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Conflicted about sucking cock

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snowday43

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Joined
Jan 23, 2005
Posts
25
There seem to be a lot of other straight guys out there who have mixed emotions about the prospect of sucking cock and swallowing cum. On the one hand, the thought of doing it is exciting. It is just a basic sexual act that ideally shouldn't cause any problems. But on the other hand, they are concerned, perhaps rightfully so, over the numerous issues that may be presented. This tension can give rise to a constant internal tug-of-war that shows no signs of moderating over time. If anything, the tension escalates. Has anybody had to deal with this type of tension? Not all guys have a close friend, wife, girlfriend, etc., with whom they could necessarily share such private and potentially embarrassing feelings.
 
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snowday43 said:
There seem to be a lot of other straight guys out there who have mixed emotions about the prospect of sucking cock and swallowing cum. On the one hand, the thought of doing it is exciting. It is just a basic sexual act that ideally shouldn't cause any problems. But on the other hand, they are concerned, perhaps rightfully so, over the numerous issues that may be presented. This tension can give rise to a constant internal tug-of-war that shows no signs of moderating over time. If anything, the tension escalates. Has anybody had to deal with this type of tension? Not all guys have a close friend, wife, girlfriend, etc., with whom they could necessarily such private and potentially embarrassing feelings.
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i have ~ spoke to my very considerate wife about it too
 
those feelings and doubts are common and natural and finding someone to talk them over with is difficult,will the person judge and condemn you or will they genuinely listen and understand .
are the feelings a genuine need or just a fantasy ,will your fiends and family shun you if they find out what you are thinking?
there are no easy answers and each person must find what is right for them and i hope you find the answer you are looking for .
 
Do you know any gay men or women, that you can trust, to confide in? They may be willing to help, by sharing their experience.

Or try what worked for me. Have sex with strangers and stay in the closet. I think what I do between the sheets is nobody else's business. Of course there are still risks, but at least you can satisfy your curiosity, and suck some cock.
 
snowday43 said:
...Not all guys have a close friend, wife, girlfriend, etc., with whom they could necessarily share such private and potentially embarrassing feelings.
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Shortly after my first M2M experience, I too felt conflicted and confused. Having no one to talk to about it, I decided to check out a local bisexual discussion group at the LGBT center in a large town not far away (this was way back in the early 80's, so no internet was available.) I discovered there were plenty of other "straight" folks with the same confusion and questions I had, and plenty of others who had come to accept their bisexuality.

If you're anywhere near a good sized city, chances are it will have a LGBT Center with similar discussion groups.
 
Nerves and apprehension are very common especially if it's your first time with a guy. I was nervous and also not sure what to expect the first few times. I got over it and felt more comfortable as I gained more experience. It was always after I felt awkward, when I had got my sexual kick it felt a bit weird and I couldn't wait to get out of there.

These days I'm a lot better and more often will get ready for round two. I don't feel the need to bail out as soon as I have cum.
 
I think that sexuality is a spectrum, and that not everyone fits into the neat boxes of straight, gay, or bi. Bi to me signifies equal preference. Just mentioning in case you are conflicted about labels or what people think.

And I absolutely think you can be a guy who is really into women, and likes sucking cock sometimes, but doesn't want to fuck/be fucked by a guy, although some people will tell you that doesnt exist. Just trying to say don't feel guilty about what you want, whatever it is.

You will surely find some guys on here who feel similarly - some who are not sure if it is just a fantasy, and some who know it is a real life desire. You have gotten good advice about reaching out, and I think here is a good place to find answers too.

I would personally recommend role playing through it, and even try a discreet IRL encounter if you can, to help pinpoint if it is just a curiosity or a desire. If it is indeed a desire, just don't settle for someone who isn't ok with what you want. You will definitely find women who accept that, and even find it hot, if that's what you are worried about.

