8letters
Writing
- Joined
- May 27, 2013
- Posts
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SimonDoom recently created a thread, "What you expected when you started writing here". One of my expectations was that the AH would be a place where writers posted the challenges they were facing in their current story to get advice from fellow writers on how to best to handle that challenge. I thought then I'd learn a lot about writing just from reading such discussions. But I rarely see such discussions, which makes me a little sad. So here's me posting what I thought the AH would be all about when I first discovered the AH.
I'm writing a brother-sister story called "A Flirting Workshop with My Sister". The narrator is Eli (college sophomore), and his sister is Z (college freshman). Z's best friend is Katharine. Our first description of Katharine:
Z was a nerd in high school. During her senior year, Katharine suddenly became close friends with her.
So Katharine is a gorgeous, hot, master flirter that Eli had a crush on his senior year of high school. The middle part of the story is Katharine putting on a flirting workshop with Eli being the guy flirted with. Katharine is very in-charge, says several funny lines, and regularly demonstrates she knows how to press guy's buttons.
The problem with the initial version of the story was that Katharine was just far more appealing than Z. When Eli fell in love with Z, it didn't make sense because he was so much more attracted to Katharine. I like Katharine the way she is, but how do I sell that Z is a better choice for Eli to fall in love with?
I'm writing a brother-sister story called "A Flirting Workshop with My Sister". The narrator is Eli (college sophomore), and his sister is Z (college freshman). Z's best friend is Katharine. Our first description of Katharine:
Z said, "You remember Katharine Newton?"
I smiled. "Of course. She came over all the time." Katharine was a cheerleader who liked working with Z on school projects. She was one of the prettiest girls in my high school with long, brown hair and a gorgeous smile.
"She was a big flirter, right?"
"Right." She flirted with me every time she came over. Just a little, but enough to get me revved up. She’d make me feel like the most special person in the world.
Z was a nerd in high school. During her senior year, Katharine suddenly became close friends with her.
"I had bitched to [Katharine] plenty of times that guys were never interested in me because I was so smart in math and sciences. One day, I was telling her that again and she said, ‘Let's change that’. She did a complete makeover of me. She got me on a cheerleader diet and a cheerleader work out program. She helped me buy a new wardrobe. She got me a new hairstyle," Z swung her hair slightly, "She taught me how to brighten my hair color and what product to use to improve its fullness and shine. She taught me about make up. She guided me through smile practice."
So Katharine is a gorgeous, hot, master flirter that Eli had a crush on his senior year of high school. The middle part of the story is Katharine putting on a flirting workshop with Eli being the guy flirted with. Katharine is very in-charge, says several funny lines, and regularly demonstrates she knows how to press guy's buttons.
The problem with the initial version of the story was that Katharine was just far more appealing than Z. When Eli fell in love with Z, it didn't make sense because he was so much more attracted to Katharine. I like Katharine the way she is, but how do I sell that Z is a better choice for Eli to fall in love with?