For the Love of Pain

Ok ... this may have been covered by another thread, but i was a little curious to see fresh commentary.

i am a submissive/masochist and found pain to be a necessity and something i thoroughly enjoyed. Yeah, yeah, i know that lots of people in the lifestyle don't necessarily incorporate S/M in their activities, however, i know there are a few who enjoy it simply because pain serves to enhance a scene for them.

So on to the point.

submissives/slaves/bottoms
Does receiving pain maximize your enjoyment level when sceneing? Specifically, is pain the chief agent that motivates your gratification? Or is pain an added benefit, but not the necessarily required in order for you to be satisfied?

Dominants/Tops
Does the idea of inflicting pain enhance Your experience with Your submissive/slave/bottom? To put it simply, does it excite You to cause pain or is it part and parcel with how You top and has become routine as opposed to pleasurable?

Thanks in advance for all comments.

I have a sadistic streak in me...I like seeing a sub suffer in her submission. It is what she doesn't enjoy, but submits to anyways, that makes me fulfilled...


...of course, if I was with a die-hard masochist, I would have to find a different button to push, wouldn't I?

Johnny Mayberry said:

I have a sadistic streak in me...I like seeing a sub suffer in her submission. It is what she doesn't enjoy, but submits to anyways, that makes me fulfilled...


...of course, if I was with a die-hard masochist, I would have to find a different button to push, wouldn't I?

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Die-hard masochist. Interesting phraseology. What is a die-hard masochist?

As to Your button pushing, if You exhausted your repertoire of ideas in how to make him/her suffer, i would think the sadism would have to move out of the physical realm and into the mental? The mind is a dangerous land to traverse. Any scars inflicted in that medium are not easily seen or easily healed.

s'lara said:

Die-hard masochist. Interesting phraseology. What is a die-hard masochist?

As to Your button pushing, if You exhausted your repertoire of ideas in how to make him/her suffer, i would think the sadism would have to move out of the physical realm and into the mental? The mind is a dangerous land to traverse. Any scars inflicted in that medium are not easily seen or easily healed.

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LOL...just what came to mind...I'm not suggesting that a masochist needs to be hard to kill or anything...insert foot A into mouth B.

Mindfucks are fun, and often more enjoyable than physical acts...but I watch to make sure I'm not doing damage.

Originally posted by s'lara

submissives/slaves/bottoms
Does receiving pain maximize your enjoyment level when sceneing? Specifically, is pain the chief agent that motivates your gratification? Or is pain an added benefit, but not the necessarily required in order for you to be satisfied?

Click to expand...

Yes...and no.

i like pain to a certain extent. Beyond that "extent" there is just pain. It really is His decision though, so my liking or not liking seems rather moot.

i would consider pain an enhancement, but not a necessity to feel gratification. There are many levels of gratification and pain can be used as a tool to reach a certain level with me, but it is not...needed all the time. i hope i am making sense.

i can enjoy plain old gentle soft loving and be gratified. It is not as intense as a "scene" involving roughness and pain, but it is enjoyable.

i would be lying if i said i do not really want the pain most of the time, really crave it. i do. Sometimes it bothers me how much i do.

i do not need one in order to enjoy or obtain the other. But it certainly makes the getting there a lot more intense.

zanna

Johnny Mayberry said:

LOL...just what came to mind...I'm not suggesting that a masochist needs to be hard to kill or anything...insert foot A into mouth B.

Mindfucks are fun, and often more enjoyable than physical acts...but I watch to make sure I'm not doing damage.

Click to expand...

*laughs softly* at least You worked out the shortest distance to making a faux pas is from a to b.

Yes, receiving pain does maximize my enjoyment level while scening. Pain is sometimes, but not always, the chief agent that motivates gratification. Pain can be an added benefit, but not necessarily required in order for me to be satisfied. If we are speaking of orgasms, sometimes I do need the extra stimulus of pain to release - it's a more intense, and sometimes shorter road to arousal. In relation to scening, I have been very satisfied at times with play that involved very little actual pain and the natural chemical high that accompanies it.

