A question for the ladies only…

[Fibella]

RIP your inbox

I'm either going to see alot of dick today or have some strong women coming at me with pitch forks. What could possibly go wrong.

 

[KatieDoes]

Lit demographics lean pretty hard into ‘stupid men’ territory.

* Required NotAllMen Disclaimer*

 

[Fibella]

Lit demographics lean pretty hard into ‘stupid men’ territory.

* Required NotAllMen Disclaimer*

We obviously have similar music play lists I can tell

 

[allclad]

Would be so wrong if she's clearly :
On a date.
Supervising young kids
In a Cafe corner booth with headphones on and reading a book (take the hint)
Or my personal favourite: having a nose bleed. Like really WTAF?

but if she's out and about not trying to keep to herself and enjoy some serenity then I think it would make her day.

Having a nose bleed? Seriously? That's funny.

 

[Amy_K]

The answer is simple. Don't talk to women. At all. Ever. They don't want anything to do with you.
Keep 'er moving.

The problem is, a lot of women know they aren't pretty, so a guy telling them that would creep them out. Because...what kind of guy likes ugly women?

I've had guys in the grocery store that I've smiled at come up to me and say that they just wanted to tell me that I'm pretty.

It has never bothered me. It might bother me if they started following me, but I've got pepper spray, a stun gun, and a snubnose .357 for them.

 

[Lazaran]

Bit afraid urban dictionary won't give me the right definition of this

Considering that you are an alt of the alt that started this thread ,that is a retread of a previous thread by an alt of the alt that started this thread, I would say that chode is perfectly apt.

*nods*

 

[SadieAnne]

I hateeee compliments. They make me feel so uncomfortable. I’d be really embarrassed if someone walked up to me and said that especially in front of others, but I’d prefer that over someone making a comment about my big eyes or pale skin which is what I usually get

 

[Tigobitties98]

As the parent of an adult child with autism, I'm going to take this question at face value. Some people simply do not understand social nuance, and it must learned with clear rules. Saying that everyone is different, and will take compliments differently, isn't helpful.

Non-creepy ways to be complemented by a guy:

1. If I’m your girlfriend
2. If I know you, but you limit your remarks to fashion choices: “Did you cut your hair? It looks great!”
3. During a one-night stand: “Wow! You are so sexy!”

That’s pretty much it.

Love this.
-compliments from strangers are going to make most women uncomfortable for all of the reasons @Saltfountain & @AlexBailey stated

-If you must compliment, if you feel an overwhelming compulsion to do so to strangers, keep it to non-sexualized features, such as cute outfit, nice hair

-never compliment a woman at work. She's working and just wants to be viewed as a professional. If you think she wants a compliment, she doesn't. She just being nice, because she at work.

Sorry girls, but this is way too much guy-bashing for me.

Compliments are nice. They don't need a list of pre-requisites to be allowed.
Sure, it's much nicer if the compliment is for something we've done or achieved rather than just our looks, but still..

No need to always assume the worst

I saw no bashing, just the hard truths of women who were explicitly asked for their opinion. In my life I have been raped as a teen, I have been the target of attempted SA in the work place, I have had my professional abilities called into question because I'm "attractive". I have experienced almost every type of #metoo moment the typical woman has been through, and yet I don't hate men. Most are wonderful human beings, but I'm on guard at all times, and don't want to be noticed by the opposite sex because, as Saltfountain so astutely put it, I've been conditioned so.

 

[SadieAnne]

I hateeee compliments. They make me feel so uncomfortable. I’d be really embarrassed if someone walked up to me and said that especially in front of others, but I’d prefer that over someone making a comment about my big eyes or pale skin which is what I usually get

To be clear I wasn’t man bashing. I don’t like compliments from anyone, even people I know. I don’t know why, I have always been like this but I feel like I might be getting better at it.
I know it’s weird. I’m not going to die if you do it but I’m going to change the subject and/or keep the convo rolling.

 

[Plasmaball]

As the parent of an adult child with autism, I'm going to take this question at face value. Some people simply do not understand social nuance, and it must learned with clear rules. Saying that everyone is different, and will take compliments differently, isn't helpful.


Love this.
-compliments from strangers are going to make most women uncomfortable for all of the reasons @Saltfountain & @AlexBailey stated

-If you must compliment, if you feel an overwhelming compulsion to do so to strangers, keep it to non-sexualized features, such as cute outfit, nice hair

-never compliment a woman at work. She's working and just wants to be viewed as a professional. If you think she wants a compliment, she doesn't. She just being nice, because she at work.

I disagree and I'll explain. While yes commenting on her looks os grounds for talking to hr.
You can say " you have been one of the nicest people I have had to deal with" or "this was a pleasure to work with you"

There is a polite way to complement a woman at work..

But saying "your dress is pretty and you smell good" isnt one of them.

