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Lack of desire...

Learin

Learin

Elusive
Joined
Aug 31, 2014
Posts
1,834
Lately, I've felt a lack of desire for sex. It's getting harder for me to get turned on and enjoy it. It's not just the bedroom, I'm finding it harder to get turned on by anything. I've tried porno, spending some time alone with myself etc, but no luck.

I've never had this problem before. Worst part is when I have to fake it for him. I've never had to fake it so I feel very guilty about that. The cycle repeats everytime we try to have sex. Last time I had to use a lube to avoid getting sore.

Is it a phase? Will it pass? I have absolutely no idea what's wrong with me.

Any help will be greatly appreciated. :rose::rose:
 
Are you taking any medications, especially antidepressants or antihistamines? How old are you? Have you ever had your thyroid checked? Have you been dealing with anxiety, depressed feelings, or fatigue lately?
 
DrHappy said:
Are you taking any medications, especially antidepressants or antihistamines? How old are you? Have you ever had your thyroid checked? Have you been dealing with anxiety, depressed feelings, or fatigue lately?
Click to expand...

I'm 27. I haven't been under any medication since the last 6 months. I had my thyroid checked 8 months ago. It was a routine checkup.

My work pressure had been the same since I married. That didn't affect me then, so I don't think it should affect me now. I don't know. I have not been dealing with anxiety or fatigue (although, I feel a little bit depressed as I write this :()
 
You should go see a doctor. It's the only legit advice that I can give. My wife had the same "disease". Turned out to be hormonal imbalance (or some shit according to lines). Some tests and medications later, she was as good as before.

I don't know how long it had been for you, but I think you should not wait to see if it could get any better or worse. We think these problems don't warrant professional attention, but it does. Once you get over that fear, it becomes easier to do the rest.

Lack of sexual desire affects men and women. Causes may vary. Guilt is one of its side effects. Depression too. Sadly, men can't pretend an erection, so we can't hide it as well as women. You have nothing to be guilty or ashamed of. It's just that your body is temporarily unwell.

I hope that helps.
 
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Are you one birth control pills? The lack of natural lubrication tells me that there may be a hormone issue.

At least you're continuing to have sex, and that's a HUGE thing for your husband. Many women just refuse to have sex if they aren't feeling the desire. I'd be honest with your husband about your libido. Being enthusiastic in bed is one thing, but faking orgasms may come back to bite you.
 
Lack of libido can arise from both mental and physical reasons.

Physical ones usually involve interference from other medications, a disease or hormones gone wild. Mental ones include stress (especially job), lack of intimacy with partner and many other factors. Reason for a woman's lack of libido is multifaceted, so it's really hard to pinpoint an exact reason.

You say that you're not taking any medication, so that almost always cuts out physical reasons. Assuming you're a normal, healthy female, the chances of anything else is really slim. Unless you're eating something really toxic, you should be fine. ;)

I think you're trying too hard to try and satisfy your husband. Sometimes, we just aren't in the mood. The funk can last for hours, days and even weeks. Mine lasted for almost a month.

I respect your decision to not take any meds, but at least go see a doctor. I hate medicine, but I can't deny the fact that I also need someone who knows something to look at me and assure that my ass is safe.

Whatever be the reason, go see a doctor. I bet it isn't 'serious', but it isn't something that you should ignore.

Good Luck.
 
Thanks for the replies.

I don't like trips to the clinic . It's kinda childish, but I hate being medicated. More so for a stupid lack of libido. That's why I wanted to ask if anyone else has suffered the same.

It has never happened to me before, so I'm honestly freaked the hell out. I just want to be normal and enjoy intimacy like any normal woman would.

Soooo.... looks like a trip to my doc is on the books. Thanks again for being informative and understanding about it. You guys rock. :) :rose:
 
Learin said:
Thanks for the replies.

I don't like trips to the clinic . It's kinda childish, but I hate being medicated. More so for a stupid lack of libido. That's why I wanted to ask if anyone else has suffered the same.