Re: Re: For the Love of Pain

zanna said:

Yes...and no.

i like pain to a certain extent. Beyond that "extent" there is just pain. It really is His decision though, so my liking or not liking seems rather moot.

i would consider pain an enhancement, but not a necessity to feel gratification. There are many levels of gratification and pain can be used as a tool to reach a certain level with me, but it is not...needed all the time. i hope i am making sense.

i can enjoy plain old gentle soft loving and be gratified. It is not as intense as a "scene" involving roughness and pain, but it is enjoyable.

i would be lying if i said i do not really want the pain most of the time, really crave it. i do. Sometimes it bothers me how much i do.

i do not need one in order to enjoy or obtain the other. But it certainly makes the getting there a lot more intense.

zanna

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i understand where you were going and happen to agree on some points. It bothers me as well how the craving for the pain can overwhelm me at times.

I like painful scenes as well as non painful scenes. It kind of depends on my mood. As far as craving it, yeah, sometimes it's hard to ask. Just saying, "Please Sir, hurt me tonight." is hard to say.

Re: Re: For the Love of Pain

lark sparrow said:

Yes, receiving pain does maximize my enjoyment level while scening. Pain is sometimes, but not always, the chief agent that motivates gratification. Pain can be an added benefit, but not necessarily required in order for me to be satisfied. If we are speaking of orgasms, sometimes I do need the extra stimulus of pain to release - it's a more intense, and sometimes shorter road to arousal. In relation to scening, I have been very satisfied at times with play that involved very little actual pain and the natural chemical high that accompanies it.

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Thanks for commenting lark. i find that not every encounter must be rife with pain in order to achieve satisfaction. However, the mere addition of pain can make it a heady but wholely intense experience. There is something to be said for those gentle caresses as well ... particularly over flesh that is hypersensitive and alert.

As you said, the addition of pain speeds everything up until the experience blurs then off you go, spinning in your own little space.

D's mariposa said:

I like painful scenes as well as non painful scenes. It kind of depends on my mood. As far as craving it, yeah, sometimes it's hard to ask. Just saying, "Please Sir, hurt me tonight." is hard to say.

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Yes it is hard to ask for the pain sometimes. However, isn't that sweet torture as well? Knowing that you need it and unsure of how to ask for it because you are afraid it will be denied? What a lovely rock and a hard place no? *laughs softly*

s'lara said:

submissives/slaves/bottoms
Does receiving pain maximize your enjoyment level when sceneing? Specifically, is pain the chief agent that motivates your gratification? Or is pain an added benefit, but not the necessarily required in order for you to be satisfied?

Click to expand...

Pain is not the chief agent that motivates my gratification, no. However, depending on the scene, and where He is taking me, it can be an intense factor. I look at it as one of His tools, something that He uses to push me further than i have gone before.

Pain is also just simply part of our play, and as such, is an added benefit. Some pain, i like. Some, i don't. If He decides today is going to be the day we do the pain i don't like...oh well. My headspace is such that i'm going to look at it as this is my service to Him, and it is pushing me into a space i haven't gone before, and i can do this. He has given me permission, however, to ask for the pain that i *do* like. One can always ask *wry smile*

Interestingly enough, either way, bad or good, subspace is there.

~anelize

No comments from the Dominants?

i was hoping to get some comments from more Dominants (thanks Mayberry Sir!) as well.

Any thoughts?

Dominants/Tops
Does the idea of inflicting pain enhance Your experience with Your submissive/slave/bottom? To put it simply, does it excite You to cause pain or is it part and parcel with how You top and has become routine as opposed to pleasurable?

Thanks in advance for all comments.

Click to expand...

Yes, the idea of inflicting pain on a sub/slav/bottom does enhance the experience and My pleasure in topping/domming/owning. The excitement for Me as a Sadist, is in giving pain to those that enjoy the sensation and want the pain. Also, in pushing their limits, finding the scary edge of their pain. Find even the pain that they didn't realize was enjoyable or a craving. Although all are different that is what i find pleasurable.

