Financial D/s

[RacyWilde]

*

I'm a dominant woman but I have never considered being a Financial Domme - I'm just not that into money...lol. But, I've recently been approached by a sub who wants to 'gift' me. He said it would excite him if I inflict financial torture on him. I'm overwhelmed by it but so very, very curious. It would be a new type of domination to explore for me. I want to ask about your experiences of legit Financial Domination. I know there are many con artists out there, but I'm looking for real (legit) stories and experiences... advice, comments on different situations, set ups, etc... pitfalls, issues and things to be aware of.


Thanks in advance

 

[twister947]

I'm as sub as they come, but no way, no how, uh-uh. Fuck no.

 

[MeekMe]

*

I'm a dominant woman but I have never considered being a Financial Domme - I'm just not that into money...lol. But, I've recently been approached by a sub who wants to 'gift' me. He said it would excite him if I inflict financial torture on him. I'm overwhelmed by it but so very, very curious. It would be a new type of domination to explore for me. I want to ask about your experiences of legit Financial Domination. I know there are many con artists out there, but I'm looking for real (legit) stories and experiences... advice, comments on different situations, set ups, etc... pitfalls, issues and things to be aware of.


Thanks in advance

Since the sub is the one introducing this I think it's safe to say you're not looking to con anyone. It is a legitimate kink that some enjoy.

You should ask him what he means by "financial torture." Does he want you to restrict his spending? Does he want you to potentially ruin him financially? Demand gifts he can't or can barely afford? I would think there's a balance somewhere, but I really have no firsthand experience of this.

Be mindful that most submissive men that see this will froth at the mouth in anger over any mention of financial domination.

 

[cookiecat]

I did this over the phone, as a phone sex operator. Not much but a few callers asked for it.

I agree with Meek - he needs to be more clear on what his expectations are. There are some real repercussions here - what hand will you play in preventing him from paying bills? Providing for others? That being said, he has free will and is requesting this.

You can set up an amazon wish list. Does he want to buy you things and see you in them as some kind of reward? You can set up a paypal account and have him send you money. Will something like this be tied in to him being allowed to cum?

How much do you want to know about him? Be careful in going too far (for example, accessing his personal banking information) because his arousal might turn to remorse and suddenly he portrays himself as a victim rather than a kinky sub.

I thought this had some good info:

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/4w3ejb/financial-domination-is-a-very-expensive-fetish

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-s...domination-definition-explained-a7646931.html

 

[RacyWilde]

I'm as sub as they come, but no way, no how, uh-uh. Fuck no.

That's how I felt about Financial Domination. But I actually got to know the guy as a sub, we've chatted for a while, and it was only yesterday he brought it up. If it was the first thing he wanted I would have said no flat out, but because we have got to know each other a little first, I kind of trust his need. He wanted to get to know me first to make sure I was I good person, I guess, before presenting me with his 'true' fetish. I would never consider it flat out, but because of the way he has approached it... I am.

Since the sub is the one introducing this I think it's safe to say you're not looking to con anyone. It is a legitimate kink that some enjoy.

You should ask him what he means by "financial torture." Does he want you to restrict his spending? Does he want you to potentially ruin him financially? Demand gifts he can't or can barely afford? I would think there's a balance somewhere, but I really have no firsthand experience of this.

Be mindful that most submissive men that see this will froth at the mouth in anger over any mention of financial domination.

I really could never financially ruin someone. It's just not in me, even in play. But he does want me to play like an auction game - the higher it gets the more financially he'll 'hurt'. I asked him his 'pain threshold' and my gosh, it's intimidating.

I don't know if I can do it, I have this uncanny idea of wanting to live with myself...lol.

I did this over the phone, as a phone sex operator. Not much but a few callers asked for it.

I agree with Meek - he needs to be more clear on what his expectations are. There are some real repercussions here - what hand will you play in preventing him from paying bills? Providing for others? That being said, he has free will and is requesting this.

You can set up an amazon wish list. Does he want to buy you things and see you in them as some kind of reward? You can set up a paypal account and have him send you money. Will something like this be tied in to him being allowed to cum?

How much do you want to know about him? Be careful in going too far (for example, accessing his personal banking information) because his arousal might turn to remorse and suddenly he portrays himself as a victim rather than a kinky sub.

