NeophyteWriter
Virgin
- Joined
- Aug 1, 2017
- Posts
- 1
Hello everybody.
Since I only recently decided to submit a story (I have been an avid reader here for a while), I am looking for help.
Since I am not a native english speaker, I might make a few mistakes, especially when it comes to grammar and overall style. I have a bit of experience writing superhero stories on a fanforum, but not too much. And to be true, those stories didn't need any hard editing, because us superhero nerds read everything!
I am looking for someone who reads my story, checks the grammar and gives me a few pointers if some parts could be improved in style or if there are plotholes. I also struggle with pacing sometimes, so someone with a feel for that might be good.
The story falls mainly into the Incest category, though there is no real blood relation between the characters. It is also a bit slower paced, so you won't find orgy after orgy in it.
It tells of a young man living with his stepmother, her sister and that sister's daughter. He falls in love with his aunt, but has sexual relations with every woman.
I expect the story to have between 4 to 6 self-contained chapters, most from the male perspective, though I might switch for one or two chapters.
So far only the first chapter is written (end needs rewrite).
An excerpt follows at the end.
I would greatly appreciate any help, especially if someone volunteers as editor.
Thanks from
NeophyteWriter
>>But one Sunday I decided it was enough brooding. Seeing that the women had left the house to go to the mall and that it was a crisp but sunny late November day outside, I put on some warm clothes and went for a run. I returned after an hour, exhausted but exhilarated. Not wanting to let my muscles become stiff, I looked around the house or some workout gear. My aunt was a fitness instructor after all. But it soon became clear that she kept her stuff in her gym. All I found was a Yoga mat and a self-burnt DVD saying ‘Exercises and Warm-up’.
I took both and retreated to my room in the basement, where luckily, since it was built as a party-room originally, there was a big-ass flatscreen and DVD player. (The TV being the reason I took no offense taking this room, though it had only two small window slits. Well the TV and the fact that I had my own shower in the laundry room, which lay next to mine.)
I put the disc in and on the screen appeared the living room from upstairs. My aunt was doing a warm-up routine to some music from the radio. Then she began a full aerobic workout.
I tried to follow what I saw, but had to admit, that, though I was fit, this was a different ball game. And clearly it was an advanced workout my aunt breezed through.
As I now just watched, I soon began to see Harriett with new eyes. She was beautiful. I knew she was a bit older than mom, approaching 40, but you wouldn’t have guessed. She was slender, a fact only too obvious since she wore only a sports bra and yoga pants, had killer abs and a small and firm butt. Her short black hair was soon wet and clinging to her pretty face. Her tits weren’t that big, maybe a B or B+.
When I found myself checking out my aunt’s breasts, I had to admit that I was aroused, and not just a bit. I had never looked at Aunt Harry that way but here, watching her working out, I could not take my eyes of her. Soon a throbbing pressure from below my waist reminded me that someone else was interested. That brought me back to my senses and, a bit embarassed over being hot for my aunt, I quickly turned off the TV. <<
Since I only recently decided to submit a story (I have been an avid reader here for a while), I am looking for help.
Since I am not a native english speaker, I might make a few mistakes, especially when it comes to grammar and overall style. I have a bit of experience writing superhero stories on a fanforum, but not too much. And to be true, those stories didn't need any hard editing, because us superhero nerds read everything!
I am looking for someone who reads my story, checks the grammar and gives me a few pointers if some parts could be improved in style or if there are plotholes. I also struggle with pacing sometimes, so someone with a feel for that might be good.
The story falls mainly into the Incest category, though there is no real blood relation between the characters. It is also a bit slower paced, so you won't find orgy after orgy in it.
It tells of a young man living with his stepmother, her sister and that sister's daughter. He falls in love with his aunt, but has sexual relations with every woman.
I expect the story to have between 4 to 6 self-contained chapters, most from the male perspective, though I might switch for one or two chapters.
So far only the first chapter is written (end needs rewrite).
An excerpt follows at the end.
I would greatly appreciate any help, especially if someone volunteers as editor.
Thanks from
NeophyteWriter
>>But one Sunday I decided it was enough brooding. Seeing that the women had left the house to go to the mall and that it was a crisp but sunny late November day outside, I put on some warm clothes and went for a run. I returned after an hour, exhausted but exhilarated. Not wanting to let my muscles become stiff, I looked around the house or some workout gear. My aunt was a fitness instructor after all. But it soon became clear that she kept her stuff in her gym. All I found was a Yoga mat and a self-burnt DVD saying ‘Exercises and Warm-up’.
I took both and retreated to my room in the basement, where luckily, since it was built as a party-room originally, there was a big-ass flatscreen and DVD player. (The TV being the reason I took no offense taking this room, though it had only two small window slits. Well the TV and the fact that I had my own shower in the laundry room, which lay next to mine.)
I put the disc in and on the screen appeared the living room from upstairs. My aunt was doing a warm-up routine to some music from the radio. Then she began a full aerobic workout.
I tried to follow what I saw, but had to admit, that, though I was fit, this was a different ball game. And clearly it was an advanced workout my aunt breezed through.
As I now just watched, I soon began to see Harriett with new eyes. She was beautiful. I knew she was a bit older than mom, approaching 40, but you wouldn’t have guessed. She was slender, a fact only too obvious since she wore only a sports bra and yoga pants, had killer abs and a small and firm butt. Her short black hair was soon wet and clinging to her pretty face. Her tits weren’t that big, maybe a B or B+.
When I found myself checking out my aunt’s breasts, I had to admit that I was aroused, and not just a bit. I had never looked at Aunt Harry that way but here, watching her working out, I could not take my eyes of her. Soon a throbbing pressure from below my waist reminded me that someone else was interested. That brought me back to my senses and, a bit embarassed over being hot for my aunt, I quickly turned off the TV. <<
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