New story, already hot with 4.8 rating! (Student Group Sex theme)

Hi all!

My second ever story is out and my first in a series!
It appears to be having a good response so I thought I'd post it here to get as much feedback on it as possible

https://www.literotica.com/s/letting-off-some-steam-pt-01

Jorvik

I'm feeling blah today so I didn't read very far. Just a couple of quick comments.

Olivia must have seen us coming up the drive because as we pulled up she was already outside and ran over to greet us. Her blonde hair waved from side to side as she run up and threw her arms around me. Olivia was evidently a knockout! Her years on the track had given her a very sporty body: skinny waist, toned legs and ass, and firm D cup boobs.

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The sentence is better without "evidently". How can you judge the firmness of someone's tits by looking at them? And using bra sizes is tacky as (1) men can't determine bra sizes at a glance and (2) bra sizes vary from manufacturer to manufacturer. "Big boobs" works just as well.

Same thing for "B cup breasts" and "A cup boobs" later on.

You have lots of spelling/grammar errors. "Her voice was the epitome proper English country breading" made me laugh.

8letters said:

You have lots of spelling/grammar errors. "Her voice was the epitome proper English country breading" made me laugh.

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Yep, I chuckled at this:

I kiss her on the cheek. "Be careful what you wish for, my little slut," I retort before diving on my pray...

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A religious boy, clearly .

It's a light-hearted romp, but suffers the common "evils" such as heights (I'm six foot, too, but so what, 5'9" not so tall boy?) and boob size measurements, far too much stopping for back-fill (filler), lots of telling not showing. But, the youthful enthusiasm shows through - it's a bit of a lad's tale, a page of quick smut. There's an audience for it, no doubt.