I thought this had some good info:

https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/4w3ejb/financial-domination-is-a-very-expensive-fetish

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-s...domination-definition-explained-a7646931.html

Thanks heaps. I mentioned that he wants to play a kind of auction game above but you have mentioned some good points that I can ask him about. I don't want to financially destroy anyone or put them in a position where it hurts their personal relationships or life, so yeah, working out a balance that will both satisfy him and keep him safe would be paramount. The other thing is figuring out what I would want the money to go to. I did think about donating it to charity but then he might not get satisfaction out of that if he wants to see me in things his money has bought (I haven't found out about this yet). Funny thing is, I'm not a material person and I'm racking my brain to come up with things he could spend his money on...lol. And I'm hyper-aware of being 'bought'. I don't want the money to dictate me. I'd be in it for the experience only. And thanks for the articles - good insights.

 

[Iamsubmissive]

I wouldn't want to actually 'ruin' someone's life...financially or otherwise. So, my approach would be a careful combination of a few things. If he honestly wants to 'feel the hit' I would have him donate a large sum of money to a worthy charity...not really more than he can afford, but enough to feel the strain. Then set a very tiny allowance for him to use as spending money throughout the week...harsh punishment if he goes over the limit. Small enough that he can't really 'afford' everything he needs. Maybe have him get permission from you to access money for paying bills...earn the privilege to his money by doing something for you. I would'nt take/keep any of his money...if he wanted to give it to you, I would secretly put it away in an account to return to him when your relationship ended. If it's a big deal for him to see you with things his money provided, I would still go small with the gifts or buy something really expensive but return it right away so you could put the money back in the secret account. Honestly, I wouldn't want to take on this responsibility at all, but if I wanted to fulfill his desire I would do it in a way that only gave the illusion of financial torture, keeping his safety net hidden. Interesting idea though...

 

[RacyWilde]

I wouldn't want to actually 'ruin' someone's life...financially or otherwise. So, my approach would be a careful combination of a few things. If he honestly wants to 'feel the hit' I would have him donate a large sum of money to a worthy charity...not really more than he can afford, but enough to feel the strain. Then set a very tiny allowance for him to use as spending money throughout the week...harsh punishment if he goes over the limit. Small enough that he can't really 'afford' everything he needs. Maybe have him get permission from you to access money for paying bills...earn the privilege to his money by doing something for you. I would'nt take/keep any of his money...if he wanted to give it to you, I would secretly put it away in an account to return to him when your relationship ended. If it's a big deal for him to see you with things his money provided, I would still go small with the gifts or buy something really expensive but return it right away so you could put the money back in the secret account. Honestly, I wouldn't want to take on this responsibility at all, but if I wanted to fulfill his desire I would do it in a way that only gave the illusion of financial torture, keeping his safety net hidden. Interesting idea though...

Thanks. But yeah, it is hard to 'show' the things and return them. We live in different countries so I believe the way he would want to set things up is by gifting me maybe through Amazon, etc - so I wouldn't be able to do anything with the money like collect it for him or donate it. I also think gifting is a more legit way for Financial Domination as it has no legal implications - I would think controlling his money completely would require a pretty tight legal contract to avoid any nasty surprises down the track.

 

[Primalex]

In my book there are two versions of financial domination:

a) You use money to make someone do stuff that he or she wouldn't have done without it.
b) You take control over the money of someone else and make him or her do stuff to regain (partial) control.

I don't see where there is any domination in receiving gifts.

 

[SalvDali]

In my book there are two versions of financial domination:

a) You use money to make someone do stuff that he or she wouldn't have done without it.
b) You take control over the money of someone else and make him or her do stuff to regain (partial) control.

I don't see where there is any domination in receiving gifts.

I was thinking this (mainly was thinking b), but having never even read about financial domination/control I wasn't going to say anything it being nothing but but an inexperienced opinion on the subject.

 

[RacyWilde]

In my book there are two versions of financial domination:

a) You use money to make someone do stuff that he or she wouldn't have done without it.
b) You take control over the money of someone else and make him or her do stuff to regain (partial) control.

I don't see where there is any domination in receiving gifts.

It's the relationship that exercises domination, not the money. It is about the game we play (see above) - I will be taking control - the gifting is the punishment, the torture for him but also his reward. It's complicated, I know. I've spent some time trying to wrap my head around it because I'm very curious about it. The way I see it, it is almost how some subs want to be flogged - it makes them feel free or reach subspace. To some subs flogging is a reward and they work towards it. The same with Financial subs... when they make arrangements, hand over their money, see it being used... they can reach a euphoria. Yet, just like a cock cage seems like a punishment though often seen as a pleasure or achievement to some subs, impacting on their daily lives even in a bad way, so is financial torture.

