The Poll for Everything Horrible

[Lord Pmann]

Obviously. Unless you want to talk to me in olde English about pussies again?

I do.

An excerpt from my totally original screenplay, Much Ado About Nutting.

Act 1 Scene 69 (they’re all scene 69)

Whilst she sit upon the castle ledge, the fair maiden doth spread her legs, revealing her lady garden. Somehow, despite it being 1560, the year of our Lord, no hair was known to be present in her garden. ‘Twas smooth as the surface of my shiny armour.

She rebuffed my sexual food advances not once, not twice, but thrice over the last fortnight. She declared that she did not approve of porridge of clam being spilt in her garden.

“It doth burn, my Lord.”

“My fair lady, we shall get you some opium, from the east. I have set up a fainting couch for you.”

“But why, Sir? Why porridge of clam?”

“‘‘Tis my fetish, my lady. And the vacuum shan’t be invented for some 300 and 2 score years. And I’ve been banned from visiting the stables. This is how it must be.”

“As you wish.”

SCENE

 

[hotwords229_A]

Lady garden!

 

[Lord Pmann]

Lady garden!

The sad thing is, I don't think she even appreciates it. Her lady garden probably flooded after reading that and there is nary a tit in my PM box. Imagine getting that kind of poetry and how your dangly bits would react.

Maidens, these days. Unappreciative wenches.

 

[hotwords229_A]

Maidens, these days. Unappreciative wenches.

Typical.
They want you to penetrate their portcullis, but the won’t drop their drawbridge first.

 

[ydahecnot]

E. A worm is eating at OP’s brain

 

[hotwords229_A]

Typical.
They want you to penetrate their portcullis, but the won’t drop their drawbridge first.

It only just now occurred to me how sexy the Middle Ages were. Think about it, slamming your battering ram against the Queen’s gate as she dumps her hot oil all over it.

They did foreplay right back then!

 

[Lord Pmann]

It only just now occurred to me how sexy the Middle Ages were. Think about it, slamming your battering ram against the Queen’s gate as she dumps her hot oil all over it.

They did foreplay right back then!

And they rode horses.

 

[Mrtenant]

New Poll Question:

Poll: What is the worst food to fuck (and to discuss about fucking, which you should do now):

A) Cacti

now it couldn't be a cactus. a prepared cactus for eating would likely be okay, maybe a little slimey. however a fresh or unpicked cactus? that's not really ready to eat unless you are super hungry been starving in the desert or just a masochist with your food

B) Hot clam chowder

how hot are we talking? the warmth would be great, maybe with a condom on, but probably not great to try and reach orgasm. i seem to be reminded of one or two past partners where that might be how I describe the experience

C) Bowl of broken Takis

yea, not a turn on. i'd do it for science, but meh, seems fairly dull. i could get paid to be excited for it

D) write in your own

i saw carolina reapers listed above, that seems horrifying, so does the puffer fish. seems like we are talking about pain here.

OP- I can only imagine what's going through your head and what maybe gets your motor running with this stuff.

Here's my write-in

Man-o-war jellyfish

 

[Mrtenant]

It only just now occurred to me how sexy the Middle Ages were. Think about it, slamming your battering ram against the Queen’s gate as she dumps her hot oil all over it.

They did foreplay right back then!

All they had for entertainment was fighting and fucking

 

[Amanda330]

The sad thing is, I don't think she even appreciates it. Her lady garden probably flooded after reading that and there is nary a tit in my PM box. Imagine getting that kind of poetry and how your dangly bits would react.

Maidens, these days. Unappreciative wenches.

Men these days... Thinking a bit of poetry earns them perfection.

 

[OrdinaryPerson]

Did anyone buy @Bry1313 a butter churner for his birthday?

 

[Indie]

Did anyone buy @Bry1313 a butter churner for his birthday?

I need his addy.

 

[LadyLascivious1]

This is lit. Dick is everywhere...


They look like fancy prison garb to me...

Also, fuck you for tricking me into looking at your dick.
This has been a bullshit few weeks of unintentional genital exchange

I'd be really upset to find out I was missing out on something so amazing, too.

Funny how you lose your bush and all of a sudden you see my dick.

After a decade long build up, sharing graphic images is usually a lot more pleasurable than this went down

And they rode horses.

You have a one track mind, Pony Play king

 

[aussiegeekygal]

You have a one track mind, Pony Play king

I've got a thing for repetition

 

[Bearded_Warr1or]

Every week (or at whatever duration I want), I will post a poll and you guys can vote. Extra points for explaining why. At the end of the time period, I'll tally up the votes and declare the poll winner as well as the poster that made the best argument.

To start off...

Poll: What is more dangerous? Putting the wide end of a butter churner inside your butt or putting your penis inside a turned on shop vac?

A) You have a penis and you think butt churning your butter is the safer option

B) You have a penis and think fucking a shop vac is the safer option

C) you don't have a penis and you think butt churning your butter is the safer option

D) you don't have a penis but think fucking a shop vac is the safer option if you did have a penis

If anyone needs a visual on the butter churner...

B - tried it when I was a much younger man... crikey... too dry and powerful!