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Baring it all

sub2femdom

sub2femdom

Really Experienced
Joined
May 26, 2018
Posts
261
Hey all,

This post is to be my real 'coming out' as it should be I guess.

I've been posting on the forums for a while, taking what little real life experience I have an applying it to discussions and topics, sometimes knowing very well what I'm talking about and other times either pretending or pushing my ideals, but in any case, I'm here to bare my soul, as it were.

I'm simply and easily explained as sexually lonely. I have been married for almost 20 years, and the sex life dried up in my early to mid 30's. There's a hundred reasons for this, but in the end, mental illness and the drugs to treat it have rendered my wife's libido dead.

In my need for sexual attention, I ended up masturbating often, sometimes more than once a day. This seemed to be fine for a while, but then the basic online porn and my imagination seemed to lose it's luster. Typical hardcore and lesbian/threesome scenes no longer made my desires peak, and I was left wanting more.

I eventually stumbled onto cuckold and femdom porn, which really spoke to me. I started crossdressing and using dildo's in my ass, pretending I was a sissy.

After a while, I started delving into the 'lifestyle' and looked for dominant women.

Over the years, I found a few, and engaged in submissive play, cuckoldry, and other submissive acts, including attending sex parties as a submissive or crossdressing sissy. While I've had my fun, none of it was perfect, and I was left wondering what I really want.

I figured it out after the last party (where my avatar pic was taken). I am not sure what I am or what I want.

First and foremost, I want to keep my family life untouched.
Second, I need to stay in the closet. My income depends on it.
Though next, things get unclear.

Do I want a dominant woman to cuckold me? A dominant man to use me for his pleasures? A couple to use me for variety play? I want it all, frankly. I need to have sexual attention, exactly what I'm not getting at home. But why doesn't just sleeping with a woman answer to that? Why do I need to be submissive and used?

These are the things that I grapple with daily, but always end up just wanting to pleasure a master and getting that 'good boy' during the process. I find my own pleasure a distant second to anyone I am with.

I've not played with anyone since last september, and just got back from a trip to vegas, (which was sexy as hell!) and am left wanting. How can I effectively put myself out there without being able to articulate what I want? I don't even know what I really want myself, except that aspect of attention, I crave it.

I'm no hunk, I'm approaching 50, and a little overweight (intend and hope to work it off), but I have no fortunes or the eternal gigantic hard-on to offer, just myself, heart and soul, for someone to bond with.

So.. that's me. I've bared it all here for you to judge.
 
You know what you want, this is a GREAT first step! As for where to find a caring top for a not very young bottom... Well, it hard to believe, but life does not stop at 50, including sex life )) There are tops same age or older that are lonely as well, some might be put off by your in-the-closet situation, some might not.

Have you ever tried online ads? There used to be a personal section on Craigslist, now it is closed, but there are classifiedads.com In my area most ads are from bottoms, but I see some tops there as well. Plus there are always some bi-curios older guys that probably will be more comfortable with topping anyway. Teach them and it might lead to a long-term connection.

Put yourself out there. Stay safe and sane and eventually you will find Him! Good luck with your search!
 
sub2femdom said:
Hey all,

This post is to be my real 'coming out' as it should be I guess.

I've been posting on the forums for a while, taking what little real life experience I have an applying it to discussions and topics, sometimes knowing very well what I'm talking about and other times either pretending or pushing my ideals, but in any case, I'm here to bare my soul, as it were.

I'm simply and easily explained as sexually lonely. I have been married for almost 20 years, and the sex life dried up in my early to mid 30's. There's a hundred reasons for this, but in the end, mental illness and the drugs to treat it have rendered my wife's libido dead.

In my need for sexual attention, I ended up masturbating often, sometimes more than once a day. This seemed to be fine for a while, but then the basic online porn and my imagination seemed to lose it's luster. Typical hardcore and lesbian/threesome scenes no longer made my desires peak, and I was left wanting more.

