Online bullies

[lc69hunter]

I still have one author on ignore because of his comments when I first discovered the Board and was still struggling to find my way up here.

 

[djrip]

I still have one author on ignore because of his comments when I first discovered the Board and was still struggling to find my way up here.

Maybe it's time to give 'em another chance.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

I’m super pissed-off with this.

I’d always thought it was different here due to the nature of what we do, but it’s not. In fact in some ways it’s so much worse.

I’ve got to admit I’ve not been this angry over an issue in a while.

You’re right, they are goddamn cowards.

 

[stickygirl]

Maybe it's time to give 'em another chance.

Maybe it's time for them to mend their ways and not expect others to accommodate their shitty behaviour?

 

[ElectricBlue]

Maybe it's time to give 'em another chance.

Why? If they were a super-jerk two or three years ago when you put them on Ignore, why do you think they'll have changed in the meantime?

If they had nothing to say then, and it's been obvious from subsequent reactions that they're still playing their K-Tel Greatest Hits Record, why would you bother?

 

[Emilymcplugger]

Maybe it's time to give 'em another chance.

I say…fuck em! (Metaphorically, not literally).

The thing that gets me is I thought because we’re the same people interacting with each other that the problems with anonymously arguing with people would be less prevalent, that it was different here, but for some people it isn’t…it’s just the same.

It has reminded me though that my experience is not other’s experience.

 

[stickygirl]

Maybe it's time to give 'em another chance.

Yes my second reply to your post!
It's easy to read too much into words at times, so you may have been suggesting the iggy button was used in a moment of anger as a reflex? I've done that and later taken the person off iggy for a second chance. Sometimes they go back on.... On, Off, On, Off. I hope they'll become seasick if I rattle them up enough.

Some think the iggy button is overly dramatic or weak 'You need to toughen up and face your enemies!' but personally I see it as bug-screen and a means of avoiding irritation. People can use iggy as they may but it's for them to decide, not us.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

Human beings are not always rational creatures.

If you decide to remain in the puddle, embrace the mud or ignore it, but stop fucking whining about it!

I think bullying someone is not about rationality, it’s about being a bellend to others often for your own sense of self-gratification. It’s not big or clever.

As for just accepting it, no. I can’t do that. I’m just not made that way. We should always stand against it, because neutrality against awfulness is accepting the awfulness. We should always rally against it.

No offence, of course.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

Human beings are not always rational creatures. For example, in a scenario where they are given the choice between receiving $150 immediately or waiting one month for $180, a significant majority would opt for the immediate $150, even though it means sacrificing a 20 percent increase in return. On the other hand, if the options are revised to $150 in one year or $180 in 13 months, the overwhelming majority would choose to wait an extra month for the additional $30.

Now, with this realization, let's pause for a moment and view our current surroundings. We are on an erotic/sex/porn website, which naturally attracts all kinds of freaks and deviants, both readers and writers. Regardless of the narratives we may construct to justify our presence, the unfortunate truth is that mentally sound people don't typically spend a significant amount of their leisure time on such sites.

Once you enter this murky puddle, you should expect to get dirty. Hoping to receive only love and support in the vast realm of the internet is simply unrealistic.

Those who spread negativity are likely not in a good place. I'm not suggesting that we should condone their behavior, but we can choose to respond with tolerance and compassion. Just as happy people don't cheat, they don't bully either.

If you decide to remain in the puddle, embrace the mud or ignore it, but stop fucking whining about it!

Sometimes I get the impression that you dislike being here and are ashamed of having the need to express yourself on a website such as this one.
Sure, we could all be called deviants here, but for me, that is a positive thing. We all have our wild sexual fantasies and things we wouldn't admit to anyone who knows us. Maybe we are wired a bit differently, maybe we are just brave enough to express ourselves in a way most people wouldn't dare to. Maybe we just have stronger erotic needs. Who knows. Sure, most societies raise an eyebrow at anything that is not 100% vanilla in terms of sexual needs, but that doesn't mean what we do is dirty or sick, especially not in a world where people who do horrible things to other human beings walk freely and strut around.
There is nothing wrong with expressing sexual fantasies in stories. We aren't harming anyone, nor are we forcing anyone to read our "filth."
On the other hand, I do agree that being on the Internet means wading through the mud in a way. People act like assholes over the Internet because they can get away with it. Maybe they are actually being their truest selves thanks to the anonymity of it all. Who knows. But it is the Internet that is the mud, not Lit. One look at social networks can tell you how easygoing place Lit actually is, in comparison.

