making him last longer

This may have been covered, but I couldn't find it.

It's frustrating.

My husband doesn't last long in bed at all. I can't figure it out. We try different positions, different techniques, take our time, go fast, lights off, lights on, etc.

Sex will last maybe 5-6 minutes if we're lucky. If there is foreplay we last longer, but as soon as there is penetration....it's 1..2..3..over.

Anybody have any ideas? I want it to last so much longer and i'm ready for rounds 2-6 immediately after, but he isn't.

Help!!

Madeline92 said:

This may have been covered, but I couldn't find it.

It's frustrating.

My husband doesn't last long in bed at all. I can't figure it out. We try different positions, different techniques, take our time, go fast, lights off, lights on, etc.

Sex will last maybe 5-6 minutes if we're lucky. If there is foreplay we last longer, but as soon as there is penetration....it's 1..2..3..over.

Anybody have any ideas? I want it to last so much longer and i'm ready for rounds 2-6 immediately after, but he isn't.

Help!!

Click to expand...

There should always be foreplay. Stop when he gets to 2 and try a different position, oral for you, etc. Back and forth.

Try to go for "the second coming".

How long is his refractory period after an ejaculation?
Make him come (or be a bit dominant and tell him to masturbate for you) an appropriate time in advance before you go for penetrative sex.


It might take a bit more work on your part to get him erect..... But it will take a lot more work to make him come.
Be ready to accept, that he may not be able to come the second time. It is not your fault, but physiology, and remember that you are having fun and experimenting.

Double post ...

.....

I am by no means qualified to offer advice in this area but you could get him to practise edging when he masturbates, it's certainly helped me last a lot longer.

MrFoxwood said:

I am by no means qualified to offer advice in this area but you could get him to practise edging when he masturbates, it's certainly helped me last a lot longer.

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That is a good point!

Edging can be done together too. That can be great fun!

That he does not last long, can be seen as a tribute to you!

I really think, that we are fighting against nature* when we want to last longer. The biologically sensible reaction would be:
"the salami has landed! Fire Tube 1"
as soon as the penis was far enough inside to give a reasonable chance of impregnation.
You just never know when a sabre toothed tiger or the flock's alpha male comes around to spoil the fun.

(So you have to make him a little more callused. Lots of sex and frequent ejaculations is the way to go. It's a dirty job, but you can make it! )




*Of course we should last longer! We are in this for the fun, not just procreation!

Maybe the the hub needs to see a doctor? Maybe it's medical issue.

Fantastic advice from MrFoxwood, Cumference and pplwatching, IMO. I particularly agree that more frequent sex takes the edge off. Frequent sex helps me to last longer and it has the side benefit of making me want more sex. The more I get, the more I want. Which seems counter-intuitive, but there you go....

I agree with Lady, it very well could be a medical condition that makes him go fast. Minutemen are not always going gotta go fast so can go watch whatever stupid man thing he is interested in. Sometimes a minuteman literally can't last longer.

That said there is an approach that will work. He thinks of Margaret Thatcher in her underwear. Not literally but something he is at least a little interested in that does not make him think of sex. Baseball is a good one, unless he plays in some variety and comes home to fuck you after.

All you have to do is take his mind off what he is doing. Usually the guy is to do it because if you talk sports to him or ask about his day at work you won't get off. Sort of destroys the purpose though if he can't think of anything else besides how good you feel on him, give him a million hot kisses then talk about something that will make him stop thinking about being inside of you.

There are two reasons for fast blow off with a guy, he is medically unable to last. Seriously there are conditions that affect that and guys with it hate to mention it. The other reason is he is thinking about being inside of you. I've heard this from guys, he gets on top slides in and is going oh fucking awesome there is a cunt to fuck. Not literally but the basic idea and they think about fucking the hot cunt. If you can get him to stop thinking about that during, he will last longer.

Simple test.

Have him put on a couple of condoms (so he feels less).

If he cums too fast anyway, the problem is in his head.

If he doesn't cum for a while, then the problem is hypersensitivity.

Not sure what to do if it's hypersensitivity, besides seeing a doctor. If it's in his head, I think it's that he fantasizes too much. Maybe a headshrinker will do. I don't think that's the right way to go, but I don't want to tell you what I really think it is then.

Hmm okay, he is letting the little man between his legs think for him. That was a better way to say it than what I was going to. He needs to get back in the driver's seat.

