yukonnights
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Apr 15, 2007
- Posts
- 3,891
Just read Finding Truth.
First and foremost, you have a lovely imagination. I'm a total sucker for love, inner peace/healing and same gender stories.
All of the below are just one person's opinion (and reflect a happy-ever-after type of story.):
1)Perhaps you've heard this, I'll mention it in case you haven't; Don't so much "tell" (narrate) the story but instead let the characters tell it through dialogue, action and inner thoughts. For me, this one came off just a little too clinical in the telling of step 1, step 2, etc.
2) As I was reading, it felt as if you were rushing by all those wonderful descriptions of personality, fear and longings. Each one could have been explored deeper. These are important in letting us (the reader) more accurately 'see' the people you envision. You see the whole movie in your head, just remember that we only see what you share.
3) Another thought as I was reading; This really does need to be longer...and could be with no problems. Love is a complex emotion and it builds and evolves over time. Don't be afraid of going multiple pages in uncovering these important elements. In this story, the "love" was discovered in the very first time of any real closeness. Shelly may have been infatuated at first, it would have more believable if that had grown into love, etc. (by the way, 1 Literotica screen page is approximately 3750 words)
4) As I see it, the theme of the story is; The discovery of love. But the only tension/conflict was Shelly's insecurity. Most stories need a tension/conflict...the first part of the story is introductions/character building/setting...but lurking in the background is some issue/problem/obstacle that creates a doubt that things might not work out. Think of the typical lover's quarrel where all seems lost but in the end love is even stronger, etc.
5) The part after the "crisis/conflict" is the place to have fun and let all the love, healing and etc resolve.
6) Just a suggestion: If any of the above rings true to you. As just an exercise, consider writing this story again and employ some of these suggestions. I suggest this because you already know the story and the intent would be to play with it and try to enhance it...you could even just do a small section of it, etc.
*****
This is just one simple outline of how you might bring even more life into your story. It goes without saying, but use any or none of it. Most definitely keep writing and learning!!!
First and foremost, you have a lovely imagination. I'm a total sucker for love, inner peace/healing and same gender stories.
All of the below are just one person's opinion (and reflect a happy-ever-after type of story.):
1)Perhaps you've heard this, I'll mention it in case you haven't; Don't so much "tell" (narrate) the story but instead let the characters tell it through dialogue, action and inner thoughts. For me, this one came off just a little too clinical in the telling of step 1, step 2, etc.
2) As I was reading, it felt as if you were rushing by all those wonderful descriptions of personality, fear and longings. Each one could have been explored deeper. These are important in letting us (the reader) more accurately 'see' the people you envision. You see the whole movie in your head, just remember that we only see what you share.
3) Another thought as I was reading; This really does need to be longer...and could be with no problems. Love is a complex emotion and it builds and evolves over time. Don't be afraid of going multiple pages in uncovering these important elements. In this story, the "love" was discovered in the very first time of any real closeness. Shelly may have been infatuated at first, it would have more believable if that had grown into love, etc. (by the way, 1 Literotica screen page is approximately 3750 words)
4) As I see it, the theme of the story is; The discovery of love. But the only tension/conflict was Shelly's insecurity. Most stories need a tension/conflict...the first part of the story is introductions/character building/setting...but lurking in the background is some issue/problem/obstacle that creates a doubt that things might not work out. Think of the typical lover's quarrel where all seems lost but in the end love is even stronger, etc.
5) The part after the "crisis/conflict" is the place to have fun and let all the love, healing and etc resolve.
6) Just a suggestion: If any of the above rings true to you. As just an exercise, consider writing this story again and employ some of these suggestions. I suggest this because you already know the story and the intent would be to play with it and try to enhance it...you could even just do a small section of it, etc.
*****
This is just one simple outline of how you might bring even more life into your story. It goes without saying, but use any or none of it. Most definitely keep writing and learning!!!
very good thank you