Life's too short to miss out on what really fulfills you. I hope you get the resolution you are looking for. :)
 
SheLikes2Watch said:
I think that sexuality is a spectrum, and that

I would personally recommend role playing through it, and even try a discreet IRL encounter if you can, to help pinpoint if it is just a curiosity or a desire. If it is indeed a desire, just don't settle for someone who isn't ok with what you want. You will definitely find women who accept that, and even find it hot, if that's what you are worried about.
Click to expand...

i like to help people with that sort of thing...
 
It has a lot to do with what society considers appropriate for 'masculine' behaviour. Cock-sucking isn't something men are supposed to do or want or enjoy, so it leads to concerns about the validity of one's identity as a man ('man card'). If you can accept (as SheLikes2Watch said above) that sexuality is a spectrum, and that gender can be unrelated to sexual orientation, then that should resolve the apparent contradiction (a tall order, I'll admit, though society is slowly changing in that direction).
 
Good advice...just a word of caution though...

Feel her out about bi sex before you confess your interests. Watch a movie with and watch her watch the sexual scenes or react to the bisexual innuendo. That may help you avoid a big mess.

I wish I had done that and never confessed I was curious to my now ex-wife. I told her I was curious and I wanted to know what it be like to suck cock. That's a large part of what ended our marriage.
 
LeeNorCal said:
Shortly after my first M2M experience, I too felt conflicted and confused. Having no one to talk to about it, I decided to check out a local bisexual discussion group at the LGBT center in a large town not far away (this was way back in the early 80's, so no internet was available.) I discovered there were plenty of other "straight" folks with the same confusion and questions I had, and plenty of others who had come to accept their bisexuality.

If you're anywhere near a good sized city, chances are it will have a LGBT Center with similar discussion groups.
Click to expand...

It would be nice to find groups like this in the Kansas City area. Over these many years I have never found one where I can go and discuss my feelings. On the other hand it would be hole so wonderful to find an individual just to meet with over coffee and chat about these feelings.
 
I was in my mid-40's and sexually frustrated and stuck in a sexless marriage. I was a mature professional man, good provider - and deeply resentful of having to return to the sexual outlet of my adolescence. To make matters worse, opportunities to do that were greatly limited. After everyone was asleep, I'd go online, look at porn until I good myself worked up and then quietly slip downstairs and quietly jerk off in the bathroom. Somewhere along the line I discovered that guys sucking each other was a turn on. I didn't want to admit it to myself at first that the idea of sucking a guy's dick turned me on but I gradually accepted it. Then I found myself wanting to move beyond fantasy and tried to think of safe discreet ways I might get to experience it for real.

I knew that sometimes fantasies don't turn out that well when they transition to reality. The idea of doing something forbidden and taboo just for the uninhibited hedonistic pleasure of it was exciting and thrilling and I got instantly hard thinking about it. However, I realized that the reality of having a guy thrusting his dick in and out of my mouth might be something I'd forever regret.

The urge was stronger than my rational thought process and I just had to experience trading oral with another guy. There had to be lots of guys in my situation. I was right and I found one.

I had never told anyone of my strong urge to suck a guy off and thus when I found someone on CL that was willing to help me achieve that goal, I was extremely nervous as I walked up his front steps. I pressed the doorbell and as I waited for the door to open, I dreaded the idea that there was a guy who would see me for the first time as a guy who wanted to suck his dick. Did I really want to take this step? Too late - the door opened and two guys who liked cock were now seeing each other face to face.

Long story short, after 20 minutes of nervous chat, we took our clothes off and I was holding his dick in my hand and didn't hesitate as I guided it to my mouth. I was awful but eager and had one of the most intense sexual experiences of my life. After it was concluded and I was driving away, my mind was spinning as I tried to figure out the ramifications of what I had just done. I had expected that I would feel regret initially but I did not. I couldn't stop replaying events in my head and the only regret I had was not having anyone I tell about it.
 
snowday43 said:
There seem to be a lot of other straight guys out there who have mixed emotions about the prospect of sucking cock and swallowing cum. On the one hand, the thought of doing it is exciting. It is just a basic sexual act that ideally shouldn't cause any problems. But on the other hand, they are concerned, perhaps rightfully so, over the numerous issues that may be presented. This tension can give rise to a constant internal tug-of-war that shows no signs of moderating over time. If anything, the tension escalates. Has anybody had to deal with this type of tension? Not all guys have a close friend, wife, girlfriend, etc., with whom they could necessarily share such private and potentially embarrassing feelings.
Click to expand...

