So far the PMs I got have been pretty tame. A few guys seemed genuinely interested and I replied to those who used proper grammar and no more than three exclamation or question marks at a time. Then there's the one sentence PMs like "Pic?" Or "where r u from mite b 2 far 4 me!!!".

I have a question related to that - is it customary/expected to give out your picture to whoever asks for it? I'm really, really paranoid about a picture of my face being online which is why I don't have one, and I don't want to send out unless I feel a certain level of trust for a person- Is that normal and reasonable? One guy got pushy after I didn't reply to his email right away - I read it right before class and had to leave - and his next PM started with

I see that you read my note, but no reply or photo from you??? What else would you like me to say.........I'm in xxxxx.......I can't harm you!

I wrote back that I wasn't interested after all.

I got this one just now, I'm not sure if it counts, but it is the best one I have:

Dear toy: Few things in life give me greater pleasure than to Dominate a woman 100%. I love when I command, and she obeys. It turns me on. I love making rules for her to follow, and she obeys. I set the standard, and she makes sure to observe it. I love when a woman submits, and yields completely to me, for then I know that she is totally mine. I love placing a collar on a woman, for then I know that she belongs to me. I would name you toy, because you'd be my fuck-toy, my love slave. I love to clip a leash to a woman's collar, and with a tug bring her close for a kiss. I love when a woman says Yes, Sir, or Yes, Master, quickly after being commanded, and does what she is told. I love training a woman properly, for I will not have a poorly-trained slave. Then she will heed one word commands: kneel, worship, fetch, turn, bend, lick, crawl ... cum. Most of all, I love it when a woman enjoys being Dominated just as much as I enjoy Dominating her. If you love these things as much, toy, write to me: xxxxx. Better yet, talk to me thru Yahoo. My ID is xxxxx. -- xxxxx

 

[FurryFury]

I don't know what's customary picture wise, but I say it's up to you. I say you have to feel it's the right time. These asshats have to earn a pic if they can. (Actually an asshat won't earn it, right? *L*)

I wouldn't give out shit unless I felt like it. There would have to be a certain level of trust and some relationship built before I would send a pic.

Some will say they can't trust you are a woman if you don't, well boo fucking who, I say. That is not my problem. If he is that worried about talking to a man then I don't think he is my kind of guy. This is online for heaven's sake. You could be talking to your own grandfather. Get a grip, you know?

Anyway, this other guy, who calls you a "toy" in the first contact? That's just a dead giveaway. No real Dom or person makes such a presumption. What can I say? Oh yeah! Asshat!

Fury

 

[NemoAlia]

I got one this morning: First message was all right, if a little terse and pushy. Much like, "Hi, I like you, will you relocate?" And I responded, "I might consider relocating, but I'm really looking for local people who are closer to my age (he's 20 years my senior). Good luck in your search!"

In reply, I received:

"Cunt, I can relocate. Send me your pics."

(Oh, can you also turn back time and trade in your personality?)

 

[ThorkelGriersen]

My Rules

Good for you! Time is too precious to be pushed into what you are not interested in!

Fury

I find that IM's can be useful. I send many as electronic (offline) "post-its." Usually ten to fifty words:

Me. Did you see X? Interesting.
Reply(2hrs-2days later) I'll check it out.

Me: Time to talk this wk?
Reply: OK, Sat AM?

 

[NemoAlia]

Oh wow. I got a PM from a stranger (honestly, I'm fairly certain I've never rejected this guy ) that said simply, "what a slut you are."

I tried to respond light-heartedly ("An Ethical Slut, of course!") and found the asshat had blocked me.

Why, oh why?

 

[Art H.]

Oh wow. I got a PM from a stranger (honestly, I'm fairly certain I've never rejected this guy ) that said simply, "what a slut you are."

I tried to respond light-heartedly ("An Ethical Slut, of course!") and found the asshat had blocked me.

Why, oh why?

Ethical sluts are the best kind!

 

[NemoAlia]

Well, then I guess I can eliminate you from the pool of potential asshats who just pmed me

Yeah, seriously. Gotta love them ethical ho's!

 

[Art H.]

Well, then I guess I can eliminate you from the pool of potential asshats who just pmed me

Yeah, seriously. Gotta love them ethical ho's!

Indeed, I've never pmed you. Perhaps I should...?

 

[NemoAlia]

Indeed, I've never pmed you. Perhaps I should...?

