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Anonymous comments

And I just got this one on "Sammi Woo" along with a one star bomb. I'm leaving it there for entertainment.

Why do you get 5s?

Your prose is atrocious, the vernacular used so obviously that of a teenager (v-card, really?) and the grammar is abysmal. The constant repetition removes any kind of tempo. After reading this I went and scanned some other pieces of yours. If this piece is an example of writing that was improved by editing, I shudder to consider the original.
 
ChloeTzang said:
And I just got this one on "Sammi Woo" along with a one star bomb. I'm leaving it there for entertainment.

Why do you get 5s?

Your prose is atrocious, the vernacular used so obviously that of a teenager (v-card, really?) and the grammar is abysmal. The constant repetition removes any kind of tempo. After reading this I went and scanned some other pieces of yours. If this piece is an example of writing that was improved by editing, I shudder to consider the original.
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Great minds think alike.
 
NOIRTRASH said:
Great minds think alike.
Click to expand...

LOL

And the reply I posted was ....

Why do I get 5's? LOL

Because, my dear Anonymous, I write good entertaining sex that gets readers of my stories going (like "Sammi Woo" - gosh, go figure), and there's a good story to go with the sex. As for the vernacular, it possibly escaped your attention that the protagonist (Sammi) is an 18 year old girl. She's a teenager. She uses a modicum of teenage slang, among which is "v-card." Really. Go look it up you dickwad. As for the one star rating, thanks for the silliness. Really, if you don't like it, don't read it. This is a website putting free stories out for readers. We authors do not get paid for anything we write here, it's here because we enjoy writing this stuff and honestly, you get what you pay for, and that's whatever we choose to write. So suck it up big boy, and if you don't like it, there's a place where the sun don't shine where you can stick it. I do love it that you comment though, it just shows up your petty-minded ignorance, if that's even what is is. Personally, these sorts of comments and votes always give me a giggle - if you can do better, you go ahead and write them and let me know.

So just so the rest of you readers know, the dickwad that commented gave this a one star rating out of pure spite and bile. While he's off sucking on a dead dogs dick, do me a favor and give me a ratings star to negate the idiot loser. Please (she bats her eyelids even more soulfully than normal ....)

Thankyou so much all of you ..... xoxoxoxoxoxoxo ..... Chloe

I love these comments, I really do. Pure entertainment, and replying is even more fun :rose::rose:

And Noir, you need to read the footnote at the end of "Sammi Woo" - you are mentioned. LOL. Credited, I should say, for inspiration for something else I'm working on (That Noir story we talked about ages ago - still a work in progress and when it's further along I'll send you some snippets and ask for you advice on that hard-boiled Noir style - and the sex, I'm still working on how to do Noir-sex)
 
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Chloe, that particular comment you reacted to wasn't worth it. That comment was intended to hook a response - and got it. But whether your response helped, I dunno.

Your story was not bad but had a couple of problems. It was too long and a lot of that seems to be your need to explain too much detail. Noirtrash's "less is more comment" is spot on. I reckon you could probably reduce this by 60 to 80%.

The other fundamental isn't your fault, it's just that immature 18 year olds are usually uninteresting - except to other 18 year olds. Look at how Jane Austen managed it: Catherine Morling was a ditzy teenager, Emma Woodhouse ditto, but she grew up in the story. Elizabeth Bennet claimed to be "not one and twenty" but JA wrote her character as having the maturity of someone 10 years older. Anne Eliot recognized the flaws of her younger self. Mebbe you coulda cheated a bit like that to make your heroine more interesting.

But against your competition your effort compared very well.
 
ishtat said:
Chloe, that particular comment you reacted to wasn't worth it. That comment was intended to hook a response - and got it. But whether your response helped, I dunno.

Your story was not bad but had a couple of problems. It was too long and a lot of that seems to be your need to explain too much detail. Noirtrash's "less is more comment" is spot on. I reckon you could probably reduce this by 60 to 80%.
....
But against your competition your effort compared very well.
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Ohhhhhh 60 to 80%? And there I was thinking maybe 10 to 20 if I was brutally ruthless. Lol😢. I do have to work at tightening my stories up tho.

