Need Editor for first story - Superheroine Fantasy

Hello! I need an editor to review my story. The story is about a semi-retired Superheroine telling her story of her path to retirement. I want to publish chapter 1 of the story.

The story was rejected twice. The first rejection was about characters speaking, and I thought I corrected it. There were a couple of paragraphs of both characters speaking. That was corrected.

Then it was rejected for the same issue again. I double checked the entire story and do not understand what I am doing wrong. I hope someone is able to point out my mistake in characters speaking.

Why not just post a little excerpt here, then you could get some advice without having to send the whole thing?

When you have two characters talking they should be separated by a new paragraph. Make sure you get all the punctuation right as well.

"Would you like to read my story?" she asked.

"Yes please," he replied.

The OP can post a short excerpt (no more than three paragraphs).

Here is a short piece of the story. An editor proofread it and I resubmitted it with the advice from the editor. The story was still rejected even after following the editor's recommendations.

Here is a short piece of the story.

The Super Team is a league of heroines. I joined the team shortly after learning my powers. My superpowers are flying and super strength. My strength was ranked third in the Super Team. Only Mrs. Justice and Victory Girl were stronger than me in terms of strength.

I never had any time to date or hook up with guys my age. I was too busy working and fighting crime. I was not shy about being a virgin. Everyone on the Super Team knew I was as pure as an angel. Life was just too busy for love when the world needed a heroine.

Seven years later, I was a young 22 year old graduate fresh from college. Even though I had no experience, it did not take me long to find a job. I was hired as a paralegal at an attorney's office. I worked under Ricky Thompson, the most popular attorney in town. Everyone knows him from his large billboards and over the top commercials. We had a great professional relationship. I enjoyed my time at work. It was rewarding.

Sample Edit

Here is one possible edit for your story. Your sentences are too short and abrupt. Combine them using conjunction words and combine as I did in the last couple of sentences. Just one way it can be edit of many.
***************

The Super Team is a league of heroines that I joined shortly after learning of my powers. My superpowers are flying and super strength and have been ranked third in the Super Team. Only Mrs. Justice and Victory Girl are stronger than me in terms of strength.

I never had any time to date or hook up with guys my age. I was too busy working and fighting crime. I was not shy about being a virgin and everyone on the Super Team knows I am as pure as an angel. Life was just too busy for love when the world needed a heroine.

Seven years later, I was a young 22-year-old graduate fresh from college. Even though I had no experience at the time, it didn’t take long for me to find a job as a paralegal at an attorney's office. I worked under Ricky Thompson, the most popular attorney in town. Everyone knows him from his large blaring billboards and over the top commercials. We had a great professional relationship, it was rewarding, and I really enjoyed my time at work.

Follow nevinc’s advice, and I would also add that you need to colour it up a bit. Flesh it out. It seems a little dry. Get creative with the descriptions and give the reader details. Set the scene so that the reader knows where he/she is when you start the story. Slapping them with one thought sentences abruptly like that will turn them off quickly.

Given the story was rejected for speech related grammar, you probably need to provide examples of the way you are writing dialogue. The text dump you have provided isn't central to the reason for rejection, as it contains no dialogue.

It's an info-dump, which is another problem entirely, but not a reason for rejection.