There are a lot of guys who want to give or get the 'blow and go' experience with no emotional involvement at all. I suspect they are largely annoyed at all the baggage of emotional involvement they have with a wife or girlfriend and just want hot sex, now. Fuck my mouth until you cum and if you want, suck me off.

In that respect it's similar to paying a woman for sex. You are attracted to her, you and her agree on a price, you pay her, you do it with her, and you leave.
 
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The struggle for me was not my physical desire, it was the identity part. The only image I had of gay men was the stereotype swishy, catty, Oscar-loving queen. I knew I wasn't that, but I also knew I liked cock.

My first few hookups were with the above type, and I actually turned down a couple of guys who were just too "gay." Fortunately, I've met a couple who are very straight acting/appearing. You'd only know they were gay when their dicks were in your mouth or ass. Sex with them is the most vigorous, manly thing I've ever experienced. It's like a great workout with cum at the end.
 
snowday43 said:
There seem to be a lot of other straight guys out there who have mixed emotions about the prospect of sucking cock and swallowing cum. On the one hand, the thought of doing it is exciting. It is just a basic sexual act that ideally shouldn't cause any problems. But on the other hand, they are concerned, perhaps rightfully so, over the numerous issues that may be presented. This tension can give rise to a constant internal tug-of-war that shows no signs of moderating over time. If anything, the tension escalates. Has anybody had to deal with this type of tension? Not all guys have a close friend, wife, girlfriend, etc., with whom they could necessarily share such private and potentially embarrassing feelings.
Click to expand...

I know I have fantasized a lot about sucking cock and getting fucked - I think all of my fantasies these days revolve around being submissive to a woman or a man and servicing them orally or by offering my ass for fucking. Still however, I have no desire to kiss a man or have any romantic feelings toward men, its just all about that big hard cock for me.

Also, I really only have these fantasies while I'm stroking myself - it seems that once I start stroking my cock , especially while looking at porn, all I can think about is how much I want to suck that mans big cock or lick the woman's cum filled pussy. In just normal day stuff, I never look at a man with lust, but I still have lustful thoughts about women just upon seeing a sexy woman.

Like I said, I do fantasize about sucking cock when I'm stroking, but I don't know if I would really want to do it in real life. What I would love is for a woman to seduce me in to sucking cock for her. She would start first, taking out his cock, stroking him to hardness and then proceed to lick and suck his cock .. and alternately kissing me , letting taste his cock on her lips. She would bring me closer and closer until I was close enough that she could guide his cock to my lips, letting me just having a lick, a taste , and then she would encourage me to open my mouth , taking him in just a little , sucking just the head and then encouraging me to take a little more .. and a little more, guiding his cock into my mouth, and holding my head and telling me how hot it made her to see me with a cock in my mouth. She would tell me how turned on she was and how she loved seeing me suck cock and salivating all over his big hard cock and tell me what a good little cock sucking slut I was until he pumped all of his hot creamy cum in my mouth.

I'm glad that Literotica is here that I can share these fantasies with others , knowing that I am not alone and that there is nothing wrong with these fantasies. I would love to be able to share these feelings in real life with open minded women, but until then, I am glad that there is Literotica.
 