It has never happened to me before, so I'm honestly freaked the hell out. I just want to be normal and enjoy intimacy like any normal woman would.

Soooo.... looks like a trip to my doc is on the books. Thanks again for being informative and understanding about it. You guys rock. :) :rose:
Click to expand...

Very glad you are open to seeking professional help. I hope it truly is something that is easily diagnosed and cured. It can be extremely frustrating when one's libido goes walkabout...but I am sure your will come back.
 
Depression can have an impact. I've been going through a similar spell, but I have contributing medical and physical issues. I saw in your profile that you enjoy reading. Try reading some light fiction that does not deal with sexual topics for awhile, and just give yourself a break. The more you stress about the situation, the more difficult it will be for you. Try to just relax and do somethings for yourself that you enjoy. The pleasure and excitement will return when your body is ready for it.

Good luck.
 
Faking orgasms is really problematic. It leads to all sort of pressure to be thinking about when and how when you should be in the moment and present else an actual orgasm is even less likely. Arousal is diminished by such pressure as well.

Hard to walk that back. I would work on faking "getting close" and get him used to the idea that sometimes you just don't quite get there as a prelude to an honest discussion about where you actually are.
 
Wow, it's been almost a month now. I almost forgot about this thread. :eek: I'm currently holed up in a place with crappy internet, so I'm sorry for not replying earlier.

I'm not exactly feeling any hornier than a month ago, but I'm feeling great as a whole. Make sense? Less tensed and a bit lazy, but I feel relaxed. We haven't had sex in like a month. Not that we tried and failed, but he wasn't around. I'm hoping to take it slow the next time. Maybe a bit of kissing and lots of petting.

Anyway, thanks for your reply and support. I really, really appreciate that. :rose:
 
I had a period of this ... if you can call years 'a period'. I probably should have gone to a doctor, but we somehow just put it into the 'too hard' basket. When we did have sex (maybe three times a year), it was great, and I always thought 'OK, I'm back on the horse' ... but then a few months later it was apparent that wasn't the case.
Bizarrely, what actually resolved things for me was that I started fooling around online. The second I started having virtual sex with someone else, my desire for actual sex with my husband magically returned. I still have no idea WTAF was going on there, but years later (and a fair few online 'things' behind me), I've come to the conclusion that I'm just not good at monogamy, but I love my husband. I think we've sorted that out (long story that doesn't bear repeating here).
So, I guess my thoughts are - yes, see a doctor, but also consider whether there's something else going on. I'm not recommending my solution at all - it was my solution, and probably not a good one for most people.
 
KimGordon67 said:
I had a period of this ... if you can call years 'a period'. I probably should have gone to a doctor, but we somehow just put it into the 'too hard' basket. When we did have sex (maybe three times a year), it was great, and I always thought 'OK, I'm back on the horse' ... but then a few months later it was apparent that wasn't the case.
Bizarrely, what actually resolved things for me was that I started fooling around online. The second I started having virtual sex with someone else, my desire for actual sex with my husband magically returned. I still have no idea WTAF was going on there, but years later (and a fair few online 'things' behind me), I've come to the conclusion that I'm just not good at monogamy, but I love my husband. I think we've sorted that out (long story that doesn't bear repeating here).
So, I guess my thoughts are - yes, see a doctor, but also consider whether there's something else going on. I'm not recommending my solution at all - it was my solution, and probably not a good one for most people.
Click to expand...

Tried bringing in a third person once. It went down horribly. Don't think I'll ever be ready for that drama again.

I don't know. It's as if a switch turned off inside me. I actually felt a bit repulsed when a guy hit on me (insert mental groan and a mighty cringe).

I'm just trying not to focus on that stuff right now. Maybe the drive to do 'it' will come back after a while.

I'll remain a hopeful. :)
 
Learin said:
Tried bringing in a third person once. It went down horribly. Don't think I'll ever be ready for that drama again.

