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Do you hide your sexual needs from your significant other?

V

Vitriolhack

I hear you
Joined
Feb 5, 2018
Posts
8,938
I will admit that I have had more meaningful conversations on the lit chat with virtual strangers that with my wife.

Having tried to talk to her about it, I know how she would react and judge me.

I am not unhappy about the choices I have made, but, I am curious to know if others here are in the same boat I am in?
 
Last edited:
Vitriolhack said:
I will admit that I have had more meaningful conversations on the lit chat with virtual strangers that with my wife.

Having tried to talk to her about it, I know how she would react and judge me.

I am not unhappy about the choices I have made, but, I am curious to know if others here in the same boat I am in?
Click to expand...
I am fortunate that I am quite open with my husband about my needs wants and interactions and we are fine with it, but have been open since we met. Of course, everything is firewalled and separate from family life

From reading in here, that is not the case for all, and I know a few people struggle with it too. Openness is a hard bridge to cross, despite it being the "ideal"
 
From stating
Vitriolhack said:
Stayed in a bad relationship just because the sex was good?

Guilty!
Click to expand...
a relationship you go on to say "we left each other the same way we loved each other, badly"

and now

Vitriolhack said:
I have had more meaningful conversations on the lit chat with virtual strangers that with my wife.
Click to expand...

maybe you should question why you have less than satisfactory relationships
 
Vitriolhack said:
I will admit that I have had more meaningful conversations on the lit chat with virtual strangers that with my wife.

Having tried to talk to her about it, I know how she would react and judge me.

I am not unhappy about the choices I have made, but, I am curious to know if others here in the same boat I am in?
Click to expand...

You are not alone in this I believe it is more common than most would like to admit to.
 
NightL said:
From stating

a relationship you go on to say "we left each other the same way we loved each other, badly"

and now



maybe you should question why you have less than satisfactory relationships
Click to expand...

Night, thank you for your comment. The first comment talks about a relationship I had in my late teens that dragged into my early 20s. But, I have known this girl going back to almost kindergarten.

Perhaps I should have done things differently. Who knows? But, these days, while I may not be entirely fulfilled, i am not unhappy.
 
vitriolhack quoth:
i will admit that i have had more meaningful conversations on the lit chat with virtual strangers that with my wife.

having tried to talk to her about it, i know how she would react and judge me.

i am not unhappy about the choices i have made, but, i am curious to know if others here in the same boat i am in?
Click to expand...
i don't hide my sexual desires from my wife. we've been together as a couple a long time now--a little shy of 3 decades now--but honestly, there's precious little we haven't already discussed, if not fantasized about, together. the things we haven't tried together are in the realm of things we still find hot but aren't interested in experienced in real life.

having said that: you're far from alone based upon the years i've spent here, and i sincerely doubt that's changed much.

these forums and its participants are a self-selecting group of people with a common interest and not infrequently, common frustrations.

you're definitely not alone in these respects, although for what it's worth, i sympathize.

ed
 
To a degree. I feel like there is a depth is reserve until I see how she handles some of the medium level stuff I’ve told her.
 
Wishingbox said:
To a degree. I feel like there is a depth is reserve until I see how she handles some of the medium level stuff I’ve told her.
Click to expand...

Exactly, the “medium” stuff was enough for a serious disagreement imagine the rest.

Ah well, thank heavens for erotic literature!
 
We usually talk about our sexual needs, but she had surgery two months ago, and I have not wanted her to feel bad about not being able to have sex. I couldn't hide my disappointment when the doctor told her to wait six more weeks a few days ago, but I told her that on July 26 I wanted her to tie a ribbon down there and prepare for a grand re-opening.
 
gtnlynn said:
We usually talk about our sexual needs, but she had surgery two months ago, and I have not wanted her to feel bad about not being able to have sex. I couldn't hide my disappointment when the doctor told her to wait six more weeks a few days ago, but I told her that on July 26 I wanted her to tie a ribbon down there and prepare for a grand re-opening.
Click to expand...

Hopefully all is fin with the surgery.

I am assuming a blow job is not out of the question. :D
 
Vitriolhack said:
Hopefully all is fin with the surgery.

I am assuming a blow job is not out of the question. :D
Click to expand...

I'm trying not to do anything that might get her sexually excited, so I'm avoiding all sexual activity...other than the occasional squeeze of a boob. The surgery was successful, but sutures remain in the vagina.
 
There are sometimes things I am not sure I can talk to my wife openly about. However there are thoughts and hidden desires I can come here to discuss.
 
I just keep my intimate thoughts for myself and very seldom share them, even to my husband. I really think there are things that is better to keep in the dark.
 
Vitriolhack said:
I will admit that I have had more meaningful conversations on the lit chat with virtual strangers that with my wife.

Having tried to talk to her about it, I know how she would react and judge me.

I am not unhappy about the choices I have made, but, I am curious to know if others here in the same boat I am in?
Click to expand...
As a sissy it is very important to be open and honest with Her.
There are "cuddle times" where She and sissy share thoughts and feelings. During this time it is allowed and required to discuss such desires. This is one of the things that has sustained the relationship for so long.
It is very nice to hear Her desires even if sissy is not the one to fulfill them.
 
During our courtship and engagement, my eventual ex-wife and I were very open about our sexual needs and desires. That changed dramatically once we were married, though. Other than the rare occasions when she drank way too much, she told me little about her inner sexual thoughts. And, she made it clear she didn't want to hear mine. I tried to stop talking about my desires and needs, but I couldn't. Our marriage fell about after nearly two decades when she sought a divorce. The main cause of our divorce was something else (I screwed up our finances), but the resentment caused by our inability to discuss our needs certainly played a role in her decision to not seek marriage counseling.
 
Only the ones I know will freak her out.
Actually, that would be a pretty long list as she is mostly vanilla.
 
Vitriolhack said:
I will admit that I have had more meaningful conversations on the lit chat with virtual strangers that with my wife.

Having tried to talk to her about it, I know how she would react and judge me.

I am not unhappy about the choices I have made, but, I am curious to know if others here in the same boat I am in?
Click to expand...

I am in the same boat as you on this subject.
 
I started out in life being open with her, then with kids and other distractions it was easier to just have the filtered version. I realised the filter just kept getting bigger and gradually got the conversation to be about our filters and getting back to openness. I got that hint from someone else, in that just because I had rehearsed the conversation in my mind from all angles, blurting it out in one hit would bombard her and the natural reaction is to resist and survive.
So just as your drift happens gradually, so you have to work on the process to talk about both your filters and see where common ground or acceptance lies.
 
longant said:
I am with you but oddly I feel like I have only myself to blame. Some years back my significant other found out about some of my clandestine activities and reacted badly, now she has a lot of anxiety about it. The weird thing is that she is a pretty sexually open person and if I had just been up front and honest with her from the beginning, I bet she would have shared these experiences with me and that we would have a much more active and adventurous sex life than we do now. So I would strongly encourage anyone just starting out in a relationship to be open and honest with their partner from the beginning. You might just be surprised where it will get you and it will potentially save you a lot of pain and trouble down the road.
Click to expand...

I don’t disagree with what you are saying. Sometimes, it’s not even about hiding things that you brought into a relationship. It’s about waking up one day and realizing that you are not the person you were 10, 15 or even 20 years ago. After a significant amount of time, it’s just really hard to all of a sudden telling your significant other, “you know what honey, I am not sure, but I would like to try other things.”

I do agree that honesty is usually best policy, but, what if you only realize things about yourself much later on in life? Does this mean that the person you were no longer is here? That’s when you start calculating the odds of admission to your partner that you want things to change versus keeping status quo.

V.
 
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