Subdrop, no aftercare... help!

Hi all,

So I have been experimenting recently and have been working specifically with one Dom for the past few weeks... generally he is fairly receptive to my needs, but yesterday after our session he IMMEDIATELY made it clear that I was to leave his home.

I don't know if I did something wrong or something to upset him... he said I did well, and told me I was a good girl, but I feel awful. My feelings are hurt and I'm incredibly depressed today. Has anyone ever experienced anything like this?

- D

I'm sorry you're feeling down right now.

Have you talked with him about needing aftercare?

Things that have helped me are to enjoy my favorite chocolates and drink hot tea. Think about getting yourself a little "kit" together for such occasions. Something with things you think could help like maybe your favorite movie, food, a blanket, tea, or whatever works.

Definitely have a talk with him about this. If you need him there for aftercare you'll have to tell him and ask him if that's possible. If not you'll have to decide if you're ok with that.

As with most of these things, aftercare(if needed) is something to negotiate upfront, although it can be difficult to predict how you may react to certain situations and hence your subsequent needs.

Subdrop sucks, no two ways about it, but as MeekMe says, some self care may help you to ease the negatives emotions you're experiencing.

I don't always need aftercare...I quite like, certainly in the immediate aftermath of something heavy, to be left to suffer a while before I can accept and be receptive to it(aftercare isn't always just about the sub or bottom, it can be needed by the Top too)
But everyone is different, and it's important to know yourself well enough to know what you need, then to communicate that to your Dom.

I have a question for you, though. Did he tell you, upfront, that at the end of the session you'd be required to leave, or was this unexpected?

I do hope that the subdrop lifts soon, it really is no fun when it hits

I have had that happen and I have driven home feeling lost and sad.

Lack of aftercare is a deal breaker. Don't hang around for what could be because that is just cruel (unless he is a firefighter or EMT or has a job where he has to leave at a moment's notice. But you will know that up front.)

If you do hang around, write down for yourself what you want and don't be afraid to tell him what you need. If you don't get it, you have to take care of yourself because you don't want to repeat the experience and you have a responsibility to yourself to not get into a repeated pattern of bad results.

I have found that Doms know what they are doing and some can be abusive in their head trips. Don't hang around for that. They don't change, and it isn't you.

How would you deal with any emotionally draining event? It's much the same. Take a bath, make sure you've got plenty of comforting foods, ask a friend out for coffee. In fact, spend time with people you care about if you can, because positive interactions with loved ones is good for your mental health anyways.

I agree that bringing it up with him when you can be level headed and not angry is a good idea. I'd ask him why the sudden dismissal? I'd also discuss with him how I felt so he could know where I was coming from, not in an accusatory way but matter of fact. Even just a chat on the phone might help you feel better.

butterfly_flip said:

But everyone is different, and it's important to know yourself well enough to know what you need, then to communicate that to your Dom.

I have a question for you, though. Did he tell you, upfront, that at the end of the session you'd be required to leave, or was this unexpected?

Click to expand...

Thank you all for your kind perspectives... I realize now that aftercare is something I need in most cases, but when Daddy and I first got involved I didn't know enough to ask for it or pre-negotiate for it. I didn't realize drop existed...

That being said, butterfly_flip, you are right about communication being key. We spoke about this last night and he assured me such an abrupt ending will not happen again. (To answer your question, no, he had not advised me that I would need to leave immediately)

Thank you everyone for your guidance on this

LostLittleOne said:

Thank you all for your kind perspectives... I realize now that aftercare is something I need in most cases, but when Daddy and I first got involved I didn't know enough to ask for it or pre-negotiate for it. I didn't realize drop existed...

That being said, butterfly_flip, you are right about communication being key. We spoke about this last night and he assured me such an abrupt ending will not happen again. (To answer your question, no, he had not advised me that I would need to leave immediately)

Thank you everyone for your guidance on this

Click to expand...

LostLittleOne
I am glad you spoke to him and he said it won't happen again. I have never experienced subspace with my Dom, we are just exploring D/s right now, but he has never just left after sex or told me to leave. We have a hug and chat every time.

Sam xx