Are we born with our kinks? Or do we develop them?

[SubmissiveMom]

I'm pretty sure that we develop our kinks and sexual preferences fro what we see, hear and experience when growing up x My Submissive sexuality and all of my sexual fetishes and preferences all come from memory and experiences during my life x x x

 

[rudrakshpathak]

I'd like to believe that while our inherent sexual nature is something we may be born with, the question of kinks can be attributed to how that nature interacts with what we see, hear and experience and eventually leads to the development of our fetish

 

[yukonnights]

I too am intrigued and turned-on by D/s and humiliation games. I posted on another thread awhile back on the same subject/question. In general, it seems obvious that the arousal we feel with our "kinks" is all in our head - duh! But why? I have read and tried to learn about this, and think psychology is the only way to come to a real understanding of it. I searched for info on "eroticized sexual humiliation" and found some interesting stuff. For one, indeed it does all relate back to our formative years and what we experienced.

Below are a few quotes from an article linked here -> http://psychologytomorrowmagazine.com/what-your-favorite-porn-says-about-you/

1. "...Specific erotic images are connections to deeper inner truths long banished from consciousness."
2. "...Through our sexual fantasies, we attempt to master feelings of powerlessness, shame, guilt, fear and loneliness that have followed us into adulthood."
3. "...Situating ourselves in humiliating, romantic or risky scenes counteracts painful feelings by turning them into pleasurable ones. Psychologically, this happens outside our awareness..."

So, as many have already said above, it seems that our kinks, in particular our need for humiliation, is indeed deeply embedded in our subconscious and apparently provides a refuge of sort from lingering issues from events that were a source of emotional pain.

That said, it also seems to me that certain traits that may seem kinky by society's standards are actually deeply embedded into our being from conception/birth. Some prime examples are; bi/homo individuals, feminine males, masculine females, transgender people, dominant & submissive traits, etc. Which raises the flag of question about what exactly is a kink? A kink in one society may have been perfectly normal in another at some point in history. So there's that whole can of worms too!

I think there is a whole lot more that could be said on this, but I haven't found anything yet that really jumps out as a really complete answer

 

[chitrashi]

I think I was born this way. There's so much that's happened in my life from early age that should've made me bitter and resentful. It's the exact opposite in fact. Experiences that might very left most women traumatised, I have welcomed and loved.

I've been in incestuous relationships, been shared, dominated, been used by colleagues, professors, friends, and even strangers. In almost all cases I found that I had encouraged the advances of the men and never resisted.

 

[Justfantasies]

I think I was born this way. There's so much that's happened in my life from early age that should've made me bitter and resentful. It's the exact opposite in fact. Experiences that might very left most women traumatised, I have welcomed and loved.

I've been in incestuous relationships, been shared, dominated, been used by colleagues, professors, friends, and even strangers. In almost all cases I found that I had encouraged the advances of the men and never resisted.

"

The evidence is increasingly that behavior of all kinds is strongly influenced by genetics. It takes environment/events to bring out certain behaviors and behavior is distributed on a bell curve -- for example from virginal to slutty. It's not an excuse, DNA can make you do it.

And hello again Chitrashi

 

[MysteryMan2014]

Both.


Some things just seem to naturally attract us.

Others, after seeing them, seem to become attractive after we think about them.

 

[Smallchange4]

Yes No Maybe So

My main fetish I did not develop until my early thirties. Whilst related experiences before this new found arousal motivator were completely humiliating and chastising after its realisation even the formerly unpleasant experiences are a complete turn on. At first I found my small penis humiliation fetish odd and didn't know that SPH is actually not so niche even if I had never heard of such a thing. I could argue that growing up into adulthood and suffering various humiliations as a result of my well less than average member was a catalyst and the fetish and its accompanying erotic pleasure is a compensatory protection mechanism an acceptance of myself rather than shame and inadequacy What used to bring me grief now provides joy.

 

[Nezhul]

I believe that the only raw input that we are born with is our body chemistry. In other words, how much different hormones our body is wired to produce. That determines how excitable you are, how easily scared, how much energy you have...

All the rest that represents our self - is coming from experience. And the way those experiences sometimes interact with each other is not at all straightforward.

This means that you don't need to be exposed to anything kinky or kink-related to develop a fetish. You could... You could just have that one great morning with your mom when you was a kid and there were those nice yellow flowers. Later when you see yellow things you become subconsciously triggered to be excited and slightly happy. You express this as "liking that color", but in reality you like it for a reason that you don't even remember. And that was a simplistic example. What actually happens is thousands, millions of small memories get interlinked in your brain to form your tastes. And tastes are also memories, experiences.

I would suggest everyone to google how Neural Networks work. They are computer programs that mimic the way our brain works, and allow the software to learn through trial and error. They are on a very, VERY basic level, but they are modelled after what happens inside of your head your entire life.

 

[RockyMountainMan2]

I remember as a kid, I'd say around six or seven, before I even knew what sex was that I was watching an episode of "Lost in Space" and the teenage daughter was trapped in a huge Venus flytrap type thing. She was clothed, but also spread eagle. I remember being aroused by it, although I had no idea why. It would be years later that I tied up my first lady, and it made me think of "Lost in Space."

