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Looking for someone to talk about BDSM (not a personal ad).

M

MissShelly

Experienced
Joined
Nov 17, 2014
Posts
93
So I came here wanting to learn more about BDSM and getting into it. Some people (like Stella among others) have been very helpful. Many people have been PMing me with offers to help, but really they are just looking for an online sex game.

Is there a person here (woman preferably), who might be interested in PMing to answer questions and just give me some general help. Someone who isn't going to hit on me or get pissy when I say I'm not into online sex?

It doesn't matter to me if you're a Dom or a sub. I just want a woman's take on things from both sides.

Thanks!
 
submissive female

I am willing to chat with you and answer your questions to the best of my ability ma'am.
 
I'm a switch. I'm not on that much but happy to answer questions if you want to PM me?
 
Have you looked through the stickies or searched the forums for topics you're interested in? We've had a lot of great discussions. When I first got here, I found several resources that were very helpful here in the forums. (*^_^*)
 
Not that I'm knocking you wanting to get answers privately, but if you do ask them here they at least have the possibility to help someone else in the same position as yourself?
 
MissShelly said:
So I came here wanting to learn more about BDSM and getting into it. Some people (like Stella among others) have been very helpful. Many people have been PMing me with offers to help, but really they are just looking for an online sex game.

Is there a person here (woman preferably), who might be interested in PMing to answer questions and just give me some general help. Someone who isn't going to hit on me or get pissy when I say I'm not into online sex?

It doesn't matter to me if you're a Dom or a sub. I just want a woman's take on things from both sides.

Thanks!
Click to expand...
Are you writing a novel or wanting to experiment with it yourself? :)
 
watsit2ya said:
I am willing to chat with you and answer your questions to the best of my ability ma'am.
Click to expand...

Thank you.

Monica_112 said:
I'm a switch. I'm not on that much but happy to answer questions if you want to PM me?
Click to expand...

Thanks.

MeekMe said:
Have you looked through the stickies or searched the forums for topics you're interested in? We've had a lot of great discussions. When I first got here, I found several resources that were very helpful here in the forums. (*^_^*)
Click to expand...

I guess I'm at a loss of where to start, it's a bit overwhelming.

KoPilot said:
Not that I'm knocking you wanting to get answers privately, but if you do ask them here they at least have the possibility to help someone else in the same position as yourself?
Click to expand...

I sort of tried that, and the result was a bunch of pm's from guys who didn't get that I don't want an online sexual experience through chat or PMing. LOL My husband and I are totally monogamous and that includes online/texting/chatting. I thought if I put it out there specifically what I wanted, I'd get PMs or responses only from people who understood what I was looking for.

Kitty92 said:
Are you writing a novel or wanting to experiment with it yourself? :)
Click to expand...

To experience with my husband. He's on board with the idea. We've been apart for two months and he's coming for a visit next weekend. Then it will probably be a month before I see him again. I have ordered some toys that will HOPEFULLY get here before our date night (parents keeping the kids while we get a hotel room for one of the three nights he'll be here). And looking for ideas to get things started, ideas of things to do in general.

Up until now our play has been very mild (biting, a slap on the butt here and there, some of him holding me down)... that kind of thing. But I want more. He's willing to trying it, but I'm just not sure how to get it going. If that makes sense.
 
MissShelly said:
I guess I'm at a loss of where to start, it's a bit overwhelming.

I sort of tried that, and the result was a bunch of pm's from guys who didn't get that I don't want an online sexual experience through chat or PMing. LOL My husband and I are totally monogamous and that includes online/texting/chatting. I thought if I put it out there specifically what I wanted, I'd get PMs or responses only from people who understood what I was looking for.

To experience with my husband. He's on board with the idea. We've been apart for two months and he's coming for a visit next weekend. Then it will probably be a month before I see him again. I have ordered some toys that will HOPEFULLY get here before our date night (parents keeping the kids while we get a hotel room for one of the three nights he'll be here). And looking for ideas to get things started, ideas of things to do in general.

Up until now our play has been very mild (biting, a slap on the butt here and there, some of him holding me down)... that kind of thing. But I want more. He's willing to trying it, but I'm just not sure how to get it going. If that makes sense.
Click to expand...

Whenever asking a question about being new, the vultures come out. It helps (doesn't eliminate) to put a message in your profile warding off the scum. A message like "fuck off, I'm not interested in RPing or cyber sex with anyone." Anyone that decides to PM you with that in mind can rightfully be told to fuck off. There's the nifty Ignore feature as well. Whenever you solicit for PMs, the dirtbags of the board will jump at the invitation regardless of your aversion to talking sexually with them.

Getting started is all up to you and your husband. Have you considered a BDSM check list? This is a great way for you and your husband to start a conversation and decide where you'd like to go with things. If you've read any stories that interest you, take some ideas from that. Just be aware of safety. Don't underestimate the risk involved.

I'm unfamiliar with your situation, so I can't give you anything specific. I'm available for PMs, but my knowledge is limited and asking here in the open gives more people (with varying experience) a chance to answer.
 
