Hard Sci-Fi Series, recently begun

I'd love any feedback on my series that I recently began. I'm editing the second entry, but the first is up:
https://www.literotica.com/s/hv-3-crystal-maiden

My Literotica name is TwistedPleasures, and it is a futanai science fiction series that will meander among topics and fetishes, but these first two stories are mostly contextualizing the characters and their universe.

Any input is appreciated as I proceed with this!

I hate to see any request for feedback go unanswered, but yours is quite vague. I'll try to give it a read tonight, but is there anything in particular that you want feedback on? I see you already have seven comments. Are they not telling you what you want to know?

At it's core, this is a strong sci-fi story that shows a lot of promise. If I had to sum up my critique in one word though, it would be "inconsistent."

Technically, there are long stretches where all of your grammar, punctuation, and usage are fine. But then you'll hit a patch with run-on sentences, missing or incorrect punctuation marks, and confusing pronouns. This is nothing that a good editor couldn't help you resolve.

For your plot, I understand the need to leave a few mysteries. But you introduced Avda as a captain who demands decorum and discipline even from her superiors, and then immediately saddle her with Rewan. I understand that you want to contrast the two characters, but there is never any explanation for why Avda puts up with Rewan's gross insubordination. The reader has to assume there is some sort of detente between them, but after the introduction you give us to Avda, it seems like Rewan ought to be thrown in the brig... Or mutiny and take over.

Finally, your dialouge for Vitrea changes from very formal to very casual and back again. If that is actually part of the story, none of the other characters react to it or seem to even notice. As a result, it comes off as sloppy writing.

I'm guessing that you probably wrote this in spurts with long breaks in between writing sessions. When you came back to write more, your mood or your ideas had changed and the change was reflected in your writing.

Overall, I think you have a good story idea with an interesting cast of characters, a rich setting you can mine, and a premise you can take in many directions. And the scene between Avda and Sophine aroused me physically, so that's a strong plus. I don't think there are any problems here that can't be corrected by a good editor, thorough proof-reading, and careful attention to consistency and continuity. Well done.