 

[CandiCame]

I'm almost positive mine is genetics. I remember being way too young to know that stuff was supposed to be scary and like... this is when I was too young to know what sexy was but I sure as fuck knew I wasn't scared.

Like, as an example, there's a SHOCKING number of kids shows where people are tied to chairs or just tied up or kidnapped or whathave you, usually by batshit crazy people, in scenes that are obviously supposed to be scary.

Then even after my dick started working I was like, "Idk what you're on about, dick, this is not sexy fun time. This is scary time." Took me like a good year or two to figure out what the fuck he was doing.

So if it starts that early, it's probably innate.

Don't read that Steven King book about vampires as a kid, I can't remember what it's called but there's a little boy who is kidnapped and tied up by vampires and FOR SOME REASON it specifically goes into that the bondage was set up like a nutstretcher?? I don't know why that was necessary but my dick was like, "Hey, guess what, kid? You've got a ~fetish~"

There's this issue of the Knuckles comic, like Knuckles of Sonic fame, where he gets kidnapped and mind controlled, and it's going through all this shit he does during his captivity and there's this panel where he's shining the chick's boots, the villain who kidnapped him- I distinctly remember that because THAT was a thing.

Edit: Since James is my avatar I would be remiss to mention just the... constant... basically Team Rocket's whole relationship.

 

[ElliesExplorations]

I'm almost positive mine is genetics. I remember being way too young to know that stuff was supposed to be scary and like... this is when I was too young to know what sexy was but I sure as fuck knew I wasn't scared.

Like, as an example, there's a SHOCKING number of kids shows where people are tied to chairs or just tied up or kidnapped or whathave you, usually by batshit crazy people, in scenes that are obviously supposed to be scary.

Then even after my dick started working I was like, "Idk what you're on about, dick, this is not sexy fun time. This is scary time." Took me like a good year or two to figure out what the fuck he was doing.

So if it starts that early, it's probably innate.

Don't read that Steven King book about vampires as a kid, I can't remember what it's called but there's a little boy who is kidnapped and tied up by vampires and FOR SOME REASON it specifically goes into that the bondage was set up like a nutstretcher?? I don't know why that was necessary but my dick was like, "Hey, guess what, kid? You've got a ~fetish~"

There's this issue of the Knuckles comic, like Knuckles of Sonic fame, where he gets kidnapped and mind controlled, and it's going through all this shit he does during his captivity and there's this panel where he's shining the chick's boots, the villain who kidnapped him- I distinctly remember that because THAT was a thing.

Edit: Since James is my avatar I would be remiss to mention just the... constant... basically Team Rocket's whole relationship.

I've developed mine for sure...

 

[jedclampet69]

Mine started from page 3 girls in news paper when very young.. Then over time.. I liked my g/f to dress sexy. Well OK like a slut. My first g/f as an adult cheated.. The confused emotions and incredibly hard cock.. After that kinks was set for life.. But exactly how many if us live our kinks to the fullest I have no idea. I know I haven't and don't more tines than I do..

 

[jackstud]

I'm pretty sure that we develop our kinks and sexual preferences fro what we see, hear and experience when growing up x My Submissive sexuality and all of my sexual fetishes and preferences all come from memory and experiences during my life x x x

yes we do mommy

 

[bareman]

I am strongly of the belief that kinks develop in response to situations we are exposed to. I am reminded of the story the Indian grandfather telling the child that there are 2 wolves always fighting for control of your mind-one is good and the other is evil. The child asks which one wins. The grandfather replies the one you feed. I think that we’re exposed to something that triggers a sexual component and as we tend to dwell on it, it develops as a kink or fetish.

 

[Nezhul]

A bit unrelated, but I remember always, since early teens, dreaming about women in prison setting, and the guards come in and fun starts.

Anyway, surprisingly, I never made a connection. One day I was about 19 or 20, I think, I was browsing local network for stuff. You know, those old DC++ sharing networks where you DL files directly from someone's shared folder.

And I stumbled upon SocietySM porn. Or maybe it was PerfectSlave - anyway, a Dungeoncorp porn. And it was a short 3 minute clip of a woman tied up to the table with a vibrator on her pussy, and cumming.

I tell you, it was a moment like I never experienced before or after. It was as if all starts aligned in the sky, a light bulb turning on in a dark abandoned attic of my mind that was never visited before.

The strength of "This is it" followed by "How the HELL did I not think of it before? You can actually tie women up."...
Probably my strongest sexual-life moment of my entire life. Even stronger than first sex. It was a moment when everything made sense to me.

What I'm getting at - at this moment I knew that I had Bondage kinks for many, many, MANY years. But I didn't know I had them. Somehow the topic never came up before in my life.
It's odd how you may have a kink and be completely oblivious of it.