Silken

Re: Re: For the Love of Pain

mistresssilkeng said:

Yes, the idea of inflicting pain on a sub/slav/bottom does enhance the experience and My pleasure in topping/domming/owning. The excitement for Me as a Sadist, is in giving pain to those that enjoy the sensation and want the pain. Also, in pushing their limits, finding the scary edge of their pain. Find even the pain that they didn't realize was enjoyable or a craving. Although all are different that is what i find pleasurable.

Silken

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Silken Ma'am ... thank You for the post. A masochist salutes Your honesty *smile*

When I discovered that BDSM was something that appealed to me, it took me awhile to come to accept the fact that I do take pleasure in the controlled use of pain on my sub. I have been fortunate, maybe, in that, the two subs I have had in the past consented to my desires in this area.

Obviously, there are many types of pain. The most common (to me) is the localized use of pain, such as with a Wartenburg (sp?) wheel, through the use of nipple clamps, or with clothes pins. I like using these very much, as I find I can control the pain application very easily.

Then there is pain that is not as localized, that is caused by spanking, flogging, dripping candle wax, and other implements. These are also favorites of mine. I like to experiment with these things and use them in ways they may not have been designed for (and not necessarily painful, either).

Anything else that tends to be more extreme is not something I enjoy.

foxinsox said:

Good point.

I've always been of the opinion that mental submission is deeper than physical submission and, for me, requires more trust and a deeper connection.

I'd submit physically to a Top that I trusted, but would only offer mental submission to my Dom or Master.

If that makes sense

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It does make sense in that you seem to be stating your mental well-being would only be trusted to your Dom/Master. i think it is important that you made that differentiation between the type of trust required for these kinds of scenes.

For me, as with you it seems, to allow mental mind jobs takes a particular kind of trust. However, i need to have a deep trust in order to allow any physical or mental submission to occur. But trust me, i hear you loud and clear and it's nice to see submissives/slaves knowing better than to let Someone traipse through your mental landmines without care. *smile*

Hmm, my thoughts on pain? I don't like it. I'm not in this because I like to hurt - hell, I've got enough physical problems that I don't need BDSM to feel pain! When I beg for a spanking or a whipping, it's not because I like them. I like the connection I get from them. I like to suffer for my Daddy, but I don't get off on pain alone.

When I bottomed it was always about seeing how much I could take. I would always want to go to the point where I would *feel* my pain, not where I would experience it as pleasure. At least physically, mentally I didn't want to spend too much time brushing up against what actually humiliates me, maybe just brushing up against it ever so slightly. That requires a very masterful application of humiliation and a really intimate knowledge of your subject.

Painplay is integral for me. I'm very happily rooted in the here and now, and the lofty goal of mental/emotional/spiritual is created via the chemistry of physical means. Painplay, for me and my partner, is a kind of magic, as much as I bristle at saying anything so full of hoo ha. I don't split mental and physical as much as most people.

Mental submission's harder and deeper? I follow directives I hate at work all the time, it's the cane that makes me swallow hard and think twice before baring my butt. A lot of people who assert that have never played in ways that push physicality a lot, I find. Of course mental submission is harder than taking a spanking that really only hurts for two or three strikes, because Master isn't a Sadist and only uses pain to punish. Mental submission suddenly becomes a means to an end when you are looking at a set of needles or sounds for the first time, when your Top has a four foot Morgan in hand, when you are faced with the prospect of being mummified in fiberglass.

For those of us really into painplay, for whom life would just not be the same without it, the bonds forged in SM are just as deep, meaningful and intense.

For me...... D/s is about the submissive givng me enough of her
that things I do take her into subspace or when she misbehaves
to training

Eventually that leads to mental domination

Do I get off on giving pain.........
only if it takes us to the above

Painplay Boundaries - What's Y/yours?

phalanxlord said:

When I discovered that BDSM was something that appealed to me, it took me awhile to come to accept the fact that I do take pleasure in the controlled use of pain on my sub. I have been fortunate, maybe, in that, the two subs I have had in the past consented to my desires in this area.

Obviously, there are many types of pain. The most common (to me) is the localized use of pain, such as with a Wartenburg (sp?) wheel, through the use of nipple clamps, or with clothes pins. I like using these very much, as I find I can control the pain application very easily.

