Need older woman to role play with me

As strange as this sounds, this is true. Turned 18 just recently. All my life I've been kept from girls as I have very controlling mother and get bullied in school. Very shy all the time. Unlike people my age, I can't have posters of girls on my walls because mom doesn't like stuff on the walls. My life with the opposite gender has been bland. I was afraid to look at a Victoria's Secret magazine out of shame that I shouldn't or at least I felt that way. Then one day, I just caved in and began lookin through the magazines and drawing portraits of the girls in lingerie. Then I began putting lingerie pics of the girls on the computer screen. The only thing is, it's my moms computer but I use it a lot and am not allowed to make other accounts. Never did I get yelled at for having them up. Often I get a rush knowing the pics are up at all times. Then I moved onto playboy.