Ask Doctor Liz!

[rbijon]

If yours is the winning bid and you wear my panties to your next appointment I promise you'll leave with a big stupid grin on your face!

Stupid is something I wear well, so why not your panties
Anything for a cure, though my malaise could empty your panty drawer quickly.

Then we may have to turn to Shopping therapy.

 

[LizVegas79]

Stupid is something I wear well, so why not your panties
Anything for a cure, though my malaise could empty your panty drawer quickly.

Then we may have to turn to Shopping therapy.

Dear Magic Words Whisperer,

It's a date you pathetic (almost) hopeless pervert.


Doctor "You Had Me At Shopping Therapy" Liz

 

[Lunation]

Hi Dr. Liz,

Long time listener, first time caller.

I'll just get right to it: my cat watches me masturbate. I don't ENJOY this, mind you, but the furry sociopath sees everything. And I live in fear of pouncing.

 

[LizVegas79]

Hi Dr. Liz,

Long time listener, first time caller.

I'll just get right to it: my cat watches me masturbate. I don't ENJOY this, mind you, but the furry sociopath sees everything. And I live in fear of pouncing.

Dear Fur Adverse,

I don't blame you. My cat use to watch me masturbate in my old apartment all the time. She always stayed just out of reach too. It was so frustrating. She'd jump up on the TV or on the desk chair by my bed and just watch like I was a freaking Cirque du Soleil act.

There's really not much you can do about it. Our dog seems to love to watch me and my husband wrestle under the covers too (thankfully he's too old to jump up on the bed anymore).

If it really bothers you, I suggest looking her in your bathroom while you tend to your, umm, needs. That's what I use to do. She hated me for it and acted like a prima donna after I let her out. But a warm body is a warm body and she never hated me for too long.

However, if you ever can find the willpower to stop masturbating long enough to find a real girlfriend LOL I suggest you DON"T lock your cat in the bathroom. Most girls will find your pervy cat interesting and quiz you on how many other girls you've had over to your apartment - thus turning you into an instant stud even if you try to deny it.

Doctor "Let Your Cat Watch Unless You're Doing It By Yourself" Liz

 

[Lunation]

Dr. Liz,

Thank you for your thoughtful reply.

I am attached. In fact, the peeping tom cat is hers. I will take your advice about the bathroom and let you know how it goes.

 

[RustyIron]

Dear Fur Adverse,

watch like I was a freaking Cirque du Soleil act.

Liz

Lol, your very funny Liz, I love it.

 

[hottalyssa]

Dr. Liz I need your help. There is a particular woman here on Lit that I find myself thinking about all the time. She is sexxy and witty and a pleasure to be around. Not only that she is always telling me about her husband and his Johnson
She has described it in detail and know I find myself thinking about both of them. Even the three of us together. Help me Dr. liz! How do I get this beautiful brunette out of my head?
.

 

[Ubiquitious_too]

Dr. Liz I need your help. There is a particular woman here on Lit that I find myself thinking about all the time. She is sexxy and witty and a pleasure to be around. Not only that she is always telling me about her husband and his Johnson
She has described it in detail and know I find myself thinking about both of them. Even the three of us together. Help me Dr. liz! How do I get this beautiful brunette out of my head?
.

DON'T TELL HER LIZ-- I THINK SHE LIVES DOWN THE STREET FROM ME!!

 

[neakman]

Dr. Liz....
There are so many hot women here on Lit, but how can I manage juggling them and keep my high paying job as Donald Trump's advisor??

 

[bioweb27]

Dear Dr. Liz,

Question. My dog is the most emotionally needy being on the planet. What does this say about me?

 

[DarkSimian]

Dear Dr. Liz,

I have this fantasy of having a 3-some with a sexy sex therapist and a reformed slut. Should I pursue this fantasy, or am I just living in a dream?

Dreaming in West Texas

 

[LizVegas79]

Dr. Liz I need your help. There is a particular woman here on Lit that I find myself thinking about all the time. She is sexxy and witty and a pleasure to be around. Not only that she is always telling me about her husband and his Johnson
She has described it in detail and know I find myself thinking about both of them. Even the three of us together. Help me Dr. liz! How do I get this beautiful brunette out of my head?
.

Dear Ally,

The first thing you have to do is surrender to her. Let her do as she pleases with you ... even if that means turning you over to her husband so that he can do as he pleases with you and then return your limp, used, multiple orgasm ravaged body back to her for nursing back to health.

Women like her only understand one thing: conquering blondes.

So pretend you're a Viking slave wench captured during a raid on your village hundreds of years ago. Serve your new mistress and her master as best you can, no what depraved things they make you do, even if it involves a weekend party with their friends where you find yourself heavily outnumbered in the upstairs guest room.

You can always run away. That option is always there for you.