A check list? Didn't know those existed. Great idea on the profile. And I did not know there was an ignore feature. Thanks
 
The easiest way to nip those annoying PMs in the bud is by turning off PMs altogether. ;B
 
Try to change your settings to invisible. It does cut down the number of unsolicited PM:s.

Generally, I think it is better to ask on the boards and get lots of different opinions, so you can form your own.
 
Personally, I just feel like any conversation I could have over PM would be better and more interesting via the forums. If there's something I feel the need to discuss privately, then I usually ask myself why I need to come to Lit to have that discussion.
 
KoPilot said:
Personally, I just feel like any conversation I could have over PM would be better and more interesting via the forums. If there's something I feel the need to discuss privately, then I usually ask myself why I need to come to Lit to have that discussion.
Click to expand...

That's a good point. And after thinking about it, here is the honest answer I came up with. I am not used to being able to discuss things like this openly. Partly aprehensive about admitting some of the things I like/want because of what I know many in mainstream society think (I know that's not what it's like here, but old habits die hard).

Part of that is because I am a Christian and most of the Christian community looks down on BDSM even within a monogamous marriage. So trying to shake the feeling that it's ok to be open about it.

The other reason, almost as compelling, afraid of being made fun of for being pretty clueless about it all.

How's that for total honesty?
 
I applaud your honesty miss shelly
I would find the forums a useful tool for ideas and feedback, but until you are comfortable in your own skin, owning your truth about your desires there is nothing wrong with finding someone in the forum that you are comfortable enough to open up to and admit the things you hold back because your still new and are not ready to publicly admit your thoughts and feelings.
While I can see both sides it really all comes down to you and how comfortable you are exploring this topic publicly. Ultimately, do what you need to do to feel comfortable enough to explore this topic.
 
An important thing to remember is that we were ALL new to this once. Some of us were born with non-standard needs or desires, some were unaware but introduced and willing to try, some figured it out later in life, but every one of us started trying things out in real life from the same place (generally). None of us were born knowing everything there is to know about BDSM, D/s, or any of the rest of that.

I can't help you with the religious aspect, but I would venture this much...you and your husband are consenting adults in a committed relationship and coming from a place of wanting to give each other pleasure. Unless you are figuring that sex is for babies only and that you shouldn't enjoy the body you believe god has given you, I don't see how this could be a problem. :rose:
 
desertslave said:
An important thing to remember is that we were ALL new to this once. Some of us were born with non-standard needs or desires, some were unaware but introduced and willing to try, some figured it out later in life, but every one of us started trying things out in real life from the same place (generally). None of us were born knowing everything there is to know about BDSM, D/s, or any of the rest of that.

I can't help you with the religious aspect, but I would venture this much...you and your husband are consenting adults in a committed relationship and coming from a place of wanting to give each other pleasure. Unless you are figuring that sex is for babies only and that you shouldn't enjoy the body you believe god has given you, I don't see how this could be a problem. :rose:
Click to expand...

Oh no, I do not believe that there is anything wrong with BDSM between consenting adults. Biblically speaking, there are very few "rules" given for sex in marriage. So therefore I am not feeling any guilt/wrong-doing about it at all. And no, sex is not just for making babies Song of Solomon is a book about sensual pleasure and it never talks about babies! ;) And if sex wasn't supposed to be for pleasure, it wouldn't be so damn awesome. Lol

No, my holding back is more of a not-used-to-being-able-to-talk-about-it thing
 
When I first came here I was pretty apprehensive about asking questions and sharing experiences. I think I might be bordering TMI, now. ;)

Oh my... I was such a noob. :p
 
I would be more than willing to help you on your journey. While I identify as a Domme now, I started as a sub. I learned a lot as a sub...

Feel free to contact me. :)
 
[side note to the conversation]

If you have concerns about finding a community (or whatever) of Christians who aren't necessarily closed to BDSM, you might try researching the philosophies of Taken in Hand or Domestic Discipline. They may not use the same language (BDSM), but there is some crossover (admitted or not). I think there are also Christian specific BDSM/kink groups on FetLife.

[/side note to the conversation]
 
CutieMouse said:
[side note to the conversation]

If you have concerns about finding a community (or whatever) of Christians who aren't necessarily closed to BDSM, you might try researching the philosophies of Taken in Hand or Domestic Discipline. They may not use the same language (BDSM), but there is some crossover (admitted or not). I think there are also Christian specific BDSM/kink groups on FetLife.

[/side note to the conversation]
Click to expand...

I've looked into the Domestic Discipline thing a little bit... totally wasn't what I was looking for. What is FetLife?
 
MissShelly said:
I've looked into the Domestic Discipline thing a little bit... totally wasn't what I was looking for. What is FetLife?
Click to expand...
FetLife is a site for kinky folk, more facebook-like than Lit. It's an excellent place for finding people and events near you. Lots of discussion about everything and anything as well.
 
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