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What does it really mean when a man holds your throat while making love?

IMHO, it means you're not making love at all. You're fucking. And as long as it's between two consenting adults and they enjoy it, and they know what they're doing (as Fara says, anatomy & phys. wise), go for it.
 
beachbaby179 said:
IMHO, it means you're not making love at all. You're fucking. And as long as it's between two consenting adults and they enjoy it, and they know what they're doing (as Fara says, anatomy & phys. wise), go for it.
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I like fucking. :heart:
 
This question might be better asked and answered on the BDSM forum.

If he's holding my throat, it's only because we both like it.
 
done_got_old said:
Found this....

Erotic asphyxiation (variously called asphyxiophilia, hypoxyphilia or breath control play) is the intentional restriction of oxygen to the brain for the purposes of sexual arousal. The term autoerotic asphyxiation is used when the act is done by a person to him- or herself. Colloquially, a person engaging in the activity is sometimes called a gasper.
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Just because he's holding my throat doesn't mean he's squeezing.
 
barefootgirl69 said:
Just because he's holding my throat doesn't mean he's squeezing.
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I think they see it differently than it really plays out.
I do get squeezed though. At times. But it’s not a hard choke on my windpipe.

Yes. BDSM Talk is a good place for this, OP. In fact, there are several threads about it.
 
AlwaysFara said:
I think they see it differently than it really plays out.
I do get squeezed though. At times. But it’s not a hard choke on my windpipe.

Yes. BDSM Talk is a good place for this, OP. In fact, there are several threads about it.
Click to expand...

Absolutely.
This is a kind of mutually-desired play, which of course needs to be handled with great awareness. It does need a lot of trust, and as always YKIMNK is true :)
 
While it probably should have been a conversation before hand and I hope he paid attention to your reaction, it can be apart of both fucking and love-making.

I'm a little surprised at how many people are frowning down at something just because it's not their "thing".

I am a fan. Two thumbs up - (when done correctly) - would gasp again. ;)
 
PrettyLilPussy19 said:
While it probably should have been a conversation before hand and I hope he paid attention to your reaction, it can be apart of both fucking and love-making.

I'm a little surprised at how many people are frowning down at something just because it's not their "thing".

I am a fan. Two thumbs up - (when done correctly) - would gasp again. ;)
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My comments weren't meant to be a put down. Do whatever floats your boat as long as it doesn't involve underage children and is consensual between adults.
 
PrettyLilPussy19 said:
While it probably should have been a conversation before hand and I hope he paid attention to your reaction, it can be apart of both fucking and love-making.

I'm a little surprised at how many people are frowning down at something just because it's not their "thing".

I am a fan. Two thumbs up - (when done correctly) - would gasp again. ;)
Click to expand...

done_got_old said:
My comments weren't meant to be a put down. Do whatever floats your boat as long as it doesn't involve underage children and is consensual between adults.
Click to expand...

JerseyJade said:
This! :)
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Okay, I read through the thread and the above three posts sum it up insofar as my thoughts go.
Its all about informed choice and letting other people express their own views. BDSM topics can elicit lots of dialog.
 
I see we're having the 'all breathplay is inherently dangerous and you will probably die' conversation.

OP, there's some awesome points in this thread that hopefully can winnowed out from the 'you will die' reactions. The first is it would be a good idea - and a really hot conversation - to ask him what it means. And also checking that he knows what he's going - you can damage someone with this sort of play. As Fara always says, 'squeezing, not crushing'. Talking about this stuff is, for me (and other people) at least, not only what makes it safe, but also what makes it even more hot ... for me, getting an understanding of how my in-charge guy feels when he's doing stuff like this gives us a better connection, means I can maximise those feelings for him, and just generally improves everything.
Which leads to my second observation ... breathplay, or any form of power dynamic (if he is just holding, not squeezing) doesn't necessarily mean 'fucking, not loving'. Most of the stuff we do like this is linked to a huge degree of emotional intensity and we're always extremely close in those moments. Again, it's not like that for everyone, but anything in the d/s realm and 'love' are not mutually exclusive.
Thirdly, as BFG wisely said, if you're not into it, and you're still not into it after you've had the conversation, ask him - or tell him - to stop. It's no fun if it's not fun.
And finally, safety ... again, he should know what he's doing, or otherwise do some research. When I started a similar thread to this on one of the BDSM forums, I got the same 'it's inherently dangerous' reaction, and people assured me that people HAD died. Indeed, they have, but if you do a bit of research, you'll discover there's always some mix of different factors at play - they were alone (a la Michael Hutchence); there was drugs and/or alcohol involved (again, Hutchence); there was actual malice involved; or someone wasn't being careful (there's a famous case here from a few years back where a sex worker had a guy strung up in a partial asphyxiation scenario and then wandered off to make a cup of tea - like, seriously. It did not end well).

Talk. Find the threads Fara talked about ... and talk. If he knows you well enough to be doing this sort of thing, he knows you well enough to be OK about having that conversation.
 
KimGordon67 said:
I see we're having the 'all breathplay is inherently dangerous and you will probably die' conversation.

OP, there's some awesome points in this thread that hopefully can winnowed out from the 'you will die' reactions. The first is it would be a good idea - and a really hot conversation - to ask him what it means. And also checking that he knows what he's going - you can damage someone with this sort of play. As Fara always says, 'squeezing, not crushing'. Talking about this stuff is, for me (and other people) at least, not only what makes it safe, but also what makes it even more hot ... for me, getting an understanding of how my in-charge guy feels when he's doing stuff like this gives us a better connection, means I can maximise those feelings for him, and just generally improves everything.
Which leads to my second observation ... breathplay, or any form of power dynamic (if he is just holding, not squeezing) doesn't necessarily mean 'fucking, not loving'. Most of the stuff we do like this is linked to a huge degree of emotional intensity and we're always extremely close in those moments. Again, it's not like that for everyone, but anything in the d/s realm and 'love' are not mutually exclusive.
Thirdly, as BFG wisely said, if you're not into it, and you're still not into it after you've had the conversation, ask him - or tell him - to stop. It's no fun if it's not fun.
And finally, safety ... again, he should know what he's doing, or otherwise do some research. When I started a similar thread to this on one of the BDSM forums, I got the same 'it's inherently dangerous' reaction, and people assured me that people HAD died. Indeed, they have, but if you do a bit of research, you'll discover there's always some mix of different factors at play - they were alone (a la Michael Hutchence); there was drugs and/or alcohol involved (again, Hutchence); there was actual malice involved; or someone wasn't being careful (there's a famous case here from a few years back where a sex worker had a guy strung up in a partial asphyxiation scenario and then wandered off to make a cup of tea - like, seriously. It did not end well).

Talk. Find the threads Fara talked about ... and talk. If he knows you well enough to be doing this sort of thing, he knows you well enough to be OK about having that conversation.
Click to expand...

Good Lord, I’ve missed you.
 
KimGordon67 said:
:heart:

I'm having fun, and very happy ... dunno if you've checked the poly/kink thread lately, but life is generally good. Hope things are going well for you and your lovely guy too.
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It is. I will have to stalk you. :heart:
 
I asked someone once why he liked to hold my throat. He said it was so he could feel my pulse. He's very tactile, every touch is slow and deliberate to see my reaction...and it's sexy af... and just thinking about him and that conversation can still do things to me. :devil:

*sends him a text*
 
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