But I think where I would differ from the stereotypical FinDom is that I would care for the complete wellbeing of the 'cashpig'. Gifting/financial torture has to fulfill a need to be a positive thing in their life. I wouldn't consider it if it was destructive, like what I've been reading. I'm actually a little horrified at how people can be abused but I guess that is the same with any D/s relationship - there are healthy ones and abusive ones.

 

[Primalex]

The way I see it, it is almost how some subs want to be flogged - it makes them feel free or reach subspace. To some subs flogging is a reward and they work towards it. The same with Financial subs... when they make arrangements, hand over their money, see it being used... they can reach a euphoria. Yet, just like a cock cage seems like a punishment though often seen as a pleasure or achievement to some subs, impacting on their daily lives even in a bad way, so is financial torture.

Oh, I don't doubt financial submission. I don't see the domination on the receiver's side.

I wouldn't consider it if it was destructive, like what I've been reading. I'm actually a little horrified at how people can be abused but I guess that is the same with any D/s relationship - there are healthy ones and abusive ones.

And here is my mantra again that women get away with behavior that men would get jailed for.

 

[Nezhul]

I know some people really like it. In fact, this type of domination is supported mostly by subs than dommes, as far as I know.

I can't really advise you on that though, because I really can't get in a mindset to understand it. I would say you want to make sure that all of the gifts - are gifts, period. There's nothing that you promise in return other than being yourself.

As far as I understand, the gifts in such relationship are more like tributes. Like you are entitled to them and the entire relationship is depending on the presence of such gifts. Maybe I'm wrong though, so don't take my word on it - it's just the "feel" I get from reading about it and seeing examples.

As a domme, I think the fine like to walk is making your demands big enough so they are uncomfortable to the sub, while at the same time making sure that they are actually have enough money left for all of their needs taken care of.
Basically what they should spend on you - is a big chunk of money that they'd spend on entertainment otherwise. Tributes to you would limit their ability to have fun otherwise, but should not in any way make them let go of the important stuff.

A good way might be vague demands. Hard to make examples, but something like this:
You say you want a new phone, but let them decide what they can get you. Can be the one that costs $100 or $500.
The problem here, of course, is the possibility to end up with something you dislike, so be careful.

Please wiew all of the above with a grain of salt, because those are my gut feelings talking - I have no idea how it really should be done.
Maybe you can find some guides or articles by pro dommes about the subject?

Good luck exploring! Hope you enjoy it.

 

[clistenovena]

*

I'm a dominant woman but I have never considered being a Financial Domme - I'm just not that into money...lol. But, I've recently been approached by a sub who wants to 'gift' me. He said it would excite him if I inflict financial torture on him.

I thought I'd heard of most everything.

~adds one to the "learned something new today" column~

 

[RacyWilde]

Oh, I don't doubt financial submission. I don't see the domination on the receiver's side.


And here is my mantra again that women get away with behavior that men would get jailed for.

Well, every scenario is different but in mine I control how much he gives me... and he gives up his power to say no. This is what he wants and this is how it is a type of D/s dynamic - he has to trust me, and yet wills me to hurt him because he enjoys it.

And to your other point... um... I fail to see how I pointed to gender rights in my comment. But dude, you are preaching to the wrong girl... I'm not a feminist. I'm a supporter of Human Rights not Women's Rights.

 

[barefootgirl69]

Are you sure that what he's looking for isn't you being in control of his money or spending by putting him on a budget? I'm having a hard time swallowing that someone in another country would want to transfer vast amounts of money to someone in an online relationship. I don't think either person would be wise to embark on that adventure. Just my opinion.

 

[RacyWilde]

I know some people really like it. In fact, this type of domination is supported mostly by subs than dommes, as far as I know.

I can't really advise you on that though, because I really can't get in a mindset to understand it. I would say you want to make sure that all of the gifts - are gifts, period. There's nothing that you promise in return other than being yourself.

As far as I understand, the gifts in such relationship are more like tributes. Like you are entitled to them and the entire relationship is depending on the presence of such gifts. Maybe I'm wrong though, so don't take my word on it - it's just the "feel" I get from reading about it and seeing examples.

As a domme, I think the fine like to walk is making your demands big enough so they are uncomfortable to the sub, while at the same time making sure that they are actually have enough money left for all of their needs taken care of.
Basically what they should spend on you - is a big chunk of money that they'd spend on entertainment otherwise. Tributes to you would limit their ability to have fun otherwise, but should not in any way make them let go of the important stuff.

