I would like your thoughts on my rewritten story

Hi everyone, like the title says I would like some feedback on my story Rebirth (Reworked). I took the feedback from the original and rewrote the story and I think it works a lot better now. It's in Sci-Fi and Fantasy it's 8 lit pages and almost 29000 words. It's a lesbian love story between a sex goddess and a mortal female. https://www.literotica.com/s/rebirth-reworked

I'm sad to say that I think I liked the original better. This is just my opinion and I'm not an Fantasy or Sci-Fi reader. I wouldn't have commented at all except no one else has.

In the original, we were gradually introduced to the idea that there are sex gods out there that interact with humans. In this one, it's tossed out right at the beginning. There's no introduction to Mindy before she's having sex with Arianna. I have no idea why Mindy appeals to Arianna or vice versa. To me, sex without an emotional connection to the characters is boring and I don't have an emotional connection to either Mindy or Arianna before the first sex scene. Mindy's total acceptance of Arianna loses me as there is no dramatic tension. There may be some really good writing beyond that first sex scene, but I wasn't intrigued enough to keep reading.

Hi 8letters. Lol, sorry I find it funny that I couldn't keep your attention again, although we both like different types of stories. Yes, all of that is explained further in the story.

Any other feedback? It would be much appreciated good or bad it's ok with me, it's the only way I'm going to learn.