As for the comment, that was fun. I love those guys.
 
A true word spoken in jest. Lol. I just read that and snorted my coffee.
 
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NOIRTRASH said:
Alec was famous for packing lotsa navel gazing into brief action. I say most sex is navel gazing.
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If a story is compelling, I usually skim the sex scenes to get back to the story.

The majority of detailed sex scenes do little or nothing to advance a story unless it's a stroker about graphic sex. Many are just gratuitous detours or anticlimactic addendums at the end of the characters' day.

rj
 
rjordan said:
If a story is compelling, I usually skim the sex scenes to get back to the story.

The majority of detailed sex scenes do little or nothing to advance a story unless it's a stroker about graphic sex. Many are just gratuitous detours or anticlimactic addendums at the end of the characters' day.

rj
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Hemingway said the4 best part of fishing is when the fish tugs your line.

What I recall of my first date was when the girl put my hand on her thigh....the rest of it was work. And sex is the same as fishing, yhey nibble your bait then the work to get them off starts.
 
NOIRTRASH said:
Hemingway said the4 best part of fishing is when the fish tugs your line.

What I recall of my first date was when the girl put my hand on her thigh....the rest of it was work. And sex is the same as fishing, yhey nibble your bait then the work to get them off starts.
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A well-known book in the 70's was The Joy of Sex.

A lesser-known parody was The Job of Sex: a Workingman's Guide to Productive Lovemaking.

"Joy" was apparently updated "for the 21st Century". I don't even want to know...

rj
 
rjordan said:
A well-known book in the 70's was The Joy of Sex.

A lesser-known parody was The Job of Sex: a Workingman's Guide to Productive Lovemaking.

"Joy" was apparently updated "for the 21st Century". I don't even want to know...

rj
Click to expand...

I'm not convinced modern lovers are more than appliance operators.
 
rjordan said:
A well-known book in the 70's was The Joy of Sex.

A lesser-known parody was The Job of Sex: a Workingman's Guide to Productive Lovemaking.

"Joy" was apparently updated "for the 21st Century". I don't even want to know...

rj
Click to expand...

I had a very religious friend who looked exactly like the guy in the JoS illustrations. Comedy gold.
 
ChloeTzang said:
Ohhhhhh 60 to 80%? And there I was thinking maybe 10 to 20 if I was brutally ruthless.
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Just one example in economy of words from a genius, Chandler in "The little Sister" describes the main female character: 'small mousey - from Manhatten Kansas - no one seemed less like Lady Macbeth.'

Just a sentence or so puts this character in the readers mind as a nonentity from nowheresville - but look out, there's more to her than there seems. And it's totally unnecessary for Chandler to explain her subsequent behavior. He didn't have to nibble away with brutal ruthlessness because his imagery was so clear. Chandler wrote like an impressionist paints, so much inferrred with a few 'brushstrokes' then the gaps filled with succinct dialogue.
 
ishtat said:
Just one example in economy of words from a genius, Chandler in "The little Sister" describes the main female character: 'small mousey - from Manhatten Kansas - no one seemed less like Lady Macbeth.'.....he didn't have to nibble away with brutal ruthlessness because his imagery was so clear. Chandler wrote like an impressionist paints, so much inferrred with a few 'brushstrokes' then the gaps filled with succinct dialogue.
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I'm more the Laurell K Hamilton school of writing - she's written entire novels that cover only a single 24 hour period and if you like her books (Anita Blake series and the Meredith Gentry series) they're unputdownable.

I tend to find that Spartan style pretty boring myself. I like reading those lengthy descriptions and all the background details and when I started writing, I looked for authors who wrote in styles that I liked to try and model my writing on. So yes, I get where you're coming from but I don't like the style and it's not really me.

As for Noir, I'm kind of working on "Lovecraft and my Grandpops" - it's sort of Noir, but a very yappy Noir. Chloe-Noir :D

I agree, yes, I could sure use some editing, but when I edit myself I usually end up adding more rather than taking away. Go figure.... :eek:
 
KindofHere said:
What if someone never read Macbeth? I'd have to assume Lady MacBeth is: tall catlike - not from Manhatten Kansas, which leaves a lot of places she could be from.