 

[Lifestyle66]

... We are on an erotic/sex/porn website, which naturally attracts all kinds of freaks and deviants, both readers and writers. Regardless of the narratives we may construct to justify our presence, the unfortunate truth is that mentally sound people don't typically spend a significant amount of their leisure time on such sites.

Once you enter this murky puddle, you should expect to get dirty. Hoping to receive only love and support in the vast realm of the internet is simply unrealistic.

Those who spread negativity are likely not in a good place. I'm not suggesting that we should condone their behavior, but we can choose to respond with tolerance and compassion. Just as happy people don't cheat, they don't bully either.

If you decide to remain in the puddle, embrace the mud or ignore it, but stop fucking whining about it!

That's a very well stated observation.

With my latest story just published in LW, I've received a few comments, which were probably well-intentioned critiques, saying it lacking emotion and love. But that was the POINT of the story!

Your comment reminded me of the phrase in an old song: "Looking for love in all the wrong places."

 

[TxRad]

If anyone here thinks there is bullying going on in the AH, I suggest you step over to the General Board or the Political board to see what real bullying and who the real asshats are.

This place is a picnic as compared to most places on the WWW. In any case, for the newbies around, this place was quite toxic not too long ago. Almost all the good posters were run off by a few asshats in purple pajamas.

As someone said, whining about things never helps. Put whoever you think is bullying on ignore and enjoy the rest. Funny thing is, some people will soon have no one to talk too as they have everyone on ignore.

As a note, I double space between thoughts for one and so it is not a solid wall of text for another. My balls are fine.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Human beings are not always rational creatures. For example, in a scenario where they are given the choice between receiving $150 immediately or waiting one month for $180, a significant majority would opt for the immediate $150, even though it means sacrificing a 20 percent increase in return. On the other hand, if the options are revised to $150 in one year or $180 in 13 months, the overwhelming majority would choose to wait an extra month for the additional $30.

Completely tangential to the original topic, but a limitation of this kind of research is that it often ends up characterising behaviour as "irrational" when the real issue is information asymmetry - the experimenter analyses costs and benefits with the advantage of information that the subject doesn't have. (Often this comes from psychologists making the adorably naïve assumption that people trust psychologists.)

Supposing some psych major offers me that choice between $150 now, and $180 in a month, I have to evaluate whether I believe I'm actually going to get that $180 if I wait. Maybe the psychologist will have changed their mind by then, or lost the money. If my housing situation is insecure, I might have to move away by then, and I might not be able to come back to collect the money. If there's less than an 87% chance of my being able to collect in a month, I'd do better (in terms of expected profit) to take $150 now.

As the old proverb has it, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.

For the choice between $150 in 12 months and $180 in 13, the balance changes. If that psych major is unreliable, they're probably going to flake on me before 12 months, so I'm not going to get my money either way. But if they're reliable enough to be there after 12 months, the odds are pretty good that they'll still be there in 13.

 

[AwkwardlySet]

I like your apologetic tone...


Now deal with it!

I think our difference in opinions stems mostly from our understanding of what "mentally sound" means.

 

[KeithD]

The problem, certainly here, is that there is no unbiased moderation. in fact one of the biggest bullies is now a moderator - so there really is no hope

But not the moderator of the AH. Lynn is great as a moderator.

This was a service Ogg had often performed on the AH--addressing bullies and bringing the heat down. Hope someone steps up to fill his shoes on that.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

I think our difference in opinions stems mostly from our understanding of what "mentally sound" means.

“Mentally sound”

I don’t know what that means?

Surely having an outlet for kinks and creativity is healthy?

 

[SimonDoom]

the unfortunate truth is that mentally sound people don't typically spend a significant amount of their leisure time on such sites.

Another broad statement with not an iota of anything to back it up.

Why would a mentally sound person be less likely to spend a significant amount of leisure time reading erotic stories than, say, building model trains or collecting stamps? I can't think of any reason. Erotic stories are fun, creative, kinky, arousing. Reading and writing are great activities. Seems like a healthy thing to me.

In order to designate someone as "mentally unsound" (or "disordered") as a result of some behavior, it's necessary to demonstrate that the behavior is intrinsically harmful in some way (e.g., cutting oneself) or that it impairs the necessary functions of one's life (e.g., drinking to the point that one doesn't show up for work). "It seems icky to me" doesn't cut it. There may be some readers and writers who spend so much time here that it impairs their functioning in some way, but my guess is that for the vast majority it's no different from model trains or stamps (though presumably more sexually arousing).