Verily. Although I'm very sneaky about my screen names. You could almost call me coy...

 

[Art H.]

Verily. Although I'm very sneaky about my screen names. You could almost call me coy...

I'm not on collarme, but I am here and on AIM

 

[FurryFury]

FieryJen, in your post you mentioned this:

"I see that you read my note, but no reply or photo from you??? What else would you like me to say.........I'm in xxxxx.......I can't harm you!"

I fucking hate that presumption that I owe someone a response at the time they want it. What? I don't have a life? Sorry, I do and it's pretty fucking busy! I will get to it ASAP but RL take priority and I don't want to have to explain that! *shakes head*

Fury

I got one this morning: First message was all right, if a little terse and pushy. Much like, "Hi, I like you, will you relocate?" And I responded, "I might consider relocating, but I'm really looking for local people who are closer to my age (he's 20 years my senior). Good luck in your search!"

In reply, I received:

"Cunt, I can relocate. Send me your pics."

(Oh, can you also turn back time and trade in your personality?)

LOL! Go ahead bucko, show your ass now rather than later, when I actually might give a damn about you! Good job! Now on to someone with actual potential!

(The age thing probably hurt his feelings but that's no excuse for such a response.)

Fury

I find that IM's can be useful. I send many as electronic (offline) "post-its." Usually ten to fifty words:

Me. Did you see X? Interesting.
Reply(2hrs-2days later) I'll check it out.

Me: Time to talk this wk?
Reply: OK, Sat AM?

I do that too. Communication is very important!

Fury

Ethical sluts are the best kind!

Damn right!

Fury

 

[LunarKitten]

LOL Lunar! Um, you gonna beg me for it?

Hmph! *looks indignant* I never beg...well, I rarely...ummm..seldomly....aw heck, I guess I do it about every day, depending on what I want at the time *lately it's a girl scout cookie*

 

[fieryjen]

Thanks for your replies, especially confirming my stance on not sending out pictures of myself. This board really helps me deal better with the people who send me messages and finding the courage to say no. And also to keep a sense of humor.

Anyway, this other guy, who calls you a "toy" in the first contact? That's just a dead giveaway. No real Dom or person makes such a presumption. What can I say? Oh yeah! Asshat!

Thank you for your answer.
Yeah, I figured as much... - thanks for the confirmation though.

FieryJen, in your post you mentioned this:

"I see that you read my note, but no reply or photo from you??? What else would you like me to say.........I'm in xxxxx.......I can't harm you!"

I fucking hate that presumption that I owe someone a response at the time they want it. What? I don't have a life? Sorry, I do and it's pretty fucking busy! I will get to it ASAP but RL take priority and I don't want to have to explain that! *shakes head*

Fury

I know, I was pretty taken aback by that as well. When I told him I wasn't interested after all, he wrote back something like "Did I say something wrong???"

Duh, yes

 

[FurryFury]

LOL!

Some people!

Glad to help in any way I can.

*hugs*

Fury

 

[chris9]

if you are ready to be thrue slave, to be tied up most of the time, to be kept in a cage for hours(days), to be whiped for any mistake or disobediance, trained, used and abused in any way I find appropriate, send a couple more pictures of you, and I'll let you to convince me you're right slave for me!
I'm well shaped, educated(MD), strict master,..ready to show you pleasures of pain and slavery.
IF you become MY slave you will always be in a perfect shape,
naked and shaved and ready to please me!
for any disobediance you will be punished hard.
You will sleep in the small dungeon or tied up on bed or
under it!
You will have a safe word, but the moment you say that
word is the last moment of your slavery.

Now, if you want to be my slave, make the next move
and beg me to be my slave!

Some doms really know how to make me happy

 

[FurryFury]

Some doms really know how to make me happy

Whoa! What a "Domly" Dom!

Fury

 

[chris9]

My response

There are certain things about your message that puzzle me exceedingly. First, I'm pretty sure I have not posted any pictures of me, so where it the sense of asking to send 'more'? Second, the only line on my profile says that I'm looking for friends only. Being anyone's slave most certainly isn't on my agenda for this century.
Feel free to rephrase your request of contact if you want to, but don't approach me in this way ever again!
Chris

Hopefully he'll write back...

 

[FurryFury]

My response

Hopefully he'll write back...

LOL!

Feeling the need for more "entertainment" of this sort eh?

Fury