...
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That is a problem that some Lit authors don't see. They assume that readers 'know' references that the author thinks are universal.

Many decades ago some academic institution tried to create a list of all the references an average American should understand. They started with the obvious things such as the Declaration of Independence; the Gettysburg Address; the Statue of Liberty...

They didn't get far down the list before beginning to understand that what they THOUGHT all Americans, or at least average Americans, would recognise wasn't as extensive as they had thought. West Coast; Mid West; East Coast; Deep South? The local references were different and those that were universal across all of continental America were a small number.

They also found a significant difference across generations. When they went further and looked into popular culture the common areas shrank.

If you take that further into what people from other countries have as common reference points, you don't get much further than Coca-Cola; Pepsi and McDonalds. :)

So if you write about Lady Macbeth, or Manhatten Kansas, the imagery can be a meaningless blank.

Life is difficult for authors on Literotica. Our readers come from all over the world. They don't always understand American (or British) references.
 
ishtat said:
Just one example in economy of words from a genius, Chandler in "The little Sister" describes the main female character: 'small mousey - from Manhatten Kansas - no one seemed less like Lady Macbeth.'
Click to expand...

Do tell me please, for I am ignorant of much Americana. What is the significance of Manhatten Kansas (I didn't know such a place existed until I managed to look it up ion Wiki), and the connection to that Scottish play ?


oggbashan said:
That is a problem that some Lit authors don't see. They assume that readers 'know' references that the author thinks are universal.
[1]
Many decades ago some academic institution tried to create a list of all the references an average American should understand. They started with the obvious things such as the Declaration of Independence; the Gettysburg Address; the Statue of Liberty... [2]

They didn't get far down the list before beginning to understand that what they THOUGHT all Americans, or at least average Americans, would recognise wasn't as extensive as they had thought. West Coast; Mid West; East Coast; Deep South? The local references were different and those that were universal across all of continental America were a small number.

They also found a significant difference across generations. When they went further and looked into popular culture the common areas shrank.

If you take that further into what people from other countries have as common reference points, you don't get much further than Coca-Cola; Pepsi and McDonalds. :)

So if you write about Lady Macbeth, or Manhatten Kansas, the imagery can be a meaningless blank. [1]

Life is difficult for authors on Literotica. Our readers come from all over the world. They don't always understand American (or British) references.
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[1] How very true.

Far too many authors seem to forget that what is common to them is another thing altogether to the rest of us. A good example is sports. I was reading a quite well-written story which featured a load of technical information on baseball. I think that the the pivot of the story was whether the fielder prevented the runner from getting to the base, but it lost me completely which I felt it did not deserve.
By the same token complexities in Ice Hockey and even NFL have featured.
But none of the authors bothered to explain the damned point to the reader (I'm fairly confident a story featuring Cricket would confuse most American readers).

[2] Jay Leno has/ had a couple of bits on You Tube, about just this thing.

PS. "v-card". Never heard of it.
Chloe, I had to look up and I still ain't sure what it is.
 
Mean Anons

I'm looking forward to my comments. I'd be more disappointed by a story that didn't get any.

Hating on you for your style, or legitimate criticism of your command of the written word, it's investment by another human. You entertained them enough that they responded.

I wouldn't delete the most vicious anon comment as long as it wasn't breaking any site rules that might legally require me to moderate it. Those are like little brown roses thrown at your feet. Or face. Probably face.
 
Ferax said:
I wouldn't delete the most vicious anon comment as long as it wasn't breaking any site rules that might legally require me to moderate it. Those are like little brown roses thrown at your feet. Or face. Probably face.
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So true so true. And there's the absolute joy of responding. I can let the worst side of me loose with no qualms or guilt. It's wonderful. I should thank them for the opportunity next time. Lol
 
Chloe's use of the 'v card swiped' was I suspect an education for many of us (for me at least) but swiping here has all but disappeared being replaced with 'tap n go.'

Could 'tap n go' be the next euphemism for teenage sex? :)
 
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