"Subbies"

I have no intention of being argumentative or giving anyone a hard time, I am posting this FYI only.
Some submissives consider the term "subbie" to be derogatory, as it implies , in their opinion, childishness or a lack of seriousness. Calling someone who is not your submissive a "subbie" is, to them, similar to calling a vanilla woman you encounter "honey" or "sweetheart".In addition, it is usually used to mean female subs, and seldom male subs, and is therefore exclusionary to many people in the BDSM scene.
I am not saying dont use it, Im just giving a heads up that some people dont care for it.

Yeh... and "pain is the weed word of sensation", too.
(Stolen without shame from Joseph Bean's writings.)



Can this be a an all-purpose bitch thread, James?

cymbidia said:

Yeh... and "pain is the weed word of sensation", too.
(Stolen without shame from Joseph Bean's writings.)



Can this be a an all-purpose bitch thread, James?

Click to expand...

Sure, although I personally don't mind the use of subbie, I just wanted to let people know that in some circles it is a faux pas.

I am not the only one? I cannot help but think of a sandwich whenever I hear that word.

A general bitch thread? Can I add to it? Why is it I am always the one to find out we are out of cream for coffee?

Merelan said:

I am not the only one? I cannot help but think of a sandwich whenever I hear that word.

A general bitch thread? Can I add to it? Why is it I am always the one to find out we are out of cream for coffee?

Click to expand...

Perhaps, you are the only one who uses cream in her coffee?





For me, I just don't like the term "subbie." There are far better terms to use. However, I use subbie when I am being sarcastic or light in mood.

Best is when she calls me her pet.... gives me the tingliest feeling.

No, they add cream to coffee too, but always leave just a little bit so that they didn't finish it and have to replace it.

Merelan said:

Best is when she calls me her pet.... gives me the tingliest feeling.

No, they add cream to coffee too, but always leave just a little bit so that they didn't finish it and have to replace it.

Click to expand...

I bet they do the same with the coffee!





Shall I pour?

I am drinking port now.... to hell with the coffee.

Tomatoe or tomato?

You say tomato, I say tomatoe. It is how you use the word "subbie", the inflection or the tone. I will have to speak to a friend tonight regarding that word!

My reaction to the word "subbie" being directed toward me revolves around who is saying it and how they are saying it and what they mean to convey in the word.

In my life, most of the time it's been used toward me, it's been a term of easy affection and light almost-teasing. In that context, i don't mind it at all. Why would i?

One cannot be insulted and/or belittled by mere words if they don't allow it, can one?

After further thought, I still feel there are far more pleasing terms than "subbie."

And frankly, the word holds no aesthetic delight for me. It doesn't sound appealing.....

sssssss uhhhhhhhhhh bbbbbbeeeeeeeee

Yuk!


*My musician's ear tends to look for melodies in words, conversations and chit chat. "Subbie" just doesn't do it for me.

Musician's ears

This is in response to Mt's having "musician ears" what happens if your Master says subbie but you are so tone deaf that you can't understand the tone and meaning when he says "subbie" in your ear? Who knows, the right person could make you LOVE the term "subbie," misstaken!

Fallon,
Your post only supports my position. IF your sub isn't in a space wherein she can easily read into the sentiment of your voice when using the word subbie, that could be a very bad thing. Why use a term that could be so easily misunderstood, a term that carries negative connotations as well as positive connotations depending on the context?

With respect to MissT's position regarding the word "subbie", i still have to say that i have no problem with it at all.

It's kinda like the word nilla over in the GB. We have to fight the good fight about that word on occasion cuz they don't like it. BUT, we've been using it forever and, to us, in our mouths and minds, it does *not* mean anything bad. It's just a handy-dandy divider word to us.

Subbie is, to me, kinda handy like that.

I don't have a problem with it.
Most of the people i know don't have a problem with it.
Go ahead and call me a subbie; i don't mind.

There're lots of things i take offense at but this word isn't one of them and won't ever be one of them. It's always been a term of endearment to my ears, actually.

Different strokes...

I understand where you're coming from, James. I never thought of the word in that way, but I can see how it could give offense with those connotations. I'll endeavor never to use the term applying to you, as I wouldn't mean to be hurtful.

For me, this thread means that in this forum, I probably just won't use it, as James might be reading and I believe in showing individuals respect unless they earn otherwise, which no one here has done.

This is what's interesting to me, and I don't know what it says about me as a person: In a private conversation, I might use the word "subbie;" if I were talking (for example) to cym, who I know doesn't mind it in a private friendship context, I might use it. Personally, I have no strong feelings about the word, so I adapt myself to the context.

On the other hand, I don't like the term "slave." I never have, and I never will. My desire not to use it, even when it's the term people prefer to be addressed by, says little about the person or the relationship; it says much, however about what I feel about the word.

In my mind, slavery is a thing of immense suffering and hideous, inhuman relations--exploitation of the worst kind. The blood of that injustice is on the hands of human history on the grandest of scales. And I just cannot shake what I feel about the word, even when I know with my head what people mean when they use it about their consensual personal lives.

The people who refer to themselves as "slaves" or in slave relationships, those who want the name and my acknowledgement of it as a mark of my respect for them--well, they feel the word just as strongly as I do. For them, perhaps, its connotations indicate a level of committment and indicate an emotional or even spiritual depth; they may read my evasion as an insult when I intend none. Our interior understandings of the world may have much in common, but our attachment to the words with which we describe our worlds dictates our ability to connect to each other.

Language is a very personal thing on both levels, isn't it? It's something that we feel as much as we know. And both are equally important. It's no mistake that those who exchange erotic power spend so much time in discussion; language is our greatest ongoing power exchange, between all people, to harness the power of words to make connections with people. I think that's what makes the social dance of coming together rather than attacking each other such a difficult one. I don't know that there's any solution to it. I think on some level, it's fundamental to the human condition.