I eventually stumbled onto cuckold and femdom porn, which really spoke to me. I started crossdressing and using dildo's in my ass, pretending I was a sissy.

After a while, I started delving into the 'lifestyle' and looked for dominant women.

Over the years, I found a few, and engaged in submissive play, cuckoldry, and other submissive acts, including attending sex parties as a submissive or crossdressing sissy. While I've had my fun, none of it was perfect, and I was left wondering what I really want.

I figured it out after the last party (where my avatar pic was taken). I am not sure what I am or what I want.

First and foremost, I want to keep my family life untouched.
Second, I need to stay in the closet. My income depends on it.
Though next, things get unclear.

Do I want a dominant woman to cuckold me? A dominant man to use me for his pleasures? A couple to use me for variety play? I want it all, frankly. I need to have sexual attention, exactly what I'm not getting at home. But why doesn't just sleeping with a woman answer to that? Why do I need to be submissive and used?

These are the things that I grapple with daily, but always end up just wanting to pleasure a master and getting that 'good boy' during the process. I find my own pleasure a distant second to anyone I am with.

I've not played with anyone since last september, and just got back from a trip to vegas, (which was sexy as hell!) and am left wanting. How can I effectively put myself out there without being able to articulate what I want? I don't even know what I really want myself, except that aspect of attention, I crave it.

I'm no hunk, I'm approaching 50, and a little overweight (intend and hope to work it off), but I have no fortunes or the eternal gigantic hard-on to offer, just myself, heart and soul, for someone to bond with.

So.. that's me. I've bared it all here for you to judge.
Click to expand...

It reads as if I wrote it myself.
 
Who here can judge :D;):eek:

It is hard to make posts like this, putting yourself out there, so no one can criticise

As to sorting out WHAT exactly your thing equals - FWIW I have become far less into defining this, as I feel it serves little

And as a 50+, I don't feel we are headed for the scrapheap

So feel free to fish around, try stuff and if you settle on Male - male D/s, enjoy it, we are a long time dead!

sub2femdom said:
Hey all,

This post is to be my real 'coming out' as it should be I guess.

I've been posting on the forums for a while, taking what little real life experience I have an applying it to discussions and topics, sometimes knowing very well what I'm talking about and other times either pretending or pushing my ideals, but in any case, I'm here to bare my soul, as it were.

I'm simply and easily explained as sexually lonely. I have been married for almost 20 years, and the sex life dried up in my early to mid 30's. There's a hundred reasons for this, but in the end, mental illness and the drugs to treat it have rendered my wife's libido dead.

In my need for sexual attention, I ended up masturbating often, sometimes more than once a day. This seemed to be fine for a while, but then the basic online porn and my imagination seemed to lose it's luster. Typical hardcore and lesbian/threesome scenes no longer made my desires peak, and I was left wanting more.

I eventually stumbled onto cuckold and femdom porn, which really spoke to me. I started crossdressing and using dildo's in my ass, pretending I was a sissy.

After a while, I started delving into the 'lifestyle' and looked for dominant women.

Over the years, I found a few, and engaged in submissive play, cuckoldry, and other submissive acts, including attending sex parties as a submissive or crossdressing sissy. While I've had my fun, none of it was perfect, and I was left wondering what I really want.

I figured it out after the last party (where my avatar pic was taken). I am not sure what I am or what I want.

First and foremost, I want to keep my family life untouched.
Second, I need to stay in the closet. My income depends on it.
Though next, things get unclear.

Do I want a dominant woman to cuckold me? A dominant man to use me for his pleasures? A couple to use me for variety play? I want it all, frankly. I need to have sexual attention, exactly what I'm not getting at home. But why doesn't just sleeping with a woman answer to that? Why do I need to be submissive and used?

These are the things that I grapple with daily, but always end up just wanting to pleasure a master and getting that 'good boy' during the process. I find my own pleasure a distant second to anyone I am with.

I've not played with anyone since last september, and just got back from a trip to vegas, (which was sexy as hell!) and am left wanting. How can I effectively put myself out there without being able to articulate what I want? I don't even know what I really want myself, except that aspect of attention, I crave it.