A good way might be vague demands. Hard to make examples, but something like this:
You say you want a new phone, but let them decide what they can get you. Can be the one that costs $100 or $500.
The problem here, of course, is the possibility to end up with something you dislike, so be careful.

Please wiew all of the above with a grain of salt, because those are my gut feelings talking - I have no idea how it really should be done.
Maybe you can find some guides or articles by pro dommes about the subject?

Good luck exploring! Hope you enjoy it.

With talking with the sub more he seems to be very on top of what he wants. He is clear and positive and he has boundaries. I haven't found anything yet that rings alarm bells for me - and believe me, I'm trying to find stuff to convince me this is a bad idea, but so far everything has been logical and above board.

One of the hard things is that I'm not a person who pries into peoples lives. I don't actually want to know how much this guy makes. The only reason I would is to make sure I'm not hurting him too much. But he has assured me he earns enough for me not to feel worried that it will affect his real life. I guess I'll have to trust him on that. But any sign of real life distress I'm out.

I'm wondering whether the feeling of being financially dominated is the same type of feeling gamblers get when they win or lose.

 

[RacyWilde]

I thought I'd heard of most everything.

~adds one to the "learned something new today" column~

Haha! Yes! I thought it was only done by hardcore meanies that vocally abuse their subs - I have seen many do this - or who are high maintenance Dommes...lol.

Are you sure that what he's looking for isn't you being in control of his money or spending by putting him on a budget? I'm having a hard time swallowing that someone in another country would want to transfer vast amounts of money to someone in an online relationship. I don't think either person would be wise to embark on that adventure. Just my opinion.

Hmm... I think you need to visit the links kindly provided above or visit Findom.com.

 

[barefootgirl69]

Haha! Yes! I thought it was only done by hardcore meanies that vocally abuse their subs - I have seen many do this - or who are high maintenance Dommes...lol.



Hmm... I think you need to visit the links kindly provided above or visit Findom.com.

Ummm, who says I didn't?
I lived this for 20 years... it will never happen again.

 

[cookiecat]

Are you sure that what he's looking for isn't you being in control of his money or spending by putting him on a budget? I'm having a hard time swallowing that someone in another country would want to transfer vast amounts of money to someone in an online relationship. I don't think either person would be wise to embark on that adventure. Just my opinion.

When I did the phone sex thing, I did have a couple callers who just gave me money. I didn't do anything. I'd turn on my computer and see someone had put money in my account. I can't say it was a relationship per se. But we did talk on a regular basis and it was part of their kink. It wasn't vast sums of money but enough to be surprised. I can see it happening.

 

[lakesailer_mi]

I'm wondering whether the feeling of being financially dominated is the same type of feeling gamblers get when they win or lose.

I have no idea about any of this, but this sentence made me go AHHHHH.....

I think that might be the key to understanding perhaps? It's like a gamblers high.

 

[cascadiabound]

Ummm, who says I didn't?
I lived this for 20 years... it will never happen again.

bfg - I have no idea of your 20 year findom situation, but gauging from your reaction, I wonder if the findom was not so much your kink as your dom's? If that was the situation for you, that would seem rather different to me than what Racy and her sub are discussing.

 

[tenderisthenight000]

I'd suggest talking to an account about the tax implication of a situation like this.

 

[MeekMe]

Unless they're dealing in amounts over the annual exclusion amount, they likely won't need to worry about taxes. Assuming the countries they live in have gift taxes.

Example: In the US the exclusion amount is at $14,000.00 annually, the only thing that needs to be filed is the gift tax return on anything over that and that's done by the gifting person.

Personally, I would make myself aware of the local and foreign tax requirements for my country/their country and not involve an accountant unless the gifts were over the exclusion amount.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Betticus]

I have personally no experience with financial domination but a good friend of mine does and she and I have had discussions about it. In other words when the subject came up she had similar concerns as you do and used me as a backstop to bounce her own thoughts and questions off of.

Several things came up out of it but like I said... I have no experience here please only follow your own feelings.

What is the financial situation of the person requesting this service?
After all other expenses and savings what is the person able to play with as disposable income without impacting personal or family life. Learning another persons personal finances also requires time and effort on your part and honesty on his.
Does he have a family?
Does what he want actually involve the passing financial assets to you or is it the control of those assets without gain on your part that matters? Say... would it suffice to have him transfer funds to a savings account on your order which still leaves him the assets?
This is a lot of thought and effort for you personally, do you take monetary tribute for yourself?

In the end communication is important. If you have a question or doubt get an answer and have fun exploring this with him.