Is there anything else that he likes more than sex? If not, what does he like second best? REALLY REALLY likes? Tell him, he can have that, if he tries harder to not cum so quickly. It's a form of positive reinforcement to make him to retrain his mind. If he knows his pleasure center could get more pleasure by not cumming so quickly, he will be more inclined to control himself.

Edit: basically, it's getting him to understand he will get more bang for his buck, if he plays ball, so to speak. He can't have it, unless he lasts 30 seconds longer than his longest time fucking you. After he seems to have mastered 30 seconds, make it 1 minute. I'm sure you get the idea. Eventually you shouldn't need "the carrot" and he will actually try harder to control himself naturally.

best luck.

On the personal level (feel free not to answer, but I think it is relevant)

- how old are you?
- for how long have you been married?
- for how long have you had penetrative sex?
- in other words, was it a problem before marriage?
- how often do you have sex
- is premature ejaculation a problem in other cases than during "penis-in-vagina"-sex?
- are you each others first partner?





I'm really a little opposed to the term "fore-play" and the idea, that PiV is the "real sex" (I know what Clinton said, but I disagree).
When Lady C and I have fun, most of the time is spent doing other things than PiV. (But normally ends that way. She is quite insistent on that. She insists, that she can't relax afterwards, unless she gets "the blob" in the right spot)

have to say that personally i don't discriminate between PIV and the generic term foreplay - having come to realise years back that i'm not a marathon man i decided to try various things to prolong what is a gorgeous / fun experience. So as has been said, changing position, bringing out fingers/mouth/toys for a mid point breather however many times......
am sure 'back in teh day' i tried the think of something else routine - but i fail to see how that's productive ( meaning, why detract from the overall experience by thinking about something else ) - better to compensate in other ways.

he could try male kegels - i never had the patience to do so......

your post isn't clear as to whether he perceives there's a bit of an issue? because i'd have thought that's half the battle? if he's aware that he's a bit on the quick side, surely the aim is to get him/the pair of you doing things slightly differently - something that i imagine he'd buy into. If he isn't fully aware of how you feel then that needs addressing and potentially would help him re-align his 'technique' ?

at the risk of getting flamed, heavy duty painkillers are highly likely to have a delaying effect.....had a course of tramdol and some other tabs a couple of years back and at one point remember Mrs H wondering whether i was ever going to 'finish'......and i seem to recall that 'official' meds from the Doc for PE now centre on some form of a relaxant/chill pill - 'priligy'. Not the ideal as better to have a natural remedy.....

Madeline92 said:

Sex will last maybe 5-6 minutes if we're lucky. If there is foreplay we last longer, but as soon as there is penetration....it's 1..2..3..over.

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Depending on what exactly you're asking the answer may be different. If you saying that PIV intercourse lasts 5 - 6 minutes then that's about average. In that case, exploring the world of other fun ways to make sex last longer is a good choice.

Less than two minutes seems to be considered premature ejaculation in the articles that I've read. In addition to working with an Md, there are some non medical approaches to P.E. including desensitizing condoms like Durex.

I swear by the simple techniques in the Tao of Sex...Google it. I can last for hours. Secret is not trying to come. Stopping at that point.

Just to add to the good advice here already: When he first comes into you, make it real slow. And then stay joined but with no movement down below and lots of attention on his part to other lovely things: kissing you deeply, playing with your breasts, caressing through your hair. Then a some still gentle movement, but for him to savor simply being in you, as distinct from fucking you. Will he get himself in a position where he can play at your clit with his finger or thumb while he is at full penetration, but still?

Then, when you are building, he can build in terms of action and hopefully full fury a while before he blows.

Thing is, what I have described has its own power of arousal. So the first few attempts at going at it this way are likely to bring him on too soon just the same. But he's learning an art. He can get there for you.

And some clear motivation for him: does he really really know that his own pleasure in ejaculation, if it is during or after he has taken you to orgasm, will pale any other pleasure he has known into insignificance?

Simon

suckonsimon said:

Just to add to the good advice here already: When he first comes into you, make it real slow. And then stay joined but with no movement down below and lots of attention on his part to other lovely things: kissing you deeply, playing with your breasts, caressing through your hair. Then a some still gentle movement, but for him to savor simply being in you, as distinct from fucking you. Will he get himself in a position where he can play at your clit with his finger or thumb while he is at full penetration, but still?

Then, when you are building, he can build in terms of action and hopefully full fury a while before he blows.

Thing is, what I have described has its own power of arousal. So the first few attempts at going at it this way are likely to bring him on too soon just the same. But he's learning an art. He can get there for you.