I'm no hunk, I'm approaching 50, and a little overweight (intend and hope to work it off), but I have no fortunes or the eternal gigantic hard-on to offer, just myself, heart and soul, for someone to bond with.

So.. that's me. I've bared it all here for you to judge.
Click to expand...
 
sounds very familiar

sub2femdom said:
Hey all,

This post is to be my real 'coming out' as it should be I guess.

I've been posting on the forums for a while, taking what little real life experience I have an applying it to discussions and topics, sometimes knowing very well what I'm talking about and other times either pretending or pushing my ideals, but in any case, I'm here to bare my soul, as it were.

I'm simply and easily explained as sexually lonely. I have been married for almost 20 years, and the sex life dried up in my early to mid 30's. There's a hundred reasons for this, but in the end, mental illness and the drugs to treat it have rendered my wife's libido dead.

In my need for sexual attention, I ended up masturbating often, sometimes more than once a day. This seemed to be fine for a while, but then the basic online porn and my imagination seemed to lose it's luster. Typical hardcore and lesbian/threesome scenes no longer made my desires peak, and I was left wanting more.

I eventually stumbled onto cuckold and femdom porn, which really spoke to me. I started crossdressing and using dildo's in my ass, pretending I was a sissy.

After a while, I started delving into the 'lifestyle' and looked for dominant women.

Over the years, I found a few, and engaged in submissive play, cuckoldry, and other submissive acts, including attending sex parties as a submissive or crossdressing sissy. While I've had my fun, none of it was perfect, and I was left wondering what I really want.

I figured it out after the last party (where my avatar pic was taken). I am not sure what I am or what I want.

First and foremost, I want to keep my family life untouched.
Second, I need to stay in the closet. My income depends on it.
Though next, things get unclear.

Do I want a dominant woman to cuckold me? A dominant man to use me for his pleasures? A couple to use me for variety play? I want it all, frankly. I need to have sexual attention, exactly what I'm not getting at home. But why doesn't just sleeping with a woman answer to that? Why do I need to be submissive and used?

These are the things that I grapple with daily, but always end up just wanting to pleasure a master and getting that 'good boy' during the process. I find my own pleasure a distant second to anyone I am with.

I've not played with anyone since last september, and just got back from a trip to vegas, (which was sexy as hell!) and am left wanting. How can I effectively put myself out there without being able to articulate what I want? I don't even know what I really want myself, except that aspect of attention, I crave it.

I'm no hunk, I'm approaching 50, and a little overweight (intend and hope to work it off), but I have no fortunes or the eternal gigantic hard-on to offer, just myself, heart and soul, for someone to bond with.

So.. that's me. I've bared it all here for you to judge.
Click to expand...

I read most of this seeing it as coming from myself. Thank you for writing it and letting me know that i'm not the only one. I hope you find what you are looking for.
 
Thanks for the responses.

I wondered if I was the only one who was struggling to sexually identify myself and my needs. I certainly don't have it pinned down, but it occurred to me to keep playing around and maybe it will find me. I guess I would never know if I never tried!
 
Further down the path

Another one here who could've written a fair chunk of your post OP. Especially the part regarding wife's sex drive vanishing in her late twenties to early thirties. Even the reasoning. The drugs used for treatment of mental health are bittersweet... She's happier and more balanced for family life, but now wants sex once or twice a year.

Now in my mid thirties I'm in a sexual desert. In the last three years, we've had sex seven times, of which four of those it was over before I even thought about cumming. Two of the times she lasted longer enough for me to cum, she then spent the days after using it against me, guilt trip.


Like you I started with JO daily, or several times a day. Regular porn, lot stories. Soon added chatting, toys, panties.. seeking the next buzz.


