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BDSM and PTSD

S

_Stroke_

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Apr 23, 2014
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I play in an online 3d game similar to Second Life. Obviously, exploring the physical aspects of BDSM is limited in this medium, but the psychological aspects can be explored, exploited, and played with a great deal. It can be great fun for those of us who are in committed vanilla relationships or who can't practice it for whatever reasons.

Now my problem. I've been approached by a longtime friend on the site who wants to try to face some longstanding mental issues of hers that stem from an abusive marriage that she was in over 20 years ago. I've just begun to start the dialogue with her, so I know I need A LOT more information from her before deciding whether I'm even willing to do this. I'd like to hear from others who perhaps have found BDSM to be therapeutic this way. What advice might you have for me?

I'll supply more info as it becomes available (within ethical limits, of course).
 
i don't really understand your question. How can I help?
 
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My advice is to stay the fuck away from any woman with PTSD. Women are all a little crazy, but a broad with PTSD is broken and can't be fixed.
 
_Stroke_ said:
I play in an online 3d game similar to Second Life. Obviously, exploring the physical aspects of BDSM is limited in this medium, but the psychological aspects can be explored, exploited, and played with a great deal. It can be great fun for those of us who are in committed vanilla relationships or who can't practice it for whatever reasons.

Now my problem. I've been approached by a longtime friend on the site who wants to try to face some longstanding mental issues of hers that stem from an abusive marriage that she was in over 20 years ago. I've just begun to start the dialogue with her, so I know I need A LOT more information from her before deciding whether I'm even willing to do this. I'd like to hear from others who perhaps have found BDSM to be therapeutic this way. What advice might you have for me?

I'll supply more info as it becomes available (within ethical limits, of course).
Click to expand...

This is a really bad idea. You could easily exacerbate her problems, and considering you're online, you'd have no way of getting her immediate help. If she's having problems with PTSD, please encourage her to see a professional. There are also a ton of online resources, and support groups, which can be a good first step.

Good luck. :)
 
Many women with PTSD play in BDSM. A number of them post here. Please wait for some of them to drop in and contribute before listening to those of us who don't actually know (and I count myself as one who doesn't).
 
TROLLSACK said:
My advice is to stay the fuck away from any woman with PTSD. Women are all a little crazy, but a broad with PTSD is broken and can't be fixed.
Click to expand...

Well, that just isn't true.

Hi! My name is Ahlam (that's not really my name lol) and I am a combat veteran. I have PTSD and I am also into the BDSM lifestyle. So fond of acronyms, I am. Another fun fact that you've always wanted to know about me: I am calm, collected and contained when not being paddled or hitachied (not a verb, I know). I am sane and very much a functional member of society.

The way for a woman with PTSD to enjoy sexy fun BDSM time (and this is based entirely on my experiences) is to first pursue medical and psychological treatment. She must learn and understand what her triggers are. What makes her have flashbacks? What makes her become hyper-alert? Figure out what those things are, and then stay the fuck away from those things! She must also become self aware enough to recognize when she's about to landslide in a bad way before it gets out of control. Move slowly. Once she can experience and perhaps even enjoy some things that challenge her endurance without setting her off, she may gain confidence and grow.

Good luck!
 
Ya what he said....And pay attention. Once the gas pedal is to the floor then its hard to stop. It's chill or balls to the wall.
Good luck
 
Ahlam said:
Well, that just isn't true.

Hi! My name is Ahlam (that's not really my name lol) and I am a combat veteran. I have PTSD and I am also into the BDSM lifestyle. So fond of acronyms, I am. Another fun fact that you've always wanted to know about me: I am calm, collected and contained when not being paddled or hitachied (not a verb, I know). I am sane and very much a functional member of society.

The way for a woman with PTSD to enjoy sexy fun BDSM time (and this is based entirely on my experiences) is to first pursue medical and psychological treatment. She must learn and understand what her triggers are. What makes her have flashbacks? What makes her become hyper-alert? Figure out what those things are, and then stay the fuck away from those things! She must also become self aware enough to recognize when she's about to landslide in a bad way before it gets out of control. Move slowly. Once she can experience and perhaps even enjoy some things that challenge her endurance without setting her off, she may gain confidence and grow.

Good luck!
Click to expand...

You stated that wonderfully. That has been my experience as well. :) :rose:

I have C-PTSD, and I enjoy what I refer to as "poking the trauma". I find strength and healing in the process, but it took a shit ton of work to get there.
 
I also have PTSD and have been active in a BDSM relationship and lifestyle for a long time. I second the need for her to seek treatment and care of a professional, not only to learn her triggers but also to work through the potential for repressed memories and flashbacks. There is a lot of "play" that can happen (once trust is established) but both Top and bottom need to be very aware of themselves, feelings, emotions, limits etc.

I would be a bit concerned with the online play and the need for more aftercare.

I know my involoment in BDSM has helped imensly in my healing.

Feel free to send me a PM if you have questions. My Daddy Dom/Husband is an MFT.

Even for us there are phrases he can't say in a scene or I will be triggered, but if you are both okay with the agreed upon boundries so be it.

Broken does not mean you can't be repaired and the hands off policy of many is fine... it takes more work and patience on both the Top and bottoms part, in my opinion.
 
_Stroke_ said:
I play in an online 3d game similar to Second Life. Obviously, exploring the physical aspects of BDSM is limited in this medium, but the psychological aspects can be explored, exploited, and played with a great deal. It can be great fun for those of us who are in committed vanilla relationships or who can't practice it for whatever reasons.
Click to expand...

Leaving aside the PTSD part of this question: if your partner has explicitly said "I don't want you sleeping with anybody else IRL but I'm okay with you cybering with other people," that's cool. But if you're in a relationship with monogamous expectations and you haven't discussed exceptions to those expectations, it would be very unwise to assume that they're OK with online flirtation. Many many people would consider that infidelity.
 
Sending out my sincere thanks to Ahlam, Damselfly, and KatherineAlex for your informed input. I appreciate your taking the time to address my question.

My online friend is also a veteran, and I suspect that she has received treatment for her condition. We plan to have a long powwow this weekend, during which I hope to learn the answers to these many questions. Has she received treatment? Does she know what her triggers are? It will be a delicate dance, I know. I'm a patient study. I'm also aware that it's a huge compliment to me that she would even approach me about this. It tells me that she trusts me. I expect my negotiation skills will be most valuable in this situation.
 
You probably don't want to hear this but I agree with those that said if she has issues stemming from an abusive relationship then she should have a professional helping her with those issues instead of getting relief in a BDSM relationship. You can't possibly know if you will be helping her or making her worse and she shouldn't be the judge of that either. This sounds to me more like trying to put out a fire by throwing gasoline on it. Bad idea.
 
In my opinion, real psychic disorders are seriously belittled in our society, while other psychic conditions that are not disorders, are blown up out of proportions.

"Uhm, I broke my arm, now it hurts when I move it, would you fix that?"
"Sure, I have some concrete left over in the backyard, I'll dunk your arm in."

Strangely, this is a conversation you'll never hear.

But when it's about
"Hey, I suffer from PTSD, would you play with me to make me feel better?"
"Yeah, sure, get naked and kneel."

nobody bats an eye.
 
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