Emerson40
An evening spent dancing
- Joined
- Aug 27, 2012
- Posts
- 13,837
Riles that is a fantastic idea! And you know what that might work even better in a sense. It wouldn't have even occurred to me because hubby and I have set times to talk. BUT the OP doesn't have a lot of time with her guy.
Taking your idea. Do you think a letter would work? I get the sense that he drives for his job. So if she were to write a letter, explaining a topic/issue (OP as you know you would have to be EXTREMELY careful on how you word things to prevent misunderstandings) that he could then read and think about throughout the day/job/night/etc...
What do you think, Riles? Is that in line with your suggestion? Because you really do bring up a good point of giving him time to process information.
Genius, the both of you. A letter would work much better, and he would have time to think while he's out working. He's not necessarily on the road his entire shift, as he drives a tow truck, but some nights, he is. It really depends on the weather conditions, and how many other drivers are available. Usually, it's just him overnight, so he has to play dispatch as well as driver. We used to text back and forth when he'd get a minute, but with a new state law that went into effect at the beginning of the year, texting in a commercial vehicle is prohibited. I do not like to call him while he's working, unless it's urgent, so I have even less contact with him than before. I still send him a "goodnight, i love you, i miss you" text, since he doesn't need to respond to those.
Writing a letter would be perfect. I could leave it in his car, or hand it to him on his way out the door, and let him know to read it whenever he has a chance. This would alleviate the confrontational aspect of a talk, and make it seem less threatening.
Although, he does have tonight off. So, I'm cooking one of his favorite meals, putting the kids to bed a bit early, and then cuddling on the couch with him to watch a couple of movies. I'll be gone all day tomorrow visiting my family with the kids, and he has to work tomorrow afternoon/night.
This is a great idea and can be a good tool. My wife has done this a few times over the years with me, and it worked well.
I travel for work, and she would write little letters or notes - way more personal than texts - and stow them in my luggage or briefcase, to let me know her and the kids miss me, to remind me of upcoming appointments and important dates, and to plant the seeds for discussions we would have later, either over the phone or when I got home. It gave me time to process and think about things, and it wasn't something "out of the blue" when I called or arrived back home. It also helped me learn how and when to turn off (or at least hibernate) "work mind", and direct my focus on her and the family. Blulilacgrl's advice about watching the wording of things is good - delicate or touchy subjects can be difficult to convey in a note and would be best served if dealt with when you are together.
It probably does not need saying, but make sure you do this only as a way to engage and support your communications with each other, and not replace time you spend talking and communicating face to face. You will always accomplish and convey more in a twenty minute face to face with your husband than can be done with twenty pages of a letter.
I'll close with a repeat of my well-wishes for you and your family. If going by the tone and mood of your first post compared to your last few, it appears as though things are improving, and you have a good plan and attitude for the future. All the best!