Ack. My apologies; I wax philosophical. I can't help it sometimes--I teach a rhetoric class, and it makes me obsessive about words.

~~

I suppose I should openly and humbly acknowledge that I stand corrected.

I have used the word "subbie" referring to myself, twice in two days.

It didn't hurt.
It didn't sting.
It made me smile.

And , I believe I was even referred to as "subbie" once ...

I am saying UNCLE now!

I can live with being someone's special little subbie!

You have made a very good point!

I belong to several Femdom lists, and I have never heard a female dominant use the term "subbie" or "subby". I am sure they may be a few that do, but I have never met any of them.


Ebony <musing>

If I called my boy "subbie"

all he would do is say "yes Mistress". I call him much harsher names most of the time. "subbie" is a step up from "panty slut".

Ebony <thinking of more names for her sissy>

MissTaken said:

I suppose I should openly and humbly acknowledge that I stand corrected.

I have used the word "subbie" referring to myself, twice in two days.

It didn't hurt.
It didn't sting.
It made me smile.

And , I believe I was even referred to as "subbie" once ...

I am saying UNCLE now!

I can live with being someone's special little subbie!

Click to expand...

RisiaSkye said:

I understand where you're coming from, James. I never thought of the word in that way, but I can see how it could give offense with those connotations. I'll endeavor never to use the term applying to you, as I wouldn't mean to be hurtful.

For me, this thread means that in this forum, I probably just won't use it, as James might be reading and I believe in showing individuals respect unless they earn otherwise, which no one here has done.

This is what's interesting to me, and I don't know what it says about me as a person: In a private conversation, I might use the word "subbie;" if I were talking (for example) to cym, who I know doesn't mind it in a private friendship context, I might use it. Personally, I have no strong feelings about the word, so I adapt myself to the context.

On the other hand, I don't like the term "slave." I never have, and I never will. My desire not to use it, even when it's the term people prefer to be addressed by, says little about the person or the relationship; it says much, however about what I feel about the word.

In my mind, slavery is a thing of immense suffering and hideous, inhuman relations--exploitation of the worst kind. The blood of that injustice is on the hands of human history on the grandest of scales. And I just cannot shake what I feel about the word, even when I know with my head what people mean when they use it about their consensual personal lives.

The people who refer to themselves as "slaves" or in slave relationships, those who want the name and my acknowledgement of it as a mark of my respect for them--well, they feel the word just as strongly as I do. For them, perhaps, its connotations indicate a level of committment and indicate an emotional or even spiritual depth; they may read my evasion as an insult when I intend none. Our interior understandings of the world may have much in common, but our attachment to the words with which we describe our worlds dictates our ability to connect to each other.

Language is a very personal thing on both levels, isn't it? It's something that we feel as much as we know. And both are equally important. It's no mistake that those who exchange erotic power spend so much time in discussion; language is our greatest ongoing power exchange, between all people, to harness the power of words to make connections with people. I think that's what makes the social dance of coming together rather than attacking each other such a difficult one. I don't know that there's any solution to it. I think on some level, it's fundamental to the human condition.

Ack. My apologies; I wax philosophical. I can't help it sometimes--I teach a rhetoric class, and it makes me obsessive about words.

~~

Click to expand...

I need to clarify my position. I don't personally feel offended by the use of the word, I merely wanted to let people who were using it know that they might find that in some circles it is frowned upon. For example, if you attend a gathering that has a high percentage of femdom, and particularly lesbian participants, referring to someone other than your own submissive as a "subbie" would likely be considered rude. Please don't censor yourself on my account.
I tend to agree with you in regard to he word "slave" but to each his own.
I also want to tell you I found your comments on language quite thought provoking. No need for you to apologize in my opinion.

Re: You have made a very good point!

Ebonyfire said:

I belong to several Femdom lists, and I have never heard a female dominant use the term "subbie" or "subby". I am sure they may be a few that do, but I have never met any of them.


Ebony <musing>

Click to expand...

Right. Part of the objection to the word is that it is basically a male term for a female submissive, and using it generically is exclusive to femdoms, male subs, etc. Again, I didn't raise this to bitch, just so people would know that it is sometimes objected to.

Try it, you will like it

misstaken,
Who knows . . . one day you will meet the right Master and who knows . . . you might to love hearing the word "subbie" especially if it is said in a loving way to your ears. I certainly hope that your Master is listening!

Re: Try it, you will like it

fallon2 said:

misstaken,
Who knows . . . one day you will meet the right Master and who knows . . . you might to love hearing the word "subbie" especially if it is said in a loving way to your ears. I certainly hope that your Master is listening!

Click to expand...

I am sure He is all ears, wherever He is.



Seriously, I had never heard the term used until recently. It sure beats "little whore" or "silly little slut."

Hmmm maybe not?

I hope

I hope for your sake that your Master is not "all ears." But seriously, "silly little slut" or whatever phrase might perfectly be okay depending on the inflection or tone. miss, I do think that you should be on your best behavior when you do meet your Master. I am a little worried that you might be pushing your luck!

I never really thought about the term "subbie" until recently and have no feeliings about the word one way or the other...

It is not something that Himself and I use... although occassionally he will refer to he as his sub... for the most part he just calls me "pet"... and that makes my heart soar....

cellis said:

It is not something that Himself and I use... although occassionally he will refer to he as his sub... for the most part he just calls me "pet"... and that makes my heart soar....

Click to expand...

Ohhhh I like "pet", "lil one", those sorts of terms.

Then, depending on the context and the scene, other nicknames come into mind!