Now, if it didn't risk my marriage/social circles/job, I'd happily delve right into the world of kink
 
It makes me so sad to read how depressive illness and the medications for it are affecting so may lives, and how people are left feeling trapped and shackled as a result

I wish there was a magic wand that could be waved, or a super-pill that could help in a non libido crushing way, or even something that could be said to male it easier

It is a testament to you guys that you haven't deserted your significant others, and have stuck by them in the face of unsatisfying sexual relationships

It is a shame kinks are associated with bottled up frustrations, and that you aren't able to explore yourselves in blame free, relaxed ways

I can only say - I admire you for being such good, loyal guys
 
Considering you made several nasty comments about another poster here for their lifestyle and kinks, you’re lucky to be getting such nice replies.

Maybe you can pay that forward next time.

Good luck on your journey.
 
One huge interactive website that will help is fetlife.com. It’s not a hookup site. It’s much more. you will meet and get to know a variety of people kinks and fetishes within the lifestyle. There are groups that meet in every town. Hundreds of online groups to help too. And just like the real world there are assholes and predators too. It’s a lot more than this for I have just hit on the surface. The more you put into a relationship the more you get😘
 
sub2femdom said:
I want it all, frankly. I need to have sexual attention, exactly what I'm not getting at home. But why doesn't just sleeping with a woman answer to that? Why do I need to be submissive and used?
Click to expand...

Is knowing why essential to enjoying it?
 
Sometimes I think it is good to just be accepting that we are who we are

It is easy to wrestle against it, be someone else because it is what society or our friends and families expect, but not sure that leads anywhere good

Not saying become a sexual drop out, living a hedonistic life with no regard for anyone else, families need loving and caring for and providing for, but we need a little bit of time to cast off the armour of everyday and be who we want to be, and be at peace with ourselves at the same time


Bramblethorn said:
Is knowing why essential to enjoying it?
Click to expand...
 
sub2femdom said:
Thanks for the responses.

I wondered if I was the only one who was struggling to sexually identify myself and my needs. I certainly don't have it pinned down, but it occurred to me to keep playing around and maybe it will find me. I guess I would never know if I never tried!
Click to expand...

I think most of us on here can relate to at least one point you make. Life is difficult at best and we all have our demons to face.
Good luck in your quest.
 
AlwaysFara said:
Just to clarify, my post above was directed at the OP, not anyone else posting in this thread.
Below is his post.

http://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=90314398&postcount=26
Click to expand...

Of all my posts on here, you found one where I was annoyed at another poster. Congrats (?). While maybe I was a little harsh towards that person, I stand by what I wrote. Dislike me if you want, but calling me out on something this minor is silly and makes you no better than what you are accusing me of.
 
Bramblethorn said:
Is knowing why essential to enjoying it?
Click to expand...

I don't know!

Something someone else said about casting off the armor and being who we are once in a while resonates with me.. and gives me something to think about more.

Thanks :)
 
Welcome to the club honey! Should feel good in knowing you can use here as an outlet anytime and some of us will support you
 
sub2femdom said:
Thanks for the responses.

I wondered if I was the only one who was struggling to sexually identify myself and my needs. I certainly don't have it pinned down, but it occurred to me to keep playing around and maybe it will find me. I guess I would never know if I never tried!
Click to expand...

Not at all. My situation is forced anonymity. I have to keep my "public face" separate.
 
I am struggling to identify my role sexually. My wife is my wife not real sexual and when we do it's just the basics. I've only been with 2 women in my life including my wife and neither we're adventurous. So I have turned to internet and my interests and fantasies have multiplied into so many and now I yearn to experience more, but feel "stuck" per say because I love my wife and family and don't want to run that.
 
guns44 said:
I am struggling to identify my role sexually. My wife is my wife not real sexual and when we do it's just the basics. I've only been with 2 women in my life including my wife and neither we're adventurous. So I have turned to internet and my interests and fantasies have multiplied into so many and now I yearn to experience more, but feel "stuck" per say because I love my wife and family and don't want to run that.
Click to expand...

Have you talked to your wife about her sex drive? Maybe from the context of how she feels towards you?