I saw no bashing, just the hard truths of women who were explicitly asked for their opinion. In my life I have been raped as a teen, I have been the target of attempted SA in the work place, I have had my professional abilities called into question because I'm "attractive". I have experienced almost every type of #metoo moment the typical woman has been through, and yet I don't hate men. Most are wonderful human beings, but I'm on guard at all times, and don't want to be noticed by the opposite sex because, as Saltfountain so astutely put it, I've been conditioned so.

 

[Plasmaball]

To be clear I wasn’t man bashing. I don’t like compliments from anyone, even people I know. I don’t know why, I have always been like this but I feel like I might be getting better at it.
I know it’s weird. I’m not going to die if you do it but I’m going to change the subject and/or keep the convo rolling.

My money is on attention regardless of who it's from you don't like the spotlight.

Watch you be a professional speaker

 

[SadieAnne]

My money is on attention regardless of who it's from you don't like the spotlight.

Watch you be a professional speaker

I would simply pass away if I had to speak in front of an audience. so, no. Definitely not a professional speaker.

 

[Tigobitties98]

I disagree and I'll explain. While yes commenting on her looks os grounds for talking to hr.
You can say " you have been one of the nicest people I have had to deal with" or "this was a pleasure to work with you"

There is a polite way to complement a woman at work..

But saying "your dress is pretty and you smell good" isnt one of them.

Exactly! Those compliments could be given to a man or woman at work, which vis a good barometer of whether or not a compliment is acceptable

 

[Plasmaball]

Exactly! Those compliments could be given to a man or woman at work, which vis a good barometer of whether or not a compliment is acceptable

True and I've used them on both, but I've found women respond more to it then men. For clearly the correct reasons you might be thinking.

These are the safe bets that unless the woman Is really stuck up typical causes zero issues.

But as we have seen some women do like being told they are beautiful randomly. It's really no different than the social structure we have put in place to pick up the opposite sex.

Ya know what I mean?

 

[Plasmaball]

I would simply pass away if I had to speak in front of an audience. so, no. Definitely not a professional speaker.

I totally understand. Attention like that makes me uncomfortable as well.

 

[stickygirl]

These are the safe bets that unless the woman Is really stuck up typical causes zero issues.


But as we have seen some women do like being told they are beautiful randomly. It's really no different than the social structure we have put in place to pick up the opposite sex.

No, you're conflating two different things: being approached randomly with a blurt and 'picking up' the opposite sex. Those are entirely different.
I've witnessed men turning on women who they've "complimented" and when they don't get the giggling response they'd hoped for shout "frigid bitch" or as you cite, "stuck up cow".

Ya know what I mean?

Unfortunately yes - I do know what you mean.

The OP, or whoever the alt is, has probably posted in the AH to ask how far he can go before he breaks the underage rule at Lit. It's the same gig with the random compliment BS... 'but all I did was call her beautiful. How was I to know she'd just come from the IT unit where her mother had just died / she'd been given a redundancy notice / had been sexually assaulted the week before? I'm the nice guy - look I've even got the t-shirt.'
Yes, there may be one or two women who welcome street blurts, but what about the rest of us? I guess if we don't flutter our eyes and blush appropriately we're not worth your time?

 

[Plasmaball]

No, you're conflating two different things: being approached randomly with a blurt and 'picking up' the opposite sex. Those are entirely different.
I've witnessed men turning on women who they've "complimented" and when they don't get the giggling response they'd hoped for shout "frigid bitch" or as you cite, "stuck up cow".

It's not actually. There will always be that one exception to the rule but overall even the hey you are beautiful is still a wedge tactic into hoping she will linger and talk to you about things.
No that's not what I "cite" or I would have used those words. I didn't.
Again there is always an exception to the rule with even this. Those ultra feminist women etc who the mere thought repulses them.

Unfortunately yes - I do know what you mean.

The OP, or whoever the alt is, has probably posted in the AH to ask how far he can go before he breaks the underage rule at Lit. It's the same gig with the random compliment BS... 'but all I did was call her beautiful. How was I to know she'd just come from the IT unit where her mother had just died / she'd been given a redundancy notice / had been sexually assaulted the week before? I'm the nice guy - look I've even got the t-shirt.'
Yes, there may be one or two women who welcome street blurts, but what about the rest of us? I guess if we don't flutter our eyes and blush appropriately we're not worth your time?

 

[girlsmiley]

I’m curious about something… well, been curious for a long time now, and maybe this is a good place for answers.

Ladies, how would you react to a strange man coming up to you and saying, “Excuse me, I just wanted to say that you are beautiful,” and then just walking away with no intent to try to pick them up. I often find myself places where I see a woman I think is very attractive, and I’d like to tell her so, and that’s it.

Would it be creepy? Would it make your day? I’d love to know… not that I’ll ever say it no matter what the responses reveal.

“Strange man” is too vague.

I understand “Aunty, you’re so pretty” coming from my nieces. I tell them they’re pretty too.