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If you suck a cock and you like it, then any ensuing guilt is society's dumptruck on you. Guilt eats away at people's true desires and, amazingly enough, the world won't fall apart if you suck a cock. Yup, men will still want to go to war and do man-stuff - use powertools and watch soccer and tinker with old truck engines. You can have it all :)
 
As a young man I was initiated into sucking cock by my best friend. It started out as a mutual exchange but quickly evolved into me becoming his willing and eager personal cocksucker. Not long ago I confided in my wife and confessed to her about my early oral history. She was surprised but attributed it to sexual experimentation which I guess it was. I omitted telling her that I'm still a compulsive cocksucker and that I frequently will meet with guys to give them blowjobs. I love my wife and it pains me to be dishonest with her but I know she would not approve of my oral obsession, but at the same time I love sucking cock and "being" a cocksucker and I don't want to stop!!
 
DS_Curious said:
Feel her out about bi sex before you confess your interests. Watch a movie with and watch her watch the sexual scenes or react to the bisexual innuendo. That may help you avoid a big mess.

I wish I had done that and never confessed I was curious to my now ex-wife. I told her I was curious and I wanted to know what it be like to suck cock. That's a large part of what ended our marriage.
Click to expand...

I had the worst experience with an ex-girlfriend over all this. Had no idea she would be so hostile about everything, given how hot we both got fantasizing about cuckold play. She basically accused me of using her, threatened to "out" me to all of my friends, and said our whole relationship was a lie.

This is probably the biggest reason it's taken me so long to decide I want to at least try sucking cock and see how I like it; even when I fantasize sometimes I remember the really mean things she said.
 
bicuriousinseattle said:
I had the worst experience with an ex-girlfriend over all this. Had no idea she would be so hostile about everything, given how hot we both got fantasizing about cuckold play. She basically accused me of using her, threatened to "out" me to all of my friends, and said our whole relationship was a lie.

This is probably the biggest reason it's taken me so long to decide I want to at least try sucking cock and see how I like it; even when I fantasize sometimes I remember the really mean things she said.
Click to expand...

Well, you were telling her you wanted someone else....
 
bicuriousinseattle said:
I had the worst experience with an ex-girlfriend over all this. Had no idea she would be so hostile about everything, given how hot we both got fantasizing about cuckold play. She basically accused me of using her, threatened to "out" me to all of my friends, and said our whole relationship was a lie.

This is probably the biggest reason it's taken me so long to decide I want to at least try sucking cock and see how I like it; even when I fantasize sometimes I remember the really mean things she said.
Click to expand...
Sadly I can see that being a common situation when you have a partner and no amount of reason will undo the emotional recoil a partner can have. :rose:
 
My ex girlfriend did tell everyone in the office (we worked together, first mistake) about my bi experiences and desires. Oddly, most people in the office looked at me with new interest - they thought I was a shy, straitlaced guy until then.
 
My wife and I started out being swingers and after several years she told me she had a fantasy to watch me suck cock. I was shocked and excited at the same time. After experiencing the same conflicts you describe I gave in and started the search for the right guy. It took a year but we found one on a swingers website. Her fantasy came true on night as she watched me suck cock. That night also turned into a 3some for her. Finding the right person for a fantasy or desire is always difficult. I'm lucky because my wife started the idea. We both have said "we dont want to be on our death bed and still have desires" Take your time and you will find the right person!!
 
I think that finding a partner you actually like helps. This puts it on a more 'human' level, meaning you can relate to the person as a person, rather than as some 'act' you've just performed. Have a beer afterward or watch a game or whatever manly-man things you like to do, and after a few times you'll probably get more comfortable with it. If you don't, then either you don't actually enjoy it, or you're still holding on to the homophobic baggage that society puts on you.
 
oralgami said:
I was in my mid-40's and sexually frustrated and stuck in a sexless marriage. I was a mature professional man, good provider - and deeply resentful of having to return to the sexual outlet of my adolescence. To make matters worse, opportunities to do that were greatly limited. After everyone was asleep, I'd go online, look at porn until I good myself worked up and then quietly slip downstairs and quietly jerk off in the bathroom. Somewhere along the line I discovered that guys sucking each other was a turn on. I didn't want to admit it to myself at first that the idea of sucking a guy's dick turned me on but I gradually accepted it. Then I found myself wanting to move beyond fantasy and tried to think of safe discreet ways I might get to experience it for real.

