dear laurel

Dear Doyle,

There aren't any showers involved in my Golden Mile, honest.

Yours, Bodie.

butters said:

ok, i larfed

you two are so sweet.

p.s

dear everyone

sometimes the word 'cunt' is the only one that'll do

and i had to check i was in the right thread just then

yours,

utterlybutters

Click to expand...

Dear U Butters,

You would be wrong.

Why use an old monosyllabic 13th century word that dates back from when women were legally chattel when a modern polysyllabic more descriptive, and less derogatory toward women in the US, word will do?

This is the right thread, never ending and going political fast

Noor

Dear Bodie

Glad to hear it. I prefer my showers transparent or milky.

I used to go out with a fella in Leicester. He always got me Battenburg in. Thoughtful lot up there!

Yours in marzipan

Doyle

Fata Morgana said:

Dear Bodie

Glad to hear it. I prefer my showers transparent or milky.

I used to go out with a fella in Leicester. He always got me Battenburg in. Thoughtful lot up there!

Yours in marzipan

Doyle

Click to expand...

Marzipan? where?

Dear Laurel,

I have misplaced my "Welcome to Lit" brochure and thus have no idea what's going on most of the time. Could you please send me another one?

Sincerely yours,

The oft-befuddled good little witch.

Dear Doyle,

Its how we are down here. Battenburg eh, I'm sure some of that can be sourced for after the curry..

Yours,
Bodie.

Dear Laurel,

I went and got sunscreen for tomorrow and also the spray for the sunburn I will get no matter how much spray I put on.

I also got to ogle a couple of college guys.

Love,
LTR

Dear Laurel,

I know people think I've lost my mind because of this stalker thing I have with Thumper, but he does these things that make me all weak in the knees which makes me happy to be stalking him.

Love,
LTR

Dear Laurel,

I'm almost certain the humidity levels here are at 1,540%.

Fuck this shit.


Yours once again in schvitzing in the house,

islandman

Dear Iman,

It feels like home, which is weird for 10 at night in Jersey. I had to turn the air on, not cause it's hot, but cause the humidity was making me crazy.

Love,
LTR

Dear LTR,

I was doing dishes and then went into the basement, at which time the condensation off the cold-water pipe hit me on the back of the neck.

Now that's humidity for you!


Yours in hell,

islandman

Dear Laurel,

There's a Welcome to Lit Brochure?? The only welcome material I received was a leaflet with "Titz or GTFO" scrawled on it.

Please advise,
Arte

Dear Laurel,

Can you change thirty's name to thrity? I will send you a dollar.



Hugs and kisses,
Pete

Dear Laurel,

We seem to be settling on Luz Maria as her name. It seems to work, and carries with it a hint of the conquistadors and her Mexican heritage.

also, butt lube.

Love and lust and holy jesus post your tits already,

P

Dear butters,

It's time we told the truth. You are me and we are you and me, and we are also them, she, and he.

Love,

Laurel

*

Dear lovetoread,

We are Legion.

Love,

Laurel

*

Dear Islandman,

Mellow. Nice.

How's your ferret btw?

Love,

Laurel

*

Dear glynndah,

Hopefully this has been rectified. If your PM box is still empty, please let me know.

Love,

Laurel

*

Dear Indie and Fata,

Get a room. With a big bed, sexy music, and appropriate libations.

Love,

Laurel

P.S. Fata, I like the full-face av pic of the beautiful blonde the best.

*

Dear Noor,

I've yet to find an adequate word for female bits. "Vagina" sounds weird and only describes a part of them. "Cunt" is too hard, "pussy" is too silly. Other euphemisms are either too rude or too silly.

"Flower" is nice, but makes me think of the skunk in "Bambi".

Someone needs to come up with the right name.

Love,

Laurel

*

Dear glynndah,

I've sent one over. Sorry about the coffee mug ring on the cover - it's been on my desk for a while.