But I have a feeling the invisible leash this goddess bitch (lol) has on you is quite short.

I also have the feeling - a strong feeling - that you love all the attention you're getting and have absolutely no real desire to be free from her (warm and adoring) embrace.

Doctor "Surrender To Your Desires Now" Liz

DON'T TELL HER LIZ-- I THINK SHE LIVES DOWN THE STREET FROM ME!!

I know.

Dr. Liz....
There are so many hot women here on Lit, but how can I manage juggling them and keep my high paying job as Donald Trump's advisor??

Dear Very Thin Ice,

Choose. Either quit your job or shout scary, ridiculous lies at them and the hot women will all disappear.

Doctor "Don't Get Me Started" Liz

Dear Dr. Liz,

Question. My dog is the most emotionally needy being on the planet. What does this say about me?

Dear Needy Dog Owner,

A lot!

Doctor "Don't Look In The Mirror With Your Eyes Shut" Liz

Dear Dr. Liz,

I have this fantasy of having a 3-some with a sexy sex therapist and a reformed slut. Should I pursue this fantasy, or am I just living in a dream?

Dreaming in West Texas

Dear Dreamer,

Pursue it. What the hell? It sounds fantastic to me.

Doctor "Who's Up For A Threeway?" Liz

 

[dontneedone]

xxxxxxx.

 

[hottalyssa]

Dear Ally,

The first thing you have to do is surrender to her. Let her do as she pleases with you ... even if that means turning you over to her husband so that he can do as he pleases with you and then return your limp, used, multiple orgasm ravaged body back to her for nursing back to health.

Women like her only understand one thing: conquering blondes.

So pretend you're a Viking slave wench captured during a raid on your village hundreds of years ago. Serve your new mistress and her master as best you can, no what depraved things they make you do, even if it involves a weekend party with their friends where you find yourself heavily outnumbered in the upstairs guest room.

You can always run away. That option is always there for you.

But I have a feeling the invisible leash this goddess bitch (lol) has on you is quite short.

I also have the feeling - a strong feeling - that you love all the attention you're getting and have absolutely no real desire to be free from her (warm and adoring) embrace.

Doctor "Surrender To Your Desires Now' Liz

Dear Doctor Liz

Thank you for tbat insightful oitlook. Obviously next time she and I chat I will be thinkong about everything you have said. See what I mean? Even after your advice I am still thinking about her. But your advice raises the question," how did you know all that". Its like you are in my head already.......

 

[LizVegas79]

Dear Doctor Liz

Thank you for tbat insightful oitlook. Obviously next time she and I chat I will be thinkong about everything you have said. See what I mean? Even after your advice I am still thinking about her. But your advice raises the question," how did you know all that". Its like you are in my head already.......[/QUOTE]


Dear Ally,

I feel I do know you rather well. Afterall, I have had the pleasure of seeing that look in your eye when I've had my tongue on your ....

Anyway ... looking forward to our next appointment. We obviously have a lot of "work" to do to get you better.

Doctor "Let's Get To It" Liz

Doc,

Do you think one orgasm a day is fine? Sometimes I think that seems like a lot, but I have a hard time going a day without one.

Dear Don't Need Another One,

I think only one orgasm in a day is a bad day. But of course, women are a little different than men.

If you want to book a double-appointment next time, I'm sure we can determine whether two or three orgasms would work better for you.

Doctor "Do I Look Cute In This Lab Coat, Or This One?" Liz

 

[ChibiFangirl]

Hi Liz,
What does a broken hymen feel like? I'm a virgin and I don't know if I have a hymen or not. I was playing with a playmate via webcam and he asked me to shove my vibrator all the way inside me and it kinda hurt. Like it wasn't unbearable, but it wasn't comfortable. It was a really tight and dull pain. Like you know those really hard poops before your period? Thats what the kind of pain I felt, but in my vajayjay. Is that normal? Did I break my possible hymen? I mean I was already soaking wet at the time, so I don't understand why I felt pain.

This isn't the first time this happened either. I remember I used to get really bad yeast infections when I was a kid, and a doctor wanted to culture my vagina and the same pain occurred once she stuck that swab in me. I'm so confused.

 

[numeniusa]

Dear Doctor Liz,

My man has a horrible head cold. It's not man flu or anything, and his ardour is undimmed (hurrah!), but I'm worried. Is it safe for him to perform oral? I'm scared he might suffocate...

Numi

 

[lowphat]

Dear Doctor Liz,

My man has a horrible head cold. It's not man flu or anything, and his ardour is undimmed (hurrah!), but I'm worried. Is it safe for him to perform oral? I'm scared he might suffocate...

