how to get her to go smooth?

Haha that would have made my problem non existent at least

helplessharold said:

That's probably the most rational thing. I think I have some more damage to undo from having sex with her only a dozen times over a 5 year marriage but that gives me hope when we're back to where we can talk about everything like we used to. It's all nearly back the way that it was and after it is and once I can talk to her about it more openly I'll use those arguments if it's not completely her choice I'll let it go and start working on my own issues with hair.

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You're right. You have far bigger problems than a little hair. In my opinion, if a man only wanted to sleep with me every six months, I wouldn't describe it as the "we do kinky stuff" that you've mentioned. What changed a year ago that made you decide that she was worth your sexual attention? Is there a chance that the two of you have flirted once too often with someone else? Maybe she thinks that you've begun shaving for another woman. Maybe she has a boyfriend who likes it a little hairy. You really are jumping the gun on this hair thing. The two of you need to date.. or something.

GiggLeGasm said:

You're right. You have far bigger problems than a little hair. In my opinion, if a man only wanted to sleep with me every six months, I wouldn't describe it as the "we do kinky stuff" that you've mentioned. What changed a year ago that made you decide that she was worth your sexual attention? Is there a chance that the two of you have flirted once too often with someone else? Maybe she thinks that you've begun shaving for another woman. Maybe she has a boyfriend who likes it a little hairy. You really are jumping the gun on this hair thing. The two of you need to date.. or something.

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Err well this is a little more personal than I'd like but I did ask for help so I'll answer. Nothing changed except we didn't talk like we used to, I mean we did but nothing like what should be healthy for a relationship. I picked up that she always wanted to talk more and do more when we engaged in the bedroom for a few days after. She's always been 'worth' my sexual attention (that makes it sound ugly...) its just I don't have any to give. I'm just not attracted to anyone male or female and at one point the thought of sex would make me vomit and shake like I'd just faced death. Another woman is the last thing on my mind and she knows it because she's offered, and I've told her it's okay to look for action on the side since day one because of how I am. We go on dates, and I cook romantic meals enough not to cheapen the act we leave each other cute notes (lame and cheesy but it's fun for us) overall it's a great marriage I'm just doing more in the bedroom because I know that's what she needs after being stuck with someone weird like me and ever since that we've steadily patched the holes in communication.

As for the 'kinky stuff' 2013 and before the riskiest thing we'd done was sex in a shower which was more glamorous in mind than in action. 2014 onward we've done it like rabbits and in more places than I'd be comfortable saying, in more positions than I thought possible, with things I didn't consider to be sexual aids before. The only sexual act I enjoy is going down on a woman, because it's all about her and to me making her feel more is the only reason to have sex. That's sort of why it's a big deal to me but because sex freaked me out for so long pubic hair more than grosses me out, it brings up a lot of past anxiety for some weird reason.

So, I'm wondering. How old are you?

28 a few years older than her.

A former bf, one I was with for a long time, used to shave. It was something he already did before we met. Personally, I think it's strange. I prefer natural. But I didn't tell him that I wanted him not to shave, because it was his body and shaving was something he wanted to do. I accepted his preference.

The thing was, I would still often get a hair in my mouth when I went down on him. I really didn't care because I loved him and I enjoyed going down on him. I enjoyed giving him pleasure, which gave me pleasure. I would notice the hair, get rid of it, and continue.

Now, the even odder thing is, it annoyed the hell out of him when he went down on me and got a hair in his mouth. Sometimes I shaved, and sometimes I didn't. But I learned that, for me, shaving was worse than not shaving. It brought itching and bumps. And waxing was not something I wanted to do.

To me, whether one shaves or not, is a minor thing. Sex is not about whether someone shaves. It's about intimacy and having fun, among other things.. like do you really like and appreciate your partner. If sex ends up revolving around whether one shaves or not, there's something else going on that is not being dealt with.

There is nothing unhygienic about pussy hair

Bald is just a fashion and a sensation

And trimmed hair doesn't fall out

may_I_please said:

There is nothing unhygienic about pussy hair

Bald is just a fashion and a sensation

And trimmed hair doesn't fall out

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Thick pubic hair can hold moisture, which after a long, hot summer day, can have an unpleasant odor, just as underarm hair can have an odor. Maybe you don't notice, but a man does, he just won't tell you.

helplessharold said:

Nothing changed except we didn't talk like we used to, I mean we did but nothing like what should be healthy for a relationship.

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Whatever problems exist between you and your wife, communication is the solution. There are all kinds of relationships/marriages in this world, and working together as man and wife, I'm sure you and she will find the answers you seek. You don't have to justify your marriage to anyone but yourself and your wife.

Harold_Hill said:

Thick pubic hair can hold moisture, which after a long, hot summer day, can have an unpleasant odor, just as underarm hair can have an odor. Maybe you don't notice, but a man does, he just won't tell you.

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Bullshit! Ever heard of washing?

Bald pussies are the result of fashion driven by porn, social media and trash mags

Generations grow up now thinking its normal, previously hair was desirable

I am equally happy to see bare as hairy...in both men and women ...and the taste doesn't change ...nor is that musty sweet-salty aroma anything but a huge fucking turn-on

Why would you assume I've never eaten pussy?

Monica_112 said:

Bullshit! Ever heard of washing?