Then there is pain that is not as localized, that is caused by spanking, flogging, dripping candle wax, and other implements. These are also favorites of mine. I like to experiment with these things and use them in ways they may not have been designed for (and not necessarily painful, either).

Anything else that tends to be more extreme is not something I enjoy.

Click to expand...

Thank You for the post Sir. It did bring to mind another question. What is "extreme" to You? S/some would deem needle play or catheters extreme.

To A/all, is there a painplay boundary you will not cross? If so, why? myself, i think body modification is something i wouldn't consider ever. Just not an option for me.

Etoile said:

Hmm, my thoughts on pain? I don't like it. I'm not in this because I like to hurt - hell, I've got enough physical problems that I don't need BDSM to feel pain! When I beg for a spanking or a whipping, it's not because I like them. I like the connection I get from them. I like to suffer for my Daddy, but I don't get off on pain alone.

Click to expand...

It isn't typical for submissives/slaves/bottoms to all be masochists. W/we know there are numerous individuals who participate in this lifestyle and have no need to practice S/M. Diversity reigns supreme.

With that said, i understand where you are coming from. There is satisfaction in service and sacrifice for the Dominant. i found that suffering/enduring something i may not have enjoyed (with the exception of pain) for the Dominant made me immensely happy and filled with a sense of accomplishment. After it was over, i was little Rocky reaching the tops of those stairs after a good long run *cues sly stallone music*

Netzach said:

When I bottomed it was always about seeing how much I could take. I would always want to go to the point where I would *feel* my pain, not where I would experience it as pleasure. At least physically, mentally I didn't want to spend too much time brushing up against what actually humiliates me, maybe just brushing up against it ever so slightly. That requires a very masterful application of humiliation and a really intimate knowledge of your subject.

Painplay is integral for me. I'm very happily rooted in the here and now, and the lofty goal of mental/emotional/spiritual is created via the chemistry of physical means. Painplay, for me and my partner, is a kind of magic, as much as I bristle at saying anything so full of hoo ha. I don't split mental and physical as much as most people.

Mental submission's harder and deeper? I follow directives I hate at work all the time, it's the cane that makes me swallow hard and think twice before baring my butt. A lot of people who assert that have never played in ways that push physicality a lot, I find. Of course mental submission is harder than taking a spanking that really only hurts for two or three strikes, because Master isn't a Sadist and only uses pain to punish. Mental submission suddenly becomes a means to an end when you are looking at a set of needles or sounds for the first time, when your Top has a four foot Morgan in hand, when you are faced with the prospect of being mummified in fiberglass.

For those of us really into painplay, for whom life would just not be the same without it, the bonds forged in SM are just as deep, meaningful and intense.

Click to expand...

Amen Netzach. There is a theory that people who experience traumatic encounters together tend to create a connection that is very intimate and deeply rooted. To my way of thinking, S/M seems to follow along those same lines.

The physical trauma (whether it is the Dominant inflicting the pain or the submissive receiving the pain) creates an emotional explosion that generates an intimacy between the T/two and is on another level all together. Don't get me wrong, i am not saying that this level of intimacy isn't attainable without painplay, however, there is something to be said about offering up yourself to the pain simply because you love it and because your partner loves to inflict it.

For me, the pain was important. It wasn't a necessary constant, but my skin would begin to buzz if i went too long without it. Well, i guess that would have meant it was a necessary constant *chuckles*

Pain goes Sour?

Richard49 said:

For me...... D/s is about the submissive givng me enough of her
that things I do take her into subspace or when she misbehaves
to training

Eventually that leads to mental domination

Do I get off on giving pain.........
only if it takes us to the above

Click to expand...

Thanks for the comment Richard Sir. Your post also brought to mind another question.

Dominants, have You ever inflicted pain and in the course of carrying the task out, found Yourself not enjoying it? Did You stop or continue? i don't want to know intimate details and i am not tunneling for personal information. i just would like some thoughts on how You dealt with a painplay session that did not go as expected. Thank You.