Some random bloke on the street? If he was an old timer I would smile and say thank you. If he was a vampire looking gronk with the breath of a thousand Alsatians I’d probably give him a stern look and keep moving.

In my opinion, too many men focus on what women look like without looking at themselves in the mirror.

 

[VoraciousValue]

As the parent of an adult child with autism, I'm going to take this question at face value. Some people simply do not understand social nuance, and it must learned with clear rules. Saying that everyone is different, and will take compliments differently, isn't helpful.

I'm probably borderline autistic (some of my friends think I'm on the spectrum), but this is me. I don't understand body language very well. I don't even perceive social cues, much less have the ability to act on them. It's embarrassing when you realize what a handicap it is.

-If you must compliment, if you feel an overwhelming compulsion to do so to strangers, keep it to non-sexualized features, such as cute outfit, nice hair

-never compliment a woman at work. She's working and just wants to be viewed as a professional. If you think she wants a compliment, she doesn't. She just being nice, because she at work.

The embarrassment of past mistakes and the #MeToo movement combine to make me leery of providing any sort of social compliment whatsoever to people I do not know. I try to be very mindful of how I treat the women in my life, but in public, I worry that makes me seem indifferent, when I very much am not.

Even I know it's wrong to go up to a woman in public and go, "My breath caught at the vision of your massive breasts. They fill me with a carnal joy that cannot be described." (Or similar language.) But saying something like "nice hair" just doesn't go far enough to me. Per usual, I'm probably overthinking it.

I saw no bashing, just the hard truths of women who were explicitly asked for their opinion. In my life I have been raped as a teen, I have been the target of attempted SA in the work place, I have had my professional abilities called into question because I'm "attractive". I have experienced almost every type of #metoo moment the typical woman has been through, and yet I don't hate men. Most are wonderful human beings, but I'm on guard at all times, and don't want to be noticed by the opposite sex because, as Saltfountain so astutely put it, I've been conditioned so.

It makes me angry to hear that a man committed undesired violence against women. As a man, I cannot imagine the mental torture of being a woman in modern society. What I can do is listen to women's experiences and try to modify my own behavior. But it also feels like it's not enough.

 

[Saltfountain]

I guess the big thing for me is why someone is wanting to pay random compliments to a stranger.
If the motivation is perfectly innocent, I'd expect that they'd also approach men to tell them they looked fabulous, had great hair, a beautiful smile etc.
If a bloke only approaches random females, I'd say that there is a motivation of attraction to that person, sexual or otherwise, and this is the case in most instances.
If you're only approaching women to pay 'compliments', it's creep behaviour. Take a leaf from this guy's book...

 

[Tigobitties98]

I guess the big thing for me is why someone is wanting to pay random compliments to a stranger.
If the motivation is perfectly innocent, I'd expect that they'd also approach men to tell them they looked fabulous, had great hair, a beautiful smile etc.
If a bloke only approaches random females, I'd say that there is a motivation of attraction to that person, sexual or otherwise, and this is the case in most instances.
If you're only approaching women to pay 'compliments', it's creep behaviour. Take a leaf from this guy's book...

Excellent point!

Also, I understand the irony now, of this coming from Lious C.K, but I have rarely heard a man explain so well why women are leary of men:

 

[Saltfountain]

If the OP was complimenting with the intention of gaining a date, then that's different, but he said in his first post the idea was to compliment and run, and it wasn't in any way sexual...

 

[Tigobitties98]

If the OP was complimenting with the intention of gaining a date, then that's different, but he said in his first post the idea was to compliment and run, and it wasn't in any way sexual...

I totally get that, sorry if I did not communicate well that what I appreciate about this bit, what is relevant to the conversation I guess, is that many women don't feel like it's another human being giving a compliment to us. It's the half bear, half lion, he describes.

 

[stickygirl]

If the OP was complimenting with the intention of gaining a date, then that's different, but he said in his first post the idea was to compliment and run, and it wasn't in any way sexual...

...so he's explaining how to be a twat.

This isn't a social nicety that anyone here acknowledges, instead it's a cry from him to be noticed as the 'Phantom Complementer', someone who has no regard for the effect his actions might have.

To cut him some slack, we've all seen a stranger in a public place and felt a flutter of joy. It's not so different to me if I witness a kindly act or kids being adorable. While the sensation may be a reflex and innocent, acting on it is not.

 

[Saltfountain]

...so he's explaining how to be a twat.

This isn't a social nicety that anyone here acknowledges, instead it's a cry from him to be noticed as the 'Phantom Complementer', someone who has no regard for the effect his actions might have.

To cut him some slack, we've all seen a stranger in a public place and felt a flutter of joy. It's not so different to me if I witness a kindly act or kids being adorable. While the sensation may be a reflex and innocent, acting on it is not.

I see plenty of attractive people every day. You see plenty of attractive people. As people, the vast majority of us would like to be thought of as attractive, or at least pleasant looking, or why would we worry about our clothes or appearance?
But there's a big difference between looking, staring, and acting