lizsea
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jul 28, 2014
- Posts
- 145
This is my first story! And it's only the first chapter. Can I get some feedback? I'm really a bad writer lol
"For years Derek watched Elise grow and grow. He remembered when she was little and fell off her bike and scraped her knee and he remembered all the times she forced he and his wife, Marion, to order pizza and play board games. Even though Elise wasn't biologically his, he loved her and protected her and watched her grow. Which is why he felt so horrible about seeing her now with full breasts and firm, curvy ass. He hated that he couldn't get the images out of his head.
Sometimes when Elise napped she'd leave the door open and he could see one of her breasts slip out of her shirt, or her pajama shorts slip up relatively close almost revealing what he was sure was the sweetest pussies he'd ever seen. He sometimes thought that maybe Elise did it on purpose, or maybe it was just wishful thinking, but he was actually kind of glad she was leaving for college soon because he was getting kind of tired of hiding his erections in his own house especially since he knew Marion would be suspicious, or maybe she wouldn't, considering how she was always "tired" or "sweaty" or "not in the mood". Marion's excuses made his fixation on Elise so much worse.
Arriving home from work, he set down his briefcase and walked to the fridge to open a cold one. Marion wasn't home yet, but of course she was never home early anymore and used her excuse as a "top real estate agent" as an excuse. The house was oddly quiet, he saw Elise's car parked outside so he knew she was home so we walked upstairs to check on her.
There she was, taking her usual afternoon nap in her usual choice of pajamas- a white tank top and a pair of grey pajama shorts. Her fan was on and her nipples poked through her shirt from the cold and he could see her shorts ride down low. He couldn't help himself his dick had taken on full force, just seeing Elise there. He reached into his pants just to give it a quick stroke and in the process Elise had stirred from her nap and had awoken up.
"Dad? Dad, what are you-?" Seeing him standing there her eyes grew large and she stopped talking."
I think it's a little long to build up, maybe I focused to much on a backstory I don't know
"For years Derek watched Elise grow and grow. He remembered when she was little and fell off her bike and scraped her knee and he remembered all the times she forced he and his wife, Marion, to order pizza and play board games. Even though Elise wasn't biologically his, he loved her and protected her and watched her grow. Which is why he felt so horrible about seeing her now with full breasts and firm, curvy ass. He hated that he couldn't get the images out of his head.
Sometimes when Elise napped she'd leave the door open and he could see one of her breasts slip out of her shirt, or her pajama shorts slip up relatively close almost revealing what he was sure was the sweetest pussies he'd ever seen. He sometimes thought that maybe Elise did it on purpose, or maybe it was just wishful thinking, but he was actually kind of glad she was leaving for college soon because he was getting kind of tired of hiding his erections in his own house especially since he knew Marion would be suspicious, or maybe she wouldn't, considering how she was always "tired" or "sweaty" or "not in the mood". Marion's excuses made his fixation on Elise so much worse.
Arriving home from work, he set down his briefcase and walked to the fridge to open a cold one. Marion wasn't home yet, but of course she was never home early anymore and used her excuse as a "top real estate agent" as an excuse. The house was oddly quiet, he saw Elise's car parked outside so he knew she was home so we walked upstairs to check on her.
There she was, taking her usual afternoon nap in her usual choice of pajamas- a white tank top and a pair of grey pajama shorts. Her fan was on and her nipples poked through her shirt from the cold and he could see her shorts ride down low. He couldn't help himself his dick had taken on full force, just seeing Elise there. He reached into his pants just to give it a quick stroke and in the process Elise had stirred from her nap and had awoken up.
"Dad? Dad, what are you-?" Seeing him standing there her eyes grew large and she stopped talking."
I think it's a little long to build up, maybe I focused to much on a backstory I don't know