Love,

Laurel

*

Dear lovetoread,

Speaking of sunscreen: this is my new summer scent:
http://www.luckyscent.com/shop/detail.asp?itemid=37707

It smells EXACTLY like Coppertone, and layers nicely with my Ramon Monegal "Kiss My Name".

Happy Tanning,

Laurel

*

Dear Islandman,

Humidity sucks. You should move to Arizona. I hear it's 150 degrees F there, but it's a dry heat.

Love,

Laurel

*

Dear artemesia_g,

That's the one!

Love,

Laurel

P.S. Pinch Wrong Element's cheek for me.

*

Dear SaintPeter,

I'm tempted. Either that or "thrifty".

Love,

Laurel

*

Dear Perg,

When you say "it seems to work", do you mean she comes to you when called?

Love,

Laurel

P.S. As Kitty Mama, I'm exempt from the "Titz or GTFO" clause.

Dear Laurel,

I shouldn't have signed up for this run. I just want to go back to bed. Switch places with me?

Yours while hoping you have a fabulous day,
blackleggings

Dear Laurel,

Thanks for the link to that scent, I'm probably gonna have to get some when I get back from Dorney.

Love,
LTR

Dear Laurel,

I haven't been able to think straight since my flower got so distracted last Friday that I swear it hasn't completely closed or shaken off its dew. It hasn't been a big problem until recently but now I need to concentrate on this 4 day party, I mean, convention.

Getting repeatedly hugged by people I don't really know and haven't seen in a year has helped some as did the amazing fireworks we saw from the hotel parking lot, but I need to turn off before my flower wilts and dies, lose focus on the way home dodging the alien road repair vehicles that seem to appear in the wee hours and/or accept offers of sleeping space from the friendly members of our local poly community.

What do you suggest?

Noor, who just wants to have fun, safely

Dear Noor

Use your flower for good, not evil. Also, don't shake off the dew, its there for a reason.

Yours sincerely

Not Laurel.

Dear Laurel and anyone else for whom this is applicable,




Yours in red, white and blue,

islandman

dear laurel,

sorry you couldn't get blackleggings out of that race, but please send her my way for a post-run massage.

with mimosas. tips appreciated

yours in business appreciation,
TOP

p.s. what am i thinking? you first, then BL. obvs!

Dear Arte

Haven't you recognized your husbands scrawl by now?

Yours sincerely,

Right Element

PS: He's still right, tits or GTFO

Dear Islandman and all American Litsters,



Love,

Laurel

*

Dear blackleggings,

Sorry, I only run when chased - and even then unenthusiastically.

I'll finish this piece of pizza for you, though.

Love,

Laurel

*

Dear lovetoread,

So glad you liked! That site is rad because you can buy samples of the perfumes they stock. And they stock all sorts of indie and interesting labels.

Love,

Laurel

*

Dear Noor,

I know what you mean. I have the same problem. It started two or three years ago and hasn't let up since. My only advice is frequent masturbation (girls need toys!) and hot, clean, safe sex when it's available. And enjoy the hormone high, because you may wake up to find it gone (so they tell me).

Your fellow dirty old woman,

Laurel

*

Dear pete1968,

We'll be over after the race.

No, strike that: we'll be over after she runs the race, then stops by and wakes me from my nap.

Love,

Laurel

Dear Laurel

I will put my Michael Flatley AV back up, just for you seeing as you asked.

Seeing as it's Yankee Day I shall be nice to Indie and islandman today. Only til midnight though.

Yours in cuntdom

Fata

Dear Lit,

Recently a non-American friend asked me to explain the 4th of July to her. I did, uneventfully, but her asking made me remember a particularly funny David Sedaris essay in which Easter is explained - in French class, in French by novice speakers of French - to someone unfamiliar with the holiday. Happily, I've found it on Youtube, read by David Sedaris. Please listen in if you need a good hard laugh:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5apZmwR9UI

Happy 4th of July to all Americans, and Happy July 4th to everyone else

Laurel