So was the kink inborn? I think it wasn't. I still think that kinks are formed by ebing exposed to experiences in life (even completely non-sexual ones) that become linked together weirdly and in the end, you are aroused. I was aroused by a fantasy of being tied up long before I knew what sex is, before I knew why there are boys and girls and why aren't they the same.
But I can actually link that "fetish" to a very specific things, now that I'm older, although I will not delve into it - because that'd be too close to childhood. All I'll say is those things were completely non-sexual. Things like certain toys or game sessions with friends or in kindergarten.

 

[Ade_]

I believe its a mix of both, as I feel we are born with certain sexual desires that simply can't be ignored. However, people will also develop and be introduced to completely new ones over time for a whole variety of reasons and situations we become involved in.

 

[RockyMountainMan2]

There have been some really amazing and insightful responses to this thread. I don't know if I came up with a concrete answer, but I am now thinking that it is a little of both. The reason I started this thread is I have been working with a young woman who complains that her promiscuity has kept her from finding love and having a substantial relationship. She is into multiple partners and didn't know why. I regressed her three times, each time she went to a past life where she was in a situation where she was the only female in group sex. One life she was a chambermaid who was not allowed into the harem, but the king and his court preferred her to the harem girls. One life she was the only girl in a incestuous family. The family lived miles from civilization and the dad, uncles and brothers all used her openly. In another life she was a prostitute who specialized in gang bangs.

When she came to me for help she said she had always preferred groups of men over one man. She didn't know why. I think she may be turning toward a poly relationship. We shall see.


Thank you everyone for your insightful answers, I hope the discussion continues.

 

[CandiCame]

There have been some really amazing and insightful responses to this thread. I don't know if I came up with a concrete answer, but I am now thinking that it is a little of both. The reason I started this thread is I have been working with a young woman who complains that her promiscuity has kept her from finding love and having a substantial relationship. She is into multiple partners and didn't know why. I regressed her three times, each time she went to a past life where she was in a situation where she was the only female in group sex. One life she was a chambermaid who was not allowed into the harem, but the king and his court preferred her to the harem girls. One life she was the only girl in a incestuous family. The family lived miles from civilization and the dad, uncles and brothers all used her openly. In another life she was a prostitute who specialized in gang bangs.

When she came to me for help she said she had always preferred groups of men over one man. She didn't know why. I think she may be turning toward a poly relationship. We shall see.


Thank you everyone for your insightful answers, I hope the discussion continues.

I mean, that might not be a kink. She might just be polyamorous. Not all people are meant to be monogamous. Like... polyamory isn't a kink. That's a little bit insulting.

 

[nfrrdscnnr1]

I mean, that might not be a kink. She might just be polyamorous. Not all people are meant to be monogamous. Like... polyamory isn't a kink. That's a little bit insulting.

GOOD shot!!!! In fact, a VERY GOOD shot!!
Very interesting discussion and amazingly, on topic. I tip my hat to you folks!!
As most seem to think, seems to be both brain wiring, including how much of which hormones are deposited at the critical time, most assuredly, experience from birth.
Sad to see that so many parents are not able to follow the best practice and listen to, read to, and respect children.

 

[RockyMountainMan2]

I mean, that might not be a kink. She might just be polyamorous. Not all people are meant to be monogamous. Like... polyamory isn't a kink. That's a little bit insulting.

Sorry to insult you, I do not believe I ever said Polyamory is a kink, just an answer to her problem.

 

[occasional_lovers]

I think the primary characteristics of our sexual behaviour, such as orientation, have already been formed when we are born. The secondary ones, i.e. what you call kinks, are a combination of the family and the social environment, mainly of the latter.

 

[hotwinter]

I think it's both. I think we may have certain genetic predispositions in the first place which may get triggered on a certain way at some point in our lives which cause us to develop certain interests. I'd be interested to know if there are any ethnic or racial factors to this to which will be genetic and cultural? Like for example if me being a Southern European will be more prone to have certain fetishes and fantasies compared to someone from East Asia? Interesting topic though. Thanks for bringing it up.

 

[AlexD2018]

I think our sexual kinks develop over time. I can only speak for myself though, my kink is breast implants and blondes. Seeing Pamela Anderson running in slow motion on Baywatch when I was about eight years old had a profound and lasting effect on my sexuality. The extent to which means that (with exceptions few and far between), I am only attracted to blonde women and (again, very rarely), find natural breasts attractive. So I would definitely be on the side of ‘develop’, on this thread.

 

[DroolinFool]

I don't think we're born with it. I think something happens in our lives that triggers it.

Agreed. Everyone is born a blank slate. Timing and exposure dictate what a person has an affinity for. Intoduced at the wrong moment or via the wrong vector and a person will abhor the act/thought. Exposed or exploring at the right time/place in life, that person will enjoy it.

 

[CandiCame]

Not for nothing, but here's a childhood memory that is super traumatic in hindsight.

One time when I was little, I was staying with my grandparents, and my parents came to their house to get some tools, because my mom was stick in handcuffs. She was completely flipping her shit the whole time, and as a kid I was like, "How does that even happen? Why the hell was she even wearing handcuffs?"

As an adult I'm like, "OH SHIT IT'S HEREDITARY!"