adding an extra woman to a married couples bedroom

hi.
I'm new to this posting business, but have read a few posts and thought there may be some advice out there for my wife and I who have spoken quite a few times about inviting an extra woman into our bedroom.
my wife and I communicate pretty well and acknowledge that there are more chats required as well as laying a few ground rules.
I wanted to ask married couples out there if they had done it successfully, enriched their marriage, and got a positive experience out of it? if so, how did you go about planning it, choosing/inviting the extra female, and would you have changed anything about the experience?

before i married i was involved in a few threesomes, one with my now-wife. i don't think i can say it enriched the romantic relationship. however, it was exciting to explore a mutual fantasy. i mean, when you care about someone, helping them realize a dream or fantasy is important.

in the MFF i was in, my then-girlfriend hadn't had an opportunity to explore her bisexuality or indeed even been aware of it. so it was an opportunity for me to realize a fantasy and her to get a sexual experience she was only now realizing she wanted.

as it happened, we knew we had an interested woman to whom we were both attracted. i'm not sure how you might go about finding a third--is there someone you both know, would trust and with whom there is attraction?

as a general rule, when this topic crops up, people generally advocate either picking up a complete stranger, or turning to someone you know well. i think both camps have something to recommend them.

ed

They can be tricky to organise, but I've had surprisingly good results by just asking my friends. Sounds too simple to possibly work, but you never know who might be up for it until you float the idea!

Bringing a third person into the bedroom, (whether it be male or female), can be one of the most erotic and fulfilling experiences a married couple can have, or it can be the end of your marriage. The difference is in communication between you and your wife. Neither you, nor your wife can assume anything. Before you even consider looking for a third person, both you and your wife have to talk it out completely, and particularly, *listen* to each other. Particularly for your first experience with a threesome, both you and your wife have to have a clear understanding as to what is and is not acceptable for the evening.

Also, if either of you for any reason find the evening, (of the threesome), less than what you expected, both of you up front have to agree to accept it as a mutual mistake, leave it in the past and move on with your marriage. If either of you feel it was a mistake, (afterward), you cannot let it fester. Your first experience with a third person in the bedroom will for both you and your wife be a learning experience, and both you and your wife should approach it as such.

When you have talked everything out, (and both of you are comfortable with the idea), and are ready to start looking for the woman, don't just pick out some hooker from Craigslist. Particularly for your first time, be very selective. The woman you bring into your bedroom has to be someone that both of you can accept. The operative phrase in that sentence is "both of you". Be careful that you don't inadvertently convince your wife to except another woman just because you like her. You have to be sure that your wife is comfortable with her also.

When you start looking for a woman, don't hide the fact that you are new at this, and want to take it slow. Take the time necessary to meet this woman outside of the bedroom, and make sure she is a good fit. A couple of emails before the first meeting might even be appropriate. If the women who respond to your search don't have enough patience to go through the meeting process, she is probably not the right person. You don't have to choose someone just because they responded to your ad or your search.

Some couples see a threesome as a one time thing, while other couples may be wanting a long-term relationship with the third person. The future of this relationship is something both you and your wife have to discuss before you move forward.

Something I might add. You didn't say what you are your wife expect from this woman in the bedroom; however, if this woman is expected to have sex with your wife, choose a woman who identifies as being bisexual, and not a woman who identifies as being a lesbian only. A woman who identifies as lesbian only is more likely focus primarily on your wife and ignore you. That could be less than fun. The woman you choose should be comfortable with both you and your wife.

You should all be friends, and like each other. (IMHO recruiting a stranger is a bad, bad idea, as is bringing in one who heavily favors one or the other.) You should all be clear on who's with whom in the long run. Actions require consensus; any of you can veto any move. Any of you can call it off. A partnership is not enhanced if it's being destroyed.

Craigslist undeservedly gets a bad rap. There is nothing on Craigslist that is any worse than anything you find on any other dating site, and on Craigslist, you can't get shilled responding to fake ads.

If a couple wants to find a sex partner there is no better way to accomplish that than to join a swing club. Second to that is to join a swing site. Everything else runs a distant third place. Internet ads are a dime a dozen.

Whether the person you choose is a stranger or a friend does not matter, as long as you have spent some time getting to know that person before anything happens.

Is it an enriching experience? Absolutely, as long as neither of you are prone to jealousies.

Thanks so much for the response, folks.
You have made sense and I appreciate it.
I will take on board the advice and speak more with my wife about it.
We've already discussed what we we might want to achieve out of the experience, but we need to talk more about that to find a suitable partner and I agree with going thru the meeting process.
it is nice to hear that if done wellm the results are good.
obviously our marriage is key and we don't want anything to ruin that. we are strongly committed to each other - been together for 20 yrs, married for 13. I am sure we can find a way to mutually move forward on this or agree that we should not ... either way, I appreciate your responses.