Numi

This is an easy one

Nope, just come on over, I'll handle his duties in that area for the time being

 

[Leigh81]

Dear Doctor Liz,

My man has a horrible head cold. It's not man flu or anything, and his ardour is undimmed (hurrah!), but I'm worried. Is it safe for him to perform oral? I'm scared he might suffocate...

Numi

LOL
Have him eat half a teaspoon of really hot horseradish. That'll clear up the nasal passage. Rinse & gargle with Listerine, then he'll be ready.

L

 

[numeniusa]

LOL
Have him eat half a teaspoon of really hot horseradish. That'll clear up the nasal passage. Rinse & gargle with Listerine, then he'll be ready.

L

Wow - we actually have some of that in the fridge! In fact he had some yesterday with his roast beef, I thought he was a little better today...

 

[Azuldrgon]

Dear Doc:

I just wanted to let you know that I started an Ask Azul thread to continue something I did a long time ago when I was first on the boards. It was to satisfy the desire to be a Know it all and not as a slam or insult to your fine thread. Is it possible that you could refrain from the cease and desist orders that may come up? I'll offer as many hugs as you desire in return and not use the cable ties I was planning for our next session of your what my friends will do to me thread. Thank you.

Azul.

 

[cliteatingman]

Dr. Liz,

I have this erection that won't go away. Can you help?

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

Den

Dear Dr Liz----------- Following is one of your own comments. Be glad your husband can still wrestle under the covers. Buy him a small step stool so he won't have to jump up any more.
Please deduct this advice from my bill.

"my husband wrestle under the covers too (thankfully he's too old to jump up on the bed anymore").

 

[LizVegas79]

Hi Liz,
What does a broken hymen feel like? I'm a virgin and I don't know if I have a hymen or not. I was playing with a playmate via webcam and he asked me to shove my vibrator all the way inside me and it kinda hurt. Like it wasn't unbearable, but it wasn't comfortable. It was a really tight and dull pain. Like you know those really hard poops before your period? Thats what the kind of pain I felt, but in my vajayjay. Is that normal? Did I break my possible hymen? I mean I was already soaking wet at the time, so I don't understand why I felt pain.

This isn't the first time this happened either. I remember I used to get really bad yeast infections when I was a kid, and a doctor wanted to culture my vagina and the same pain occurred once she stuck that swab in me. I'm so confused.

Dear Not The First Time,

I have an opinion, but I strongly suggest you see a gynecologist, not a psychiatrist, as soon as possible.

Dl

Dear Doctor Liz,

My man has a horrible head cold. It's not man flu or anything, and his ardour is undimmed (hurrah!), but I'm worried. Is it safe for him to perform oral? I'm scared he might suffocate...

Numi

Dear Numi,

It's perfectly safe for him. He's breathing in the elixir of your love what could be better?

(However take Leigh's advice and feed him horseradish - it's a decongestant and a stimulant. Make him follow it with a shot of tequila and you'll be singing to the ceiling! )

Doctor "Plus A Shot of Tequila" Liz

LOL
Have him eat half a teaspoon of really hot horseradish. That'll clear up the nasal passage. Rinse & gargle with Listerine, then he'll be ready.

L

Excellent advice!

Dear Doc:

I just wanted to let you know that I started an Ask Azul thread to continue something I did a long time ago when I was first on the boards. It was to satisfy the desire to be a Know it all and not as a slam or insult to your fine thread. Is it possible that you could refrain from the cease and desist orders that may come up? I'll offer as many hugs as you desire in return and not use the cable ties I was planning for our next session of your what my friends will do to me thread. Thank you.

Azul.

Dear Azul,

What cease and desist orders?

DL

Dr. Liz,

I have this erection that won't go away. Can you help?

Dear (Big?) Problem,

I can most definitely help! I have never met an erection that I can't make disappear.

And after they disappear they always, always go away even if they briefly reappear for a couple of seconds. At least for a little while.

However, I should warn you. About 75% of the erections I make go away come back bigger and stronger and usually last at least twice as long.

Doctor "Let Me Have A Look At That" Liz

Dear Dr Liz----------- Following is one of your own comments. Be glad your husband can still wrestle under the covers. Buy him a small step stool so he won't have to jump up any more.
Please deduct this advice from my bill.

"my husband wrestle under the covers too (thankfully he's too old to jump up on the bed anymore").

Dear Utterly Detached From Reality,

Forget it.

I have my eye on a new pair of Jimmy Choo's.

No refunds. No deductions.

Company policy. My hands are tied (and that's extra )

If you're seeking discount advice go ask Azul.

Doctor "Aren't These Adorable?" Liz

 

[rbijon]

Dear Doc Liz,
I am afraid my malaise has conditioned me to wonder whether every woman I see is wearing lace panties.
I fear this may get me in trouble, especially at school.

Oh, did I just wonder if you are wearing sheer lace?