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Talking through tears

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housewares

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Say someone is speaking, and basically crying while trying to get words out in-between snorts and sniffs and sobs... what do people think is an easy-to-read and easy-to-understand way to write dialog like that? I don't want it look lame with things like <<sniff>> between phrases... any help would be appreciated.
 
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This would be faltering speech, which can be shown with interjections of ellipses. You'd add to that references to demeanor in the quote slugs and surrounding narrative.
 
A good rule of thumb with something like this is not to overdo it. Uses ellipses or whatever you want to use a little, but not too much. A little unusual punctuation gets the point across, and that's all you need. The reader's imagination will do the rest. If you overdo it it will be distracting and annoying.
 
"I... I... cant," she said through tears, her lips quivering. "It's too scary. I think it's haunted."

She continued to shake as the tears rolled down her cheeks.


Or


She sniffed and sobbed. "It's haunted!"
 
We've gotten mixed feedback on our dialog, but this is the guide we use for interrupted dialog.
It suggests em dash for most common cases that we'd think of in crying or even heated argument that occurs in spurts of words. Ellipsis are reserved for dangling unfinished speech.

-MM
 
MindsMirror said:
We've gotten mixed feedback on our dialog, but this is the guide we use for interrupted dialog.
It suggests em dash for most common cases that we'd think of in crying or even heated argument that occurs in spurts of words. Ellipsis are reserved for dangling unfinished speech.

-MM
Click to expand...
I've never seen halting or stuttering speech signified by an em-dash, but then I don't live in Chicago and I have no style. "I'd always use... an ellipsis..." he said, tears clouding his eyes - I use a dash to signify a change in thought (still related), not a pause.
 
If you are writing within U.S. style, for which the Chicago Manual of Style is the most accepted authority, you will use ellipses for faltering speech (13.39, CMS 16). You can use ellipses also for interrupted speech. Em dashes are solely used for interrupted speech (13.39 and 6.84). The OP question is about faltering speech.
 
I've always used ellipses for faltering speech. Look at me go!

Okay, I use them because I've always felt they look better than an em dash.

I'm the grammar equivalent of people who don't know anything about sports and bet on uniform color. :eek:
 
I’ve used both ellipses and em dashes, I tend to go with em dashes to denote rapid stammering speech:

“I-I-I don’t know what you mean,” he stammered breathlessly, closing his laptop with conspicuous haste.

whereas I use ellipses more for halting speech.

“I... I’m sorry,” she said, her eyes brimming. “I... I can’t be with you if you’re going to keep lying to me.”
 
Requiax said:
I’ve used both ellipses and em dashes, I tend to go with em dashes to denote rapid stammering speech:

“I-I-I don’t know what you mean,” he stammered breathlessly, closing his laptop with conspicuous haste.
Click to expand...

Those are hyphens there. An em dash is much wider (the width of a letter 'm', hence the name), with an en dash in between the two:

- hyphen
– en dash
— em dash
 
Bramblethorn said:
Those are hyphens there. An em dash is much wider (the width of a letter 'm', hence the name), with an en dash in between the two:

- hyphen
– en dash
— em dash
Click to expand...

Typing on my phone!

I always forget to hold down the key on an iPhone to get the additional punctuation options.
 
Bramblethorn said:
ah, my sympathies. Phone keyboards are not ideal.
Click to expand...

But they are ideal for
a] making & receiving voice communications,
b] providing a sufficiently distracting occupation that the user can collide with my electric scooter thingy.

One young female was having a right good chat with someone on her mobile phone - whilst at anding in the Queue in our local Bakers. The whole place had tio stop while she chatted. In the end she realised her problem.
"Madam," said one elderly customer, "this is a Bakers, not a telephone box. you'll find that outside these premises".
 
lovecraft68 said:
I've always used ellipses for faltering speech. Look at me go!

Okay, I use them because I've always felt they look better than an em dash.

I'm the grammar equivalent of people who don't know anything about sports and bet on uniform color. :eek:
Click to expand...
Same!
Except I'd probably bet on team names and not colors.
 
You can simply italicize the interspersed sobs and other crying noises.

"It was sob just huh huh terrifying!" my sister eventually managed.

I looked at the tiny arachnid in question. Even crushed into a paste with protruding legs, it was perhaps a centimeter long.
 
I'm definitely a fan of indicating things like this through speech tags rather than through sound effects scattered through speech. The latter just tends to interfere with my reading or come off kind of comical. But, hey, maybe that's what you're shooting for...
 
Lascivity said:
I'm definitely a fan of indicating things like this through speech tags rather than through sound effects scattered through speech. The latter just tends to interfere with my reading or come off kind of comical. But, hey, maybe that's what you're shooting for...
Click to expand...

Yes, to this. I too use speech tags to convey what the words will sound like. Let the read put the sound effects in the speech, everyone hears things differently, just as they see things differently. Let them hear and see what they want, not what you want.

Writing is about imagination, not yours, your readers. Your words should open their minds to the wonders you are trying to convey.
 
Bramblethorn said:
- hyphen
– en dash
— em dash
Click to expand...

You have no idea how difficult en and em dashes make my life, as I try to explain why someone’s database exploded because they copy-and-pasted from a word document so all their hyphens were em dashes and all their quotation marks were “smart.”
 
Requiax said:
I’ve used both ellipses and em dashes, I tend to go with em dashes to denote rapid stammering speech:

“I-I-I don’t know what you mean,” he stammered breathlessly, closing his laptop with conspicuous haste.
Click to expand...

IMO, if you write that “he stammered,” you don’t need to also include “I—I—I” (that’s right, my iPad sticks me with em dashes! Whatcha gunna do about it?)



whereas I use ellipses more for halting speech.
“I... I’m sorry,” she said, her eyes brimming. “I... I can’t be with you if you’re going to keep lying to me.”
Click to expand...

I am an elispsis zealot, only using them to indicate a longish, silent pause, with nothing else happening during it. So I wind up with things like, “‘I. I’m sorry,’ she said.” Or, “‘I’, she gulped, eyes brimming. ‘I’m sorry. I like how Luke died in TLJ.’”
 
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