I don't know. It's as if a switch turned off inside me. I actually felt a bit repulsed when a guy hit on me (insert mental groan and a mighty cringe).

I'm just trying not to focus on that stuff right now. Maybe the drive to do 'it' will come back after a while.

I'll remain a hopeful. :)
Click to expand...

It might. I know a lady that is in the exact opposite position: her drive has ramped up (in her late forties) and her husbands has flatlined almost entirely. It is hard for her.
 
There are foods that inhibit certain chemicals in the brain which can lead to a loss of libido, check your diet including what you are drinking. Smoking can have the same affect as well, don't know if it is the nicotine or other chemicals that are added. I hate taking medicine so I always try to find a natural remedy before a man made one. One thing I would try would be eating peppermints or drinking peppermint tea. There is something in peppermint that causes the brain to focus better help balance things out. I give it to my son to treat what his teachers call ADHD and it helps him concentrate and stay focused.:)
 
Learin said:
Wow, it's been almost a month now. I almost forgot about this thread. :eek: I'm currently holed up in a place with crappy internet, so I'm sorry for not replying earlier.

I'm not exactly feeling any hornier than a month ago, but I'm feeling great as a whole. Make sense? Less tensed and a bit lazy, but I feel relaxed. We haven't had sex in like a month. Not that we tried and failed, but he wasn't around. I'm hoping to take it slow the next time. Maybe a bit of kissing and lots of petting.

Anyway, thanks for your reply and support. I really, really appreciate that. :rose:
Click to expand...

This sounds better.

Learin said:
Tried bringing in a third person once. It went down horribly. Don't think I'll ever be ready for that drama again.

I don't know. It's as if a switch turned off inside me. I actually felt a bit repulsed when a guy hit on me (insert mental groan and a mighty cringe).

I'm just trying not to focus on that stuff right now. Maybe the drive to do 'it' will come back after a while.

I'll remain a hopeful. :)
Click to expand...

This sounds tinged with both a little bit of minor anxiety issues, and minor depression. Not focusing on it and focussing on things that bring you joy is probably the right rx.

The reason I mention depression is it sounds like minor, clinical depression. As in organic, not something external. People associate depression with the sads but is mor like the blahs or the mehs. Food is bland, fun seems like work. Like that.

Exercise and soldiering through fun things tends to bring one's affect up a little bit anything that's adrenaline inducing his kind of effective for me personally
 
Dotarsojat1696 said:
There are foods that inhibit certain chemicals in the brain which can lead to a loss of libido, check your diet including what you are drinking. Smoking can have the same affect as well, don't know if it is the nicotine or other chemicals that are added. I hate taking medicine so I always try to find a natural remedy before a man made one. One thing I would try would be eating peppermints or drinking peppermint tea. There is something in peppermint that causes the brain to focus better help balance things out. I give it to my son to treat what his teachers call ADHD and it helps him concentrate and stay focused.:)
Click to expand...

Gosh no! I hate cigarettes! And my drinking quota is a bottle of wine every two months. I swear I'm not *hic* alcoholic.

:)

No, seriously. I hate smoking. And I avoid drinking because it makes me talk to my own body. Funny, cringe worthy stuff you don't want to know.

I'd love to try the peppermint tea though. It sounds delicious.



Que said:
This sounds better.



This sounds tinged with both a little bit of minor anxiety issues, and minor depression. Not focusing on it and focussing on things that bring you joy is probably the right rx.

The reason I mention depression is it sounds like minor, clinical depression. As in organic, not something external. People associate depression with the sads but is mor like the blahs or the mehs. Food is bland, fun seems like work. Like that.

Exercise and soldiering through fun things tends to bring one's affect up a little bit anything that's adrenaline inducing his kind of effective for me personally
Click to expand...

Trying to do just that.

Although right now, joy for me means sleeping and hogging down food afterwards. At this rate, I'll be waddling and wearing sweatpants to office.
 
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