And some clear motivation for him: does he really really know that his own pleasure in ejaculation, if it is during or after he has taken you to orgasm, will pale any other pleasure he has known into insignificance?

Simon

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I know most guys feel they have failed themselves and their woman if they haven't come. I say, get over that and enjoy the fact that ejaculation has been delayed. It's just another way of looking at it.
Coming zaps a guy's strength. Another reason for not coming.
The woman gets extra pleasure from repeated fucking. In different positions.
If she wants that pleasure she will encourage him not to come and even help him achieve that.
It's the journey, not the result that's important for the woman, and it can also be the same for the man.
BY the way, when he DOES finally come..it will blow his mind. BTDT!
As I said, check out the Tao of Sex. Especially the different thrusting techniques!

I'm 32 he is 34
We've been married 9 years
We've been having sex for about 13 years
---its always been this way.
Sex happens about once a month but lately more
We are each others firsts

I should clarify a little. Sex is great. We are comfortable exploring each other. He takes care of my needs and he has no problem performing cunnilingus, fingering, etc. Sometimes the sex will last longer but I was heated when i posted this.

The other night he was going down on me and it was REALLY good. I was getting into it, he was getting into it. Fingering me, licking, uh..it's getting me turned on thinking about it. Anyways, before we could even start with penetration, he came all over. I wanted him inside me, and it didn't happen.

But besides that night, there have been multiple times when we both wish intercourse would have lasted much longer.

Thanks for all the ideas. I'm open to talking about this more if anyone has more to offer. Shoot me a PM.

Madeline92 said:

I'm 32 he is 34
We've been married 9 years
We've been having sex for about 13 years
---its always been this way.
Sex happens about once a month but lately more
We are each others firsts

Click to expand...

Thanks for answering some very intimate questions.


My degree is not in medicine ( but what the heck, have you seen one doctor, you've seen them all )

Unless he is an avid masturbator, I would estimate, that during a month without relief, the male testicular pressure will have reached near-fatal levels.

Doctor's orders are as follows: one daily ejaculation for 30 days.

I should clarify a little. Sex is great. We are comfortable...

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There is hope!

Once a month is not enough. You need to get him going a few times a week at your ages. Be more proactive by dressing provocatively.

Some times a man does need to pop quick. If he bounces back well use a cock ring to help him stay hard on that second go.

Barring any medical conditions, your sexual experience is only what you make of it. Duration is a learned thing, sounds like hubby hasn't made it a priority, he just shrugs his shoulders and accepts it. As long as either of you accept P.E., it will continue to be an issue. When you take it as a challenge to improve his duration, then longer interludes will be the new norm and P.E. will be a thing of the past.

The advice given so far to improve his duration is excellent. Your results will be directly correlated to the amount of effort that you and your partner put into it. It does sound like his biggest problem is over sensitivity. You need to play with his cock more before intercourse, there are all kinds of things you can do and use to stimulate him. This is also where edging comes into play, you want to get him just barely to the "edge" of that point of no return, the key here is that he MUST stay in control, so you need to work together. The more familiar he is with the sensations of the build up, the more he can ultimately control them. Just before he gets pushed too far, you need to stop until he regains full control, then you can continue or find a new activity to play with.

The more you edge him in one session, the longer he will ultimately last, and the real pay-off here will be that when you finally let him cum, he is going to cum very hard and be totally physically drained afterward. It will be the best thing he's ever experienced!

Then, if he wants some REAL fun, he can work on the duration of the ejaculation from just a few seconds to over a minute or more. Now, he's not actually going to produce cum that long, but his body will stay in the orgasmic state longer, which adds another level of pleasure for both of you to experience.

exercise the pc muscle... both of you. Breathing exercises for concentration and if you eat differently it will help. Try "The Alchemy of Ecstasy" book

Change things up. Get him to come half an hour or so before you want to move to actual sex, so that he has time to recover but is still a little depleted. Or, best of all, have him tell you when he's approaching the brink and then back off, do something different that doesn't stimulate him at all (but that is good for you) to give him a bit of break before returning to what you were doing.

Not to get too technical but once a month isn't often enough for him to keep in practice. How many times a week does he masturbate to orgasm?

The more you do things the better you get. Ideally I would say you need to instigate a regime of daily sex.

As someone else said morning sex tends to last longer, for me that means TOO long, as I take forever, the OP might think that is perfect but it has its downside.