I knew that sometimes fantasies don't turn out that well when they transition to reality. The idea of doing something forbidden and taboo just for the uninhibited hedonistic pleasure of it was exciting and thrilling and I got instantly hard thinking about it. However, I realized that the reality of having a guy thrusting his dick in and out of my mouth might be something I'd forever regret.

just curious, did you swallow or what?
The urge was stronger than my rational thought process and I just had to experience trading oral with another guy. There had to be lots of guys in my situation. I was right and I found one.

I had never told anyone of my strong urge to suck a guy off and thus when I found someone on CL that was willing to help me achieve that goal, I was extremely nervous as I walked up his front steps. I pressed the doorbell and as I waited for the door to open, I dreaded the idea that there was a guy who would see me for the first time as a guy who wanted to suck his dick. Did I really want to take this step? Too late - the door opened and two guys who liked cock were now seeing each other face to face.

Long story short, after 20 minutes of nervous chat, we took our clothes off and I was holding his dick in my hand and didn't hesitate as I guided it to my mouth. I was awful but eager and had one of the most intense sexual experiences of my life. After it was concluded and I was driving away, my mind was spinning as I tried to figure out the ramifications of what I had just done. I had expected that I would feel regret initially but I did not. I couldn't stop replaying events in my head and the only regret I had was not having anyone I tell about it.
Click to expand...

just curious, did you swallow or what?
 
oralgami said:
I was in my mid-40's and sexually frustrated and stuck in a sexless marriage. I was a mature professional man, good provider - and deeply resentful of having to return to the sexual outlet of my adolescence. To make matters worse, opportunities to do that were greatly limited. After everyone was asleep, I'd go online, look at porn until I good myself worked up and then quietly slip downstairs and quietly jerk off in the bathroom. Somewhere along the line I discovered that guys sucking each other was a turn on. I didn't want to admit it to myself at first that the idea of sucking a guy's dick turned me on but I gradually accepted it. Then I found myself wanting to move beyond fantasy and tried to think of safe discreet ways I might get to experience it for real.

I knew that sometimes fantasies don't turn out that well when they transition to reality. The idea of doing something forbidden and taboo just for the uninhibited hedonistic pleasure of it was exciting and thrilling and I got instantly hard thinking about it. However, I realized that the reality of having a guy thrusting his dick in and out of my mouth might be something I'd forever regret.

The urge was stronger than my rational thought process and I just had to experience trading oral with another guy. There had to be lots of guys in my situation. I was right and I found one.

I had never told anyone of my strong urge to suck a guy off and thus when I found someone on CL that was willing to help me achieve that goal, I was extremely nervous as I walked up his front steps. I pressed the doorbell and as I waited for the door to open, I dreaded the idea that there was a guy who would see me for the first time as a guy who wanted to suck his dick. Did I really want to take this step? Too late - the door opened and two guys who liked cock were now seeing each other face to face.

Long story short, after 20 minutes of nervous chat, we took our clothes off and I was holding his dick in my hand and didn't hesitate as I guided it to my mouth. I was awful but eager and had one of the most intense sexual experiences of my life. After it was concluded and I was driving away, my mind was spinning as I tried to figure out the ramifications of what I had just done. I had expected that I would feel regret initially but I did not. I couldn't stop replaying events in my head and the only regret I had was not having anyone I tell about it.
Click to expand...

Your story is one that many of us would like to experience. Sometimes we live just to JO in our home privately by ourself. It would be more fun to act on our impulses and enjoy our sexuality like you did with your newfound friend. I wish there was somebody that I could talk with and meet for coffee in Kansas City or St. Louis to discuss Male sexuality. I know in many cities there are clubs places where guys can have a good time.
 
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