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His Snarky Porcupine
- Joined
- Dec 29, 2012
- Posts
- 13,947
I will try to keep this short, but I tend to be a bit long-winded at times.
I've been lurking this forum since joining yesterday, reading and absorbing as much information and advice as I can, especially if it pertains to my current situation. You all are such a wonderful group of people, so I'm hoping for some insight into my situation. I also really have no one else to turn to, I'm socially isolated. I am a stay at home mom, and rarely have the opportunity to go out. Even if I did, I have no real friends to go out with. All of my friends are my husband's friends, and I'm not comfortable talking to them about any of this.
My husband and I have been together for 8 years, married for almost 4 now. In the beginning, sex was wonderful, as it usually is. Even after having kids, dealing with my PMDD, and a host of other complications that plague marriages, sex was still the one area that we could both relax and enjoy ourselves. We even discussed some fantasies, he claims not to have any, which I know he is just not telling me, and I openly discussed mine with him. He tried to accommodate mine, and we both thoroughly enjoyed it. But, for the last year, he has been sexually distant from me. We went from having sex 2-3 times a week, to maybe once a month, if that.
I've tried getting him to talk about what's going on, but he generally turns it around, making it seem as if it's my fault that we do not have sex all that often. I'm at a loss. A recent example would be what happened tonight. He works overnights, so he sleeps during the day. After putting the children down for a nap, I went and laid down with him to take a nap as well. He woke up shortly afterwards, and woke me up as well. He leaned over, kissed me, and said, "After the kids go to bed for the night, and before I go to work, maybe we can play." To which I replied, "Sure, sounds like fun!" We haven't had sex in at least 2 weeks, and last time it was very boring for me, I didn't even get off.
So, I get up, finish up dinner, we eat, and I clear the table. Then, I tell him I'm going to hop in the shower, and asked him to put the kids to bed. I get out of the shower, which was just a 10 minute shower, and the children are running around, hyper and loud. By the time I finally got them calmed down and in bed, 30 more minutes had passed, and now, it wasn't even worth the time anymore. He had to start getting ready for work. I didn't want another sex session like last time, where he shoves a few fingers in me, gets me a little wet, and then gets his rocks off in 5 minutes, leaving me with nothing much. Normally, I don't mind that he gets off first, and usually I get off on the fact that he is so pleased. But lately, he hasn't even been trying to get me turned on, which has left me wanting no part of his pleasure either.
I have tried to talk to him about this, but as I said, he turns it around on me, like it's my fault. Is it? Am I doing something wrong? He use to be so into me, or so it seemed, and couldn't keep his hands off of me. Now, I'm lucky if he'll even acknowledge that I'm talking to him.
How can I get him to talk to me? I'm prepared to hear things I don't want to hear, because I'm sure the truth is a lot less harsh than what I'm thinking to myself.
Sorry for the long ramble, I just have no one else to talk to.
I've been lurking this forum since joining yesterday, reading and absorbing as much information and advice as I can, especially if it pertains to my current situation. You all are such a wonderful group of people, so I'm hoping for some insight into my situation. I also really have no one else to turn to, I'm socially isolated. I am a stay at home mom, and rarely have the opportunity to go out. Even if I did, I have no real friends to go out with. All of my friends are my husband's friends, and I'm not comfortable talking to them about any of this.
My husband and I have been together for 8 years, married for almost 4 now. In the beginning, sex was wonderful, as it usually is. Even after having kids, dealing with my PMDD, and a host of other complications that plague marriages, sex was still the one area that we could both relax and enjoy ourselves. We even discussed some fantasies, he claims not to have any, which I know he is just not telling me, and I openly discussed mine with him. He tried to accommodate mine, and we both thoroughly enjoyed it. But, for the last year, he has been sexually distant from me. We went from having sex 2-3 times a week, to maybe once a month, if that.
I've tried getting him to talk about what's going on, but he generally turns it around, making it seem as if it's my fault that we do not have sex all that often. I'm at a loss. A recent example would be what happened tonight. He works overnights, so he sleeps during the day. After putting the children down for a nap, I went and laid down with him to take a nap as well. He woke up shortly afterwards, and woke me up as well. He leaned over, kissed me, and said, "After the kids go to bed for the night, and before I go to work, maybe we can play." To which I replied, "Sure, sounds like fun!" We haven't had sex in at least 2 weeks, and last time it was very boring for me, I didn't even get off.
So, I get up, finish up dinner, we eat, and I clear the table. Then, I tell him I'm going to hop in the shower, and asked him to put the kids to bed. I get out of the shower, which was just a 10 minute shower, and the children are running around, hyper and loud. By the time I finally got them calmed down and in bed, 30 more minutes had passed, and now, it wasn't even worth the time anymore. He had to start getting ready for work. I didn't want another sex session like last time, where he shoves a few fingers in me, gets me a little wet, and then gets his rocks off in 5 minutes, leaving me with nothing much. Normally, I don't mind that he gets off first, and usually I get off on the fact that he is so pleased. But lately, he hasn't even been trying to get me turned on, which has left me wanting no part of his pleasure either.
I have tried to talk to him about this, but as I said, he turns it around on me, like it's my fault. Is it? Am I doing something wrong? He use to be so into me, or so it seemed, and couldn't keep his hands off of me. Now, I'm lucky if he'll even acknowledge that I'm talking to him.
How can I get him to talk to me? I'm prepared to hear things I don't want to hear, because I'm sure the truth is a lot less harsh than what I'm thinking to myself.
Sorry for the long ramble, I just have no one else to talk to.