It may be that she has a low sex drive, but there may be another reason

Off the back of that you may be able to open up about wanting to liven things up. Has she had a similar number of partners to you?
 
sub2femdom said:
Hey all,

This post is to be my real 'coming out' as it should be I guess.

I've been posting on the forums for a while, taking what little real life experience I have an applying it to discussions and topics, sometimes knowing very well what I'm talking about and other times either pretending or pushing my ideals, but in any case, I'm here to bare my soul, as it were.

I'm simply and easily explained as sexually lonely. I have been married for almost 20 years, and the sex life dried up in my early to mid 30's. There's a hundred reasons for this, but in the end, mental illness and the drugs to treat it have rendered my wife's libido dead.

In my need for sexual attention, I ended up masturbating often, sometimes more than once a day. This seemed to be fine for a while, but then the basic online porn and my imagination seemed to lose it's luster. Typical hardcore and lesbian/threesome scenes no longer made my desires peak, and I was left wanting more.

I eventually stumbled onto cuckold and femdom porn, which really spoke to me. I started crossdressing and using dildo's in my ass, pretending I was a sissy.

After a while, I started delving into the 'lifestyle' and looked for dominant women.

Over the years, I found a few, and engaged in submissive play, cuckoldry, and other submissive acts, including attending sex parties as a submissive or crossdressing sissy. While I've had my fun, none of it was perfect, and I was left wondering what I really want.

I figured it out after the last party (where my avatar pic was taken). I am not sure what I am or what I want.

First and foremost, I want to keep my family life untouched.
Second, I need to stay in the closet. My income depends on it.
Though next, things get unclear.

Do I want a dominant woman to cuckold me? A dominant man to use me for his pleasures? A couple to use me for variety play? I want it all, frankly. I need to have sexual attention, exactly what I'm not getting at home. But why doesn't just sleeping with a woman answer to that? Why do I need to be submissive and used?

These are the things that I grapple with daily, but always end up just wanting to pleasure a master and getting that 'good boy' during the process. I find my own pleasure a distant second to anyone I am with.

I've not played with anyone since last september, and just got back from a trip to vegas, (which was sexy as hell!) and am left wanting. How can I effectively put myself out there without being able to articulate what I want? I don't even know what I really want myself, except that aspect of attention, I crave it.

I'm no hunk, I'm approaching 50, and a little overweight (intend and hope to work it off), but I have no fortunes or the eternal gigantic hard-on to offer, just myself, heart and soul, for someone to bond with.

So.. that's me. I've bared it all here for you to judge.
Click to expand...

Congratulations! If you want to talk I'm all ears.
 
Iris_66 said:
Have you talked to your wife about her sex drive? Maybe from the context of how she feels towards you?

It may be that she has a low sex drive, but there may be another reason

Off the back of that you may be able to open up about wanting to liven things up. Has she had a similar number of partners to you?
Click to expand...
I have talked with her and she knows I desire more sex, she just says I think about is sex. She has had 8 partners before me, where I have only had 1 other partner before her.
 
guns44 said:
I have talked with her and she knows I desire more sex, she just says I think about is sex. She has had 8 partners before me, where I have only had 1 other partner before her.
Click to expand...

It sounds quite like my first marriage. My wife had a low sex drive, I had a high sex drive. When we talked about it she said I was abnormal. In the end, after a couple of affairs, and fear for my relationship with the kids, I left her.

Divorce was very painful and acrimonious (and costly). It did screw up my relationship with the kids. It took 10 years to get it right with one (no longer) child, still not there with the other.

But do I regret it? For me, no, I am way happier now. For my relationship with the kids - I wish it could've been different. So plusses and minuses

I wouldn't dream of advising anyone, one way or the other, it is a deeply personal decision. Neither would I judge anyone for making any choice in your position; stay and fantasise; have affairs on the side; de-sexualise the relationship but become like brother and sister; leave her - they all have merits and their downsides, emotionally and morally.

If having somewhere to talk about it helps, feel free
 
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