Bald pussies are the result of fashion driven by porn, social media and trash mags

Generations grow up now thinking its normal, previously hair was desirable

I am equally happy to see bare as hairy...in both men and women ...and the taste doesn't change ...nor is that musty sweet-salty aroma anything but a huge fucking turn-on

Why would you assume I've never eaten pussy?

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Maybe *stink* is a turn on for you, but it isn't for everyone. Some people like to be clean. Personally, I don't know you, and could care less whether you eat pussy or not.

Harold_Hill said:

Maybe *stink* is a turn on for you, but it isn't for everyone. Some people like to be clean. Personally, I don't know you, and could care less whether you eat pussy or not.

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You're a fuckwit

Monica_112 said:

You're a fuckwit

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I don't recall asking your opinion on either subject.

I was responding to the "maybe you don't notice, but a man does"

The rest is about your lovely little notion that pussies stink

And I don't need your permission to post - it's the internet

Monica_112 said:

I was responding to the "maybe you don't notice, but a man does"

The rest is about your lovely little notion that pussies stink

And I don't need your permission to post - it's the internet

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LOL, I needed a good laugh this morning, and watching someone make a fool of themselves is always good for a laugh. Thanks for brightening my day.

Natural is nice.

Perhaps the scent of a real woman can only be appreciated by a real lover. Fucking a shaved pussy can be prickly. Natural is lovely.

despite the mild hostility, this is a topic is kind of interesting.

It doesn't make sense to suggest that going down on another person is solely for the other person if the reason to avoid it is the unpleasantry attached. It's like, "I feel this strong thing to do for you but you need to make it perfect for me."
Really, if you want it to be about her, let her enjoy the tickle of fingertips brushing through her hair. Let her know that she is enough for you.. that the fact that she loves herself just the way she is represents admirable things. If she is her primary source of sexual attention through masturbation, then it needs to be acknowledged that those moments are probably important to her.
I understand that you feel "different" and do not fit into any social cliche' - I think that many people feel that way. I think that your description of clean, in that light, may be different than some others. If the "stink" is a result of the scents of arousal, then you may need to get over your need to make it "all about her" with oral sex. Quite frankly, you're making it more about you.

I will say.. a great piece of wisdom that was shared with me when I was younger..
When your lover no longer smells good to you, that person is no longer your lover.

GiggLegasm and LadyVer

Vaginas smell like vaginas. They shouldn't smell like Mountain Rain or Tropical Sunset. If it's unpleasant for you, you're most likely not compatible as our sense of smell plays a role in finding a suitable partner.

I'd like to add here that it sounds like you have a real hang up that you could try to work on yourself.

If you explain it to your wife and she understands and will "go smooth" for you because there is more behind it than a simple preference, that's a solution.

But it sounds like you have an underlying issue you might want to look into. Sounds like a minor thing, but odd phobias(for lack of a better word) like that sometimes have something very real behind them.

My goodness I go to sleep and miss all the fun. No I'm not harold, this isn't even my real name for obvious reasons. No aroma doesn't bother me vaginas are supposed to not smell like bed bath and beyond. Yes the problem is me, and I can understand why most of you see hair as hair but to me it causes real anxiety when my face is close to it.

lovecraft68: it took me years to find a way to have sex normally, the thought of it still unsettles me. I really don't want to spend years working through this but if it's my only option I definitely will.

...............

helplessharold said:

My goodness I go to sleep and miss all the fun. No I'm not harold, this isn't even my real name for obvious reasons. No aroma doesn't bother me vaginas are supposed to not smell like bed bath and beyond. Yes the problem is me, and I can understand why most of you see hair as hair but to me it causes real anxiety when my face is close to it.

lovecraft68: it took me years to find a way to have sex normally, the thought of it still unsettles me. I really don't want to spend years working through this but if it's my only option I definitely will.

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As I said, communication is your solution. Their are women whose husbands have ED, which results in a similar problem as you wife has, (i.e. lack of sex). And when they are able communicate, they find a way to make their marriage work. And you can too.

I agree, pussy shouldn't smell like Bed, Bath and Beyond, but it shouldn't smell like week old tuna either! Body odor is caused by bacteria growth, and if it doesn't smell right, (while she may be having the best orgasm she ever had), the guy is lunching on bacteria. There are men out there who get off on scat and water sports, (piss), but I prefer my tuna fresh, clean and hairless.

1. You keep saying you don't want to pressure her, but you're seeking advice from strangers on how to get her to do what you want her to do. Explain to me how that works again, 'cause that sure as hell sounds like pressure to me.

2. You've already acknowledged you get freaked out by pubic hair for reasons you don't understand, but that you don't want to do anything about it unless/until she says no. Dude. She's already said no, you just don't want to hear it.

3. Since you're the one with the issue, why the hell wouldn't you want to figure out why you're so grossed out about it? I get that it might take awhile and some hard work to figure things out, but if the end result is a better intimacy with your partner, isn't that worth it? Granted, there are no guarantees, but very few things in life are.

4. If one of the overall goals is better communication (which is part and parcel of a healthy sex life, IMO), I think it would be to your benefit if you were honest with her.

"Look babe, I don't know why, but pubic hair squicks me out. I know this is my problem, and I promise, I'm working on it. In the meantime, please just have patience with me."

She may decide all on her own to go bare or partially bare, on occasion. But she can't make an informed decision until you give her all the facts. Just sayin.'