 

[djrip]

Yes my second reply to your post!
It's easy to read too much into words at times, so you may have been suggesting the iggy button was used in a moment of anger as a reflex? I've done that and later taken the person off iggy for a second chance. Sometimes they go back on.... On, Off, On, Off. I hope they'll become seasick if I rattle them up enough.

Some think the iggy button is overly dramatic or weak 'You need to toughen up and face your enemies!' but personally I see it as bug-screen and a means of avoiding irritation. People can use iggy as they may but it's for them to decide, not us.

Lol, I forgot about this throwaway comment until this morning I find half a dozen indignant replies! All I meant was in lc's specific case, after a few years, maybe check in again, but I didn't even mean that in a serious way. It was more of a light quip

 

[djrip]

If anyone here thinks there is bullying going on in the AH, I suggest you step over to the General Board or the Political board to see what real bullying and who the real asshats are.

This place is a picnic as compared to most places on the WWW. In any case, for the newbies around, this place was quite toxic not too long ago. Almost all the good posters were run off by a few asshats in purple pajamas.

As someone said, whining about things never helps. Put whoever you think is bullying on ignore and enjoy the rest. Funny thing is, some people will soon have no one to talk too as they have everyone on ignore.

As a note, I double space between thoughts for one and so it is not a solid wall of text for another. My balls are fine.

The bullying happens through PMs and by anonymous messages to the author and using alts so when one is ignored another appears. And yes, the general board is the origin of the shit show but apparently they can get out of there.

 

[stickygirl]

The bullying happens through PMs and by anonymous messages to the author and using alts so when one is ignored another appears. And yes, the general board is the origin of the shit show but apparently they can get out of there.

Historically the GB was a bear pit but they all got pushed into Politics by Laurel. The GB is where I go if things get snarky here. I've been over there quite a bit recently.

 

[WalterGoran]

I find with Bullies online the best action is block, ignore, report, but never answer.

 

[Emilymcplugger]

Another broad statement with not an iota of anything to back it up.

Why would a mentally sound person be less likely to spend a significant amount of leisure time reading erotic stories than, say, building model trains or collecting stamps? I can't think of any reason. Erotic stories are fun, creative, kinky, arousing. Reading and writing are great activities. Seems like a healthy thing to me.

In order to designate someone as "mentally unsound" (or "disordered") as a result of some behavior, it's necessary to demonstrate that the behavior is intrinsically harmful in some way (e.g., cutting oneself) or that it impairs the necessary functions of one's life (e.g., drinking to the point that one doesn't show up for work). "It seems icky to me" doesn't cut it. There may be some readers and writers who spend so much time here that it impairs their functioning in some way, but my guess is that for the vast majority it's no different from model trains or stamps (though presumably more sexually arousing).

Whenever I think of supposed normal people I immediately think of Reginald Christie.

Excessive normality always seems to be a mask over something darker, with the exception of Mr Rogers.

 

[SimonDoom]

Whenever I think of supposed normal people I immediately think of Reginald Christie.

Excessive normality always seems to be a mask over something darker, with the exception of Mr Rogers.

There's a flip side to that, though, which is that "deviance" is to some degree nothing more than a matter of perspective, taste, and whim, and is in fact completely "normal." It amuses--and sometimes concerns--me to see the amount of squeamishness people display in this forum, or the suggestion that there's something abnormal or unhealthy about sex stories. Shouldn't the participants of this forum, of all people, be beyond that sort of thinking?

 

[alohadave]

Excessive normality always seems to be a mask over something darker, with the exception of Mr Rogers.

I think he was a thoughtful person who reflected on his actions, and corrected them when he recognized that he made a mistake. I remember one story he told about snapping at his grandson, and apologizing to him the next day.

His wife said in a documentary about him that he loved to fart in public.

https://allthatsinteresting.com/mister-rogers-farts

 

[AwkwardlySet]

His wife said in a documentary about him that he loved to fart in public.

Damn, I want to have a wife that will say such delightful things about me when I pass away...

 

[TxRad]

The bullying happens through PMs and by anonymous messages to the author and using alts so when one is ignored another appears. And yes, the general board is the origin of the shit show but apparently they can get out of there.

Ah, I'm sorry to hear that. I seem to be left out of all that, I'm glad to say. Laurel being notified can work since she has the isp's to find the culprits and she will and has in the past.